Michaela sat still on the ground. Her tears of pain falling to the ground. She felt as if she was in a dark cave and she could never be able to come out and see the light. All of her hope and spirits were gone. It was as if God had drained her of all life. Even her own husband couldn't make her feel alive again. She could still see the horrible nightmare in her eyes. She wished that was all it was. She could still feel his big arms holding her down. His salty lips on hers. She could still see the bruises on her arms. She suddenly felt arms around her shoulders and she jumped remembering the fearful night when someone grabbed her from behind and held her down.

She turned around to see who it was. It was Sully. He was the man she shared her heart, body, and soul. Only she couldn't share everything of that one fearful night. Sully walked around to face her. He looked into her eyes that were once filled with love and hope. Now he could only see fear and pain in them. She had told him what had happened that night, but she would not tell him what was bothering so much. His heart ached for her.

Michaela looked into his blue eyes. She still saw the fire in them, but he also had pain in them from her. She felt guilty for causing him pain. She knew that he felt responsible for what happened. She could share anything with him but this. Because she knew if she did he would be swallowed by her emptiness.

"Michaela I know ya been hurtin, but I want to help you through this, why won't you let me?"

Michaela took his hand in hers and she embraced him and then let her tears fall. She had so much pain in her life. She had always been able to be strong for her family, but now her strength was gone. She felt as if a dark cloud had come over her and would never leave, the darkness was eating her up. She felt trapped.

Sully looked up at her face and said,"Michaela you are my heartsong, my soulmate, I feel like I'm loosing you but your still here"

"Sully I loved you more than life itself and I've given you everything I had, now you have to let me go...I don't deserve to live anymore"

Sully was crying. Her words stung like knives in his heart. How could she give up on their children, her family, and him. He wanted to kill the man that had made her from everything into nothing.

"Michaela you can't give up, I don't care how bad it was we can get through it together...all you have to do is let me help you"

"Sully I have given you all my love and out of our love we have two children, but I lived my life and now it's over"

"Michaela it's not over because God says it is, you say it's over...I won't let you give up our love and life together because you say it is over, I know you better then that"

"Sully I never felt so afraid in my entire life, I had no control and I feel like I betrayed you and my vows"

"Michaela all I care about is that your safe and we catch the terrible man who did this to you"

"Sully he took away my innocence and he made me feel used"

Sully grabbed her and pulled her into his loving embrace. Michaela felt like she should pull away now that she had been with another man.

It was late at night and Sully couldn't sleep so he sat downstairs in front of the fireplace thinking of how much he loved and cared for the woman fast asleep up stairs. He thought of all the times that had almost lost each other.

Michaela tried to run but he wouldn't let her go. She couldn't even move because his weight was pinned down on her. She wanted to scream but he had his mouth on top of hers.

Michaela woke up realizing it was a dream. She felt the fear in her body. She wanted so much to reach out to Sully and have him hold her and have him say that everything would be alright. But her fear was so great it eating her up inside. She wanted to feel alive again and enjoy life but she couldn't control her body.

Sully wanted everything to go away and have the Michaela he loved so much back in his arms. He was so confused because he loved her so much but she wouldn't let his love into her heart. She closed all the doors that lead into her heart. She blocked out all the good and locked in all the bad. And it was eating her up.

Michaela missed the way she could talk to Sully and the way that he showed his love to her. She missed his gentle touch and kind words. She felt like he was millions of miles away, but yet he was right in front of her. She wanted to just make all the pain and emptiness she felt inside all go away.

Sully had lost his own path once but Michaela had helped him find the way back to where he had once been. She showed him how to love again and recieve love. She showed him that even if someone you love dies there is always hope as long as you keep on living and loving one another.

Michaela was so confused. She felt like she was dead and everyone was mourning her, but yet she still remained on the earth. She could feel someone trying to tell her the answer but the darkness covered it and in a far away distance she saw a light that was dim and faint but still there waiting for her to open up her heart and soul to the light.

Sully felt they had hit a fork in the road and they turned two different ways, only Michaela took the longer rougher path, but eventually the path became one again and Sully had to wait until that happened. He only wondered how long it would take. It seemed like it had taken an eternity already. Sully didn't how much longer he could stand to be torn away from Michaela's heart and Soul.

