daydreams1

Daydreams and Nightmares Pt. 1
By ISIS
Disclaimers: Farscape is the property of Rockne S O'Bannon, Jim Henson Company et al. I make no claim on them. I borrow only. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Archiving: You're welcome to it; please tell me where it's at. (use the email link above)
Acknowledgements: Thanks as always to Quilt Lady for her great suggestions and criticisms.

John Crichton awoke with a start and lay groaning in his bed. The underwear he habitually slept in was soaked with sweat and his heart was racing with fear. He laid his forearm across his eyes and took several deep breaths to calm himself. "Another frelling nightmare," he cursed. At the edge of his consciousness he was vaguely aware of the disturbing images that had filled his dreams; Zhaan in a suit, DK attempting suicide, him shooting his father, Rygel in leather, Scorpius sitting in with a band, D'Argo coming on to him, his mother weakened by illness. John rolled over and clutched the pillow to him in despair, wondering yet again whether he was indeed losing his mind. He fought to define more of the images, hoping to make some sense of them.
Aeryn. He smiled. Not all of the images were disturbing, at least for the same reason. He remembered Aeryn in a white,very provocative nurse's uniform. And then in a purple dress, slit very high. His mind reeled at the possibilities. Then other, more comfortable images of Aeryn from previous dreams came to his troubled mind and he clung to them for solace in the dimly lit loneliness of his quarters. In his mind's eye, he saw himself and Aeryn, walking companionably through a beautiful forest, both with the white hair and wrinkled faces of the very elderly. He felt himself begin to relax at the thought of growing old with the beautiful Sebacean, living a life of peace and quiet somewhere, anywhere, with her.
Feeling calmer, John briefly considered trying to go back to sleep, but fear of yet another nightmare drove him from his bed and out into the passageways of the Leviathan that had been his home for nearly two cycles. Taking a microt to wash his face and hands in an effort to wash away the nightmare, he desided to make his way down to the central chamber. Rygel had managed to procure a beverage called gondra that seemed like milk in taste and texture . When John had commented on how it reminded him of the Earth staple, Aeryn had explained that, when heated, it had a sedating effect. When she had gone on to start explaining where it came from, John had laughingly stopped her. "Let me keep my fantasy that it really is milk," he had told her. Her face had registered her concern over his use of the word 'fantasy', but she had honoured his wish.
Pulling on a pair of loose pants, John padded silently down to the central chamber and pulled the gondra from the refrigeration unit. Then he set about laying out the utensils he would need to heat the beverage, turning on the unit that served as the crew's stove, humming softly to himself. The familiar feel of preparing a midnight snack helped to calm him further, and if he didn't look out the portal at the view of deep space, he could almost imaging himself back in his own kitchen. As he gently stirred the gondra, he heard a hurried footfall out in the passageway. Aeryn. He smiled to himself. He should have known she would join him. Ever since he had revealed to her his fears about Scorpius and the inexplicable hold he seemed have over him, she had never been far from his side. After his recent disappearance on the last commerce planet, she had stepped up her vigilance even more. His heart swelled at her silent caring.
"Crichton?" she said as she came into the chamber. She joined him at the stove, leaning against his shoulder as she peered into the pot he was stirring. Then she looked up at him, studying his face worriedly. "Are you all right?"
John smiled down at her, taking in the fact that she had not dressed, and her hair was dishevelled from sleep. "I'm fine, Aeryn. I just couldn't sleep, that's all," he replied, deciding not to burden her with his nightmare. "I thought I'd try some of the gondra you told me about, see if it helps me sleep. Care to join me?" he said, lifting the pot and offering it to her.
Aeryn yawned and leaned back on the edge of the table. She tiredly raked her hand through her hair, pulling it back from her face. "I don't think I'll need any help going back to sleep, but I would like some." She reached up to the shelf above her head, pulling down two cups. She placed them on the table, watching as John dexterously poured the warm liquid into them. She took a seat on the bench while John quickly rinsed out the pot and then joined her. He tried to take a sip then pulled back as the gondra threatened to burn his tongue.
"Damn, too hot!" he complained. "I never could get milk the right temperature either." John set the steaming cup back down on the table, then looked up to find Aeryn staring at him, her eyes a deep blue, and filled with concern.
