On Halloween night Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe decided that, since trick-or-
treating was frowned on at their age, (this had to be explained several times
to Phoebe), and since they didn't have a party to go to, they would get
drunk and wear sexy costumes to hide their identities. (In case they did
something really stupid, that way nobody would recognize them.)

So, this is why the three woman were giggling madly with drinks in hand in
Monica and Rachel's living room.

"That big?" Rachel was asking Phoebe.

Phoebe nodded.

"And how did you see it again?" Rachel asked, even though Phoebe had told the
story three times.

"He was sleeping and I walked in on him," Phoebe started. "And he was naked,
as usual, and he kept mumbling about-about how silky Ross's pubic hair was!"

The three girls burst into laughter again.

When the laughter faded Rachel commented: "Well, we know Ross's is this big,"
she held her fingers apart, "and that Joey is this big," she spread her
fingers wider, "but we don't know how big Chandler is. Do you know, Monica?"

Monica snorted. "Why would I know?"

"Well . . . it's just that you two are so close," Rachel said. "I figured
you've probably seen it at one time or another."

"I haven't," Monica said, her voice flat. "Though I'll bet he's bigger than
Joey."

"What makes you say that?" Phoebe asked.

Monica smiled. "Something Kathy mentioned to me once. Apparently he doesn't
give himself much credit."

"There's no way he was bigger than Joey," Phoebe declared.

Monica shrugged. "Who knows?"

"We can," Rachel suggested. "We can know. We just have to . . . seduce him
and then measure it."

"Oh, that sounds like fun," Phoebe said excitedly.

Rachel jumped up and came back a second later with a tape measurer in hand.
"So, who gets to be the lucky lady to find out Chandler's size?"

Phoebe and Rachel looked to Monica. Monica started to say no.

"Wait," Phoebe interrupted. "You want to prove us wrong. Show us that he's
*not* smaller than Joey."

Monica considered for a moment and only agreed because of the alcohol in her
blood.

Monica was standing in the hallway with Rachel and Phoebe giggling behind
her, motioning for her to go ahead. She prepared herself to look as sober as
possible and opened the guys' apartment.

"Chandler!" Monica said, thankful that she didn't slur any letters.

Joey turned around in his chair with a beer in his hands. "Chandler's not
here." He looked at her closely. "Are you drunk?"

Monica scoffed too obviously. "No."

Joey gave her a 'Joey' smile. "How you doin'?"

Monica giggled and then shook herself inwardly. "Do you know where Chandler's
at?"

Joey shrugged and went back to the game.

"I just wanted to compliment you on being such a wonderful friend and room
mate," Monica said sarcastically before leaving the apartment to find Phoebe
and Rachel attempting to touch each other's noses and laughing like crazy.

"So?" Rachel pressed eagerly.

Monica shook her head. "He's not there."

"Go find him!" Phoebe said.

Monica waved good bye and hurried down the steps . . . only to trip and
tumble down most of the staircase.

"You okay?" Rachel called, not wanting to go down and check on her for fear
of falling herself.

"Perfectly dandy!" Monica called back up with a groan.

* * * * *

Monica searched everywhere she could think of to find Chandler -- although,
being drunk, she wasn't thinking very well so basically she only checked
Central Perk.

Gunther looked at her funny and Monica had laughed louder than ever when she
realized that she was dressed in costume so nobody could recognize her.

Finally, forgetting completely about Chandler after laughing so hard, she
decided to go to Central Park to see all of the little kids' costumes.

At the fountain, she layed eyes on somebody who looked familiar sitting on a
bench nearby and suddenly what she had to do to Chandler came back. She
walked up to him slowly and seductively and he looked at her curiously.

Without a word she did as Phoebe and Rachel suggested -- pounced on him. At
first he was too stunned to react, but when her hands went for the zipper of
his pants and realized her intentions he decided *not* to react.

Monica pulled the zipper down and undid the button as fast as her clumsy,
drunk hands would let her. She then found his boxers hiding a bulge that was
growing with each second and impatiently tugged them down his legs.

Chandler was staring at her with shock, but didn't say a word. If this girl
was going to sleep with him, why should he ruin it with a joke?

As soon as Monica layed eyes on it she felt dizzy. It wasn't particularly
large, about the same size as Phoebe said Joey's was, but it was a bluish
purple and the clear liquid dribbling off of the end made her hornier than
hell.

Without a second's thought she engulfed it deep inside her mouth. Not that
that second's thought would have done any good being as she was under the
influence of alcohol . . .

She looked up at Chandler through her eye mask to see that he was accepting
it quite well as a look of immense pleasure clouded his face.

