| Member | Joke |
| MewTwo30007 | A rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation. She wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to go about asking about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned word "bathroom commode," but when she wrote that word down, she still thought it was being a bit too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter, and referred to the bathroom commode merely as being B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote. Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all, and when he got the woman's letter, he just couldn't figure out what she was talking about. That "B.C." business really stumped him. After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several other campers, but they couldn't figure it out either. So the campground owner, finally came to the conclusion that the lady must be talking about the location of the BAPTIST CHURCH! He sat down and wrote the following reply: Dear Madam: I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground, and is capable of seating 250 persons at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded, we had to stand the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money for more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C. I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to the other folks. Remember this is a friendly community. |
| mewtant | Rules for life: 1) Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. 2) I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good, either. 3) Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 4) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. 5) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. 6) The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. 7) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. 8) Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. 9) Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. 10) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. |
| mewtant | It was a dry year at the river and though many people came to fish, very few left with anything at all, let alone a big fish worth catching. One particularly lazy summer afternoon about this time, the game warden (a law enforcement officer that deals with hunting and fishing) noticed a man pull up, let his boat into the water and go down the river, past a few bends, and out of sight. That was common enough, but what caught his attention was that the man came back about an hour or two later with a BOATFULL of fish. This happened a second time the next day, and then a third the day after. Obviously, this made the warden suspicious, and so, the next day, he asked the man if he could join him on his fishing trip. The man agreed, and they left downriver a ways. The man finally reached a somewhat still spot in the river and looked around. "This is the spot!" he declared. He then reached down into a box and pulled out a stick of dynamite. Before the warden could react, he lit the fuse and chucked the hissing stick into the current, all in one smooth motion. A terrific blast shook the air, and all around, fish rose to the surface. The man began scooping them up in a net. The warden was outraged. He started yelling at the man, "THAT'S ILLEGAL!!!! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!". But while he was screamig the man simply reached into his box and pulled out another stick. He lit it and tossed it to the warden, who reflexively caught it, and said to the stunned lawman, "Are you gonna stand there and yell at me all day, or are you gonna fish?" |
| v625themaster | if a carrot and a cabbage had a race who would win?cabbage..cause he's a head |
| v625themaster | ur mama so ugly she made freddy kougar have nightmares,ur mama so ugly she made freddy stop making movies,ur mama so poor when she was lkicking a can u ask what r u doin she says im moving |
| pennylee20 | Q: Why can't ur nose be 12 inches long???? A: Because then it would be a foot!!!!!!!!! |
| v625themaster | if a carrot and a cabbage had a race who would win?cabbage..cause he's a head |