FRAGILE IS THE MIND
by Donnie Thomas
I
He didn’t know what time it was, he didn’t really care much anyway. John Crichton lay awake on his bunk, shifting restlessly. The normally comforting hum of Moya as she traveled through space could not lull him to sleep tonight.
“I don’t think I want to sleep anyway.” John grumbled as he sat up on his bunk, letting the smooth yellow blanket fall to the floor. “I don’t want to face those dreams ever again.” He shivered, a chill running down his spine as he remembered those dreams. “No, not dreams…nightmares.”
Again he shuddered as the unbidden memories of his torture at the hands of Scorpius and Crais came rushing into the forefront of his mind, finally shaking his head, John pulled his clothes on and headed out the door and down Moya’s dimly lit corridors.
Zhaan sighed, she continued to shadow Crichton as he wandered aimlessly from tier to tier, it had been like this ever since he had come back from that Peacekeeper base. He had been restless, withdrawn and unfocused for weeks now, sinking further and further into himself everyday.
When they had first returned, he had woken that first night screaming, a terrifying, blood curdling scream the likes of which she had never heard from the human. He had woken up that way every night for the first week, and then he had stopped sleeping all together.
She was not the only one concerned about him, D’Argo, Aeryn, even Rygel and Chiana had started keeping an extra close eye on him. They all knew something was wrong with him, Crichton denied it of course, and refused to talk about it.
“What is going on inside you John, why won’t you let us help you?” Zhaan whispered, then she turned and went back to her own quarters.
II
“Crichton!” “Crichton!”
John looked up, seemingly in a daze “what….what is it Aeryn?”
The Sebacean looked at him with concerned eyes, it was hard for her to look at his face now. All she saw was a blank stare, not at all like the annoying human she had come to care for, she looked into his blue eyes, once they had been full of life, but now they were glazed over, devoid of feeling….dead.
She pointed to his plate of food cubes, which had not been touched since they had been placed in front of him. “Your food cubes will get cold if you do not eat them.” She said sternly, waiting for some reaction from him, she got none.
“John” she whispered, “you have to eat something.”
John stood up, he looked at Aeryn and smiled weakly “I just don’t feel like eating right now Aeryn.”He turned away from her and she could see his shoulders slump. “I-I’ll grab a bite to eat later…I have to take care of something first.”
He all but ran from the galley, and Aeryn exchanged worried looks with D’Argo and Zhaan.
“We have to do something about Crichton!” the Luxan growled “I don’t know much about humans, but I know that he needs to eat to survive.”
“We share your concern D’Argo.” Zhaan said softly, laying a hand on the Luxan’s arm. “But we cannot just make John eat, we have to find out what is troubling him and try to help him.”
They all looked up sharply at the sound of a chair falling to the floor, “We already know what’s wrong with him!” Chiana shouted, fist shaking with rage, “The Peacekeepers tortured him with that frelling Aurora Chair!”
Chiana walked toward the exit looking back over her shoulder. “He does not need to be alone right now, I’m going to talk to him.” And she disappeared down the corridor.
III
Crichton stood on the terrace looking out at the stars; they no longer seemed to comfort him. Slowly he clicked the on button of his tape recorder. “Well dad, it’s me again, I haven’t recorded anything in a while, so let me catch you up on what’s been happening since last time.”
John sighed and rubbed his fingers across his eyes. “After Aeryn and the others rescued me from Scorpius and Crais, I didn’t really think it would be this hard to get back into the swing of things. I just don’t know dad, it’s just that after everything that’s happened to me…”
Crighton pulls a pulse rile off the floor and looks at it briefly “I-I just don’t think I have any reserve left dad, I’m tired of running for my life, tired of everyone thinking I’m the village idiot.”
John charges the pulse rifle and lifts it to his head, then with tears brimming in hey eyes, he continues. “I guess most of all I’m tired of being afraid, afraid of never seeing Earth again, afraid of my feelings for Aeryn.”
