This Side of Paradise
By Karolyn Gray <kmgray3@aol.com>
Rated PG | 54KB | Archived 02.09.00
Spoilers: "Nerve", "The Hidden Memory"
Summary: Crichton & Co. must deal with the side effects of the Aurora Chair.
ScifiBB/Chat Handle: Gray3
Disclaimers: All Farscape names, characters and other related indicia are the
property of Jim Henson Productions, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Networks,
the Scifi Channel and all associated parties. No copyright infringement is
intended.
Notes: Special thanks to all the beta readers, but especially Anna, Jackee,
and Shar for their input. Any errors that remain are mine alone.
Archiving: Yes to Kitsah, Browny, and A 'Scapering We Go. Anyone else please
ask.
Part 1
Tension filled the air of Command. For a moment Aeryn could almost envision
wave after wave of anxiety coming from those around her, but there was no
need. She could clearly see D'Argo through the holographic image being
displayed and what she saw added to her own unease.
While the Luxan was rarely ever relaxed in the presence of others, his stern
expression and the manner in which his hands gripped the table was enough of
a confirmation of the situation. She was certain her own knuckles would be
turning white with the force of her own grip, but with good reason.
Peace Keepers. Or more properly, a lone Marauder that had been picked up on
the edge of Moya's sensors.
"Pilot, any movement yet?" Aeryn asked softly as if fearing somehow breaking
the silence that had arisen in Command would attract the attention of the
Marauder. She knew it was a ridiculous notion, but it still seemed oddly
appropriate.
"Confirmed, Officer Sun. The Marauder appears to be continuing on a course
away from our current position." Pilot replied with equal parts concern and
relief.
"That was too close." D'Argo muttered as he visibly relaxed.
"Maybe not." Aeryn replied, bringing up the image of their intended
destination: an asteroid debris field. "We're still days away from any other
planetary system. That Marauder could be back this way on another sweep
within a solar day."
Aeryn's words only added to the uncomfortable looks on Zhaan and Chiana's
faces. They all knew how fortuitous Gilina's crippling of the Peace Keeper's
scanning system had been. It had been the only reason they had gotten this
far undetected. It would only been a matter of time before Crais or Scorpius
would start sending out patrols and now it appeared their time was up.
"Moya's scan of this system indicates that there are ample places in which to
conceal ourselves from Peace Keeper scans once we arrive at the debris field
in two days." Pilot supplied.
"Excellent. That may give us all the time we need for Moya to prepare for
Starburst. If they find us before then..." D'Argo's voice trailed off
unwilling to say what the others undoubtedly knew. Instead he turned an eye
on their newest traveling companion. A strange, quiet being that had shared
Crichton's cell at the Gammak base calling himself Stark. "It may have been
better for you not to join us."
Stark blinked once as if just realizing D'Argo was speaking to him, his face
contented. "Fear not for me, Luxan." With that he turned and left Command.
"What a strange fellow." Rygel commented, speaking for the first time since
the crisis with the Marauder had started.
"You'd be a little strange too is you'd had Scorpy trying to turn your brains
into mush for two cycles." Came the almost bored reply from John Crichton.
Rygel seemed at a loss for words at that and simply left Command.
Aeryn looked over at John, concerned at his haggard appearance. His face was
pale with dark circles under his eyes, indicating the lack of rest he had
been unable to obtain since his rescue. His blue eyes were fixed on the map,
but the emptiness of the gaze instantly told her he was distracted, his
thoughts elsewhere.
It was then she realized he was completely and utterly relaxed, as if the
danger the Marauder represented were as common and insignificant as a DRD on
its usual maintenance routine.
'If I didn't know any better I would say he was happy.' She thought.
And that concerned Aeryn. Mere arns ago she had seen John stalking about the
ship with an anxiousness that had even caught the attention of Pilot. The
Navigator had answered the human's constant inquiries on ship scans of the
area and possible pursuit without any apparent annoyance.
It had been Stark's suggestion that he and John inventory the ship's stores
that had finally provided a welcome relief. The others knew Chiana and Rygel
had already completed this task the day before, but by silent agreement let
this fact remain unknown to the human.
"Yes, well we should make preparations in case the Marauder should return
before we reach the safety of the debris field." Aeryn said, pushing aside
her personal concerns for Crichton for the more pressing matter of remaining
free from the Peace Keepers.
"Why bother? We'll smoke those Hyundais like we always do." John actually
chuckled at that, the sound edging towards hysterical. He looked around at
the others staring at him with various expressions of concern. "What?"
"John, perhaps you should finish that inventory check and then get some rest.
Tomorrow will be busy enough for all of us I suspect." Zhaan said with a
serene smile.
"Sure." The human shrugged, his eyes becoming distant once more as he
departed.
"Is he going to be all right?" Chiana asked slowly, her dark eyes watching
the human with a troubled expression.
"I'm afraid only time will tell." Zhaan replied with a sigh. "I've done all I
can for his physical injuries and he will not even acknowledge the
psychological wounds he carries."
