Everything is all for my momma..
Not Momma Good Ole Boy, But Janet Madeline Conte.
My mom was 53 years old, and died after battling lung cancer and numerous brain tumors for about a year and 5 months...she was the kindest, sweetest most loving mother anyone could ask for. She was not only my mother, but my best friend. She always understood everything I would go through, and she supported me in everything. She gave me her wise words, which I will continue to obey and listen to until the day I can see her again.
When my mother died, a huge part of me died, without my mother, I am practically nothing. Life has not been the same since October 20,2001...the day she left me here all alone.
My mother's death has made me question many things, but hold onto one thing that I know is true: I am my mother's daughter, and I have to do things in life for ME, to make ME happy.....
My oldest and probably best girlfriend ever, Megan Galante, who is an extremely talented college art student, designed a beautiful and intricate cross tattoo for my moome. it has a ladybug in the center, and says Lady right above that...I used to call my mom Lady like that little girl Mindy from animaniacs.
Once i can get one scanned, i'll have a photo of the tattoo which is on my right leg, going from about midcalf, to my akle, and it wraps around to my shin and calf.
***IN MEMORY***
Mamma, my sweet Lady...
where are you now?
How canI love...how?
so many questions, momma...
So much time!
When will I see you?
Wehn will your time be mine?
Momma, oh momma...
this life drives me CRAZY!
I can't stand it anymore...
where are all the mroning nocks on my door?
I can't explain anything...you know it ALL!
the last time i saw you, was the last time the leaves did fall
I need the answers Momma,
You hold them all in your heart.
i miss you, Momma...and I don't know where to start...
I look in the mirror
and I can see you when I see me,
Except that I'm not anywhere as pretty....
But if you where here you'd tell me differently.
I have so much left, momma...
so much life
so much love
so much time
so much everything...
just waiting for you, momma...
waiting with me here....but I can't give it to you this year.
or in two
or in three
or in four...
I used to know all the time,
but I don't know when I'll see you anymore
I miss your dumb hums,
I miss your silly dances.
I miss your comforting tone,
I miss talking to you on the phone...
I miss your warm hugs,
Mamma, I miss your Momma hugs...
Momma they say you are my angel
and Momma, that you're always with me.
But, Momma, I don't like that i can't see you,
but that you can see me.
Momma, I love you,
and this is why,
this little snippet of me, is In Your Memory...
Can you think back...
and remember everything from a year ago today?
Do you know exactly what you did with your day?
exactly what to say
how everything happened and in what way?
Do you remeber the exact time you awoke?
and the first words you spoke?
how the world seemed covered in smoke?
how when you heard
those haunting words,
you wanted to choke?
Where were you a year ago today?
what were you doing?
Where did you stay?
CAn you think back to every little miniscule
pointless detail of that day?
and why everything came out that way...
the latter of the two i cannot say.
i can remember every action moved,
every phone call taken,every word spoken...
and every heart that became broken....
one was mine,i can rember the time....
it will never be mended, not with time
10:20 my day began
10:26 m ylife had ended.
All showered and clean, my heavy heart shattered
as I lost everything in my life that mattered.
The one who loved me more than any,
the one who cannot be explained,
She who kept me sane...
The one from whom I learned,to never be plain.
So where were you a year ago today?
Can you taste the smell of the air?
The crisp, autumn breeze setting in.
a new season begins.
Can you remember the way that you wish it was you?
The way that your world came unglued?
Do you know how it feels?
To suddenly know the world
without knowing anything...or anyone?
or anyone knowing you...
as well as the one who...
knew you more than you?
Do you remember what you did to console yourself?
Do you remember feeling liek a mess?
and for the first, but not the last time,
feeling depressed?
Because the last time you saw her,, she was wearing her favorite dress?
and how you just wanted to be small,
and not have to worry at all,
to just reach up and hold her hand,
and look up to see how tall she could stand?
Do you remember how you just wanted to go with her
so you would never miss her
10:20 my day began
10:26 my life ceased
because i wish I could please
go with mommy...
hold her hand
and walk with her
to the Promised Land...