As Time Goes By

Book Two: A Kiss is Still a Kiss

Revised August 2004

Chapter One

The night before she left for Sunnydale Mahleah had trouble sleeping. Her body was restless, full of energy, and nothing seemed to dull her excitement. After much tossing and turning, her body finally fell into a light sleep full of strange, unsettling dreams.

She was pulled from her troubled slumber by a familiar buzz followed by a knock on the door of her hotel room. Sliding quickly from bed, she wrapped a dressing gown around herself and grabbed Tora. When she peered through the peephole, though, she relaxed and unlocked the door.

“What are you doing here at this time of night?” she demanded, allowing Methos to move past her into the room.

“Heard some things I thought might interest you,” he said. “Have you ever heard of a woman named Catherine Mary DeVaney?”

She shut the door and wandered wearily over to a chair. “No, should I have?”

“Perhaps you’re more familiar with the name Kate MacLeod?”

A chill ran down her back. She was beginning to dislike this conversation intensely.

“Mrs. Duncan MacLeod, she was at one time,” Methos added unnecessarily.

“Yeah, Mac mentioned her once,” Mahleah responded warily. “What about her?”

“Do you know how she became Immortal?”

“Yes, I know the full story on her. Look what does Mac’s ex-wife have to do with you banging on my door at 4 o’clock in the morning?” she was beginning to get irritated.

“She’s recently resurfaced,” he told her smugly.

Mahleah’s breath caught in her chest. “Really?” she croaked.

Methos nodded, “And she had to look up her old love.”

There was no way she’d let him know how much his words were hurting her, Mahleah decided. “What does this have to do with me?” she sighed.

“I just thought you’d like to know that she set MacLeod up to be attacked by at least four Immortals…at once. They were part of a group that didn’t follow the rules. She stood there watching while he fought them all. I’m afraid it ended with Mac flying through a window and getting skewered on a re-bar.”

“She did that to him?” Now her blood was flowing again but in anger. “Why?”

Methos shrugged eloquently, “I guess she’s never forgiven him for pushing her into the Immortal world on their wedding night. The good news is that MacLeod still has his head. The bad news is so does she and she’s no doubt waiting for another good opportunity for an instant annulment.”

Mahleah rose automatically and began pacing the room, “Not if I have anything to say about it,” she growled.

“Would you like to see a recent photo?” Methos inquired.

“Yes.” She snatched the proffered snapshot from his hands. Studying it she realized, “I recognize her.”

“Yeah, she changed her name to Faith and made it big in the fashion world,” Methos agreed.

Mahleah studied the picture carefully. So, this was the only woman Duncan had actually married. The honeymoon was short however, as the young MacLeod had made the error of helping his new bride obtain her dormant Immortality. She’d disappeared and he’d never seen her again until now. She was fine boned…one of the types of women that always made Mahleah feel like a bull in a china shop…with short, thick brown hair and very full, sensuous lips. She looked rather exotic to be an 18th century Irish seamstress.

Glancing back up at her nighttime visitor, Mahleah thanked him, “I’m glad you brought this to me, Methos. If I see her the two of us will have to have a little chat.”

“No problem,” Methos exclaimed cheerily. “What are friends for?”

Chapter Two

Duncan had been amused at his companions’ initial reactions to Kate. They had gawked momentarily at their visitor from the world of high fashion and then went about business as normal. Even Xander, who a few years ago wouldn’t have been able to take his eyes off such a beautiful woman, was restrained in his response and kept his attention focused on his fiancée, Anya.

The conversation he was having with Willow and Giles at the moment was much less pleasant, but he supposed it was inevitable.

“Didn’t you say you were meeting Mahleah here?” Giles inquired.

“Yes,” he admitted. “She’s finally free to do what she wants and should be back in the States already.”

Willow frowned, but tried to keep a tactful attitude, “Mac, does she know about Kate?”

“I’ve told Mahleah about our past history together, yes.”

Giles raised an eyebrow, “So she’s aware that Kate exists, but does she know that she’ll be meeting your wife here in Sunnydale?”

Duncan licked his lips. Was Kate still his wife? He wasn’t sure on the legalities of a wedding that took place over three hundred years ago and ended that night with the groom stabbing the bride to death. Did marriage vows cover that sort of trauma? So far he and Kate had avoided that particular topic so he wasn’t sure what she thought about it.

“No,” he finally answered. “I thought it might be best if she didn’t know yet. I want to talk to her first and explain all that’s happened so she’ll have an open mind.”

Willow looked at him with pity, “Somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen, Mac. Mahleah loves you. I don’t think there’s much of a chance that meeting the only woman you ever married will go over well. I may be projecting here and Mahleah’s a bit older than me but my gut tells me this is a bad idea.”

Duncan sighed, and Giles picked up the thread.

“Really, you know her better than we do, MacLeod. How do you think she’ll react?”

“She’s never really been a jealous person,” he argued. “I just think that the two most important women in my life should meet each other. And, it’s not like Kate and I are trying to pick up where we left off – that’s impossible. Right now, we’re just trying to feel our way around and hopefully be friends. Mahleah understands how badly I feel about what I did to Kate and I think that after she gives it some thought she’ll be okay with me trying to make amends for all the pain I caused.”

“Maybe so,” Willow said doubtfully. “But my advice, if you want it, is since Kate is going to be a shock for her anyway, make sure you lay the groundwork for the meeting before it happens. If they just stumble across each other it could get ugly.”

“You’re probably right,” he agreed. “On the other hand, Mahleah doesn’t even know what Kate looks like. If she recognizes her at all it will probably be from her exposure to the fashion scene in Paris and then she’ll know her as Faith. She’ll have no reason to connect the two names.”

Chapter Three

Duncan and Kate had a long discussion and agreed that it would be best to not spring her on Mahleah first thing. He would lay the groundwork this evening and hopefully by tonight or tomorrow the shock would have worn off enough for the two women to meet.

Kate understood, but the entire situation made her uneasy.

“Why do I suddenly feel like the other woman instead of the wife?” she joked. He didn’t laugh.

At one o’clock he stood at Sunnydale bus depot watching the new arrivals from Los Angeles unload. A tall, bright haired figure wearing a long duster spotted him.

“Mac!” she called and then raced to him. Wordlessly dropping her bag beside him, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into a long, hot kiss.

The scent of vanilla filled his nose as her familiar taste flooded his mouth. She made a small noise and stepped even closer so that her body was pressing against his. Her mouth was soft and welcoming and her tongue was very slick and friendly against his. His nerves were tingling pleasantly and his body was reminding him of just how glad he was to see her.

Coming up for air, he looked in her bright eyes and said a little breathlessly, “Hello.”

She grinned, “Hi. I’ve missed you.”

“I noticed.” He smiled back.

“I guess we should take this little act indoors and not block the street,” she teased.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah, the car is over here.”

Mahleah insisted, of course, on carrying her own bag, and threw it into the back seat of his T-bird. As he pulled out, she put on a pair of sunglasses and asked, “So, where are you taking me, my house?”

He nodded. Mahleah rented a house in Sunnydale, but she wasn’t aware of its complete history. When Buffy and her friends had first gotten to know Mahleah, she was living in this house. It wasn’t the woman sitting next to him now though that had lived there but her counterpart from the future. When she returned to her own time, she had made provisions to give the house to Buffy. Buffy, in turn, made it available to the younger Mahleah when she began teaching in Sunnydale.

“How is Angel doing?” he asked.

She frowned, “He’s still trying to deal with Buffy’s death. I really wanted to stay longer, but he insisted that I keep to my original plan. At least he’s not trying to hold it all in any more. I guess he’ll be okay. I mean Cordy and Wesley will look after him. It was just hard to leave him in so much pain.”

“And Mulder?” he pursued.

“How did you…” she sputtered in astonishment.

“Don’t worry I haven’t been talking to Joe,” he chuckled. “You mentioned that after your long flight from Paris, you had a layover in D. C. and would probably stay there a day or so before continuing to the West Coast. It would have been strange if you hadn’t looked him up.”

“Well, Mulder’s doing great,” she informed him. “In fact, aside from the fact that he’s no longer with the Bureau which may be a good thing, he couldn’t be better. He and Scully are, by now, officially living together and taking care of little Will, who’s only a few months old.”

“They have a baby?” he asked, startled in his turn.

“Yep, it’s a long story, but the long and short of it is that Will made them realize how dumb they’ve been to deny the truth they’ve known so long. I tried telling him that years ago but I guess he just wasn’t ready to listen then.”

“And Michael?” he finally got around to asking. He both liked and respected Michael, but the memory of the handsome Frenchman and the knowledge of his relationship with Mahleah still stung.

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “He and Adam have a chance to start all over again. I know it’s good, but I still worry about them.”

“You wouldn’t be the woman I know if you didn’t,” he smiled at her and picking her hand up off the seat kissed it briefly.

They pulled into the driveway of the home in question. Mahleah allowed him to pick up her bag this time with no more comment than a wry smile and a raised eyebrow.

