The Lesser of Four Evils

Okay, here's the deal. I was watching 22 Minutes a couple of weeks ago (repeats, of course), and what do I see? Why it's Rick Mercer using the exact phrase "the lesser of four evils" in his rant. While the content was different than the one below, I would like to extend an apology to Mr. Mercer who will never, ever, in a million years realize that I or this site exists. Thank you.

I'm sorry. I apologize, but I just can't keep my mouth shut any longer. I've avoided this "Chawinigate" thing like the plague these past few months, but it just won't go away. Scandal has spread across Parliament Hill like that rash you get when you sleep in your own vomit (or so I hear).

I mean, I can handle scandal as well as the next guy, as long as it's just one at a time. Remember the HRDC "billion dollar boondoggle"? The opposition just wouldn't let it go, would they? Week after week of the same bitching about the same thing with absolutely nothing new to bring to the table. If they'd played their cards right it might have even made a difference in the election, but I guess Canadians figured blowing a billion dollars wasn't nearly as bad as annoying the hell out of them for months on end.

But that's what makes "Chawinigate" special. How often do scandals spread across the floor of the House to the Leader of the Opposition? And don't forget that while this scandal is going on, there are countless other mini-scandals popping up to remind us that MPs are only human, and stupid ones at that.

But it started out simply enough, didn't it? When the story broke months and months (and months) ago, it was just a case of the PM calling up the President of the Business Development Bank of Canada to get a loan for his buddy, who happened to own a hotel in the PM's riding. Then we find out Chretien may have owned the golf course next door at the time. Was it a conflict of interest? Did the PM stand to gain from his actions? If the truth ever comes out, will Canadians be so damn sick of the whole thing that they'll just shrug it off?

Voting has become choosing the lesser of four evils. In addition to the main scandal, the Liberals have had several smaller embarrassments. Sheila Copps muttered "what would you know about Christianity?" at a Sikh Alliance MP. And, of course, there’s Hedy Frye, who apparently drank too much Nyquil during her trip to Mississippi, and thought she was in BC. The Alliance has suffered even greater embarrassment. Stockwell Day forced Alberta taxpayers to shell out hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay for the defence of a defamation suit because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. Now, he is alleged to have met with a private investigator who promised to dig up all the dirt on the Liberals. Deborah Grey got so excited while screaming across the House that she compared good ol' Jean to everyone's favourite Eastern European scumbag, Slobadan Melosovic. And Alliance MP Rahim Jaffer tried to hide the truth after he discovered his assistant had impersonated him on a radio show.

So, the Alliance and the Liberals are in pretty deep, but what about Joe Clark? You've gotta respect the guy for getting so much exposure as the leader of the smallest party in the Commons, but he just won't shut up. As entertaining as it is to watch his jiggly little face fill with rage, when I see him on the news anymore, I get so nauseated that I'd rather be watching the surgery channel. Alexa McDonough and the NDP haven't really done anything (good or bad), but I can't help but be suspicious of someone who's so damn happy all the time.

Stockwell, Joe, I know you love to hammer away at this "Chawinigate" thing, but try to hold off on the bitching until you've got something new to say, okay? Especially you, Stock, because you're not fooling anyone by trying to draw attention away from your own idiocy. You were elected to attack government policy, and when's the last time you did that? If there's anything you should've taken away from the election, it's that Canadians vote on concrete facts and issues, not mysterious hearsay and improvable allegations. So get to it, 'cause it's time to think about the next scandal: election-massacre-gate.