Michaela felt she had lost something that she feared she may never find again. She hoped that she would find her way of life and her heart. Her heart was the missing piece inside her. She had Sully their beside her body, but she didn't feel for him without her heart. She wanted to love him again and recieve the love he gave her. She looked at the daughter they had created out of love and she thought that she may never again feel her mother's love for her.

Sully knew that he had to help Michaela find her path. But she had lost the key that opened the door to her path. The one and only key was hope, and she had lost it and lost her way. Sully wouls show her love and patience. But he didn't know how much longer his heart could see her suffer, and he knew if she didn't find her way soon she would never find it....

Everything was dark. Michaela could see Sully and she reached out to him, but he could reach her, and all of sudden he vanished.

"Sully....Sully....Come Back!"

"Michaela, I'm here Shhh..."

Michaela opened her eyes and saw Sully looking down at her she realized that she had been dreaming. She hugged him and held him close.

"Michaela your safe and I won't let anyone ever harm you again"

Michaela knew he spoke the truth but she felt that she would loose him in the end, but she could not bring herself to tell him.

A few days later Michaela sat in her clinic. She couldn't remember her last patient or her last day she was here. Everything was a blur since that one night.

She felt like she was going to throw up. She hadn't been feeling well for a couple of weeks now. One month ago everything in her world changed. Her stomached turned as she thought about it.She stood up and fell to the dark world.

Sully loaded the rest of the lumber so he could finish the extention to the homestead. He wondered when Michaela would be home. He decided he would wait to talk to her later.

Michaela opened her eyes and looked around. She lay on the ground, but couldn't remember how she got there.She pulled herself up onto a chair.She gathered herself and prepared for her journey home.

As she rode home someone stopped in front of her. He dimounted and wouldn't let her pass. Michaela felt fear run through her entire body.She turned Flash and took a differnet way home, but the man got back on his horse and rode after her...

Michaela rode hard, but the man kept up with her. She finally saw the homestead come into view. It was raining hard by now and she and Flash were soaking wet. She reached the homestead and she dismounted and ran for the door. She opened and quickly closed and locked it. Then she looked out the window and she saw the man taking the horses into the barn.

Michaela unlocked the door and ran outside into the barn. When she reached the door Sully was inside unsaddling Flash. Michaela immediatly felt guilty. She walked in and put her arms around Sully. He turned and looked into her beautiful eyes he loved so much.

"I am so sorry Sully I thought...I don't know what I think anymore"

"Michaela I got worried when you didn't come home when you genually do so I went looking for you"

"Sully I want to love you again the way we did before"

Sully kissed her lips tenderly. He moved his arms around her. Michaela felt her passions running wild and her longing for her husband. Soon their wet cloths were thown off and aside, and they became one. Soothing their inner passions.

Dawn peeked through the morning windows and Michaela woke feeling as if she had been filled with life again. She wanted to love and to be loved back. She turned to the man she loved so much beside her. Last night they had renewed their love. Sully had lit her fire and opened her heart up to the light again.

She kissed his lips gently. Sully felt her lips on his and he awoke. Michaela saw his blue eyes on her. They kissed and held one another. Once again they lost themselves in passionite lovemaking. It was a morning of greatness.

They got dressed for the day and both started the day with a fire in their heart and a twinkle in their eye. Michaela felt that the shadows that had taken over her heart had lifted and were gone, and she could see the light and love all around her once again.

Michaela took four-year-old Katie by the hand and crossed the street. She went inside the General Store to pick up a few things. Katie went straight to the candy. She loved to look and eat it. She went over to her mother.

"Mama, can I have some gum drops?"

"Only a few sweetheart"

"Alright, mama"

Katie went back over to the candy and told Mr. Bray what she wanted. Michaela felt faint all of a sudden and she fell once again. Loren quickly ran to Michaela's asistance.

A little while later Michaela woke up and found Sully and a strange man beside her.

"Michaela you scared me"

"What happened?"

"You fainted in the store, this is Dr. Sanford, he made sure that nothing was seriously wrong like a major organ bleeding or anything"

Dr. Sanford spoke,"Now that your awake I want to ask you a few questions and a more thorough examination"

After he finished he spoke.