Turning she looked at the building in front of them, “I love this place. In an odd sort of way, it feels like home. I don’t think I could have picked anywhere I’d like better. You know I really wish I could have known Buffy’s friend who lived here. I think I would have liked her.”

“Maybe so,” he said noncommittally.

They moved inside, and she looked around approvingly. “Someone’s been living here, you?”

“No,” he said truthfully. “The gang decided to clean house and make it more presentable for you. Frankly, I think it gave them something to do.”

She nodded understandingly, then flashed him a teasing look, “You’re not going to make me stay here all by myself, are you?”

“We’ll see,” he answered evasively.

He saw her eyebrows go up, but she refrained from comment.

“Are you getting hungry?” he asked. “There are fresh groceries in the kitchen.”

“I’ll look around,” she replied and moved off.

He walked into the dojo and marveled again at its simple beauty. The original lady of the house knew what she was doing when she had this room added on. Feeling uneasy about his upcoming conversation, he decided to run through some katas.

Unfortunately, he didn’t notice Mahleah’s return until she caught him off guard and they both tumbled onto the floor. As she pinned him to the ground with a wide grin on her face, he began to get angry.

She countered his struggles with kisses and warned, “Oh no, I’m not letting you up until your mood improves, mister.”

He grew impatient and slung her roughly off him. “Training is a serious business,” he snapped. “It shouldn’t be taken lightly or indulged in as foreplay.”

Now her temper was rising as well, “What the hell is wrong with you? I haven’t seen you in forever and you’d rather train by yourself than be with me? You’re not telling me something, Mac, so what is it?”

“I’d rather not mix training with fun and games,” he mumbled. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. You need to take this stuff seriously, Mahleah. All it takes is one lost fight and…”

“I know, I know I’ll lose my head,” she finished impatiently. “I’m well aware of that fact, Duncan and I train every bit as hard as you do. That’s not the problem. What’s happened to you?”

“I lost my teacher,” he told her after a long pause.

“Lost your…you mean Connor? Oh God, surely not?” her anger dissipated. Crawling back over to where he lay sprawled on the floor, she put her arms around him. “I’m so sorry, mo saighdear-bàrd. I know how much he meant to you. What happened?”

Leaning against the wall, he held her to him and told her the story: how one of Connor’s oldest and bitterest enemies caught up with him, how he killed everyone Connor loved but left Connor to grieve, how Connor had grown weary of such bitter games, and ultimately how Connor had left Duncan absolutely no choice but to take his head. It had been the most bittersweet Quickening in his life. He was able to see and feel for those first few seconds Connor’s past and the joy and pain of his friend and mentor’s life. Later he was able to harness that strength to kill the Immortal who had been torturing the older MacLeod practically his entire life.

When he finished Mahleah was weeping, and he stroked her hair gently. It would be some time before he came to grips with the consequences of that tragic day but he already felt a small amount of relief by telling her about it. Connor’s death made dealing with Kate seem like the easy stuff, so why was it so hard to find the words to tell Mahleah about her? He decided that one crisis at a time was enough and concentrated on comforting her, leaving the inevitable discussion about Kate to the future.

Chapter Four

After their uncomfortable conversation, it was a relief to drive to Giles’ establishment “The Magic Box.” As MacLeod watched Mahleah interact with Willow, Xander, Tara, and Anya he was forcibly reminded that age-wise, she was so much closer to them than she ever would be to him.

Her failed seduction attempt had been nagging at him. Since they had become lovers, she tended to turn their training sessions together into flirtatious games of foreplay. That was dangerous and rather immature.

During his encounter with Jacob Kell, Connor’s old enemy, he had thought this was his last fight. According to the Watchers’ records, Kell had taken nearly 6 times the number of heads that Mac had. The man was beyond good with a sword – he was phenomenal. Since Duncan now possessed Connor’s Quickening, Kell had been prepared to let him live and continue the punishment that had tortured Connor for centuries. Kell would let Duncan go and kill everyone and everything he cared about. To show his sincerity, Kell had given him a locket that Duncan recognized as the one he had given Kate on their wedding night. Fear for the lives of those people that he loved had rushed through him and Mahleah topped the list. She had been one of the main reasons he had pulled himself from the ground and challenged Kell again when it should have been obvious that the fight was over. Well, Mahleah and the spirit of Connor that would not see the same pattern inflicted on a new set of innocent people.

Now he had two goals in life: to earn forgiveness for his betrayal of Kate and to ensure that Mahleah was capable of protecting herself against any threat. The games and horseplay that Mahleah loved to mingle with her fighting would have to be a thing of the past.

As he watched, Anya was proudly showing Mahleah a picture of the Maid of Honor dress that she wanted Willow to wear in her wedding. Anya was human now but just a few years ago, she had been a thousand-year-old vengeance demon. Her tastes didn’t exactly run to the norm.

Mahleah gazed at the pink monstrosity calmly. Mac saw her exchange a look with Willow who was horrified by the thought of donning such a garment much less appearing in public with it on. Instead of the wittily cutting response he expected, Mahleah turned to Anya and quietly spoke.

“Are you sure about this? I’m only asking because so many people think that pink is not a good color for a redhead. I can see what you’re after though…an interesting idea. Have you thought about carrying it a little this way? I’m sure I saw a picture over here,” she thumbed through the magazine offering compromise after comprise until she found a dress both young women could live with.

Not as young as I thought, he mused proudly.

*****

Mahleah wasn’t sure what exactly was wrong with Mac but suspected it was the combination of losing the man who was like a brother to him and having his ex-wife try to kill him. It wasn’t the homecoming she had anticipated but then her life was never predictable anyway. She would be here for him and hope that would be enough.

After spending several hours chatting with the Scooby gang, Xander pointed out that it was getting dark and they really should be patrolling now. Instantly everyone’s faces turned more serious. Buffy was gone but they had sworn to do all in their power to continue her work.

Mahleah quickly volunteered to help. As she walked out the door, Duncan put a hand on her arm.

“Mahleah, can I talk to you about something?”

She frowned, wanting to be there to comfort him but really feeling like she should be out covering these poor mortal’s backs.

“Can it wait until later, Mac?” she suggested. “I’ll tell you what – we’ll split up and get done faster. You go with Xander and Anya and I’ll go with Willow and Tara. I’ll meet you at the house and we can talk all you want, okay?” She gave him a quick kiss and headed for the door.

*****

Willow was not the same quiet, shy bookworm that Mahleah had met before. Her power as a witch had grown and given her confidence, her relationship with Tara gave her security, and her grief over Buffy’s death gave her purpose. On patrol, she was still quiet but much more deadly. Between the three of them, they cleared out a couple of prowling vamps preying on the neighborhood and the collected fledglings rising from three cemeteries.

She was about to suggest to the girls that they head back when she felt a tingle. Reaching into her coat she started to call out Mac’s name when she saw the stranger was a woman. Stepping forward for a better look, Mahleah stiffened and pulled out Tora.

“I am Mahleah Brennan,” she challenged. “And you are a dead woman, Kate.”

Chapter Five

As soon as she understood the situation, Willow had sent Tara running for MacLeod. Grinding her teeth in frustration that the man had not followed her advice and explained the situation before chaos erupted, Willow attempted to reason with her friend.

“Mahleah, you really don’t want to do this,” she called. She began edging closer to the women and saw that Kate had brought out her sword as well and was holding it defensively. Oh hell, she thought wearily, that’s all we need…a catfight between two female Immortals over a male. Does the world never change?

“Willow, stay out of this,” Mahleah warned with a hard edge that the young witch had never heard before.

“We’ve never met before,” Kate said, slowly. “So what exactly do you have against me?”

“She’s Duncan’s wife,” Willow had managed to get closer. “I know it’s a shock, but I’m sure you can all be friends.” Wincing she thought, well, that was just brilliant.

“What I have against you is the fact that you set Duncan up to be killed,” Mahleah said in that icy-cold voice that left Willow very worried. “A mistake you will never get the chance to duplicate.”

Before Willow had a chance to digest the accusation, swords were clashing. “Oh great!” she groaned. “Now what do I do?”

Getting as close as she safely could to the fighters, Willow began mumbling the words that would create a spell that would separate the women. At that moment, Kate stumbled over a rock and lost her footing. Mahleah knocked her sword out of her hand and happened to look up at Willow.

“No,” she said harshly, “after a challenge has been accepted you can’t interfere. It’s against the rules.”

Willow dimly recalled hearing Mahleah say that before when she was fighting Phillip Johnson and Buffy wanted to help her out. Sighing she let the spell die away.

Mahleah had turned her attention back to Kate. The fallen Immortal looked at her stoically.

“I should have known you’d have to use a sword to solve your problems,” she said to her towering opponent. “You probably couldn’t beat me without it.”

Mahleah smiled, and chills ran down Willow’s spine. “I don’t need Tora to handle you. My bare hands will do just fine.”