"You are all right, aren't you, John?" she asked again. "It wasn't Scorpius again, was it?"
"No, Aeryn, it wasn't Scorpius," John replied not entirely truthfully. Aeryn looked skeptical but accepted his answer. He reached out and covered her hand with his. "Look, Aeryn, I am all right." Her eyes clearly told him she did not believe him. He sighed, then met her gaze. "Thanks for caring, though." He reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair back behind her ear.
Aeryn looked down, clearly embarrassed. John felt her withdraw slightly and sighed again. He covered his disappointment by concentrating on his cooling cup of gondra. Taking a tentative sip, he found the temperature just right and took a few more sips before setting the cup down. They sat like that, in uneasy silence. Finally John looked up, remembering his dream of them as an old couple. He smiled imagined them sitting like this, years in the future, sharing a cup of warm milk, or gondra, before going to bed. *Probably early,* he thought with a smile. Aeryn caught his smile and looked at him quizzically. Before she could speak, John suddenly asked," Do you ever think about growing old, Aeryn?"
Aeryn started, clearly surprised at his question. Then she smiled ruefully, "Well, according to Chiana's friends down on the royal cemetery planet, I am old already."
John laughed at the memory, "Yeah, ancient, worn out."
Aeryn hit him playfully, "Okay, enough." Then she grew very serious. "I never really thought I would even live this long, John." She stared at him sadly. "Even though the life expectancy of a Sebacean is about two hundred cycles, PeaceKeepers don't live that long. We don't grow old. We're usually killed long before we begin to weaken from old age. It is just a fact of life. So no, I don't think about growing old."
John stared at her, his heart twisting at her words. The harsh reality of her life as a soldier hit him again. "What if a soldier does survive? Do the PeaceKeepers have some sort of retirement plan? A reward of some kind for lengthy service?"
Aeryn turned to stare out the portal at the stars, a distant look in her eyes. "If a soldier does manage to stay alive, they are given honourable retirement when they are no longer of any value." She looked at him meaningfully. John's eyes widened as what she was saying struck him like a pulse rifle shot. "Most soldiers who do survive manage to achieve promotion. Several of our High Command are among the oldest members of the PeaceKeeper ranks. But even then, membership on the council does not preclude the imposition of honourable retirement, particularly if age interferes with the ability to make wise command decisions." Her rather matter-of-fact tone of voice made the truth of what she was saying even more chilling. She gave a sigh and then looked at John, that somewhat sad, questioning look on her face. "Tell me about old age on Earth."
"Well, back on Earth, Humans tend to retire from work at around age sixty-five, some earlier, some later. For most Humans, retirement is something they look forward to. It's a chance to travel, play golf, or just indulge in the hobbies that they have not had time for while working." He looked over at Aeryn, who was taking in what he was saying in disbelief.
"You come from such a different world, John," she said sadly, after a while. She picked up her gondra and drained the cup. John followed suit and took her cup from her hand, going over to the sink and washing them out. He turned in time to see Aeryn stifling another yawn.
"I think it's time we got you back to bed, Aeryn," he said with a smile. Aeryn's eyes flew to his, uncertain of his meaning. But when she saw only open caring in his eyes, she relaxed and let him lead her from the room and back to her bed. She started to protest when he insisted on tucking her in, but when he explained that it was a time-honoured Earth tradition, she relented. John drew her gold blanket up around her neck and smoothed her hair back from her forehead. Her eyelids were already drooping, a testament to the sedating power of the gondra. He waited until her breathing had slowed before bending and kissing her brow tenderly. He stood and looked down on her sleeping form for a few more microts, before surrendering to the pull towards his own bed.
***************
The next morning, John awoke feeling better rested and more refreshed than he had in a long time. He made a mental note to make sure that the supplies always included a steady supply of gondra in the future. After a soothing hot shower, John dressed in his usual PeaceKeeper surplus attire, and wandered down to the central chamber for breakfast. He found Rygel and Chiana bantering good-naturedly about successful lock-picking methods, with D'Argo watching the Nebari, lost in thought. *Uh,oh,* John thought, *There's trouble in Paradise.* Zhaan was smiling to herself. Stark was nowhere in evidence, but John knew his recent addition to the crew was welcomed particularly by his Delvian shipmate. And Aeryn. She looked up at his entrance, and seeing his relaxed demeanor, flashed him a brilliant smile. John felt his heart swell at her expression. *God, I live for those smiles,* he told himself, grabbing some of the food that Chiana had prepared and taking a seat beside Aeryn.
