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| Poetry by Lurtz Find the Halflings! You heard the man with the white beard! Did he stutter? Did he tell us to find our mother? Or our brother? NO! You stinking pieces of dirts Follow your captain, Lurtz (that's me) To find the halfing squirts And rip their heads off until it hurts Just kidding We must do the Wizard's bidding And bring them alive and unspoiled Preferably, with their little pants un-soiled Friday night in Isengard Pour me some draught, stupid orc You shrimpy, stinking, ugly dork And put a cork... ...in it I am none other than Lurtz, an Uruk and a gentleman Beat me in a game of cards? I'll rip your throat to shards I am none other than Lurtz, you may call me Mr. Hai Talk about my mother like that? SPLAT! Woops, now you're dead Butt-head That'll teach you not to get out of bed... ...in the morning I am none other than Lurtz, the physical manifestation of your very doom Hurt This morning I was hurt in my heart When the Wizard called me worthless He must think I don't have feelings Do rooms have ceilings?!?! Yes They do And Lurtz has feelings just like you And he also refers to himself in the third person in his poems Unique, huh? Conflicted Today I had an orc for dinner If I hadn't, I would be a great deal thinner Yet I am conflicted I am a fighting Uruk-Hai And also a really good guy But I ate an orc, and it tasted great Should I be ashamed of what I ate? Should I ask forgiveness to the other orcs And invite them all to my house for pork? Or should I stab them with my fork And wash them down with drink? I am conflicted... I think Saruman Whom do I serve? Saruman Any questions? Freestyle Yo Lurtz in the house Y'all know what I'm sayin' Check it Lemme bust this rhyme like I bust a little hobbit I'm an Uruk-Hai playa', so you haters best stop it! All you little turds in this ole' Middle-earth Betta' throw yo hands up now while I rock it The minions of Saruman all got my back now I'll cut down this whole stinkin' place, that's a fact now 'Cause I'm the new breed, born out of pure greed And you be mistaken' if you think I'm gonna' back down So watch yourself, cause when you least expect I'll jump out the bushes and break yo' neck I'm unleashed, baby, no manners and no cage Feel my rage as I welcome you to a new age Peace! I'm out, yo |
The secret forum | Three donuts for the Elven kings under the pie Seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of scone Nine for mortal Men doomed to eat eel One for the Dark Lord on his rotten orange peel One donut to rule them all One donut to find them all One donut to bring them all And in the plain glaze bind them |
| BORN IN THE SHIRE |
Please note that these song/rap/ things are from The Council of Elrond, which is a great LOTR site highly recommended by two LOTR fans including myself... http://www.councilofelrond.com