DR. ABBOTT: Oh.
AMY: Anyway, what's the big deal about gonorrhea? It's completely curable. Unlike the herp which never goes away. Right, Dad?
ROSE: I think your father will be covering all of this at the assembly. Now,... would anybody like dessert?
[They all stare at each other.]
[Cut to the Brown home. Dinnertime.]
DR. BROWN: I had no idea this would bother you so much.
EPHRAM: Well, now you know. So you can go back to the school board and tell them you've changed your mind.
DELIA: This bread is hurting my teeth.
DR. BROWN: I can't do that, Ephram. Besides, your mom always used to go to all the PTA meetings and she was a member of the school board. You never minded that.
EPHRAM: Mom used to make banana bread for the bake sales. She didn't front-line any of my sex assemblies.
DR. BROWN: Well, you've seen my cooking. I can't do bake sales.
EPHRAM: I'm serious.
DR. BROWN: Ephram, what is it you want from me?
EPHRAM: I want you not to do this. If you do, it's gonna make my life even more unbearable than it already is, which is, like not even humanly possible.
DR. BROWN: Well, if it's not even humanly possible for your life to get any worse, then what's the problem?
DELIA: Yeah, what's the problem?
EPHRAM: Shut up!
DR. BROWN: Look, Ephram I think you're being just a little bit melodramatic. It's not like I'm trying to ruin your life.
EPHRAM: You don't have to try. You do it pretty naturally.
DR. BROWN: What is it that I'm doing that's so terrible?
EPHRAM: Everyone in school is gonna be going around saying how Dr. Brown is a big sex expert and how his loser son can't even get a date to the stupid dance.
DR. BROWN: What dance? What are you talking about?
EPHRAM: Forget it.
DR. BROWN: Is that the reason you don't want me to come to your school? Because you wanna go to a dance? I'm confused.
EPHRAM: Why do I even need a reason? Why can't you just be a father instead of a doctor for once?
DR. BROWN: Ephram, when I was in neurosurgery, I could never help people before they got sick, I couldn't prevent their sickness. I can do that now.
EPHRAM: So, if you miss this assembly, kids all over town are gonna drop dead from having unsafe sex? Well, it's a good thing you're there for them, Dr. Brown. Maybe, one day, I'll find out what it's like for you to be here for me.
[He gets up and leaves.]
{COMMERCIAL BREAK}
[Cut to the school yard at County High. Ephram is tying up his bike. Amy notices him from across the yard and heads for him.]
EPHRAM: Hey.
AMY: Are we back to greeting each other?
EPHRAM: I am, if you are.
AMY: I was never mad at you, Ephram.
EPHRAM: Well, you should've been. I said some pretty stupid things the other day. I'm sorry.
AMY: Why don't we stop with all the back and forth apologies and just assume we're both sorry forever?
EPHRAM: [relieved] Yeah, OK. Deal.
AMY: Can you believe our dads are coming to school today? Must be the end of the world or something.
EPHRAM: I know. It's bad enough I have to see him every morning and night. Afternoons are kinda my time off, you know?