“Hurry Mac,” Willow urged under her breath. A bare handed fight was always better than using a sword, especially when the combatants involved were Immortal but she had a sneaking suspicion that this could be worse in its own way. Immortals only died completely when their heads were cut off but they could still die…and die…and die…and feel every death over and over again. What punishment would Mahleah have in mind for someone she regarded as a traitor who had tried to kill the man she loved? Right now, Willow didn’t care if Kate was guilty or not. They could decide that later but there might not be a trial after Mahleah finished with her. “Hurry,” she repeated.

*******

Duncan followed Tara with his heart in his throat. Willow and Giles had tried to warn him that something like this could happen. How in the hell was he supposed to know that Mahleah would be able to recognize Kate on sight? Why would she immediately attack her? It didn’t make any sense. The only things he had told Mahleah about Kate should have made her sympathetic to her as a wronged woman. Women! He fumed. Four hundred years old and yet they were still a mystery to him.

He realized that despite his earlier concerns he was actually more worried about Kate than he was Mahleah. Since the death of her first boyfriend, Kevin, Mahleah had been attracted to strength. She hated having to worry over someone every second because she lived in a dangerous world. The men she had gotten involved with in recent years were a good example of this: a FBI agent, an Immortal, an anti-terrorist agent, and a vampire. The least dangerous one of the bunch was the FBI agent and he carried a gun every day.

Mahleah had trained and fought beside every one of her lovers and learned nearly as much as she’d taught. She had just finished a stint in Section One and had, he was nearly certain, worked out with Michael every day. She would have traded her expertise with a sword for improving her hand-to-hand combat. She might still be at risk to someone like Jacob Kell, but he had little doubt that she could handle Kate with ease.

He quickened his pace.

*****

Kate was obviously trying to stall her, Mahleah thought. What good that could do her, she wasn’t sure but she was trying every trick in the book to gain time. Oddly, she never pressed her advantage. Once she threw some loose dirt in Mahleah’s eyes but she never closed on her to finish the fight while Mahleah was blind. Instead she began talking nervously.

“Mahleah, I know what I did was crazy but you have to understand the way I felt about Duncan. I was so angry – I hated him really – for what he had done to me. He gave me no choice…just decided for me that Immortality was something I should have. I gave up growing old, having a family, having children because of his selfish desires.”

Mahleah cleared her eyes and spat leftover dirt, which had made its way into her mouth, onto the ground. “Would you like a little cheese to go with that whine,” she asked in exasperation. “My God, listen at you! I lost my humanity; I can’t have children; I didn’t get a choice. Grow up and face reality. We don’t get a choice. Maybe one percent of all the Immortals who ever lived actually knew and chose to face that violent death but to the rest of us, it was a shock. We got over it.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Kate replied bitterly. “You didn’t have the man you love stab you to death on your wedding night.”

“That’s true,” Mahleah agreed readily. “And Mac would be the first one to agree that what he did was wrong but I do know what it’s like to have the man I love kill me…that’s how I became Immortal as well.” Enough talk, she thought, let’s get on with it.

She feinted a blow to the side and maneuvered Kate into a hard kick. The woman fell to the ground and Mahleah pinned her to the ground and began punching her. This sight greeted Mac as he arrived: a grotesque parody of the position he had been in with Mahleah earlier.

He ran up to Willow, who stood pale and stone-like in the moonlight.

“Why didn’t you stop them?” he hissed.

“She said I couldn’t interfere since combat had started. It’s against the rules.” She explained sadly.

“Not for you,” he said gruffly. “You’re not one of us.”

“Mahleah!” he shouted, “Stop!”

She glanced up at him in bewilderment. “Mac, she betrayed you and nearly got you killed.”

How does she know that, he wondered? “Let her go.”

Her face hardened for a second and he saw an obstinate gleam in her eyes, “You can’t interfere.”

“You’re not after her head any more you’re just trying to beat her to a bloody pulp,” he exploded in exasperation. “If I have to I’ll have Willow pull you two apart with magic. Please, for me. Let her go.”

Slowly Mahleah rose and walked away from her foe. Mac hurried over and helped Kate up. Examining her bruises, he said lightly, “You’ll be okay in a few minutes. Why don’t you go home now, and I’ll see you later. I need to talk to Mahleah right now.”

She nodded and he brushed her hair back from her face and tucked it behind an ear. “I’ll see you in a little while.”

He turned to see Mahleah watching him intently, with a strange gleam in her eyes. Her jaw was set and her posture was rigid. She was furious with him, but that was okay as he was rather upset himself.

It was obvious she was not going to come to him, so he walked over to her. Willow and Tara had taken their cue and vanished into the night so it was just the two of them.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” they both snapped at the same time.

Chapter Six

“Me?” Mahleah replied heatedly. “I was trying to save your life. That bitch has already set you up once before, what if she tries again?”

“How do you know this?” Duncan asked in astonishment.

“Methos told me,” she replied, getting angrier. “Why didn’t you?”

“Because it was irrelevant,” he told her.

“Irrelevant? Irrelevant that she broke the rules of The Game and ambushed you with several Immortals? So, tell me what is relevant?” she demanded.

“She’s sorry,” he explained. “She was under the influence of Kell at the time and he used her to play mind games with me. What’s relevant is the fact that after centuries of silence she’s finally speaking to me again.”

A muscle twitched in Mahleah’s jaw and her voice was hoarse as she asked, “And other things as well?”

“No,” he protested, then blinked and said, “yes, well not really but sort of.”

“Not really but sort of?” she repeated. “Mac, you sound like an 8 year old being called on the carpet by his mother – an analogy which is not very flattering for either one of us. It’s a simple enough question: are you or are you not sleeping with her?”

He sighed, “I’m not…now.”

She nodded, “Meaning that the two of you have had sex since the 18th century? So, why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me meet you here?”

“I missed you,” he said simply.

The fingers of her right hand twitched as if itching to strike him. “You have an odd way of showing it,” she replied hotly and started to walk off.

Now, he was angry, “Just a minute, Mahleah. You’re being rather judgmental, aren’t you? Aren’t you forgetting some things?”

She swung on her heel defiantly, “Like what?”

“Like where were you at breakfast time this morning?”

“Los Angeles,” she said with scorn. “You know very well I’ve been helping an old friend deal with the grief of losing the person he loved most in the world, and no I didn’t jump into bed with him to soothe his misery.”

“I never said you did,” he shot back. “Since the vampire involved is cursed and no one called for Willow’s services, it never entered my head although that is the type of thing you would do.” Her face started losing color, but he continued, “And where were you before LA?”

“D.C.” she said scathingly. “As you’ve already ascertained, and yes I was once again visiting an old friend who happens to be male, but no I didn’t sleep with him either.”

“You said he was happily involved with Scully and has a new baby, so that’s not my point either,” he was grinding his teeth, “And before D.C.?”

“I was in Paris, where I saw that Michael and his son Adam would be okay before I left.”

“No hanky-panky there?” he inquired.

“No,” she was furious now. “Why would I sleep with him when I knew I was coming to you?”

“Okay, fine.” He’d concede that point, but she hadn’t won yet. “But you had a sexual relationship with him in the past, didn’t you? After I left Paris, you began sleeping with him.”

Now her face was blotched with pale streaks contrasting with crimson, “I was ordered into bed with him, you moron. It wasn’t something I chose. I suppose someone was holding a sword to Kate’s head so that if you didn’t screw her she was dead?”

“No,” he admitted. “But then, what happened during the time that the two of you left Section – before he went back for Nikita and Adam. Are you telling me that things remained strictly platonic between you?”

She was silent, and he had his answer.

“So, what’s the difference?” he demanded. “I thought you didn’t believe in double standards, or is that only when they’re not to your advantage?”

“That’s true,” she said slowly. “It’s the same.” She raised her head and looked him in the face. Her eyes were flashing but suspiciously shiny. “But I’d like to point out in my defense that after I was nearly killed by my boyfriend in grad school I quickly learned a couple of lessons: character assessment and taste.”

Turning, she left at a walk so quick it was nearly a run, and he remained with his stomach in knots.

****

Across the street and hidden from his view a figure chuckled in wicked amusement.

"If you think you're having problems now, Highlander," she muttered very softly, "wait until I get done with you. I'll turn your dreams into nightmares and make sure that the decisions you make in the near future are the most painful ones possible."

As soon as the big Scott had disappeared from sight she stretched her weary old bones and began her own way home. She had many preparations to make. Curses took a lot of effort and the one she was about to create was just as potent as the one she'd given him centuries ago. It would be a long but ultimately rewarding night....

Chapter Seven

Duncan walked back to the hotel where both he and Kate were staying – in separate rooms – seething but not sure who he was more upset with: Mahleah or himself? Granted she had provoked him both deliberately and unintentionally with her retorts and her attack on Kate, but he had allowed his own jealousy to show through.

He had never even truly admitted to himself before how he’d felt about her relationships with other men. This was probably because no matter who passed through her life he had always remained the most important person to her. She would turn to him whenever she was troubled or in distress. His was the opinion that had mattered and he the person that she would defend to the death. He had never asked her for this position but he had been accustomed to her willingly bestowing it upon him.