"Did you sleep well?" she asked him quietly.
"Yes, I did. Thanks for the tip about the gondra," he replied.
Aeryn smiled at him again and then turned her attention to her meal. John let the conversations of the others wash over him. Watching Aeryn, he allowed his mind to wander. His visions of the two of them as an old retired couple, together with their conversation of the night before had started him thinking. He stared at Aeryn, lost in thought. *What would she have been like if she had been raised on Earth?* he asked himself. *How different would she have been if she had experienced parents, childhood, high school, college?* He smiled to himself at the vision of Aeryn as a gawky adolescent, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, her arms filled with textbooks. What kind of a high school student would she have been? Probably not a science geek, like him. A cheerleader? He smiled at the image. No. A jock? He let his gaze pass over her slender form, sleek and well-toned. Perhaps. He could see her as a track and field athlete, or perhaps basketball or volleyball. Yes, a team sport. He smiled again, taking an absent bite of the egg-like substance on his plate, warming to his daydream. Then he studied her face again. Popular? No, Aeryn would have been one of the silent majority, a hard-working but quiet student, happy to be lost in the crowd. An ugly duckling of a girl with the kind of swanlike potential that teenage boys ignored in favour of the peacock beauty of unattainable prom queens. Had he known her in high school, John figured he would probably have not paid any real attention to her, caught up in his own foolish (and futile) pursuit of blond cheerleader types. He studied her face again, a gentle smile crossing his features. Perhaps there was something to be said for being pulled across the universe in a spatial anomaly.
Aeryn looked up just then and caught his eyes on her, and his smile. "What?" she asked. "What is it?"
"Nothing, Aeryn. Just thinking, that's all." He smiled to reassure her. She stared at him skeptically, clearly not accepting his explanation. Then she was all business. "If you're nearly finished there, I could use your help installing that new thruster on my Prowler."
John shook his head to clear away the last of his speculative thoughts. "Certainly, Aeryn. I am yours to command." She studied his face carefully to see whether he was teasing her, then cleared her place and left the chamber, telling him to meet her in the maintenance bay in a half arn.
***************
Three and a half arns later, in the maintenance bay, John found himself reduced to gofer. Aeryn's request for assistance in installing the new thruster had amounted to needing someone to fetch and carry for her. Somewhat frustrated, John had watched the dark-haired Sebacean as she slid from one awkward position to the next, ordering him to hold this or pass her that in a tone that would have done justice to Rygel at the height of his power. Quelling his disappointment, John let his thoughts wander back to the speculation he had started at breakfast. He watched Aeryn capably lift and install a rather complicated piece of equipment on her Prowler, a procedure that she would have disparaged as tech work only two cycles before.
*Okay, high school aside, what kind of a career would the delectable Aeryn Sun have pursued had she been raised on Earth?* John asked himself, watching her skilfully light the welding torch and begin the final installation.
The first thought that entered his mind was of course, military. But the more he came to know the beautiful ex-PeaceKeeper, the more John realised that that life had been forced on her. Given the choice, the Human felt that she would have taken quite a different path. He watched her as she welded the new thruster into place, the blue flame from the torch flashing in the dark sheen of her hair.
Mechanic? No, she was capable but not happy with her new role as maintenance tech aboard Moya. For a microt, his mind was filled again with the image of Aeryn in a white lab coat, with a stethoscope draped around her neck. Doctor? Nurse? he smiled at the image. No, somehow, though he felt she was fully capable of it, he didn't think that would be where her interest would lie.
Below him, Aeryn flicked off the welding torch and flashed him a brief triumphant smile. "Okay, you can let go now," she ordered.
Leaning out of the cockpit, John released his grip on the thruster and smiled when it stayed in place. "Great, Aeryn. Now what?"
Aeryn climbed up to join him in the Prowler's cockpit."Now we finish attaching the last cables and wires."