"Dr.Quinn and Mr. Sully you are going to have a baby"

Sully and Michaela both looked at each other, both thinking that it might be the one mans who had hurt her so much. A while back they had found out it had been an Indian of the Apache tribe who had been thrown out of his tribe because he had been raping young girls within the tribe. He had hanged after a white woman was killed by his own two hands.

The thought of carrying the monster's child sickened her. She only hoped it was Sully's. Then Michaela had a thought. It had been a month since the fearful night.

"How far along am I?"

"I'd say at least three months"

Michaela felt as if a load had been taken off her back. It had to be Sully's. She embraced her beloved husband and kissed his tender lips.

"Oh Sully this is a blessing from God. I am so glad the baby is yours and not his"

"So am I.... Michaela lets go on a vacation for a few weeks...We can take Katie and Brian with us...Go ta Boston...and go see Colleen and Andrew...what do ya say?"

"I would love to get away and just spend time with our family and just you, and see mother again...Oh thank you Sully for this child, for caring for me, and loving me so much...you wouldn't let me give up even when I wanted you too.. you were my strength"

Michaela could hardly keep her eyes open. It had been a long morning. She turned her head to see Katie fast asleep. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Sully with a tray of food. He sat down and they enjoyed lunch and they talked about their long journey to Boston.

A few days later they got off the train and found themselves in Boston. The difference between Colorado Springs and Boston was very ovious to Sully. After they got a carriage and their luggage.Then they set off for Michaela's old home. Soon the carriage pulled up in front of a large and very grand house. Sully helped Michaela and Katie down from the carriage.

Michaela looked at the house she had grown up in. Tears welled up in her eyes remembering all the memories she had in this beloved house. She had her first kiss in the parlor. Where her father told her to follow her dreams and set her mind to anything and she could overcome it.Sully walked up behind her and put his arms around her. She turned and looked at his face.

Sully gently took her hand and asked her,"Are you ready?"

Michaela kissed him tenderly and replied,"Yes I am"

He took her arm and his daughter by the hand and walked inside. They were greeted by a butler, who took their coats. Michaela looked up at the staircase and saw her mother and sister coming down.Michaela rushed up the stairs and embraced her mother and her sister Rebecca.

Her mother hugged her and said,"I am so glad you could come for a visit, I have missed you so much"

Michaela pulled back to look at her mother. She looked pale and had dark circles under her eyes. She looked as if she hadn't had a good sleep in a long time. Michaela felt sorry and wondered if her mother might be ill.

Sully climbed the stairs with his daughter in his arms. She immediatly spotted her grandmother and began to fuss wanting to go to her. Michaela took Katie from her father and placed her down and she went into her grandma's waiting arms.

Michaela and Sully layed down a few hours later for bed. They were both completely tired from the long train. Sully pulled Michaela close to him, and both fell into a deep retreating sleep.

Michaela woke up at dawn feeling rested and more energetic than she had in days. She turned toward her husband and found him staring at her. She looked straight into his eyes seeing the love and passion she so longed for.

Michaela pulled his hand into hers and kissed it,"What are you thinking?"

Sully gently kissed her deeply and passionitly. Michaela never felt so loved before. She kissed him back. They tenderly renewed their love in the morning that they both knew so well. It was a time of greatness.

Katie came running in the room and jumped on her parents bed. All three began a little game and in the end they all ended up laughing.Michaela touched her daughter's fine hair. It had been neatly curled in fashionable Boston style for a girl of her age. She also was wearing a blue dress with white lace, and gloves. Michaela thought that her mother must have had it all done that way.

"Mama, guess what?"

"What?"

Katie laughed and replied,"Grandma is going to take me to see the city today"

"Oh she is, well you are out behaving yourself remember to stay clean, because Colleen and Andrew are coming over for dinner"

"Okay Mama I love you, I love you too poppy"

Sully hugs his daughter and gives her a kiss on the cheek and replies,"I love you too honey"

With that Katie ran out of the room. Michaela got up and got dressed for the day. As she was pinning up her hair, she saw a picture she hadn't seen in along time. It was of her when she was about Katie's age with her father. Michaela couldn't remember how long ago she had visted her father's grave and decided that she would before she left.

Michaela sat down in the library. Memories came flooding back. She had spent hours and hours studing to be a doctor. She looked around. It had changed somewhat. She got a book and started to read.