That had subtly changed after he had moved away – she’d run away from home and returned much more independent. Still, it had been Mulder, he thought, who had been the first really to break through that exclusive relationship. He had been the one present when Mahleah needed help and he had seen her through several crises since. Angel, too, had been someone that Mahleah had turned to for help and guidance when she had, in fact, turned away from MacLeod. Turning his thoughts away from the vampire, he decided that he would ponder his extremely complicated feelings towards Angel at another time. Right now, he needed to sort out the way he felt about Michael…and more specifically Michael and Mahleah.

He had known from the moment he first saw the Section Operative that the other man was the type that Mahleah was drawn to. It wasn’t his dark, good looks – although he was sure that they helped the attraction along – though; it was something in the man’s eyes – pain. Michael was the brooding, intense, self-analytical, Byronic hero-type that Mahleah found irresistible.

Relief had come when he found out about Nikita. This new Casanova was in love elsewhere and just provided friendship and support to Mahleah, who with her affectionate nature always needed someone to confide in. It was when Michael came to him at Christmas time and related the story about Mahleah’s return to her roots and Section’s Secret Agenda for that mission that his doubts had begun. He had managed to cover them well, telling Michael that he preferred that Mahleah be with someone that made her happy rather than become hard and emotionless like Section. It was said with sincerity, and he had meant every word, yet after the younger man left the images of Mahleah in the arms of another man had haunted him for days.

When he returned to Paris and found himself confronted by the one man he least wanted to meet with it had shook him to the bone to discover that Mahleah’s loyalties had shifted enough that she would fight him to protect Michael. He doubted she would have tried for his head, but she would have unwillingly run him through and left with her lover.

It wasn’t often that Duncan had confronted the green-eyed monster. He wasn’t immune to it by any means but overall he didn’t allow it to dictate his actions at this point in his life…or so he had thought. Now he doubted his own motivations.

Kate’s reappearance in his life had provided him with a much-needed chance to gain forgiveness for his actions against her, and perhaps even some closure from the sins of the past. Had it also subconsciously been a way of getting back at Mahleah, a way of sharing the pain he had felt in Paris? He didn’t know.

What was going on? He wasn’t sure anymore where his own loyalties did, or should, lie: with the woman he had wed nearly two hundred years ago, or with the woman he had known her entire life until this point? He owed Mahleah an enormous debt for her actions in the future – whatever they were – but did honor dictate that he now must defer to her every notion? No.

Sighing, he knocked on the door of Kate’s room. She let him in silently and shut the door behind them.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

She shrugged, “As you said, my wounds have healed. I’m still a little shaken up though by all that hate. How does she know me, Duncan?”

“I told her our story a while back, but it turned out that someone else had filled in the recent gaps,” Mac said grimly. He would be having a lengthy discussion with Methos about the value of discretion. It would be like the wily Immortal to want to ensure there were no more betrayals that might lead to a death but he would also have enjoyed knowing how much trouble he was stirring up.

“I thought you were going to explain things before a catastrophe like this happened?”

“The timing never seemed right,” he told her.

“Well, she knows now,” Kate stated the obvious. “What are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mac, when Kell didn’t kill me, I thought I would get a second chance with you. We’d start over and make up for all the tragedy behind us. I thought you wanted it, too,” she said sadly.

“I do,” he protested.

“Do you? When I came back, you offered to return my locket and I told you not yet. It was too soon to be swearing things like forever for us. Now, I know why it’ll never be forever. You want to be with her.” This was a statement, and not a question.

“I want things to be right between us,” he said huskily. “One of the most bitterly regretted mistakes of my life was the pain I caused you. You know I’d do anything to make it go away, but I can’t. I want a new start just as much as you do.”

She put her arms around him, “Even if it means giving up Mahleah? She doesn’t seem to be a woman that could turn passion into friendship.” He stiffened in her embrace. “I’m afraid, Duncan, that you’re going to have to decide what you want.”

Chapter Eight

After leaving MacLeod, Mahleah began walking back to her house furious with both him and herself. Under her breath and sometimes more audibly, she cursed him for his macho behavior over her violation of the guy code. Really, she had thought they were beyond such childish, old-fashioned antics but it seemed that it was still not kosher for her to rescue him or respond to a threat to his well being.

He’d had the nerve to bring up everyone she cared about, too, as if they were a part of the problem. No, the problem was his lack of communication, even a lack of trust. Why hadn’t he told her the truth? If he wanted to get back together with his ex-wife, he had that right. She wished he had told her his plans before she had made it all the way to Sunnydale. For God’s sake, Michael and Adam could have used her help in Europe and Angel was still grieving in LA. In either place, she would have felt more wanted than she did now.

Apparently Kate had apologized for her previous betrayal and Mac, ever the chivalrous when it came to women, had obviously forgiven her. Mahleah grunted through her teeth. Well, the woman might be sorry for her behavior but that was no reason to go crawling into bed with her.

Her long legs were carrying her rapidly down the street and her fists were clenching at her sides. When she got home she was going to put on some P. J. Harvey, no she corrected, Led Zeppelin. “Nobody’s Fault But Mine” would do well. She’d work out until the urge to hunt someone down and rattle them until she got answers had faded into an exhausted puddle on the floor.

“Damn the man,” she growled. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

Would I have listened, she wondered. Or, would I have gone off half-cocked like I’m feeling right now? Maybe he knew me too well to tell me. Maybe, she stumbled a little on a crack in the sidewalk, he had been afraid to tell her because he knew he would be hurting her. If he truly was getting back together with Kate, maybe he hesitated because he knew he would be turning her heart inside out.

Her feet slowed. Or, maybe, just maybe, he thought it wouldn’t matter to her. After all the insinuations about Michael and Angel it was possible that he believed that he was just another heart on a string to her. Surely, that wasn’t so…but maybe she shouldn’t just dismiss it out of hand.

Reaching her door, she went in. Her energy was dissipated and the anger was burnt away. She wouldn’t be thrashing herself into a frenzy of katas tonight. She felt hollow inside, numbness creeping around the edges but not quickly enough to dull the knife-edge of pain slicing through her heart.

Apparently she had gambled and lost. She had always assumed that Duncan knew how she felt about him. When she had made him leave Paris while she remained behind in Section, she had thought he’d known that it was for his safety and not because she didn’t want him. Mistakenly, she had believed that when her ordeal in Paris was over that their relationship would pick up where it had left off -- how naïve of her. He hadn’t gotten her message, it seemed, or didn’t want to see it. Now nothing was as she had dreamed.

Walking over to her huge CD shelf, she ran her fingers over a row of jewel cases. She’d like to be able to chase away the pain and nothing provided a better cure-all for her than music. Something told her, though, that there was no quick fix for what ailed her.

Her eye listlessly fell across the titles. Not even the thought of her favorite singers brought comfort. Sam Cooke made her heart soar and provided a slight connection to her mother; Bruce Springsteen wrapped her in the comfortable husky sounds of one who knew about people – their work time, playtime, love and loss; Bono, on the right night, could make her heart clench with every note: a pleasure so intense it was painful. Tonight their sounds seemed far away from her like her memory was touching them through multi-layers of gauze that muffled the solace she normally found there.

She looked further. Her life stared back at her reflected from the shiny plastic covers. Different people in her life were represented by different songs and sometimes by artists. Sam was not the only musician to trigger longings of her mother – listening to opera and Faust in particular, also did that. Wherever she saw great blues players, she thought of her father but also of Joe Dawson. Diana always loved pop songs and together they had driven her father crazy blasting the house with ABBA and the Eurythmics. Gospel triggered memories of Netty, the neighbor who had lived at the top of the hill during her childhood and was the one who had truly taught her how to sing – or as Netty put it to “make a joyful noise.”

So many faces and so many ghosts… the air was thick with them. Led Zeppelin reminded her of several moments in her life but primarily two different men: Michael and her first boyfriend, Kevin Davis. Kevin had adored Jimmy Page. She glanced over in the corner to see the guitar she had given Kevin waiting patiently for the day she picked it up again. Kevin’s parents had returned it to her after his death, but she hadn’t had the heart to touch it for many, many years.

Angel had restored it to her, along with the blessed release of song. When Mac had left them all after Richie’s death, she had lost any desire to sing. It had been as if the constant melody in her heart had dissipated in the wind, following her lover into the ether. When Angel had helped her stumbling steps back from her flirtation with darkness, his warm heart had thawed something in her soul. Somehow he’d retrieved Kevin’s guitar from its hiding place and one night she found herself sitting on his bed and softly waking up him by playing and singing Bruce’s “Shut Out the Light.”

After late night conversations and lengthy Internet chats, she associated Mulder with both Elvis and Moby. Quite a combination that was, but Mulder was himself quite the paradox so it was fitting. Tessa had loved soft, jazzy confections that went well with her bubbly spirit and Anne liked listening to Joe’s bluesy night excursions. Methos liked Bruce and Queen, and Amanda loved any kind of dance music. Darius had introduced her to the amazing sounds of Gregorian chants and Fitzcairn had taken her to her first U2 concert although she always associated him with The Who for some strange reason.

