I was so happy about my first writing, Are You a Real Christian?, that I decided to make a sequel, of sorts. The first one deals with the criteria of Jesus for being a real follower, and this one deals with Paul and Jesus and their guidelines for Christian living. Paul is an enigma to me. He was almost entirely responsible for the rise of Christianity, and was probably either insane or greedy. Paul is to Christianity as L. Ron Hubbard is to Scientology.
For some reason, this idiot (Paul) is highly revered, and sainted by the Catholic Church. Most modern dogma comes from Paul. He is responsible, partly, for the doctrine of the Trinity; he came up with the whole sacrificial lamb explanation for Jesus, at a time when it very much needed to be explained how the Messiah could die before saving the Jews. "Clearly, he did save them!" Says Paul, who then proceeds to concoct a road to spiritual salvation. Paul was the first and greatest apologist, because many of his flawed and laughable explanations have become the essence of Christianity.
When you read Paul's writings (he is credited with Acts up to Hebrews) two things come to mind. First off, and this is probably just me, there is an odd tone in his writings. He is trying to convince others, but I get the impression that he is also trying to convince himself. He strikes me as a man that wanted very much to believe the message he put forth, which is never a good sign. Secondly, he sure talks a hell of a lot about circumcision. No analysis needed, it's just something I noticed.
All that out of the way, lets check out some of St. Paul's opinions on how true followers are supposed to act:
[7] I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
Allow me to translate: If you are a Christian who is not married, you should stay that way unless you absolutely have to get some. Ironically, this is the biblical justification of some churches as to why priests and ministers should not marry. Clearly, this doctrine was meant for everyone. The next time you see a Christian couple, steer clear. Sexual deviants who can't control themselves are not good company.
[8] Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
[9] But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (I Corinthians 7:7-9)
I suppose the justification for this commandment is the idea of remaining pure for the second coming of Jesus. Jesus specifically says that he will return within a generation in Matthew 16:27-28, but it is possible that the book of Matthew was written after the letter to the Corinthians. (Now that's what I call biblical nitpicking!)
Paul also had some interesting views on women. I hear remnants of Levitican law here...:
[3] Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
This is why we have the tradition of women wearing hats in church, and the reason men take off their hats "respectfully" when they enter a building. (I'm not sure how this practice got transferred to non-religious structures.) If you are a woman who does not wear a hat to church, you should have your head shaved to teach you a lesson. This, I suppose, is to show you physically what God sees spiritually when you don't wear a hat.
[4] Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head.
[5] And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head--it is just as though her head were shaved.
[6] If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head.
[7] A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. (I Corinthians 11:3-7)
Along the same lines, here's some stuff about how Christian women should keep their big traps shut:
[34] women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says.
That's right ladies, you should not be ordained. You are more sinful by nature, and your evil braids must be taken out! I suppose prohibiting gaudy fashions just makes sense, but telling women that they must wait until they get home for clarification of the gospel is ludicrous.
[35] If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church. (I Corinthians 14:34-35)
[9] I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,
[10] but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
[11] A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.
[12] I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
[13] For Adam was formed first, then Eve.
[14] And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. (I Timothy 2:9-14)
You have to admire Paul's uncanny ability to provide the true, perfect, absolute word of God--which just happened to coincide with the modern societal practices. It's an abomination for women to speak in church? Please, Paul.
Okay, Paul was a bit kooky, I think we can all agree. I suggest we get back to Jesus. He also had some great advice for how to live your life.
[34] "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.
Now this sounds okay and all--make Jesus the number one priority--but it seems a bit odd. I know! Maybe the Gospel of Luke can provide a clearer message:
[35] For I have come to turn "`a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law--
[36] a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'
[37] "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; (Matthew 10:34-37)
[25] Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said:
Hmmm...that doesn't sound very good.
[26] "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:25-26)
[21] Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
I think we get the idea. Lots of rules to follow. There are plenty more, but this is a modest start. Maybe I'll make part three.
[22] When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
[23] Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.
[24] Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." (Mathew 19:21-24)
To sum up, here is what you, if you are a real Christian, must do and should be able to do: