Lava's a Many Splendored Thing

Sikozu: You ate only three solar days ago. How inefficient is your body?
Chiana: How edible is yours? I can see there's not much meat on there, but I'm sure there's a lot of chew on your noggin.

John: Hey what do you know, Mikey likes it.

John: How come everything tastes like chicken?
Chiana: What's chicken?

John: Restorative? You call that restorative? Try purgative.

John: Buckwheat, I thought you came down her to drop some friends off at the pool.

John: D, we may have to take Granny to the home.
D'Argo: I think we should burn her.
John: You burn your old folks?
D'Argo: No it sounded like a good idea.

John: (about Noranti) Burning is too good for her.

John: You haven't seen my dog have you? Little Bubba, you got caught in a trap?

John: They got body armor? That's a hell of an invention. How come we don't have that?

John: Nah, she's (Noranti) gonna get shot.
D'Argo: And that would be bad?

John: (about Noranti) This is unbelievable. Can't cook, won't bathe, and now she's narcoleptic. She's a triple threat.

John: Bad news. Somebody's doing the Pompeii thing.

D'Argo: Same dren, different planet.

John: I can make that, but the old bat can't.
D'Argo: Old bats can fly.

Raa'Keel: Who's this?
John: Lou Costello. Who's this?

Raa'Keel: Then you approve of our work?
John: Absolutely. That thing that you guys did on Calamari. That was beautiful man. That was noble peace prize material.

John: Grandma, zip it. We do not want to hear what saints the Tarkans are. We are not going in there undefended. So you can either get with the program or you can shut up.
D'Argo: Preferably both.

John: Alright, here's the thing. I think that we ambush the escort, we hit him with a rock, and we take his belt.
D'Argo: That's your plan?
John: Yeah.
D'Argo: To hit him with a rock! When they have these like shield things?
John: The shields work against pulse energy. They don't work against other things. We saw the guy get burned.
D'Argo: Yeah, but not by a rock.
John: Alright let me lay this out for you. Fire, is thermal energy. Thermal energy is like kinetic energy. Rock has kinetic energy. Ergo a rock will work.
D'Argo: Oh, okay, okay. I'm with you. I just have one small little question. Who is Lou Costello?

John: Abbott and Costello. We've been over this.

D'Argo: Do you have any small appendages you don't need?
John: Small?
Noranti: Shoot him in the buttock, that's big.
John: Hey you know what don't touch my ass, that's sexual harassment. Whoa no we are not shooting the butt. The butt is off limits.

Noranti: Now can we go talk to the Tarkans?
John: There is no we white girl. We appreciate what you did. It was different, but we have two belts, three people you're staying here, we are not talking chances.

John: Okay here's the deal tin man. You can't hurt us, we can't hurt you. You've got our whoopee cushion, we've got Larry and Moe here.

D'Argo: Someone is in my ship.
John: It's gotta be the girls, but how did they get your bodily fluids?
D'Argo: Don't go there.

Raa'Keel: Your squad?
John: Yeah a whole platoon of big hairy guys with really cool tats and more guns than you can count. They come down here and find us dead they're gonna slit you from crotch to eyeball with a dull deer antler.

John: Life sucks doesn't it?
D'Argo: Well, quite often in fact.

John: Mr. Red shirt. Whatever the tin man's paying you we'll double it.

John: (to Scorpy in his head) Will you quit buzzin' around in my head, you're giving me a headache.

John: Okay at least we know I'm insane.

John: (in lava) Okay Sparky where are you? C'mon Bubba, I'm too old to be playing hide and seek.

John: (in lava) Damn this is going to be bad for the sperm count.

John: Can I get a Hell yeah?

John: My module is parked in orbit and the meter is running out.

Rygel: By the yotz, Moya's alright. She's waiting for us.