Her favorite band always seemed to invoke her relationship with Duncan and though he had been the one to teach her about classical and folk music as well as opera, U2 inevitably was the soundtrack to both their fights and their lovemaking. That only really left one person.

She pulled out Jimi Hendrix’s Greatest Hits and sank to the floor. Jimi symbolized her father who had idolized him. “Angel” had been the first song he taught her to play before he became obsessed with ensuring that she could play every note in “Stairway to Heaven.” It had been so long since she had gotten to see her father and now he thought she was dead she would probably never get to see him again. It wasn’t fair, she thought. They still had so much to work out together.

She heard a throat clearing and looked up, startled. Xander stood in the doorway.

“I knocked,” he said apologetically, “but you didn’t hear me, and the door was ajar.”

“Come in,” she said automatically.

“I thought you could use a friend,” he told her.

She nodded, and he slid down next to her on the floor.

“Do you want to talk about tonight?” he asked gently.

When she shook her head, he pointed to the CD case in her hand. “Old Jimi there got any special significance?”

Swallowing, she answered, “He was my dad’s favorite. I was just sitting here thinking about him.”

“I’m assuming you mean your dad and not Jimi,” Xander said lightly.

Giving him a very weak smile, she said, “Yeah, it’s just that we never got time to work everything out, you know? I mean, he wasn’t there for me much when I was little since he was too busy getting to the bottom of every liquor bottle he could find but when I got in my mid-teens he sobered up. I finally got to know him a little before I went to college but when I came back he had decided to remarry. I’m afraid I wasn’t very nice about it. Frankly, I thought his new bride was a stuck-up bitch and she wasn’t very much older than I was so it created a lot of friction. Now I wish I could have made more of an effort to patch things up with him.”

“At least your dad knew you were around,” Xander told her. “My parents were always too busy fighting with each other to know that I was alive. I learned that my family, my true family, was the people who took me in, cared about me, laughed at my jokes, and actually made an effort to get to know who the hell Xander Harris was. You know what?”

“What,” she responded curiously.

“I got the better end of the deal,” he said firmly. “I’m not saying it’s the same way with you and your dad but at the end of the day you’ve got a family. It might not be the Norman Rockwell picture postcard type and it might be spread out a bit around the world, but you definitely have family.”

This time the smile she gave him was real, if a little teary.

“How’d you get to be so smart so fast?” she asked, wiping her eyes.

“I grew up on the Hellmouth,” he grinned. “Now, excuse me but I think this is my dance.”

“Huh?” there was no music playing.

“Stand up,” he commanded.

Blinking she obeyed.

“Now, I don’t have a professional voice and God knows I’m nowhere as talented as you, but I do have something to say, so listen up,” he instructed.

She took his proffered hand and as she followed his lead, she listened to him roughly crooning the words to a Nanci Griffith song.

I can’t be your weather
If it rains then it rains
I can’t be your lover
Cuz the feelings would change
I can’t be the wind
Cuz the wind blows too free
But if you want a true companion
Don’t forget about me….

Chapter Nine

Carmen stretched her weary body. She had managed to extend her time well beyond the normal human life span, but there had been consequences…and she still aged. Her magics were not quite powerful enough to reverse the ravages of over a century of living. She usually cast a glamour over herself to ensure that she looked as enticing now as she did when she had first managed to catch MacLeod’s eye.

When she had picked up his hand that fateful night, she had expected to see their lives entwining together the way their bodies had. Instead, she saw that he would be with woman after woman after woman – loving them all but eventually finding the one he wanted to be with and it wasn’t her. Even then, she had understood that the power in his hand meant he was not quite human and that her revenge would have to beyond the normal mortal ken.

She had vowed then that she would make him pay for his betrayal, and she had. She gave a feral smile. Oh, she had over and over again. It had taken nearly two decades of study with the clan’s wise women but she had finally delivered her final present to her unfaithful lover. Every time he thought about marriage, the romance would end badly. Several of the women had died, and it would continue that way. Carmen would see to it. The most amusing part was that he still didn’t know what she had done. Even now he was unaware of the curse's existence and assumed that he merely had bad luck. She had told him that night: he would bury many women but marry none. She would see to it.

Her smile fell. Obviously, her spell hadn’t been enough. Watching his movements lately, she had learned that he had actually managed to wed in the century before she had been born, but then he had managed to destroy that relationship himself. Now, he was making efforts to reconcile with his wife and that was strictly forbidden. It was fun watching him squirm in the triangle he had created out of his own cowardice. It was going to be even more amusing though watching him struggle through the web she was now weaving for him.

It had been a difficult spell, not least of all because it had to affect three people at different times. She preferred that the full effects not be felt at once. Much more damage could occur this way.

She laughed softly. Oh yes, my bonnie Highlander, I’m going to see just how far you can bend before you finally break. And I’ll be there to enjoy every agony. No one scorns a daughter of the Kalderash people.

Chapter Ten

Kate was examining her options and not finding them pleasant. She had not meant for her words to Duncan to come out as an ultimatum, but she could tell he had taken them that way. Biting back her irritation, she knew that was not a good development. She had only intended to be honest in pointing out the indecision she felt in him and the unhappy predicament it placed them all in.

Now she felt like the bad guy, which made her angry. All of this time Duncan had allowed her to assume that they could make a fresh start, and now she found that his affections were torn between her and this child, Mahleah, who had known him for less than half a century.

Duncan had explained a bit of his history with the girl and she could understand where the deep bonds came from as well as Mahleah’s fury at her own reappearance in her husband’s life. She couldn’t really blame his friend for wanting to protect him from someone perceived as a threat, nor could she fail to appreciate the frustration the young woman must feel at coming all this way to be with him only to find another woman standing in the way.

As little as she liked the choices before her, she knew she needed to force Duncan to act: one way or another for his own good. How long could he survive with his emotions split in two like this? It wasn’t healthy or conducive to survival in The Game. The ball was in her court. The question was what would she do with it?

Chapter Eleven

Mac returned from his second run of the morning still feeling edgy and ignorant about what to do. How could he clear up the mess he had made? He couldn’t even blame Methos for it. If he had told Mahleah about Kate when she had first arrived, the ancient Immortal’s intel would have evaporated in the wind.

When he reached his hotel room, he found an unexpected guest waiting on him: Willow. At his startled expression, she grinned a little sheepishly and explained.

“I just found out about the coolest spell that allows you to open locks and I had to try it out.”

“Uh huh,” he replied, unconvinced.

“Okay,” she admitted. “I wanted to talk to you, and since you’ve been busy running around all morning I figured you’d be back sooner or later to shower.”

“Good guess,” he chuckled. “What can I do for you, Willow?”

She sighed, “It’s what you can do for yourself, Mac. It’s not easy to choose between two people that you love, I know. Is it fair to them, though to allow this situation to keep going?”

He sat down heavily in a chair and let out a frustrated burst of air.

“No, it’s not,” he responded. “But tell me my fair witch, since you’ve suddenly grown so wise: how do I choose between the woman I swore to love until the day I died, and the woman I would die to save? It’s not an easy choice.” He smiled to take any sting from his words, but bitterness was there that he couldn’t hide.

Strangely, she didn’t seem offended by his tone or his questions. Biting her lip, she said very thoughtfully and very carefully, “There was a time when I was involved with two guys at once. In the beginning, it seemed very exciting and romantic because most of my life I’d been ignored by the male population, but then reality kicked in. It wasn’t romantic at all – I was hurting people I cared about and it nearly cost me everything.”

“And you think I’m doing the same thing,” he concluded, not debating her logic.

“It’s a trap,” she agreed. “You have to decide between one and the other.”

“What if Mahleah doesn’t?” he argued. “Do you have any idea of the number of men that are in love with her? Has she made a decision?”

Willow just stared at him calmly, until he looked away, easily reading her silence. I’m doing well, he thought, almost hysterically. I’m afraid to look a twenty-year-old in the eyes.

Clearing his throat, he asked, “So, how did you do it? Choose I mean? You did, didn’t you?”

She nodded, her bright eyes shining but mysterious, “I was lucky enough to have a friend that made the decision an easy one for me. She had a way of putting things that allowed me to see straight into my heart. I would try her method with you, but I don’t think it would work so well. I think I’m forced to try other alternatives.”

“Which are?” he asked in bewilderment.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Before he could take in her apology, her hand twitched and his katana leaped from its hiding place beside the bed and sliced through the air at light speed to stop just as it touched his skin. His hand grabbed it from the air and lowered it to the ground. The blade showed no more signs of animation.

With sweat drenching his skin, and a heart about to burst from his chest, he glared at the young witch.

“Jesus!” he breathed, then rose to his feet quickly. “What the hell was that about? You could have killed me, Willow!”

“No,” she shook her head. “I had control, but it was important to make you believe differently. Tell me, Duncan, what was the last thought you had when you thought you were going to die?”

