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| Week 32 6/16/02 - 6/22/02 |
| I had the worst dream this week. I have not had a dream about the baby in a while. I had some dreams about losing the baby earlier on but haven't had one for a long time. In this dream, Jim was at the cemetary (although it didn't look like the same cemetary). He was kneeling next to Faith's grave. Next to her was an open grave and he was placing a headstone at the top of it next to Faith's. He looked so sad. I was just standing there watching him, it was like I was watching from a distance and he didn't know I was there. I was in shock. I was just finding out that we lost our baby. The headstone just had our last name on it, although it was misspelled. This totally freaked me out!!! I didn't sleep the rest of the night! Why does my mind have to do this, always finding ways to remind me of my worst fears. I actually have been feeling pretty good about things lately and then this... now I am freaking out..and of course the little one was quiet the next morning. I haven't slept well as it is this pregnancy, and now I am afraid to fall asleep because I don't want to have any more nightmares. To make matters worse... I started having menstraul type cramping and a lot of pelvic pressure. It lasted for a couple of days, was uncomfortable but bearable and I figured it was normal. But then one morning it got a lot worse so we went to the doctor. Everything seemed to be fine. Baby is doing GREAT! The doctor checked my cervix and said that it is still closed, thank goodness. So she reccommended that I rest up. But the next morning they were worse than ever. So we hooked the baby up and she did ok but not great... checked my cervix again... (it really hurt this time when she checked).. but still no dialation.... We're all stumped and I was in PAIN! The doctor sent me to the hospital for a complete workup... NST, ultra-sound, blood work, urine culture... They guessed that I had a urinary tract infection, but when the tests came back they were all normal. Everything also looked good with the baby at the hospital. So the cramping remained a mystery. Luckily, it slowly got better as the week went on and I am feeling better. Just frustrating that we never knew what was causing it. I talked to my doctor about the NST's, the baby has done well on the last couple, so we decided to continue them and all of my appointments will be made with my regular doctor from now on. |