John groaned, surveying the tangled mass before them. "Maybe it's time to take a break, Aeryn."
Aeryn tensed at his words, unwilling to acknowledge the weariness she was feeling from the three solid arns they had already spent. Then she recognised the wisdom of the Human's suggestion and stood up, offering him her hand. "You're right, Crichton. I could use some water."
They wandered happily down to the central chamber in search of refreshment. John motioned Aeryn to sit down while he filled a couple of glasses with water. Searching through the refrigeration unit, he pulled out the last of the peach-like fruit they had purchased on their last supply run. Aeryn's eyes lit up with delight when he triumphantly placed one in front of her. "Muudlaa!" she exclaimed, seizing the fruit. Her blue eyes glowed as she gave him a brilliant smile. "I thought they were all gone. How did you manage ...?" she asked.
"Rygel's not the only one with hiding places for food," he smirked. "I snerched these two right out from under his nose." He watched with pleasure as Aeryn took a bite of the soft flesh, giggling a bit as the juice ran down her chin. "I know how much you like these."
Aeryn's satisfaction as she caught the juice with her hand and sucked her fingers made John's heart swell with happiness. She quickly polished off her treat and even went so far as to eye his muudlaa hungrily. "No way, José!" John cried, laughing at her obvious confusion as she looked around the room to see who he was addressing. When she returned to face him, he was licking his fingers exaggeratedly, the pit of the devoured fruit on the table in front of him. The look of sheer disappointment on her face made him laugh again. "Aren't you going to thank me, Aeryn?"
Aeryn's eyes locked with his and John suddenly felt the atmosphere grow unbreathable. She moved slowly forward, bringing her face closer and closer to his. When her eyes dropped to his mouth, John felt the rattlers take over his stomach. Suddenly she leaned forward and quickly kissed the corner of his mouth, her tongue flicking out to capture the drop of muudlaa juice that was there. Then she was gone, out the door and headed back towards the maintenance bay. John sat there stunned, then his lips curved into a slow, satisfied smile.
"Coming, Crichton?" her voice rang back down the passageway to him. He could hear her triumphant smile. John flicked his lip with the edge of his thumb and scrambled after her, grinning broadly.
On his return to the maintenance bay, John found Aeryn already hard at work. She paused long enough to cast him another triumphant smirk, then handed him a connector and pointed out what wire attached where. They worked together in companionable silence for another arn. When John had finished his connections, he put down the tool and sat back, watching his Sebacean crewmate work. He let his mind wander back to his earlier speculation.
*Aeryn on Earth. Hmmm?* he thought. *What career would she have pursued?* His thoughts returned to their discussion of nearly a cycle past, when she had been teaching him to fly the transport pod.
"I see it in your eye. You miss the thrill of combat flying," he had stated.
"I miss the teamwork of combat flying," she had countered.
He watched Aeryn as she finished with her connections, running her hand almost lovingly over the fuselage. He smiled to himself, *You would have been a pilot on Earth, too, Miss Sun.* he said to himself. *Just like me; no matter what you say, you love flying.*
She looked up then and caught him watching her again, just as he had been at breakfast. "Okay, Crichton, what is it?"
John jumped down and took the connector from her hand, turning to replace it in the tool kit. "Nothing, Aeryn, just thinking," he replied.
Aeryn stood back, her hands on her hips, impatient with his evasive answer. "You were *just thinking* this morning too. What were you thinking about?"
He smiled secretly at her again, driving her crazy with curiosity. Then he took pity on her. "I was just thinking that I can't wait for you to show me how this new thruster is going to affect the Prowler's performance. How 'bout taking her for a spin?"
John was delighted to see her eyes brighten at his suggestion. *Oh yeah, lady, you love to fly.* Then she hesitated. Finally, Aeryn sighed, casting a longing glance at the docking bay doors, as if she could see through them to the space that called.
"Not yet, John. I want the DRD's to go over it once more, to double check that everything is in working order. It will take another twelve arns." She grinned at him, "But tomorrow, you're on."
John grinned boyishly back at her. "It's a date, Aeryn."