His knees were shaking so badly, he had to sit back down. His last thought as that blade whizzed toward him? His last six thoughts, hell his last dozen thoughts had been images of Mahleah and the regret that this was the end for them. He looked up at Willow with a new respect. She had shown both ruthlessness and mercy that was unusual in one so young.

“You knew, didn’t you?” he asked. “You knew all along what I would see.”

She nodded, and smiled a little sadly, “It’s a shock to realize your true feelings, I know, but sometimes that little jolt is what we need to keep us from making a truly horrible mistake.”

Rising, she handed him a letter, “This had been pushed under your door while you were out. I was dying of curiosity but I didn’t open it.”

He recognized Kate’s handwriting with a heavy heart. Hearing the door open, he looked up at his small savior and said hesitantly, “Willow?” At her pause, he said warmly, “Thank you.”

Her smile was lovely and wistful, “I was just repaying a debt. I’m glad that I could help.”

After she left, he turned back to the envelope in his hand and sighed. He might as well get it over with. Tearing off the end he pulled out a sheet of paper and read:

“Duncan,

I didn’t mean to put you on the spot last night but we both know you’ve been very conflicted lately. You have so much to work out with Mahleah and you can do it better without my presence or interference. Whatever you decide, I will respect and abide by that choice and it will not change the fact that I’m glad we’ve had the opportunity to exorcise some of the hate and guilt that lay between us for so long.

Be happy.

Love,
Kate”

If he had read this letter before Willow’s little stunt with his katana, it would have made him feel even guiltier than he had before. Now, however he was able to look beyond the past and see the goodness that had so generously offered him the freedom to make his choice without his conscience plaguing him. He truly believed he would be able to establish a friendship with Kate, but too much time had passed for them to return to the young couple they once had been.

In the years behind him, Mac had felt at times as if bad luck had haunted his every step. The women he loved, especially if they were mortal, tended to have tragic fates. He had buried so many of them that it hurt him sometimes to make any more plans for the future. For the first time in a long while he felt hope for the times ahead and he knew exactly who they lay with: a six foot, honey haired spitfire that he hoped he hadn’t hurt so badly that she wanted nothing to do with him. If his luck was truly changing, she would only be mildly ticked off at him, they could work things through, and his luck was changing, wasn’t it?

Chapter Twelve

Onstage, Mahleah wondered just why she had let Giles and Willow talk her into jamming at The Bronze tonight. Granted, the guys and gal that she was playing with had been casual friends and colleagues on her last visit to Sunnydale, but her nerves were so raw tonight that she felt nearly naked before the audience.

In rehearsal this afternoon, they had run through many songs and many styles trying to find the ones that best suited their energy tonight. She had retreated from the cliché of PJ Harvey, and some of the more melodramatic tunes her younger band mates were favoring. In the end, they decided on a little old and a little new and she would just have to make the best of the results.

Willow had told her she would have a pleasant surprise waiting for her at the end, and she had rather assumed it would be Mac but the show was not far from over and she hadn’t felt his familiar tingle once. Sighing, she decided to just forget about the crowd completely and lose herself in the music.

As they began running through Roy Orbison’s haunting “Only the Lonely” she remembered hearing it echoing through the halls of her childhood home as her father cranked up the speakers in an attempt to drown out the pain in his heart. She was beginning to understand just how he felt.

Only the lonely
Know the way I feel tonight
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain’t right
There goes my baby
There goes my heart
They’re gone forever
So far apart
But only the lonely
Know why I cry
Only the lonely.

God, she grimaced inside, she really was feeling sorry for herself if she was suddenly empathizing with her father. Despite Willow’s hopeful words, Xander had told her privately that Kate had left town. Mahleah suspected that Mac’s no-show at tonight’s performance meant that he had followed her...que sera, sera.

She followed the Orbison with the old Dylan tune, “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” She wasn’t sure why they had picked this one – there was just something in the air tonight. If she were mortal, she would have said someone had stepped on her grave.

*******

Sitting in the dark with the rest of the audience, Mac listened to the sad beauty of Mahleah’s voice. Tonight she was lost in her melodies; she hadn’t even seemed to notice his entrance into the club. Perhaps he was too far back for her to sense him – he couldn’t really sense her as an Immortal either – but she had always shown an extra fine-tuned perception of the buzz, especially when dealing with him. It could be that she was deliberately ignoring him.

It was nearing the end of the last set, he knew and she seemed very weary. The band was doing without much snappy banter tonight and devoting itself exclusively to the music. The song shifted again, and his edgy nerves received a dash of cold water.

I don’t care if you never come home.
I don’t mind if you just keep on
Rowing away on a distant sea
‘Cause I don’t love you and you don’t love me

Did she really not know he was here or was she just trying to torture him? If the latter, she was doing a damn fine job, he thought.

You cause a commotion when you come to town;
You give ‘em a smile and they melt
Having lovers and friends is all good and fine,
But I don’t like yours and you don’t like mine.

Now, that sounded as if she was aware of him. She was wrong, though, he did like her lovers/friends. As she had taunted him, the woman generally had good taste. He respected Michael, Angel, and Mulder – they were genuinely decent and honorable men who cared for her a great deal. That was why it hurt so badly knowing she was with them. What exactly was she up to here?

******

I don’t care what you do at night
Oh and I don’t care how you get your delights.
I’m gonna leave you alone, I’ll just let it be,
I don’t love you and you don’t love me.

I got a problem. Can you relate?
I’ve got a man calling love hate.
We made a vow we’d always be friends
How could we know that promises end?

This felt so right to her; the music and lyrics were so true if brutal. Her life-long friendship with Mac might end if she couldn’t allow herself to face the fact that he wanted to be with another woman. She had a difficult choice to make: could she just be a friend?

This last verse contained the truest sentiments of all. She was glad he wasn’t here to hear this, as she didn’t have to worry about any of those implications. Instead, she just sang her heart out.

I tried to love you for years upon years,
You refuse to take me for real.
It’s time you saw what I want you to see,
and I’d still love you if you’d just love me.

It really was time for her to snap out of this gloomy mood. She was punishing the band for her bad luck. Her fingers caressed the strings of her old lover’s guitar as she consciously made the effort to lighten the atmosphere around her with the Stone’s “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”

The song actually allowed her to feel some relief as it seduced her with the idea that “if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need.” The band was kicking with it quite happily and she floated away on its promise.

The relief she felt at that song’s climax made her brave enough to completely strip emotionally for the next number. She would fill the air with its honest longing and cast its soulful plea into the night air. Maybe someone was listening.

In my dream our love was lost, I lived by luck and fate
I carried you inside of me, prayed it wouldn’t be too late
Now I’m standin’ on this empty road where nothin’ moves but the wind
And honey I just wanna be back in your arms
Back in your arms again

*******

Just when he had thought she had written him off as a bad memory, she caught his breath with the simple directness of her love. Her eyes were closed, and she had gently laid aside her guitar. She was pouring her soul into every note and he could tell it was making a few people uncomfortable. In this age, it was unsettling to see someone set aside their defenses so completely for strangers and allow them to share her need.

Once I was your treasure and I saw your face in every star
But these promises we make at night, oh that’s all they are
Unless we fill them with faith and love they’re empty as the howlin’ wind
And honey I just want to be back in your arms
Back in your arms again.

He had come so close to losing her, and he still wasn’t on firm ground. If she was singing about him, though, he had a feeling that everything would eventually work itself out. As long as he knew that she loved him that much, he was not about to let her go. They had several lifetimes to work out the small stuff.

You came to me with love and kindness
But all my life I’ve been a prisoner of my own blindness
I met you with indifference and I don’t know why
Now I wake from my dream, I wake from my dream to this world
Where all is shadow and darkness and above me a dark sky unfurls
And all the love I’ve thrown away and lost I’m longin’ for again
Now darlin’ I just wanna be back in your arms
Back in your arms again.

Yes, Mac thought smiling. In the words of an Ike and Tina Turner song, “I think it’s going to work out fine.” He listened with an enormous grin on his face through her last number, little realizing at that moment the impact it would have on him twelve hours later.

Chapter Thirteen

As the house lights came on and the band began putting away its gear, Mahleah glanced up at the departing audience and saw MacLeod. She was so startled that she managed to catch the side of her hand in one of the latches of the guitar case. Pain shooting through her fingers, she gingerly released the injured skin and stood, pressing the injury to her mouth staring at him. When had he arrived? Why hadn’t she felt him? For that matter, why didn’t she feel him now? Oh God, he had probably heard all of her little musical confessions tonight. She was so embarrassed that she couldn’t move.

His face held a warm smile as he walked up to her, and a gentle hand pulled her fingers from her mouth.

“You should be more careful,” he teased.

“Yeah, I know,” she swallowed hard. “It’s not like it’s going to kill me though, right?”

He pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed it. As his eyes darted across the skin, he froze and his smile faded.

“What is it?” she asked.

He held her hand out for examination. The pinched skin was bruising and there was a small cut in the center that was bleeding slightly. She was still so stunned from the surprise of his presence that it took a few moments for the reason for his concern to sink into her conscious mind. Her wound was minor, practically nothing, but it hadn’t healed. With a scrape like this, her Immortal system should have mended it almost instantly – instead a small pool of dark red blood trickled down her arm. She realized that she still couldn’t sense his presence as an Immortal.

