There is no disputing that 99% of relationships are based on the inclusion of this act. If it were not for fellatio, there would be few couples at all. However, I am not naïve enough to think that this occurs for everyone. In fact, a shocking number of people go without this each year. Since I am a civic-minded person, I present to you
evil_bacteria's Guide to Getting Fellatio
If you follow this expert advice, you are sure to receive fellatio from your spouse or significant other.
Throughout this document, I will use the term girlfriend to mean "the female with whom you (the reader) has romantic engagements." This can also mean wife, spouse, lady-friend, or a variety of other synonyms.
The first order of business is convincing your girlfriend to commit this act at all. Many girls do not wish to commit this, thinking that fellatio is somehow "gross" or "icky," or that "good girls don't." If your girlfriend is one of these, you must show her the error of her ways. Explain to her that it is not "gross." After all, who knows more about male genitalia then yourself, a male? You would know if it was gross or not better than her. Explain to her that there is nothing gross about your reproductive organs, and that in fact thousands of people commit fellatio each year. Then she will change her tactic, simply stating that she "doesn't want to." This is the crux of the situation: she doesn't think it is gross at all, she simply does not want to do this. Do not take this as a personal offense. She is not disgusted by you, she is simply selfish. To accuse her of this outright, however, is a mistake. Instead, calmly explain to her that you do many things for her that you do not want to do, far more than she does for you. You take her places you do not wish to go to, you spend time with her friends whom you dislike, you listen intently when she is describing some inane problem she has. The list goes on and on, enabling you to be creative. Once you have pointed out all that you do for her, it is easy to ask if she will not do this one thing for your benefit. At this time, most girls will give in, realizing how selfish they have been, and reward you will some quality fellatio. Some, however, refuse to give up so easily.
If your girlfriend still will not commit fellatio, adamantly claiming she "doesn't want to," you may have to resort to more unorthodox tactics. One strategy is to talk to her friends. Let them know, without actually stating outright, that you feel unloved because she refuses you this thing, and that you think that she does not care for you. Explain that you do not wish to leave her for someone else, but that you may be forced to in order to find a partner who cares about your needs. Girls gossip; this is just something they do. Her friends will tell her this, and she may regret her stubbornness. If this does not work, you must resort to even more subtle methods. Broach the subject fairly often, always beginning with the statement "I don't want to keep bringing this up, and I'm sorry, but…" Let her know how important it is to you, and how unloved and unhappy you feel when she refuses you. It is very important to never be angry with her, or to use harsh words. If you do, she will become mad at you and your chances will be ruined, at least for a time. Instead, be calm and sincere, telling her how much you love her and want to share this beautiful thing with her. This will make her feel guilty for putting you off for so long. To increase the effectiveness, buy her things and take her to romantic places more than you usually do. This way she will feel even guiltier, and thus increase your chances. If none of these things work, consider looking for someone else. Your girlfriend is too selfish and may be a closet homosexual, but in any case your chances of receiving fellatio from her are slim indeed.
Once she gives in, you certainly want her to continue this behavior. Getting it once is not enough. There are several devices that you can use. One method is the granting of rewards when she demonstrates a desired behavior (in this case fellatio). Each time she performs fellatio, buy her some flowers, or a teddy bear, or a nice dinner, or something like that. She will come to relate the two in her mind: commit fellatio, receive a present. As this can be hard on your wallet, reduce the cost of each consecutive present. Eventually, give her non-tangible rewards, such as acting more affectionate than usual (after she has thoroughly brushed her teeth, of course), being more "romantic," or something else of this nature. An excellent reward is foreplay before your next occasion. Girls seem to enjoy this, not realizing that it merely postpones the fun part. This is not only free, but it can also make her temporarily more affectionate, thus increasing your chances of receiving fellatio. A related method is association. It is important that you convince her to do this each date at first, or at least as often as possible. If she is not too keen on the idea to begin with, this can cause some friction, but it is vital that you do so. If you can convince her to commit fellatio at the end of each date, she will not only become more accustomed to it, but even see it as inevitable. Her very mindset will change, and giving you fellatio will become part of her reality. As far as she will know, the sun will rise every morning, the leaves will fall from the trees every autumn, and she will commit fellatio at the end of every date. It will become an inescapable part of reality for her. Other methods exist, such as blackmail or negative reinforcement (removing something unpleasant once she behaves in the manner you desire) but positive reinforcement combined with association is the most effective.
I hope that you have benefited from my guide, or at least you will soon. I have collected as much sound advice as possible at 3 A.M. in hopes that you, my devoted reader, will receive fellatio as is your right. It saddens me to think that many people must go without, and I hope to combat the forces of feminization that scour the land, convincing girls all over that their needs are somehow more important than ours.