| J: I feel…I can still happily say that I am being given the chance now, even if I have so much… possibly, setbacks, or others. But right now, at least, I can attend drama class, music class because I will be coming up with my new album. I can also attend pronunciation class. Before, I was very keen on learning them already, I also liked to dance, sing. I really liked it. But I never had the condition for learning them, allowing my mental development. It might have been possible in a certain field, I might have some innate talents but they were not enhanced by my conditions. But I have the chance now. I keep telling myself, I really want to hold on to these opportunities because I know I might not be as famous in the future, I might not even have the means to achieve what I want. That’s why, I am really afraid of my life before, that made me despise myself for living in that kind of circumstance. That’s why I wish here and now that I can learn real fast. But why is it I feel that I am very stupid? Because when you compare yourself with others, you lack so much ( Jerry is again caught in the pain of his past and tears start to well up in his eyes). This is true. I’m not being modest, it’s just feeling that I really lack in many things. ( smiles through his tears). H: Fine. What about your elder sister? Does she also have a difficult time? J: (nods), My sister is also having a difficult time up till now. She is… right… H: Do you want me to stop asking? I also feel very concerned seeing you like this. But didn’t you just say a while ago that if your story can let everyone watching now feel “ I want to be like Jerry Yen”… right… J: ( very quiet, can’t answer because he is overcome by his feelings of inadequacy and cannot stop his tears from flowing down) H: Are you hurting because of your mother or are you hurting because of what you’ve gone through while growing up? J: ( just quietly shakes his head, unable to answer, tears flowing) H: Don’t do this. If you are like this, I am… it’s alright, it’s alright, do you want me to help you wipe.. don’t be like this…what are going we to do…let’s watch some VCR instead… Video clip: ( man in red shirt talking): Regarding his achievements, Both he and his mother are very happy. Because he came from a poor family, and now has a slice of heaven. To be very honest, they never cease reminding themselves, and based on what I know, Ah Xu’s mother, keeps telling him, now that you have earned some money, don’t become showy, because artists are usually like that. “ I can easily earn money now, I can easily use it up too” But his mother always reminds him “you have to always remember to maintain your roots and your individuality. So underneath it all, Jerry is a very frugal person. Make up artist talking: Sometimes, when he feels that he has more free time, he will return to Tao Yuen to keep his mother company. He will say, tomorrow I will go to Tao Yuen to keep my mother company. I think to myself, this young man, he is so filial. I ask him how he will get home. At first I wanted to say that people from their company can bring him home. He said I will ride home in my motorcycle. I said “What!” You’ll ride home in your motorbike? Isn’t it very far? He would say, “ No, sometimes, it only takes a while” That just it. For someone who drives like me, I would feel Tao Yuen is way too far for me and yet you are still thinking of going there in a motorcycle. You certainly have guts, Mr. Yen. Too gutsy. Back to Studio: H: I think that deep in each and every one of us, there is this thing that we would want to say. That thing, how should I say it… actually, it’s not really sharing, but if there’s a chance, to say it out, I feel, coming from you, it would probably be a very good expression. Because in your case, having come from such difficult circumstances, the earlier part was spent talking about your work. The part of the hardship we are now talking about is more of economic, family-wise, some things that we have no control over... Parent-child relationships, parent relationships, those that we have no choices on. The pressure of bearing those relationships are not in any way lesser than those of work. And even this pressure will form your future character. Seeing you love your mother so much, you must have seen her go through so much hardships, so this year, in the midst of your achievements, of course you have always been filial, but think, what was the one thing you did that made her proud? J: What made her most proud must have been when I embarked on this profession. When I was small, everyone used to think I was a good for nothing and was always looked down by others. Just like before, when I was undecided on whether to continue my studies or not, I was also very sad. At that time, my capabilities were only enough to just work, you know. Having wanted to continue studying but the conditions at home would not allow you to. Like my mother, at that time, sewed dresses. Seeing her sew dresses everyday, and not earning as much made me feel sad. It was at that time, that I’d rather complete my military obligation H: Finish military obligation early. Quickly go out into society , quickly take responsibility for oneself, and help her at the same time. J: Right H: Right now, has your mother’s life changed? J: It’s much, much better now. It’s just that I worry about her health. My mother is so frugal that it can be tiring. She is still too frugal. Sometimes even talking about it makes me angry because I am already so frugal and she is even more. For example, when my phone bills go beyond a few hundred dollars, she would scold me. H: Does she pay your bills? J: She does not pay, but they are sent to the house. H: Then just don’t… J: I can’t. She would like to look at them. I know my mother has no feelings of security because of our life before. And every time, all matters involving money would always cause her mental distress. Seeing my mother like that is hard for me to endure. That’s what my mother has become used to… it’s possible that sometimes she is even reluctant to indulge herself in buying clothes. Like in the past year when they went abroad, I just stayed home. I didn’t go abroad last year. I spent almost the whole time with my mother. At that time, in wanting to help her get some better stuff, because I feel now… we may not have earned a lot of money, but I have the capability to help her out. Of course, I wished my mother would say, let’s save some. She would just stay there with you and… H: Mutter… J: Makes you feel… H: Sometimes you would angrily say, why don’t you treat yourself a little better? J: Right. Actually, sometimes when I get angry, it’s because I get angry at her because she refuses to treat herself better. I always tell her, right now, you can eat better things, you can wear better clothes too, it’s okay, I keep telling her, right now… even though I don’t have much, but it’s already not so bad. Unlike before, when it was really pathetic, we were even worried about having no money to buy food, at that time, my mother would still have to borrow money from other people. It’s seeing her having to borrow money from other people that makes me feel, right, you would feel so much pity. You had to let your mother borrow money from other people. Right. |