Read my latest book on my 15 minute sitdown with God and why I am going to hell.

- Who: Headbanger (2-7)  at Foggy Bottom(3-6) - When: 12:30 p.m. Saturday - TV: Hell No - Line: Foggy Bottom by 5 - because God is on his side.

HEAVEN'S GATE - 

CCFFL Observer: So God... let me get right to the point, Mr. Woods asked for your help in winning this weeks game and it looks like you failed to deliver. I mean... the team only scored 24 points and looked pretty damn pathetic in doing so.

God: Well obviously I am a very busy entity and I can't honor every request that comes my way, but in this situation I saw a great wrong that did need to be corrected and I did my best to rectify the situation. Plus I really hate the U of Football Knoxville and any time a can send a little zinger their way I do.

CCFFL Observer: You say that you did your best, however, Headbanger still lost. Isn't this an indication that you are not an all knowing, all powerful being?

God: Don't get me wrong, it would have been trivial for me to arrange for Headbanger to simply win the game. However, I can only fit so many things into one day and in most instances I try to combine things so that I can maximize the benifit to as many people as possible. But in the end, I leave it up to the person themselves to read the signs and take the steps necessary to reach the desired result.

CCFFL Observer: So basically you're saying that you arranged for a Headbanger victory, but Woods just either didn't see or didn't follow the path that you had laid out for him?

God: Exactly, I don't believe in just handing out free rides and in this instance it appears that Woods made his request and then simply failed to listen for my reply.

CCFFL Observer: So what should Ryan have done differently?

God: I think it's pretty damn obvious, you don't ask for my help and then start two players against Notre Dame. How stupid can you be?

(Woods) should of realized that first and foremost I am a Notre Dame fan. I have never missed a Fighting Irish game and now that the Catholic Church has started to straighten out that whole alter boy sex stuff, I'm finally letting them get back to their winning ways. Obviously this week was a big game for the Irish and I simply would not allow the FSU defense to have a good game. I looked at this weeks schedule and the Bizkit's roster and figured that the best way to rectify the situation would be through the Alabama defense. Not only would a quality defensive effort by Alabama raise Headbanger to victory, but it would cause a great deal of pain and suffering in the UFK community.

CCFFL Observer: One last thing God. This is sort of an odd request... and I'm doing it out of a personal favor for a fellow AD. It seems that he is HUGE Anna Kournikova fan and would really like the chance to meet her. Is there any way you could arrange a meeting between the two of them?

God: I knew you were going to ask me that, I am God after all. Please just tell Scott that he can get in line, I've been trying to hook up with her for years and even I can't get her to return any of my calls.