"He will do so when he is ready." D'Argo stated gruffly.
"How can you be so sure?" Chiana asked, unconvinced by the Luxan's words. "I
mean that chair frelled his mind over."
D'Argo hissed lightly in resignation at that. "I am not certain but Crichton
has shown himself to be quite resilient. If he does not confide in one of us
and continues to worsen then we may need to take a more direct approach."
Aeryn felt all eyes shift to her at D'Argo's words. She met each gaze in turn
before nodding once in acquiescence to their demand. They knew of the
closeness between her and Crichton. She was mildly surprised that their
knowledge did not bother her in the least.
"Yes, now about the Marauder...."
*****
John walked the corridors and passageways of Moya, absently dragging his
fingertips along the wall as he went. He had given Rygel the inventory a
short time earlier and now wandered the ship aimlessly, his path as erratic
as his thoughts. He felt drained but had no desire for the hell sleep would
bring him.
'How long now? How long since she died? One day? Two? More? Damn, why can't I
remember? She died for me and I can't even freaking remember how long ago.'
He sighed to himself switching to another corridor.
'And why are the others so worried about a piss ant little Marauder? Hell we
went toe to toe with ol' Scorpy, Peace Keeper Barbie and the gang.' John
started giggling at that as his thoughts drifted elsewhere. 'I wonder if
Aeryn likes me? Shit, of course she likes me. She came after me, didn't she?
If only she'd...' He snickered again as a fragment of song wandered into his
head. '...Cause this is paradise....'
His thoughts shifted again and with it he wandered on to a new corridor.
"Zap. Zap, Crais." He muttered to himself, giggling at the remembered look of
outrage and fear on Crais' face at the false memory conjured by some
technical feat of Gilina's in the Aurora Chair.
A DRD darting across his path at an intersection held his attention for a
brief moment before he continued down the hall with an occasional giggle
escaping from him.
'I wonder if Pilot would get mad if I painted a few checker patterns on the
little guys? ....I need a beer.....Why did I think Alex would marry me
anyway?..... I knew I should have gone to that rave with DK. .......Why did
you miss my birthday, Dad?...... Where the....'
As his continued onward in his own disjointed thoughts he never noticed the
form of Stark following behind him, quietly watching him with a concerned
look.
*****
Part 2
He stood staring at the hatch for who knows how long. Microts, minutes, arns,
hours? It didn't matter. All that mattered was the cold emptiness inside as
he stared at the bay doors. The doors that had sealed themselves for
Gilina's body to be launched out into space.
Maybe it was the effects from the Aurora Chair, maybe he was still in shock
that he was alive and aboard Moya once more, or maybe he still refused to
believe what had happened, what was happening.
Whatever the reason, he had felt nothing as Aeryn and D'Argo had respectfully
carried in the body bag containing Gilina's remains and set it down on the
bay floor. Felt nothing as the others looked at him as if expecting something
and he'd return their frank gazes until one by one they turned away.
Even the hiss of the bay seal being released garnered no reaction from him.
He had simply stood there, staring blankly. He had been vaguely aware of the
others speaking to him, but he had ignored them. One by one they had
departed. Rygel, then Chiana, D'Argo, and then Zhaan. Aeryn and Stark stayed
longer, her gentle spoken words lost in his emptiness until she too finally
departed and only his fellow cellmate remained.
He turned, knowing Stark would be there, willing to listen, a lifeline to the
peace and serenity they had shared in that all too brief moment in the cell.
"Stark, I..."
"You killed me, John."
John gasped, jerking away from the bloody form of Gilina Renaez stalking
towards him. He shook his head, the emptiness gone in a flood of emotions.
"Gilina..." He managed to strangle his words out.
"Do you remember our kiss?" The apparition asked with a sweet smile on her
face, a smile that sent a wave of sorrow through him.
"Of course, I do." John replied, stepping towards her, grasping her hands in
his own.
"Then why are you keeping a secret from me?" She asked, her expression
becoming cold and cruel.
"What?"
"Stop resisting the chair and this will all be over, Crichton."
John whirled to find himself face to face with Scorpius, his body strapped
once more into the Aurora Chair. "No!"
"He's resisting. He's still holding something back." Gilina said over
Scorpius' shoulder.
"Increase the extraction level." The odd looking Peace Keeper replied, his
gaze fixed intently on Crichton's own.
"NOOOOooooooo!"
John jerked up, trembling, hearing a strange choking noise in the back of his
throat that he dimly was aware had been his nightmare scream. Blinking his
eyes rapidly he looked around seeing the familiar muted tans and golds of his
quarters, his tools on a nearby table, his carelessly tossed aside clothing
from the previous day. Sighing, he rubbed his face with both hands and
flopped back onto the bed.
"God, I'm so tired." He murmured to himself, certain he would not be able to
sleep the rest of the night. A moment later, he was asleep, unaware of a
shadow that came to peer through the gated entrance to his chamber.
Zhaan frowned in concern at the lingering fatigue and stress that were
clearly visible on the human's face, even in slumber.