Paling, she snatched her hand back and scrutinized it.

“Mac, what the hell is going on?” she demanded.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. His voice was hoarse with something suspiciously close to fear.

“Giles,” she ran over to stop her friend from leaving. “Something is very wrong.”

She showed him the small bloody wound and explained how she couldn’t feel Mac.

The Watcher frowned. “Have you ever experienced anything like this before?”

“No,” she replied, and Mac agreed.

“Strange,” the Englishman pondered. “I suspect Mahleah that we might want to take you to the hospital and let them check you out.”

“Why?” MacLeod inquired. “What would doctors know about Immortals?”

“Just bear with me,” Giles said evasively. “I have a theory – a rather unlikely one, I’ll admit, but let’s see if it has any basis in fact.”

“Okay,” Mahleah said uncertainly.

“First though, let’s make sure the problem is a singular one,” Giles suggested. “Mac, do you have a knife or something sharp?”

Duncan understood his full question. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a Swiss Army Knife and made a small cut on the back of his hand. In less than a minute a familiar spark heralded the beginning of the healing effect.

“Right, well now we can be sure of you,” Giles said cheerfully. “Let’s just get Mahleah looked at, shall we?”

******

Several hours later, a subdued couple made their way inside Mahleah’s house. Her test results had come back perfectly normal to the amusement of the hospital staff that was curious why anyone would make such a big deal about such a small wound…perfectly normal that is for a mortal.

It had never happened before to either MacLeod or Giles’s memory – one of Mac’s kind suddenly losing her Immortality – and neither one of them believed it was a natural phenomenon. After all, this was Sunnydale, which sat on the Hellmouth, and it was difficult to believe in coincidences in light of all they had experienced here. Willow and Giles had left the hospital in full research mode after reassuring Mahleah that if such a bizarre situation had ever occurred before they would track it down and let her know the results.

Mac watched Mahleah now as she moved slowly about the house and saw the weariness and the worry that filled her face and body. He was still in shock and knew that she was as well. It also made him feel cautious after his earlier reflections: most of the mortal women he was involved with came to tragic ends. A little voice inside his head also kept whispering to him, “She can have the life she was always meant to have now. She can be a mother.” He found this made him both happy and sad. Mahleah, he’d always felt was meant to have children but he recognized that when he’d thought that he’d always meant she should have his children. That was still impossible, and as long as she stayed with him, she would be denying herself the benefits of her mortal existence. She deserved to have a family and watch them grow up and to grow old with the man she loved. On the other hand, what if her mortality was a temporary situation?

“What?” Mahleah demanded. “You’ve been looking at me strangely ever since we found out. I’m still the same person, Mac.”

He nodded, “Yes, you are, but have you thought about the changes this could make in your life?”

“You mean the fact that I’ll grow old and die?” she asked bluntly. “This is not a new idea. I’ve not been Immortal that many years.”

“Not just that,” he walked to her slowly. “You could start a family now, if you wanted.”

She stared at him, with her mouth hanging open, “No, I couldn’t.” She shook her head in denial.

He moved even closer, “Yes, you could.”

Her chin wavered and her eyes glistened, “No, I can’t because the only man I would want to have children with…” her voice broke off.

“Can’t give them to you,” he finished for her. “It’s true, I can’t but there are others who could.”

She turned away from him, “And if I don’t want them, even if they’re fertile?”

“Mahleah, look me in the eye and say that you would reject a child, any child for that matter, but especially if his father was someone you loved and trusted…Mulder, for instance?”

“Mulder’s involved,” she snapped. “He already has a family and there’s no way in hell I’d do anything to disturb it.”

“All right, Angel, then?” he asked, reluctantly.

“Angel’s in the same position you are,” she said, her eyes glittering angrily. “He’s a vampire…the only way he can ‘have children’ is to make other vampires. Not the same thing at all.”

“No,” he admitted, and then brought up another name, “How about Michael?”

Through gritted teeth, she spat out, “You would send me to another man? Tell me to have his children? Are you really that scared of being involved with another mortal woman? Is it that terrifying that eventually you would have to watch me die? We don’t even know if this is a permanent situation and you’re already trying to send me off to live in some perfect dream world with someone else. Well, it would serve you right if I did!”

With those last words, she ran upstairs, leaving him mulling over her argument. Her eyes accused him of cowardice but he felt it was selfishness gradually overcoming him. She had the chance to have all the things they had wanted in life, with the major exception of each other. He wanted her to be fully aware of the choices she made. Her remarks, and the fact that she hadn’t rejected the idea of Michael fathering her children out of hand like she had the other two, stung him and he tried to picture the future he was encouraging her to reach for.

He allowed himself to see the children she would have with suspiciously green eyes and felt acid from his stomach churning up toward his throat. The truth was he didn’t want her to leave and he didn’t want her to love some other man and if that was selfish he would just have to pay for it in the long run.

“I tried to do the right thing,” he whispered. “Forgive me, but I can’t do it.”

Now, he had to convince Mahleah that he wasn’t trying to send her away from him and that he would support whatever decision she made.

One of the unique features of Mahleah’s house was that the sound system was set up so that music could be played in one location but heard in any or every room. He would use that to his advantage now. Stopping by the long CD shelf, he hesitated over his options but after judging the heat of her anger bypassed the lighter artillery and reached directly for the big gun.

Climbing the stairs he saw her standing by the window, looking out at the night with the saddest expression he’d ever seen.

“Mahleah,” he said softly, and she jumped obviously not used to the fact that he could now sneak up on her.

About that time, his carefully chosen selections started playing in the room.

In a little while
Surely you’ll be mine
In a little while…I’ll be there
In a little while
This hurt will hurt no more
I’ll be home, love

This was a delayed reunion, but that only meant it could be the sweeter. He ran his fingers slowly up her spine, but instead of relaxing, she tensed. He traced circles around her shoulders and very slowly and deliberately found the sensitive spot on the back of her neck with first his fingers and then his lips. Her whole body began to shake.

“Mahleah,” he groaned, beseeching her to not turn him away.

When the night takes a deep breath
and the daylight has no air
if I crawl, if I come crawling home
will you be there?

Between the caresses of his hands and Bono’s voice, she began to allow her body to submit little by little to his seduction. Joyfully, he slipped her shirt from her shoulders, followed by the rest of her clothes, and then helped her remove his own. When she began to reach for him, though, he shook his head having other ideas.

“Not yet,” he murmured in her ear. “Let me…”

He wanted to trace her flesh and memorize every muscle, every contour, and every curve. It had been a long time for them and he wanted it to be special.

In a little while
I won’t be blown by every breeze
Friday night running to Sunday on my knees
That girl, that girl she’s mine
Well I’ve known her since,
Since she was…

A little girl with Spanish eyes
When I saw her first in a pram they pushed her by
Oh my, my how you’ve grown
Well it’s been, it’s been… a little while.

He started with the nape of her neck and worked his way down to her shoulders, across her shoulder blades and down the long, beautiful length of her back. His hands went before his mouth, tracing an endless pattern in a hypnotic rhythm that left her susceptible to his lips and tongue. She was making small keening noises from the back of her throat that he loved but he wanted more. He dipped down to the delicious small of her back and even lower still. When he’d made his way languorously down to her ankles, he shifted position so that he was starting on the other side of her.

Slow down my beating heart
A man dreams one day to fly
A man takes a rocket ship into the skies
He lives on a star that’s dying in the night
And follows in the trail, the scatter of light
Turn it on, turn it on, you turn me on.

As he nuzzled her knees, he realized her legs were trembling so badly that it was amazing she was still standing. Glancing up, he caught a glimpse of her eyes and the depth of the need there nearly made him lose his own breath. Forgive me, cariad he thought sadly, for denying us both what we so desperately wanted for so long.

As his lips began traveling again, this time up the long length of her thighs he placed his hands against her waist and hips to help support her weight. When he reached the apex of those limbs though and finally tasted her purest essence, she buckled.

Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love
Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love
Slow down my beating heart
Slowly, slowly love

Catching her, he carefully stretched her across the nearby bed and continued his explorations.

In the days
When we were swinging from the trees
I was a monkey
Stealing honey from a swarm of bees
I could taste
I could taste you even then
And I would chase you down the wind

You can go there if you please
Wild honey
And if you go then go with me
Wild honey.

He was rewarded for his persistence with a groan that liquefied his backbone…wild honey, indeed.

“Duncan, you’re killing me,” she growled.

“Should I stop?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Come here,” she demanded.

Did I know you?
Did I know you even then?
Before the clocks kept time
Before the world was made

From the cruel sun
You were my shelter
You were my shelter and my shade

Complying with her wishes he began moving up her body, pausing often to nibble at tantalizing areas on the way. When he stopped to torment her breasts, she let out a half-growl/half-whimper of pleasure.