John drops to his knees, his legs no longer able to support him. “Oh god dad, you don’t know what they did to me.” He pauses as his body is wracked with sobs. “They took everything from me dad, they stuck me in that damn chair and ripped my memories from me, they laid my soul bare for everyone to see dad, my most private thoughts…”
At that instant John Crichton breaks down, his mind no longer able to handle everything that he has been through. Finally, after a few moments John pulls himself into a standing position and once again stars out into space. “Good-bye dad.” He whispers, and puts the rifle to his head and fires.
A few arns later, Chiana is still walking around searching for Crichton. As she passes the terrace, she catches a glint of something metal out of the corner of her eye. She turns to enter the terrace and she sees a sight that makes her blood run cold. There before her lies the still form of John Crichton, pulse rifle still in his cold hand.
“Pilot! Tell the others to come to the terrace fast! Crichton has been injured!” She kneels down beside the still form of Crichton, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “What have you done?” she whispers as the others enter the room. She closes her eyes as she hears Aeryn Sun let out a cry of utter despair.
IV
In the dimly lit room of Moya’s medical bay, Zhaan, Aeryn, D’Argo and Chiana are all watching over John Crichton.
“That’s how I found him, lying on the floor with the rifle in his hand.” Chiana says shakily,
D’Argo lays a hand on her shoulder “We believe you speak the truth Chiana.” The Luxan whispers. “Zhaan, what is his condition?”
Zhaan looks up from the life monitors “He is alive D’Argo, although I don’t know how, if Chiana had not found him when she did…” She let her voice trail off, not wanting to speak aloud what they all knew.
“Will he live?” Aeryn Sun asked from the corner of the room, her face looking pale and weary.
“I think so Aeryn, he did not the pulse rifle fully charged, but it will be some time, if ever, before he will be fully recovered.” Zhaan arches her back, stretching as she stands up. “It will be a while before he regains consciousness, we should all get some rest.”
“I will stay with him.” Aeryn says as she stands to move closer to Crichton.
“Very well Aeryn.” Zhaan says as she puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Let us know if there is any change.” With one last look at John, she turns to leave followed by D’Argo and Chiana.
After they have gone, Aeryn sits herself down beside John’s bed “Don’t you die on me Crichton.” She whispers as tears come to her eyes “You promised that you would never leave me.” With that, the former Peacekeeper lays her head on his arm and begins to cry.
V
The days turn into weeks; the weeks turn into months, finally, after three trying months, John Crichton opens his eyes. The first thing he wonders is ‘Where the hell am I?’ Outwardly, he just groans.
Aeryn and Zhaan were leaning over him in moments “John, you’re awake!” Aeryn exclaims, tears in her eyes as she hugs him to her fiercely. Zhaan, also crying, begins checking his vital signs ‘we are glad to have you back human’ she thinks to herself as she informs the others of the good news.
A few days later everyone is sitting in the galley when Aeryn comes in helping Crichton to walk. In the aftermath of his awakening, it was revealed that John would have to learn to walk, talk, and take care of himself all over again. Aeryn had taken on the responsibility of bringing him back physically while Zhaan was helping to bring him back mentally.
“How are you feeling today John?” D’Argo asked, pleased to see a smile on John’s face.
“I…feeling…better…D’Argo.” Crichton said, still not able to talk normally.
“He is making wonderful progress.” Aeryn said as she sat down beside him. “But if you ever do something like that again I will kill you myself.” She said looking intently into John’s eyes.
“She is right John.” Zhaan said from across the table, “No matter how badly you hurt inside, you must know that we are here for you. And although we may not always understand you, we care about you…you are not alone.”
She reaches across the table to grasp his hand, to be joined by D’Argo’s hand, followed by Aeryn and the others, all looking at him with understanding.
John let out a shuddering breath “Thank…you…all.” He whispered, tears coming to his eyes.
“Now, how about we get something to eat?” Aeryn said, passing him a plate of food cubes. John looked at her with a gleam in his eyes and began to dig in; the others followed suit knowing that everything would be all right.
END