She had just passed his quarters when she had heard him moaning softly as if
in pain. Intent on helping him, his sudden gasp had frozen her mid stride,
aware that he was now awake and quite probably confused. Only when she was
certain he had lain back down had she looked in.
She watched him for some time, noting when the nightmares began again. His
breathing becoming harsh and uneven, and a sheen of sweat began to cover him
as it worsened. Unwilling to allow this to continue, she gently reached out
with her mind and pushed away the ripples of fear and uncertainty and pain
she encountered. When done, she grasped her head as a dull ache formed from
her ministrations.
Looking over John's sleeping form, she was satisfied that she had done all
she could. He would perhaps get a few more arns sleep uninterrupted by his
personal demons. It wasn't much, but it was all she could do until he was
willing to face what troubled him.
With one last look, Zhaan glided down the passageway towards her own quarters
to meditate further on the matter.
*****
"You should be resting." Came the deep voice.
Aeryn looked over at the large Luxan with a tired expression, shaking her
head. "Couldn't sleep."
"I didn't say you should sleep, Aeryn Sun. I said you should be resting."
D'Argo chided with an almost amused growl.
His words had their intended effect as Aeryn smiled slightly. "I'm fine. The
paraphoral nerve is healing amazingly well."
D'Argo resisted the urge to sigh in irritation at the sebacean woman's
remarkable composure. While quite laudable for a soldier it made it difficult
to broach subjects of a personal nature, like the one he wished to speak with
her about.
He debated with himself momentarily as she turned her gaze to the starscape
view from Command before finally coming to a decision. "Yes. Zhaan made a
comment of how surprised she was at your recovery."
"She was impressed then?" Came the almost casual reply, as if Aeryn were
purposefully being obtuse with him.
"Quite." He confirmed, not allowing his smile of triumph to be seen at the
opening Aeryn had given him. "Unfortunately the same cannot be said of
Crichton."
Instantly she faced him a worried expression in her eyes. "Crichton? Is he
worse?"
"You should be telling me." D'Argo stated, crossing his arms in disapproval.
He saw the flash in her eyes at the unspoken accusation, but was surprised
when she actually turned away from him with a shamefaced expression.
"I said I would speak with him, and I will," Aeryn said with a defensive note
in her voice.
"You know as well as I, he's getting worse," D'Argo said softly. "If you
will not keep your word...."
As he expected, she whirled on him with a furious expression. "I *said* I
will speak with him." Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly.
D'Argo nodded his head once in acquiescence, inwardly smiling at his success.
If John Crichton would talk to anyone he was certain it would be Aeryn Sun.
And it was that knowledge he now laid his faith upon.
If he was wrong....?
D'Argo shook his head, banishing the thought before it could take form.
Part 3
The tranquility Zhaan had achieved from her nightly meditation dissipated
with each step as she walked to the central chamber. What had started as just
the calm, harmonious background hum of Moya had soon given way to loud voices
which seemed to grow angrier with each passing microt. As she rounded the
final corner to the chamber she frowned to herself as she recognized John
Crichton's strident tone.
"I don't care, D'Argo. I'm going to fix that faulty conductor and that's
that. End of discussion."
"John..." Aeryn started to speak, sounding tired. That was something that
worried Zhaan. Neither Aeryn nor John had fully recovered from their ordeals.
The stress of an argument was definitely not what they needed.
Zhaan entered the chamber in time to see D'Argo hiss in frustration, cutting
Aeryn off with a wave of his hand. "I have already said Chiana and I will fix
the problem."
'Kahalenn help me.' Zhaan sighed, knowing by the furtive looks Chiana and
Rygel gave her they were hoping she would resolve the morning's dispute.
Across the room near the view port stood Stark watching everything with an
unreadable expression. His eyes met Zhaan's briefly and he nodded as if
agreeing to her unspoken sentiment.
"Look D'Argo, it's a small crawlspace, way too small for you to be able to
get in there and complete the repair." John countered. Glancing at Chiana,
John shrugged apologetically. "And no offense Chiana but you just don't have
the technical skills for this repair."
The young Nebari simply nodded in agreement with the human's words, though
Zhaan suspected it was intended only as means to help end the pointless
argument than an admission of a deficient skill.
"Good morning."
Zhaan's cheery greeting froze both D'Argo and John for a moment. D'Argo
looked down, feeling suddenly embarrassed with himself before meeting her
gaze. "Good morning, Zhaan."
"We seem to be having quite a spirited discussion this morning." Zhaan noted,
a gentle smile concealing her concern as Crichton didn't even acknowledge her
greeting and sat down heavily next to Aeryn. "May I know what it concerns?"
"There is a minor leak in one of the secondary conjulation coils on tier
seven. We were just discussing who should fix it." Aeryn replied before
sipping her drink.
"I said I'm fixing it." John said with an irritated look.
"Crichton..."
"D'Argo, please." Zhaan silenced the Luxan gently with a look. When he nodded
his head in silent apology, Zhaan turned her attention back to the human.