A few hours later Michaela noticed it was late. She grabbed her coat and quickly left the library. It was dark outside and the lights had been lit. She pulled her coat around her. It was very chilly out. All of a sudden a cry was heard from the ally. Michaela quickly ran in the direction it came from. Their stood a man hitting a young girl. Michaela didn't know what to do.

"Stop it!"

The man looked up angrily. He stared at the woman coldly. She had know right to interfere. He ran after her in the cold and dark night. The woman ran for her life afraid he was going to hurt her.

Sully paced back and forth. He was beggining to worry about Michaela. She hadn't been back for four hours. He decided to go look for her. He ran out the door and into the street.

Katie held her book crying. Her father promised to read to her at bedtime. But since she got back with her grandmother this evening he hadn't been around. She was tired of her father promising to do things, but he never kept them. She climbed into bed holding the book and crying as she fell asleep.

Elizabeth Quinn opened the door and looked in on her grandaughter. She found her fast asleep. Elizabeth wanted to spend as much time with her as she could.She knew soon that she would be leaving. She wondered were her daughter and son-in-law were.

Sully ran to the library. Closed. He couldn't remember where else Michaela might have gone. He walked away from the building. Hoping and Praying for a sign, something. Then he spotted something by the sidewalk. It was a purse. Sully opened it and found anything that could tell him who it belonged to. He pulled out a gold locket with a heart on the front. He held it tight and opened it. There were two pictures. One of his beloved daughter and himself. It had to be Michaela's. But why was it just dropped. Sully felt fear running through his body. He kept searching fearing what he may find.

Elizabeth sat in the parlor looking back at the clock every so often. Ten o'clock. Where could Michaela and Sully be. She began to sew and try to tell herself that they were adults and could care for themselves. But she still worried as the seconds ticked by as if they were hours.

Sully went back to where he had found Michaela's purse. He found an ally and walked down it. Their he saw a woman. Sully's heart skipped a beat as he went closer to see who it might be. He picked her up and brought her into the light. She had no cloths on, and her face was all burned up. She had several burns on her body. But something caught his eye. A necklace on her neck. It was the one he had given Michaela for her birthday. The tears fell from his eyes. He held her and cried.

Sully sat at in a chair feeling stiff. He had filed a report for his wife's death. He got up and walked out. He walked and walked, but the pain would not stop hurting.He found himself walking to his mother-in-law's house.

He walked in. He went straight to the stairs and walked up to his bedroom. He didn't care about anything anymore. He had lost his wife and unborn child. It had happened all again. But it hurt so much more this time.

Katie ran after her father. She walked in the room, and found him on the bed staring into space. She went to him, and looked into his eyes. He stared back at her blankly. Then he pulled her close. Katie wrapped her arms around her father's neck. She felt his warm tears. Then she pulled back.

"Poppy what's wrong?"

"Katie, I...Your Mama's gone ta heaven...and we won't see her ever again"

"Mama...Mama...How could you let her go!?!"

When he didn't answer she became angry.

"It's all your fault"

"I know it is"

"I hate you"

She ran out of the room.Her words stung like a thousand knives stabbing Sully. He hated himself for not protecting Michaela. He should have known not to let her alone. He almost lost her not long ago.

"It's my fault, it's all my fault"

Sully wrote out the message and handed it to the operater. He walked out of the telegraph office. All he could think about was his Michaela, and how he would never see her again. He asked why did this happen, but he couldn't figure out why. He didn't know how he could go on.

Matthew went to the telegraph office to see if their were any messages from his parents.

"Hey Horace, any messages for me?"

"Hey Matthew, Yeah one from Boston, Here ya go"

Matthew opened it as he was leaving. He read it to himself. A single tear fell from his face.It said:Matthew come quick STOP Michaela has died STOP Please bring Brian with you STOP I don't know if I can handle this STOP Please notify Cloud Dancing STOP Ask him to Come STOP Love both of you STOP Sully STOP.

Matthew took off running. He had to prepare for his long journey to Boston. His heart was in his throat. What had happened. It hadn't explained how she died or anything, but for them to come as quickly as they could.

Katie held a picture of her mother and father. She missed her so much. Katie wanted to reach out to her father, but he didn't even know he exsisted. Everyone was wearing black. Colleen came earlier to see how she was. She just didn't know what to say.