Monica pulled away quite suddenly and Chandler's eyes popped open at the loss
of contact, but when he saw Monica stripping of her I Dream of Jeanie outift,
which wasn't very much to begin with, he quickly took the hint and began
taking his clothes off swiftly as well with a quick glance around to assure
that nobody was watching them.

As soon as Monica was naked she climbed onto his lap and was surrounding him
in a matter of seconds.

The minute he was full inside her a sudden heated liquid ignited the tip of
his cock on fire as Monica's body wet itself in anticipation. (Not that he
knew it was Monica.)

Chandler's hands went to the woman's waist and he helped her to move up and
down, again and again as the friction brought them closer and closer to the
edge of ecstasy.

But before their needs could be met, a sudden shout broke the two from the
magical world that entwined them.

Monica's head shot around to see a police officer running to them, yelling
and waving his hands around.

* * * * *

Monica and Chandler had both dressed and were sitting in the back of a cop
car, riding to the nearby police station as the man scolded them silently
with his eyes everytime he glanced in the rear view mirror.

In truth, Monica was ready to snap at him. She had been nearly there with
Chandler . . . only two more minutes and she would have come. And from the
look on Chandler's face the same went for him.

When they were in the police station the officer sat them across from his
desk and sat down heavily.

"Your names? And, lady, would you please take off your mask?" the officer
asked in a harsh sounding voice.

Monica sighed and took off the wig and veil that she had been wearing.
"Monica Gellar," she said.

"*Monica*?" Chandler demanded, looking at her in disbelief.

She suddenly remembered that he had no idea who he had been fucking in the
park and looked down at the sheer fabric covering her legs in shame.

"And you, sir?"

"Chandler Bing," Chandler said, not taking his eyes off of Monica, who was
staring intently down at her legs.

"And what, may I ask, possessed you two to do a private action in a public
place?"

"She jumped on me," Chandler said. "Hormones took over."

"Ah," the officer said, not looking too pleased with the answer. Obviously he
hadn't had sex in a long time or he would have let them off on the hormones
account. He sighed and began writing out a report. "Well . . . that is a five
hundred dollar fine. Each."

"What?" Monica demanded, getting angry. "That's not fair! I-I am *so* drunk
you won't even be able to believe it."

"And she put her mouth around my thing," Chandler said. "How was I supposed
to know it wasn't a fantasy and the real thing? I mean, come on, how many
times does that happen to you in real life?"

The officer looked up at them annoyed. "Six hundred. Any more comments?"

"No," the two said quietly.

* * * * *

As soon as Monica and Chandler were out of the building with their fines
payed from credit card or check, an awkward silence ensued.

Monica finally decided to break the silence by explaining: "We were drunk. We
wanted to know how big you were . . . I ended up having to go and . . . well,
when I saw it . . ."

"Hey, I'm not complaining," Chandler said quickly. "Six hundred dollars is
more than enough to pay for fucking you when we didn't even get to finish."

A silence fell over them again before Monica finally said, "We could finish.
If you want to, I mean."

Chandler froze and put his hands on her shoulders so she would stop beside
him. "Are you still drunk?"

"A little," Monica admitted. "But I'm thinking clearly. If I were just me
and experienced what we felt before . . ."

Chandler shut her up with a kiss. He pulled away panting and said, "I wanted
to do that earlier. But we kinda got interrupted."

Monica smiled at him. "Did you know you're bigger than Joey?" she asked,
deciding that she hadn't really seen Joey's for herself and who cared if they
were the same size . . .?

"How do you know this?" Chandler asked, a little jealousy flooding his voice.

"Phoebe," Monica answered. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him
down to kiss her heavily again. "Should we continue this now? I'm getting a
little antzy here."

"Not in public," Chandler advised. "This is great sex, but I don't know if
it's worth one thousand two hundred dollars."

"I'm sure if you'd gotten to cum you'd feel differently," Monica assured him
with a smile.

"Let's go back to my apartment," Chandler suggested, taking her hand and
putting his other one up for a taxi.

* * * * *

"Hey, guys," Joey greeted when Monica and Chandler entered the apartment.

"J-Joey," Chandler stuttered. "You're here."

"Duh," Joey said, pointing to the TV that had a game on.

"Oh," Chandler sighed with relief. He took Monica's hand and led her to his
bedroom.

"Joey's in the next room," Monica whispered fiercely.

"And he's watching a game. He only talked to us because it was a commercial,
he won't hear a thing," Chandler promised. He kissed her shoulder tenderly.
"Besides, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting at your apartment and I need you
right now."

