Disclaimer: I own the rights to neither DBZ nor D&D. No profit is being made from this endeavor. It is for simple entertainment purposes only.
Sincerely, The Rose Guy
Dungeons & Dragonballs: The Beginning
Our story begins as we find a few shadowy figures seated around a table. The exact number cannot be discerned (what did you expect, they’re all shadowy). Anyway…there is one hiding behind a weird cardboard thingy, the others staring in anticipation. The sound of rolling dice can be heard behind the screen. The sound abruptly stops, followed by a voice. DM: “Is everyone ready? Got characters rolled?” This is followed by a chorus of agreement. The first voice then says “Good…let the game BEGIN!!!” as everything goes blurry. A booming voice coming from nowhere and everywhere sets the scene. DM: “You wake…” This voice is followed by yet another chorus “So are we alone?” “Yes, all of you are alone, and start at different locations…now SHUT UP so we can start.” *ahem* “We start with YOU.” As the voice says this a figure fades in, and it turns out to be none other than Goku. Goku: “So…um, what now?” He shrugs and looks around. DM: “Give me your description first.” Goku: Goku starts naming statistics and giving values, and then describes himself. “I have blonde hair.” DM: “Wait…It says you have black hair…” Goku: “I know…I want blonde hair though…” Goes Super Saiyan. “There…that settles the problem.” DM: “Indeed it does…to start things off, you’re the hero…” Goku: “I know…I like shiny stuff…and helping people…and killing monsters…and…” Continues to list things he likes. DM: “SILENCE!” “Your puny mortal banter bores me. Let’s continue with the story.” Goku: Sulks and says “Sorry.” DM: “Anyway…you are walking along…roll spot check.” Goku: The sound of rolling dice can be heard like thunder off in the distance. “Darn…cocked…let me re-roll.” Dice sound again… “I got a 1…is that bad?” DM: “Uh…you could say that. You don’t notice as a shadowy figure sneaks up behind you…” Goku: Interrupting the DM. “If I don’t notice the figure, then why are you telling me it’s there?” DM: “SILENCE…Do not question me! I am the DM…I control worlds…no, universes!!!” The voice booms deafeningly as Goku shrinks back in terror. “The figure approaches you and…Stabs you in the back!” Dice are heard rolling again… “For…no damage…now you, figure, describe yourself to me.” Vegita fades into the scene, holding the knife that broke when he tried to stab Goku. “I need no explanation, just look at me!” DM: Meekly “I see…” Vegita: “GOOD! When do we kill stuff?” DM: “What are you?” Vegita: “I AM THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!!!” DM: “That’s not a valid class…” Vegita: “But I’m the PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS! I do NOT have to take your idiotic questions!” Both Goku and Vegita look up and notice a VERY large hand appearing above them. DM: “You’re right…you don’t have to put up with my questions. PREPARE TO BE SMITED!!!” A lightning bolt lances down and fries Vegita, who lays there twitching. Back in reality, Vegita snaps out of his trance. “What did you kill me for?! The game just started!” With that there is a rustle behind the shield and none other than Akira Toriyama raises his head over the thing, glaring at Vegita. “…I…i…it’s the CREATOR!” Toriyama: “Right…I suggest you stop being so standoffish before I do that to you HERE.” Vegita: “YES SIR…” Grovels a bit and then goes back into his trance. Vegita reappears in the alternate universe, to see Goku biting into a tree. “Kakarot…what do you think you’re doing!?” Goku glances at a crispy Vegita, and turns his attention back to the tree. Vegita: “Never mind…knowing you, there was no thinking involved…” Goku: “How did you know?! I got hungry, but this tree was the only thing here.” Vegita: “…” Shaking his head, Vegita looks toward the sky. “Let me kill him…PLEASE!” DM: “No, he’s part of your group…you can’t kill him.” Vegita: “Then let me do something to take some stress away.” DM: “Very well…what do you want to do?” Vegita: “I want to cast MAGIC MISSLE…” DM: “…There’s nothing to attack around here though.” Vegita: (Oh…but there is…) Glancing at Goku, he smiles an evil little smile. “I am the prince of all saiyans! I need no target.” DM: “Suit yourself…cast away.” Vegita begins to power up, electricity crackling around his body as he makes a deep guttural growl in the back of his throat. There is a close up of Vegita powering up. The growl turns to a yell as the electricity crackles louder and faster. The close up moves in and without warning Vegita is hit in the face, cracking the camera lens (don’t look at me like that…there has to be some way that you’re seeing all this). Having finished powering up, Vegita releases the energy from his hands, *accidentally* sending a swarm of fireballs flying right at Goku. Just before they hit their target, they freeze in midair. Vegita: “Why’d they stop!?” DM: “You forgot to say the name of the spell you were casting.” Vegita: Grumbles a bit then sheepishly says under his breath “magic missle.” DM: “Louder, I couldn’t hear you.” Vegita: “This is stupid…oh well…MAGIC MISSLE!!! Is that better? Mr., Uh…nevermind…” Having finally named the spell, the fireballs blast Goku and the tree, charring both of them. (Finally, I got rid of that stupid Kakarot!) The smoke clears and Goku is still latched to the tree by his teeth. Goku: “Ve-it-uh…why’d uh doo ‘at? ‘Is ‘ree ‘ih hardu’ ee’ ‘urnt.” Vegita: “What did you just say?” Goku: Lets go of the tree and says “I said…Vegita, why’d you do that? This tree is harder to eat burnt.” Vegita slaps his high forehead (missing his incredibly high receding hairline), then walks over to Goku and begins to choke him. Vegita: “YOU IDIOT!!! YOU DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE!” Goku: In a submissive and strangled tone, “What did I do?” DM: *AHEM* “Who’s running the story here, gentlemen?” Vegita and Goku both point toward where the sound came from (hard to do since it was both everywhere and nowhere at the same time). Both: “You are, SIR!” DM: “That’s what I thought. But we’re out of time now… This continues later.”
STAY TUNED FOR PART 2: Dungeons & Dragonballs The DM Strikes Back
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