She did not like the distracted look in his eyes, understanding now why
D'Argo was adamant in his refusal towards the human. "Who will assist you,
John?"
"I will." Stark said softly, gaining the attention of the others. He shrugged
slightly. "I am not much of a tech but the repair sounds simple enough."
Zhaan noted a slight grin had come to John's face at Stark's words as she
directed her question back to D'Argo. "Is that acceptable?"
The Luxan studied Stark for a moment, obviously still trying to decide how to
treat this newfound ally. Zhaan was very well aware of the wariness the
others held in regard for Stark. She felt it as well.
"Very well." He reluctantly agreed.
"Great. It's settled then." John stood quickly, actually looking and sounding
much like his old self for a brief moment. That moment ended when he coughed
lightly and shrugged on the Peace Keeper jacket he had taken as his own, an
all too visible reminder of recent events. "Ready, Stark?"
"Of course, my friend." The man replied softly and followed Crichton's
departure from the chamber.
*****
"Pilot." Crichton's voice sounded hollow in the narrow confines of the
maintenance tunnel.
"Yes, John Crichton." The navigator's disembodied voice seemed to echo around
the human.
Unbidden, an image of Gilina flashed in the John's mind that caused him to
shudder before forcibly pushing the thoughts that came with it aside.
"Does it have to be so cold in here?" John asked with annoyance as a shiver
rippled through his body from the cold. He swore he could see his breath in
the chill air.
"With apologies, Commander, but you are working on the primary environmental
thermal regulation system for that tier. I have rerouted as much of the
coolant away from that section as possible." Pilot replied apologetically.
John sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I'm sorry, Pilot. I know you've done
what you could."
"As have you, John Crichton."
That brought a puzzled expression to the human's face for a moment. Another
shiver brought Crichton's attention back to the almost organic looking tubing
before him and the green fluid seeping from the junction where organic tissue
met machinery.
He had removed all the damaged organic tissue and a device that seemed to be
of Peace Keeper origin. John didn't have a clue what it was and had accepted
Pilot's assurance that it was left over from a previous unfinished repair
while under Peace Keeper control.
"Hey, Stark. Would you hand me the injector?"
Without comment, John's former cellmate handed him the device in question and
continued to watch with interest as the human quickly sealed the gaps.
Crichton grinned in appreciation at how quickly the liquid bonded with the
organic and machine systems.
"Better than super glue." He muttered to himself. In moments the only
indication there had been any damaged systems was a small pool of green
fluid, which John quickly wiped up with a spare rag.
"Does that mean we are done here?" Stark asked.
"Hold on a sec." John replied, opening his comm badge again. "Yo, Pilot? I
think we're done here, but I want to make sure the sealant will hold."
"Very well. Please leave the access shaft and I shall reroute the necessary
systems." Pilot requested.
"Um. Pilot, I can't tell if it's going to hold if I'm standing outside the
shaft." John said.
That seemed to nonplus the large alien for a moment. "Once the procedure
begins it shall become rapidly cold in your location." He cautioned.
"I can handle a little cold, Pilot." John replied.
"Are you certain, Commander?"
"Just get on with it. OK?" John asked, barely containing his annoyance. "And
give me a 150 microt count once it's fully under way. If nothing's wrong
after that, Stark and I'll clear out of here."
"Rerouting...now."
In seconds Crichton's perceived viewing of his breath moments earlier became
a reality as the maintenance duct's temperature dropped dramatically.
Swearing under his breath, Crichton snapped closed the Peace Keeper jacket he
was wearing. It didn't help much with the temperature, but he surprisingly
felt better.
Hearing Stark shift beside him, he looked over to see his friend had wrapped
his loose fitting shirt tightly around himself. "You OK?" John asked with
concern.
"F-fine." Stark managed to stutter out, a hint of a grin at his face. "Better
than the cell."
"Yeah, this is paradise in comparison." John agreed, a sudden booming laugh
from Stark joining John's own.
"We have reached 150 microts. There appears to be no irregularities with the
conjulation unit." Pilot reported a moment later, secretly pleased at having
heard the exchange between the two bipeds, though he did not quite understand
why they had found it amusing.
"OK, Pilot." John replied, nodding towards Stark to leave the duct. A few
moments later they had the grate set and locked back into place.
"Anything else we can do, Pilot?" John asked cheerily, feeling better than he
had in some time.
"Negative, Commander Crichton. However, I have already informed the others
that due to her recent birth Moya will be diverting resources to replenish
her reserves. This may have unexpected effects on the lights and comms, but
no vital life support systems shall be effected." The navigator informed them
apologetically.
John chuckled at that, dropping a tool back into the equipment pouch. "No
problem, Pilot. Let Moya take all the time she needs to get back to normal."
"I will inform her of your sentiment, John Crichton. And thank you for your
assistance."
"You're welcome, Pilot." John replied leaning down to pick up the pack. Stark
beat him too it and slung it over his shoulder. John looked at his friend and
shrugged in response to the look he received in return.
"Well, want to get something to eat?" John asked, starting down the corridor.
"I believe I would." Stark replied, right beside the human.