"Ditto," Monica whispered breathlessly as Chandler hand swept over the thing
of silk that covered her breasts, then reached to her back to unhook it . . .
only to find that it didn't have a hook. He turned back to Monica, confused.

Monica laughed. "Haven't you slept with anybody who had a strapless bra on
before?" she asked as she pulled the top off over her head so that Chandler
could latch onto her breast immediately with his tongue and teeth, knocking
the breath out of her and sending shots straight to her sex.

Monica pushed at Chandler until he came up from the silky, soft skin of her
breasts to kiss her hungrily.

Monica pushed at his chest so that he fell backwards onto the bed and climbed
on top of him, dangling her breasts at his face. He tried to pull his head up
to suck on one, but Monica put her hands firmly at his arms, letting him know
that she was boss in this game.

Chandler groaned, more from pleasure than frustration. As annoying as she
could get with her bossiness it was turning him on in bed.

"Shh," Monica hissed, glancing at the door worriedly.

"It's locked," Chandler pointed out.

"Still . . ." Monica trailed off and then flipped over off of Chandler to
allow him to take his clothes off. It took him a moment to get it and in only
a matter of seconds he was naked beside her. He tried to climb over her but
she pushed him firmly onto his back and then took her genie bottom pants off.

Once naked, she climbed on top of him and wasted no nonesense teasing,
pulling herself onto him and beginning to move immediately, without letting
them take a second to get used to the feeling.

Chandler growled at her, she was going too slow, so he flipped them over and
began to grind himself into her.

Monica usually liked being the boss, and Chandler was always submissive, but
having him ignore her silent commands was sexy instead of angering. And the
fact that he was rubbing her G-spot in just the right way was definately
pouring all anger from her body.

Neither lasted for longer than a few minutes thanks to their fondling and
near release from earlier, and the frantic movements Chandler was doing
instead of a slow love making session.

After Monica let out a gasp and tensed her muscles as her orgasm passed like
fire through her system, she felt Chandler let out his load with a quiet
grunt.

Before Chandler's first orgasm even ended Monica felt her need growing and
she began to move and tremble underneath him.

Chandler took the hint and as soon as his orgasm ended he ignored the post-
orgasmal bliss and began to slowly move in and out.

Monica was surprised that he could contain a hard on, but she didn't think
much as soon as he began to move inside of her again.

Recognizing Monica's frustration, Chandler moved a hand down between them
and began to roughly rub her clitoris back and forth as fast as he could in
his position.

Monica felt herself coming sooner than expected and the orgasm came crashing
down on her before she had time to realize what hit her.

Chandler, needing no more stimulation than the squeezing of her muscles, came
at the same time as Monica did, this time growing softer with each shot of
cum.

After laying in Chandler's arms for a long time, Monica shot up suddenly,
bring the blankets around her and glanced at the clock. "I need to get back
to my apartment," she explained hastily and jumped out of bed to gather up
her clothes and shove them on as fast as she could.

"Wait," Chandler said, looking at her with barely-focusing eyes. She had
obviously woken him up. "This isn't just about tonight, is it? I mean, we're
going to keep doing . . . this, right?"

"Chandler, neither you nor I are one night stand people," Monica said before
opening the bedroom door.

"And that means . . .?"

"Yes, we're gonna keep doing this," Monica snapped before leaving the
apartment.

"Just checking," Chandler called after her.

* * * * *

Monica came into her apartment hoping that Rachel and Phoebe wouldn't figure
out why she had been so long.

But when she set eyes on the couch she saw that Rachel and Phoebe were sound
asleep and she sighed with relief, heading to her own bedroom to sleep even
though she longed to be back in Chandler's arms . . . she hadn't expected it
to be more than a 'wham, bam, thank you, ma'am' type of thing, but being in
his arms meant more to her than she wanted to admit.

* * * * *

The next morning Monica was up at the usual time, and Phoebe and Rachel were
still asleep on the couch. Though they both woke up after a minute of Monica
moving around, demanding medicine from her.

"Guys," Monica said, getting the two girls attention. She put her fingers
farther apart than Phoebe's had been. After a good look at Chandler in the
bedroom she realized he was bigger than she thought. Either that or she
turned him on more than normal guys.

Phoebe and Rachel looked at her blankly, then realization dawned and shocked
looks came to their faces.

"And it feels even better," Monica assured them.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I decided that I don't have many drunk smut fics, and after a conversation I
had with a friend yesterday we came up with this. Originally I was going to
write a Halloween fic, but this came out instead.