Matthew, Brian, Cloud Dancing, and Dorthey got off the train. They went straight to where Sully was staying. The butler greeted them at the door. Brian ran up the stairs. He went to each bedroom until he found Sully on the bed looking off into space. The loss so visible in his eyes.

"Pa...Pa"

Sully turned to see his son standing before him. He got up and gave him a hug. Brian could feel something very different about his hug.

"I am so sorry Pa"

"It's not your fault, it's mine...I didn't protect her"

"Pa it's not yours either, things like this happen, and we need to accept them...I know you are hurting, but so is everyone... you weren't the only one who loved her... we all did... so don't shut us out... let us be there for each other"

Sully pulled hi son into his embrace and they both wept. They cried for the loss, his wife, his mother. They knew that if they hurt together, they could bear it.

Sully stood in front of his wife's coffin. His family all around him, to say one last time to their beloved Michaela. Sully felt tears welling up in his eyes. He had to be storng for his children's sake. But how could he when he felt that he was going to shatter in a million tiny pieces.As the minister ended his sermon, Sully stood before his family and friends to say one final speech before his wife was laid to her final resting spot.

"Michaela was a spiritful woman...She loved to see everyone happy...She wanted to help everyone...She was good person who cared for anyone...No matter their color or race... She will be missed by many people...Goodbye Michaela"

Sully sat thinking of all the wonderful times he had with Michaela. He wanted to be close to her again, and hold her in his loving embrace. But that would never happen again.But then he had an idea.He walked quickly downstairs.

He went to the cemetary. First he went to his father-in-laws grave, and said a few words. Then he moved over to Michaela's. A headstone had been placed on her grave. It read: Dr. Michaela Ann Quinn-Sully...Beloved Doctor, Friend, Wife and Mother.Sully fell to the ground and cried a final cry for his beloved Michaela.

Michaela woke up in the dark. She got up off the ground. She didn't know where sje was. She walked and walked trying to find anything that looked firmiliar. She finally found the ally, and it all came back. She cried, and continued to walk.

Colleen finished braiding her little sister's hair. Katie then finished packing her things for the journey home. She held the picture of her mother and looked at it. Then put in the suitcase. She would miss this place. She walked into her father's room.

Sully put the last of Michaela's belongings away. He wanted to keep everything. He wasn't ready to let go off it all. He felt his daughter's small hand on his shoulder. He turned around to face her. He picked her up into the air and hugged her lovingly.

"I am sorry poppy...I didn't mean to say those bad things...I love you"

"I love you too honey...I always will"

He grabbed her hand and they walked downstairs and outside. Katie loved the excitment of Boston. She would miss it terribly. She was going back to her home that she loved, but something didn't feel right.

Her aunt Rebecca looked down at the little girl. She felt sorry for her. She had lost a mother. She only hoped Katie would always remember her mother. Rebecca hugged Katie and put something in her hand.

She then replied,"My father gave me this along time ago,and now I want you to have it."

Katie looked up at her aunt and smiled. She hugged her once more. Katie put it in her pocket and looked up at her aunt one last time before leaving to go home to Colorado Springs.

Sully helped his daughter into the carriage, and got in himself. They were about ready to leave when someone screamed at them. Sully quickly got out of the carriage to see what was going on. What he saw made him turn ghostly white. There running toward the carriage was Michaela. Sully didn't know if he was dreaming or he was really seeing all of this.

"Sully...Please wait..."

Sully jumps down and runs straight for her. He pulls her into his arms, wanting never to let her go.Michaela puts her arms tightly around his waist. She pulls back and kisses him. Sully knew that he couldn't be dreaming. It was all to real. Her touch, her kiss, her warmth.

"Michaela...I...I thought you were dead...I found a woman's body with your necklace on...but your alive right here in my arms"

Michaela quickly explained everything that had happened that day. By the end Sully was grateful Michaela had been spared. He kissed her once more. Katie came running out of the carriage and hugged her mother. Then Rebecca and Elizabeth hugged all three of them as well.

Two days later they took the long journey home. Michaela was the happiest she had been in months. She and Sully were going to have a new baby, all their children were in good health, and Michaela could feel herself loving Sully more and more each and every day.She had faced great odds and won, and through it all Sully was right there by her side guiding and loving her. It truly was a time to live for.

The End

© September 2001, by Megan J.P.