As they walked Stark heard Crichton start humming what seemed to be a simple
tune over and over. After hearing it repeated several times, Stark smiled and
turned to inquire his friend over the song's origin only to have his question
die in his throat at what he saw.
John's eyes were distant and unfocused, one hand trailing lightly across the
surface of the corridor they walked. Much as he had done the previous day, he
seemed nearly oblivious to those around him. He didn't even so much as pause
when the lights dimmed.
Stark was tempted to reach out to the strange alien, to try and comfort him
as he had once done. He knew the human's shipmates were concerned over his
mental and emotional state and he had become somewhat concerned himself. He
had thought....had hoped....the brief period of peace he had elicited in the
human would have been enough to anchor him. Apparently it had not.
If not a memory, than perhaps...
"They care about you." Stark spoke gently.
That actually brought John Crichton to a halt with a puzzled expression as he
turned to face Stark. "What?"
"Your ship mates. Your friends." Stark replied slowly. "They went through a
great deal of effort to rescue you, help you.
The human made a strange noise that sounded like a cross between a groan and
a sigh and looked around them as if confused by the dim lighting. He shook
his head and continued down the hall. "Yeah. Well, I would've done the same
for them."
That comment elicited a small knowing smile from Stark. "I know you would and
that is why I am puzzled. Why you do not accept their help now?"
"It was just a simple leak." John replied his voice carefully neutral.
"I wasn't talking about the leak, John." Stark said pointedly.
"I know." Came the tired, almost whispered reply as the human stopped once
again. "I-.....I can't talk about it. Not yet."
"Talking isn't the problem. Isolating yourself from them is." Stark replied.
"You've been keeping away from them." John noted with a hint of angry
accusation.
Stark nodded his head in acknowledgment. "I have been solitary man amongst
enemies for a long time, John Crichton. And though I trust your fellow
travelers, it is not because of their actions but because of your own."
"They'll grow on you." The human replied absently.
"I trust they will, but they are your friends. If this were a Banak ship with
a handful of people I cared about I would not hesitate to embrace their
support." Stark replied.
A haunted look flitted across the human's face as he looked at the floor in
shame. "Even if you betrayed them?" John whispered.
Stark laid a soothing hand the human's shoulder. "No one would see what
happened to you as a betrayal." He paused as the human's blue eyes flicked up
to study him. The wall the human had erected around his feelings was cracking
and he could see unshed tears in his eyes. "They *do* understand. Maybe you
should give them a chance."
John shrugged off the grip, and wiped a hand across his eyes. "I can't. Not
yet."
Stark stepped away, sensing the human's tenseness. There was nothing more he
could do right now. "Then at least remember that they will be there for you
when you are ready."
"Sure." John replied and hurried ahead down the hall.
This Side of Paradise (continued)
Part 4
"No, for the third time I have not spoken with him yet." Aeryn snapped,
having finally been irritated by D'Argo's question. She slowed her pace down
slightly sensing the Luxan now walking alongside her wanted to discuss the
very thing she had been avoiding thinking about for the past arn. "Or maybe
you've forgotten that he's been fixing the conjulation system on tier seven."
D'Argo refrained from sniping back at her, remembering only now that Zhaan
had mentioned asking the same question of Aeryn a few arns ago. He knew
Aeryn's ill temper was not aimed at him, but simply a by-product of her own
recovery and concern for Crichton. Perhaps it was better to discuss something
else.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
Aeryn actually laughed bringing a puzzled frown to D'Argo's face. "I'm sorry,
D'Argo. It's..." She shook her head with amusement. "Conversation on this
ship seems to have limited to variations of two questions: 'How are you
doing?' and 'How is Crichton?'."
"And you find that amusing?" D'Argo replied in feigned offense, actually
pleased to see Aeryn smiling.
She shrugged in response. "No, I find it annoying to the point that I cannot
help but laugh at the absurdity of it all." She waved her hand vaguely to the
ship around them as they turned down another corridor, headed to the central
chamber. "Here we are being hunted by a Peace Keeper Command Carrier on a
Leviathan that has just given birth to a warship and is unable to starburst,
we've recently lost a good friend, are carrying some strange alien, and
then...." Her voice trailed off.
"Then there's John." D'Argo finished. "You're worried about him?"
"Aren't we all?" She retorted, a look passing over her face that concerned
the Luxan.
"Yes, we are." He said softly. "But there's something else isn't there?
Something that's bothering you that you have not revealed to the rest of us."
He was surprised when she stopped suddenly, a heavy sigh escaping from her
before she turned to meet his gaze. "I have seen Peace Keepers act as John
has since we rescued him from the Gammak base."
"His...nightmares, inattentiveness, his outbursts of anger. Surely you've
noticed this?" Aeryn said.
"Yes, I have noticed his unusual behavior. I simply assumed that it was
because he was human." D'Argo replied.
"But you've had your doubts." Aeryn added for him.
The Luxan nodded his concession. "Since yesterday in Command when he seemed
so unconcerned about the Marauder and again this morning. Why do you ask?"
