Scratch N' Sniff

John: I can't believe you pissed him (Pilot) off.
D'Argo: I didn't piss him off, you pissed him off.
John: You did.

Chiana: Grow up, or ignore each other, or kill each other, just stop fighting all the time.

D'Argo: I am a full blooded Luxan, and ladies, I have so much cash in my pocket that I can assure you that the three of us will crawl out of here on our hands and knees come sunrise tomorrow morning. I've been arrested for saying exactly the same thing on four different planets.

John: Oh god, there were girls right? Feathered chicks. The rainbow coalition.
D'Argo: Girls, breasts, blue breasts, green breasts, I don't know. All I know is they spiked our drinks and took our money.

John: D'Argo, we're in a window. There are people watching.
D'Argo: Uh huh, I think they've been there for seven arns so why don't you just get dressed and give them a good show sweetheart.
John: I am dressed (looks down at the stockings on his legs and screams)

D'Argo: You go frelling find them, aren't you worried about them?
John: Oh hell no, they're probably sleeping off the fun they had last night.
D'Argo: Shut up.
John: Hey don't tell me to shut up. You know, you're the one that told them to have fun, what do you think fun is for Chiana?

Raxil: You're not very smart are ya? Now he (D'Argo), he's got a brain. Now you, you're a bit of an idiot.
John: Yeah.
Raxil: Yeah.
John: But I'm bigger (pushes her).

John: We are being scammed Ren and Stimpy here are teaming up to rip us off.

Raxil: You two have really got to work on your attitude.

John (sarcastically): Yeah this looks really dangerous. Those girls are in fear for their lives.
D'Argo: Alright, have you got anything else?
Raxil: Kabaah get your eye out of the gutter.

John: Why, what doesn't make sense? She nailed him with love potion number nine.
Pilot: It made him dance?
John: Well it's a way to meet girls.

John (to Pilot): Hey, you know what? It's a weird universe out there man. You don't know that because you're spending all your time indoors.

John: Look at the bootie on that girl.
D'Argo: Bootie.

Scorpy Clone: Ka D'Argo.
John: No, it's okay. That's Harvey, not Scorpy, he's a pooka, he's not real.
Scorpy Clone: But thanks to our unique shared consciousness in this situation we finally get to meet Ka D'Argo give me five.
John: Go away.
D'Argo: I've had some weird conversations in my head before, but this is a little…
John: I know, hey look Harvey just shows up every now and then to give me bad advice.

John: Ten steps.
D'Argo: Eight steps.
John: Ten.
D'Argo: Eight small legs human.

John (to changed D'Argo): Just listen Mr. Horney Toad.

John (to Pilot): You know you really should get out more, these things do happen.

D'Argo: What was that thing about a slim duck?
John: Slam-dunk.