Shaft

After three long months of exhaustive search, the police caught and jailed the infamous child molester Barney Focker, a.k.a. “Shaft” or “The Black Priest”.

Focker, an 85 years old man working as a trainee at the local Office Depot, was found guilty of kidnapping, children molestation and illegal possesion of firearms/drugs, which hasn’t been determined yet.

Though Focker claims to be innocent and says the children were the ones molesting him, one of the victims, Maria Renard, accepted to declare against him, and, in her own words, “see that old asshole rot in prison”.

Renard stated: “Yeah, I went to Office Depot to buy a nice sheet of paper, when this old man came over me. He was thin, pale and kinda short, wearing an ugly hood, a cape and a crimson, hmm, no, a fuchsia robe; though the most impressive thing about him was the huge, nasty boner he was sporting. Uhh, well, I’m certain it was just his knee under his clothes, but my lawyer says that if I say it was a boner, we can demand even more money from him”.

The 12 years old girl continued: “Yeah, I was like, ‘what’s this old man’s fucking problem?’ And yeah, it looked like if he were staring at my almost formed, pretty boobs, when he said all of a sudden, ‘I wanna shave your pussy’. I was like ‘what the fuck?!’”.

After almost 15 minutes discussing whether he’d shave Maria’s pussy or not, Shaft attacked her with an electrical shaver.

*Maria breaks into tears*

“Pl-please, can we ge-get on with this?”, the girl asked us. “I’ve go-got a fu-fucking lash in m-my eye. AWWW, it hurts!!!! Oh, shit...”