"John's behavior reminds me of a Peace Keeper I knew shortly before he died.
He had been a member of a team from Satian Company that had been sent to put
down a minor disturbance on what was supposed to have been a pacified world.
When contact was lost with the unit, Icarian Company was sent in. He and two
techs were the only survivors, all badly injured. The rest of his team had
been butchered by a race calling itself the Chuilia.
"For his efforts he was assigned to Icarian Company, to the same team I
served in at the time. He was different than the rest of us. Erratic. In
dangerous situation, he was calm and detached in a way that bordered on
suicidal, and in recreational time angry and paranoid. He did not sleep well
and often did not pay attention. Many thought him to be the epitome of what
we were, the ultimate professional soldier, the ultimate Peace Keeper, one
who let others worry about strategies and tactics while he faced the enemy
without doubt or fear or remorse.
"And then one day we were patrolling the capitol of some waste hole of
planet. I don't even remember it's name or why we were there. All I remember
was the protesters taunting us with curses and threats, but we remained calm,
did not waver, did not fire and simply awaited our orders.
"One of the protesters threw a bottle at us, shattering against his faceplate
as he stood next to me. He didn't even flinch when it struck him, but a
microt later he....he went berserk, firing into the crowd calling out to his
long dead comrades of Satian Company. He didn't even realize where he was."
"When we had finished firing, the town square was littered with bodies and he
was still insisting the Chuilia would be back. He was trapped in the memory
of what had happened to him. My Sergeant executed him rather than have the
rest of the Company see what had happened to him."
Aeryn shuddered at the memory, knowing D'Argo would not see it as a sign of
weakness. "Instead of being remembered as a man who needed treatment he
became an icon to the rest of the Regiment, another warrior legend amongst so
many others. But not to me." Aeryn shook her head slightly. "Never to me."
"And you now fear this may be happening to John?" D'Argo asked.
"I don't know. And I'm afraid to find out." Aeryn admitted.
*****
Stark trailed behind the human, his concern growing with each step. John has
said nothing since he'd tried to get the human to talk to him. Despite his
humming again, Stark could see John was tense, the slightest noise from Moya
abruptly ending the human's song intermittently. He was actually relieved
when he saw D'Argo and Aeryn Sun walk into the next intersection.
"Crichton." D'Argo called out by way of greeting, but the human passed them
both by as if not seeing them. The Luxan and Sebacean shared a puzzled look
before quickly hurrying to catch up with the human.
"Crichton."
This time the human slowed at D'Argo's call but did not cease moving. The
Luxan started to reach for the human when Stark saw John's hand go for the
pistol he was carrying.
"No!"
But it was too late. D'Argo spun the human around demanding an explanation
for his behavior when Crichton pistol whipped him, staggering the larger
alien back a couple of steps.
The human turned the weapon on Aeryn, but she was quicker, grasping his arm
and delivering a blow to that knocked the air out of the human and forced him
to release the weapon from his grip. She barely avoided a roundhouse punch
the human threw her way in return.
"Crichton, what are you doing?" She snapped, stepping away from the human in
what she hoped he would see as non-threatening. The look in his eyes froze
her, remembering the last time she had seen eyes like that. Eyes of that
Officer from so long ago. Eyes lost in some inner inescapable abyss.
The human took advantage of her hesitation and attacked again, only the
timely intervention by D'Argo ending his assault. The Luxan threw the human
into the wall before landing a blow that crumpled him to the floor. He
started to draw his blade.
"D'Argo, wait." Aeryn cautioned as she saw John lean himself against the wall
of the corridor, shivering, his eyes distant. She saw the pistol he had been
carrying nearby and slowly reached for it and took it, never once seeing
John's eyes follow her.
"John?" She called softly, the human only shivered more, leaving her to
wonder what he was seeing right now, what he was reliving. She started to
reach for him, when Stark grabbed her wrist gently ceasing her action.
"No. Let me." Reluctantly she pulled away and rose next to D'Argo.
Stark seated himself next to the human, closing his eyes for a moment,
picking up on the thoughts that filled the human's mind. The cell again.
Cold. Dark.
"We've got...got to do...something." John muttered.
"We are. We're resting until we hear from your friend. Gilina did you say her
name was?" Stark replied reasonably.
John coughed for a moment. "We can't....I've got to get back to Moya...make
sure Chiana..."
Stark pushed the human back down as he started to rise, just as he remembered
doing a mere arn before their rescue. He had been surprised at how the small
moment of peace he had given the human had rekindled his determination.
"There is nothing we can do about that, my friend."
"I know." John closed his eye. "It...the chair...they'll find out what I'm
hiding. Sooner or later." A tear trickled down his cheek. "I'm so tired,
Stark. God, I'm so tired."
Stark patted the human's shoulder reassuringly. "As am I, my friend."
"What you showed me...that place...it was beautiful." John said softly, his
eyes opening again. "Thank you."
"When they come for you, hold onto it for as long as you can. They can't
touch you there. It is not for them. Only us." Stark said. "Remember that."