Just as he was congratulating himself on the job he had done so far, she suddenly decided to take matters into her own two hands and flipped him over while devouring his lips in the kiss he had been playfully delaying.

If you go there with me
Wild honey
You can do just what you please
Wild honey
Yeah just blowing in the breeze
Wild honey
Wild, wild, wild

Mahleah had apparently decided she wanted him, and she wanted him now. As she rose over him with her eyes tightly closed in seeming rapture, he pulled the fastener from her hair and let it trickle down her shoulders. The look on her face was nearly enough to make him lose control right there, but it was too soon.

I’m still standing, I’m still standing
Where you left me
Are you still growing wild
With everything tame around you?

I send you flowers
Cut flowers for your hall
I know your garden is full
But is there sweetness at all?

Despite the passion and the skill she was applying to her task, there was one thing he missed…in fact, craved. He held her still for a moment, and when she blinked at him in surprise he explained, “I want to see your eyes.”

She smiled and bent down to kiss him. This time when she moved, she kept eye contact and the intimacy he felt there was even closer than the movement of their bodies.

If you go there go with me
Wild honey
Won’t you take me, take me please
Wild honey
Yeah, swinging through the trees
Wild honey
Wild, wild, wild

*******

Mahleah stretched catlike and snuggled up closer to her sleeping Highlander. She would have to tease him when he woke up about how a puny mortal had worn out a hardened Immortal warrior. She had been furious at him when he talked about her leaving him to find the normal Norman Rockwell life he thought she wanted. It was hard enough to deal with the sudden change in her life expectancy, much less think about doing it without him at her side.

She remembered his wordless apology and shivered pleasantly. She had liked his initial slow approach, but it had been too long since they had been together for her to delay gratification. She had made it up to him on subsequent go-rounds. She repressed a chuckle. Let him sleep – he’d certainly earned it.

She had to admit she was scared about what these changes meant for her and even more of what could have caused them. The basic facts of her life that she took for granted had just taken a major U-turn and it saddened her. She had always thought she would have centuries to explore the world, meet people, exchange ideas and music, and be with the man she loved. It seemed that fate had different ideas. She shivered again and this time it was from the chill of the future rather than the warmth of the past few hours.

She turned her head over on Duncan’s chest and spotted an odd gleam coming from the floor. Not being able to account for it and with sleep eluding her, she carefully slid from bed to investigate. Picking the object up, she discovered it was a necklace and seemed to have fallen from Mac’s pocket. She could see writing on the pendant but it was too dim in the room to make out the inscription. Walking over to the window, she read the word “Forever” on its surface. Touched, she glanced over at her sleeping lover and smiled.

Odd, how one word could mean so much. She assumed when he’d bought the necklace he truly meant forever for the two of them – as much forever as two Immortals could share together. Now, forever meant only until she died or he lost his head. Blinking back tears, she turned the pendant over and froze. There was an inscription on the back as well. A pair of entwined initials curved gracefully across its surface and the letters were “D” and “K.”

She repressed a cry of anguish. Kate! All this time she had thought his lovemaking was the beginning of their new life together and instead he had meant it as a final farewell before he left to rejoin his wife.

The necklace shook in her fingers. It’s odd but a breaking heart makes absolutely no sound, Mahleah thought in some remote part of her brain. After all the music and poetry written, the true sound of desolation is silence interrupted only by the soft sounds of a man breathing in his sleep.

There was only one thing to be done. She refused to stay here and listen to his ever well-meaning goodbye speech. This was obviously the end, and she had to leave…now.

*****

Duncan never knew what woke him from the soundest sleep he’d had in ages. It was probably the empty bed beside him, but the coolness of her side was an indication that she had been gone for some time. Perhaps it was Kate’s necklace, the one that he had given her on their wedding day and which she had recently refused to take back from him, which had been placed on the mattress beside him and had worked its way into his naked side.

When he did awake, he was a bit startled to find an empty pillow but sleepily decided that Mahleah had gone downstairs. When he realized that the necklace was lying next to him, alarm bells began clamoring in his skull. In the faint morning light he spotted the small sheet of paper accompanying the jewelry and the bells escalated to sirens. Turning on a bedside lamp, he quickly scanned the note, which said simply, “I’m sorry I could never be Kate for you.”

“Oh God, no,” he groaned. Why had he ever stuck that damned chain in his pocket? Mahleah had gotten the wrong idea entirely. Where was she now? Where would she go?

He rose quickly and pulled on his pants from the night before as he thought. She would want to get out of town quickly so either the bus station or the airport was his best option. Lord, why hadn’t he listened more closely to the last song she had sung last night? It had been a true goodbye but he’d been so wrapped up in the Springsteen song before it, he had completely missed the implications. Now, her voice rose again in his mind.

It’s daybreak
And you are asleep
I can hear you breathe now
Your breath is deep

But before I go
I look at you one last time
I can hear a heartbeat
Is it yours or is it mine?

Fumbling with his shoes reminded him of how badly he had fumbled things last night. He had thought that things were settled between them, but when he realized all of the things that had been left unsaid he wanted to beat his head against the wall.

Grabbing his shirt, he headed out the door and began running. Something told him that the next few minutes were critical and if he didn’t catch her now, he might never.

I look at your lips
I know how soft they can be
Did they know what they wanted
The times they kissed me?

Bus or airport, bus, or airport kept hammering through his brain. Where would she be likely to go? His best guess would be, to someone she found comforting. Most likely, he groaned again, Angel, Mulder, or Michael. If she were going to LA, she probably would be grabbing a bus but if she were headed to D. C. or heaven forbid, Europe, she would be hopping a plane about now. Which would it be?

Stumbling over a crack in the sidewalk, he nearly avoided crashing face first into the concrete but did skin his knee. He ignored it, as well as the stinging that was coming from his back. The sweat starting to trickle down there must have attracted a sweat bee, but it was unimportant. He kept running.

And your hands
That I held in mine
Now they’re reposing on the pillow
Will they ever miss me sometime?

He was going to guess the bus station and Angel. After all, his arms were much closer than any of the others’ were and they would be able to provide mutual comfort for their losses. It wouldn’t be the first time. He gritted his teeth and increased his speed.

I’ll remember you
You will be there in my heart
I’ll remember you
And that is all that I can do
But I’ll remember

With a last burst of energy he rushed into the bus depot and collapsed at the ticket window.

“When,” he panted, “is the next bus to Los Angeles?”

“That’s it leaving right there,” the confused young clerk replied.

Your eyes
That always make me shiver
Now they are closed
They just sometimes twitch a little

And your body
I could own for an hour
It sent me to Heaven
With its heat and power.

Mac whirled around, conscious that no matter how fast he ran he would never be able to catch the large vehicle which was taking advantage of the light traffic this early in the morning to put on speed.

“Duncan, what’s wrong?” he realized that part of the Scoobies were surrounding him.

“The research team pulled an all-nighter,” Xander explained cheerfully, with Anya nearby. “We were out collecting doughnuts and cappuccino for refueling when we saw you running like there was a demon dog on your heels. What’s the problem?”

Mac bowed his head in silence.

*********

Mahleah accepted the keys from the over-friendly clerk at the rental car agency with no response to his obnoxious comments. She just wanted out of Sunnydale as fast as possible…out of California for that matter. Mac had urged her to find a normal life and life with normal, mortal people. She would take his advice.

*******

“What happened to you?” Anya inquired, with her pleasant bluntness. “You look like you’ve been run over by one of those really big trash trucks. Only you don’t smell that bad. Although you could use a shower,” she added helpfully.

“An, there’s something wrong,” Xander told her. “What happened, Mac? Where’s Mahleah?”

Mac raised his head and used one of his hands to reach down the back of his shirt to look for that damned bee which had to have stung him multiple times.

“Mahleah’s gone,” he said flatly. “She left me.”

“What did you do now?” Anya asked prosaically. “Bleed on her carpet?”

“Bleed…?” Both Xander and MacLeod looked down at his torn pants leg, where sure enough his scraped leg was bleeding.

“But, you’re not supposed to bleed,” Anya frowned. “Are you?”

Beginning to shake, Duncan pulled off his shirt and peering around to look at his back, groaned. Mahleah kept her fingernails trimmed whenever she was playing guitar, but while the nails might be short, they were also razor sharp. He was now looking at the scars of her passion inflicted several hours before and which obviously should have been gone long ago. He fell to his knees, ignoring the pain in leg, back, which was miniscule, compared to the feeling that he had lost at some very important game, and now someone was laughing at him.

I’ll remember you
You will be there in my heart
I’ll remember you
And that is all that I can do
But I’ll remember

The End of A Kiss is Still a Kiss

The songs quoted here are as follows:

“Don’t Forget About Me” – Nanci Griffiths

“Only the Lonely” – Roy Orbison

“Promises” – Eric Clapton

“Back in Your Arms” – Bruce Springsteen

“In a Little While” – U2

“Wild Honey” – U2

“I’ll Remember You” – Sophie Zelmani

Continue to As Time Goes By – Book Three: A Sigh is But a Sigh