"Yeah. I'll try." Came the tired reply, as John, pulled his arms closer
obviously trying to keep warm.
"You should rest." Stark suggested.
"Naw...need to think of a way out." John replied.
Instead of acquiescing to the humans statement as he had in the cell, Stark
gently sent images of comfort and rest to the human. "Rest now, John
Crichton. All will be well."
He saw the human struggle for a moment against the sleep that dragged at his
consciousness before succumbing with a soft sound that might have been the
question Stark heard from the human's mind. He lay a hand on the human's
forehead for a moment, nodding once to himself before rising.
"He's resting now." He said in response to the pair of questioning looks he
received.
"What happened?" Aeryn asked.
"A flashback, disjointed memories. I've seen the Aurora Chair do that to
others." Stark replied slowly. "It was why he attacked you. I suspect he was
reliving his capture."
"Then why was he so calm a moment ago?" D'Argo asked, eyeing the unconscious
human warily.
"He won't allow himself to remember what they did to him in the chair and so
went to someplace relatively safe." Stark replied. "I don't know why or even
how he did that."
"He was back in the cell with you. Wasn't he?" Aeryn asked.
"Yes, at a time roughly an arn before you rescued us. I altered the memory
slightly to get him to rest this time." Stark replied, rubbing his temple in
obvious discomfort. "Perhaps you should take him to his quarters to rest."
"I will do so. Aeryn shall get you something for your pain." D'Argo picked
the human up with a surprising gentleness and headed towards their quarters
before either could protest.
Seeing there was no arguing with the retreating Luxan, Aeryn turned back to
Stark. "Come on."
"I am fine, Aeryn Sun. This experience has drained me. I merely require rest
and I shall be well." Stark assured the former Peace Keeper.
Her eyes lingered back down the hall D'Argo had carried John, worry in her
eyes. "But will he?"
"Yes, Aeryn Sun, he will, but you must be willing to make him understand that
you and the others are there for him. Not through words, but through your
actions." Stark replied.
"It seems like that's all we've done. It only seems to make him angry." She
commented, bringing a smile to Stark's face.
"Do you not get tired of the inquiries for your injury?" Stark asked.
"Yes, I suppose I have become annoyed with them. Only John has stopped
asking." Aeryn replied after a moment's consideration.
"Because he is aware that you know he will be there for you without
hesitation." Stark concluded. "Perhaps you should show him the same is true
for you and the others."
Aeryn looked thoughtful at that. "Perhaps I should."
Epilogue
John awoke startled momentarily by the dim lighting of his room and the
shadowy figure by the door. After a moment's pause he relaxed as recognition
set in. "You startled me."
"My apologies. I had not intended to wake you, simply observe." Stark replied.
Something about Stark's manner shook off the last vestiges of sleep John
felt. "What's wrong?"
The Banak smiled broadly at that. "You are more perceptive than I had
thought, my friend." The man sighed softly, walking over and seating himself
on the edge of John's bed. "I had hoped to avoid this, but I suppose I knew I
could not."
"Avoid what?" John asked, watching his friend with confusion.
"I am leaving." Seeing the panicked look on the human's face, Stark shook his
head. "Please, just listen to me. I cannot tell you why, but I simply must
leave."
"You could stay with us. We could help you find your people." John said.
Seeing his friend shake his head, John sighed. "I don't want you to go."
"And that is part of the reason I find I must leave." Stark looked away
regretfully. "My path lays elsewhere, John Crichton." He rose quickly and
headed towards the door, stopping after only a few steps.
"Do you remember what I showed you?"
"Always." John whispered. Stark's shadowed form nodded and started to leave.
"Will I see you again?"
When John awoke later he would remember Stark turning to him, with an
unreadable expression on his face, before he loosed the ties to his mask,
revealing his true nature to human one more time.
John Crichton had his answer.
*****
"Final scan analysis confirms that Stark is no longer onboard Moya, nor has
he boarded Moya's offspring." Pilot reported.
"He can't have just disappeared. He must be hiding in the access shafts."
D'Argo growled in annoyance.
"If he is then he's going about this ship undetected better than Rygel or
Chiana." Aeryn put in. "Has anyone asked Crichton if he knows where he is?"
"No, John was still sleeping when I went to inquire with him." Zhaan replied,
as her hand flew over the controls.
"Then I believe it is time we wake him and be certain." D'Argo said.
"Be certain about what, big guy?" John's voice carried into Command moments
before Crichton walked with an amused look on his face. The only trace of the
Peace Keeper uniform he'd taken to wearing was the jacket he had slung
casually over his shoulder.
Zhaan moved protectively over to him, relieved to see his amused look at her
concern. "How are you feeling, John?"
"Better." He replied honestly. "So, what's up?"
Zhaan looked uncertainly at the others for a moment before laying a calming
hand on his shoulder. "I do not wish to upset you, but..."
"Stark is gone." He finished with a slow nod.
"You knew?" Zhaan and the others looked incredulously at him.
"Where has he gone? None of the transport pods are missing." Aeryn asked.
John shrugged. "He woke me up accidentally and then told me he was leaving. I
don't know where he went. He didn't say."
"And it didn't occur to you to ask?" D'Argo growled in irritation.
"No, he's my friend and I trust him." John replied evenly. D'Argo considered
that for a moment before relenting, deciding now was not the time for this
discussion. He shot Aeryn a knowing look, which earned him an almost
imperceptible nod in return.
"Well, then I suppose we should end our search." Zhaan said.
"I'm going to get something to eat." John said to no one in particular and
started to depart the chamber when Aeryn chimed in that she would join him.
Once the pair had gone, D'Argo chuckled and mumbled something about Aeryn and
subtleness that brought a grin to Zhaan's face that remained there the
remainder of the day.
*****
Aeryn followed John onto the terrace, a small smile playing at her lips at
just watching him, far more relaxed than she had seen him in what seemed like
an eternity. An arn ago she had joined him in the central chamber to eat.
Following the advice Stark had given her they had talked about simple,
trivial things: food cubes, the post-partum system fluctuations Moya was
going through and their more humorous side effects.
She had been certain John would give himself a hernia as hard as he laughed
at her retelling at D'Argo's fury over the water becoming ice cold half way
through his cleansing cycle, but she had felt relieved to see him laugh
again.
By silent agreement they had left the chamber and wandered the halls and
passageways until finally coming to the terrace. She watched him as he moved
to the center of the room and sat down on the floor, looking out at the
expanse of stars before them. A moment later she joined him.
For a long time neither moved nor spoke, each lost in their thoughts that
were ironically of the other.
"Thank you." He said softly, bringing Aeryn out of her reverie of their first
encounter.
"For what?" She asked, her question earning a gentle smile in return.
"Everything." He replied, his eyes searching her own. "For being here. For
not asking."
She nodded in understanding, her smile growing. "Just returning the favor."
John chuckled at that, reaching up and trailing is fingers along her jaw. A
moment later, he withdrew his hand looking embarrassed and a little surprised
at himself. Aeryn wasn't so willing to let it pass and copied his gesture,
enjoying the warmth and texture of his skin. The reality that he was alive,
was here, with her.
"If you ever do something as stupid as infiltrate a Peace Keeper base again,
I'll shoot you myself." She said suddenly, meaning every word.
John actually laughed at that, pulling her into a hug, one that she willingly
settled into. "Tell you what, you don't hide secrets like the fact you're
dying and I won't go 'Mission Impossible' on you. Deal?"
"Mission Impossible? Sounds like an accurate description." Aeryn commented.
"And yes, it's a deal."
"Good." John said still pleased, albeit a little surprised, that Aeryn was
still resting in his arms. Not that he was complaining any. Quite the
contrary. He was enjoying it very much, feeling more relaxed and at peace
than he had in some time.
With out even realizing he started telling her about his experience at the
base. Slowly. Painfully. Stopping when the emotion became too much,
continuing when he felt steady enough.
And all the while, Aeryn listened, squeezing his hands in equal parts
reassurance and support, giving him a shoulder to cry on when the pain became
too much for words to convey. And finally a brief kiss followed by a long hug
before they left the terrace to wander the ship.
Their first stop had been the maintenance bay, where they had remained
talking for some time as they looked over their respective vessels. They
later wandered the many corridors and tiers on Moya until finally they found
themselves at the entrance to his quarters.
An uncomfortable silence arose between them, both wanting to say more to each
other but unable to bring themselves to do so. It was Aeryn who finally broke
the silence.
"I should let you get some rest." Aeryn said, wishing instead that she had
spoken the words she really wanted to say, but was afraid to.
"Yeah, I guess I'm kind of tired." John agreed sounding strangely
disappointed.
"Yes, well. Goodnight, John." Aeryn replied, turning away to hide any
betrayal of her emotions that her face might have given away to the human.
"Hey, Aeryn?"
"Yes, John." She replied tiredly, only wanting to get away from him to keep
the longing she felt in his presence at bay.
"Thanks for listening, for being there for me."
She looked back, seeing the wistful look in his eye and changed her mind
about leaving. She walked back to him a small smile on her face as she rested
her palms on his chest. "It's the least I could do." With that she kissed him
lightly on the lips.
For a moment he seemed shocked, a look that actually caused her to grin in
delight. After a moment her face sobered as she traced a finger over the
cloth of his shirt just below the collarbone.
She had never been one to be reluctant in initiating intimacy with someone
she liked and she had particularly enjoyed being with John but this time was
different. They had both been through ordeals, both physically and mentally,
that had changed them.
She actually felt nervous, but was determined to press on. "I want to be with
you tonight, John. If you don't mind, I mean." She asked. Not her best
approach she knew, but it was simple and direct.
A slow smile came to his face. "I-...I mean I was hoping you'd stay." He
stammered out, revealing his own nervousness. Before he could say anything
more she kissed him and palmed open the door to his chamber.
He was far from healed. Aeryn knew that. But it was a start. And that was
enough for her.
Fin.