***************
*Dating Aeryn?* John wondered, as he passed an uneventful duty in Command later the next day, or what passed for day on the Leviathan. He had revised his earlier decision that Aeryn would have been a pilot on Earth. They had taken the Prowler out, as planned, during which Aeryn had insisted on first instructing him, then testing him, on flying it. *She would have been a flight instructor,* he decided to himself. *And a very demanding one at that,*
John recalled his own flight instructor. His Dad had taught him the basics, but it had been slightly overweight and balding Colonel Thomas who had prepared him to fly the shuttle. Next to Aeryn, the man was a pussycat.
He saw her again in his mind's eye, her matter-of-fact tone of voice as she explained the new connections; the way she grabbed his hands without embarrassment and showed him how to manoeuvre the controls, seemingly unaware of their closeness in the confined cockpit; her grudging patience at his mistakes; her radiant smile when he executed her commands flawlessly.
*What if Aeryn had been my flight instructor back on Earth?* he speculated. Then he began to laugh uncontrollably. *I certainly wouldn't be here! I never would have passed the exam. I would have been concentrating more on how to ask her out than on what she was trying to teach me.* He snorted, remembering the numerous times he had crashed and burned with women back on Earth. Especially after Alex. When she left, he had lost all his confidence. Then he sobered. * No, I would still be here. No matter what, Aeryn would have made sure I passed that exam. It's not in her nature to let me fail. And that won't ever change about her,* he decided, with a smile.
After a short conversation with Pilot about a strange reading on the console, John let his mind drift again, thoroughly enjoying this daydream he was having.
*Dating Aeryn,* he thought again when the non-crisis was past. *How would that have happened if I had known her on Earth?* He pondered the question. Aeryn would not have had that fierce PeaceKeeper reserve but he couldn't really see her as a singles bar type either. He frowned as the passing image of Aeryn in a sequined top and thigh high slit skirt, dancing feverishly under a disco ball crossed his mind again. He shook his head and wondered yet again what Freudian part of his brain kept conjuring up that picture.
*No, asking Aeryn out on a date would probably have been as difficult on Earth as it is to try to get closer to her here,* the Human concluded. *Next to her, Alex was a pushover,* he thought, remembering the number of times he had had to repeat his request for a date with the beautiful med student when she had spent two years at MIT, working on her Masters in medical technology. She had not been interested in someone studying something as nebulous as Cosmic Theory. And his reckless ways had in fact turned her off. But she had finally given in to his ready smile and persistence, and look where it had led. John heaved a wistful sigh over his lost love and what might have been.
No, Aeryn would probably be wary of his 'charming smile', remembering her annoyance at Furlow, when the mechanic had responded to it on Dam-Ba-Da. John grinned. *I would probably have resorted to the 'Dad factor' to break the ice with her,* he thought wickedly. Despite his feelings of never being able to live up to his father's reputation, John remembered that he had not been adverse to using his relationship with a famous astronaut to impress the occasional girl. D.K. had called it the 'Dad factor', not a little enviously, he recalled. Yes, he could easily see a Human Aeryn unable to resist a chance to view a shuttle launch up close and personal.
His thoughts turned to subsequent dates with the Aeryn of his imagination. *Dinner and a movie?* he thought. *Possibly, depending on the movie. Dancing?* John's lips curved into a smile at the very pleasant thought of dancing with Aeryn. *Not disco or techno,* he grimaced.*Something slow, and smooth.* He could well imagine Aeryn sharing his love of jazz. *Charlie Parker. Miles Davis. Maybe a little Duke Ellington.* John closed his eyes in pleasure. "Oh yes!" he said out loud.
"Yes, what?" an amused voice said from behind him. John turned to see the object of his daydreams standing behind him, watching him with an enigmatic smile on her face, her thumbs hooked in the waistband of her black leather pants. He surprised her by suddenly grabbing her in his arms and waltzing her shocked form around the Command, humming a few strains of 'Satin Doll' to himself. She let herself relax into his arms, but her face showed concern and not a little fear at his unusual behaviour. Not wanting to alarm her further, John stopped and leaned forward to gently kiss her forehead before letting her go.
"John?" she said, her eyes studying his, looking for signs of his returning mental instability.
"Don't worry, Aeryn, I'm fine," he reassured her. "Just reliving a bit of home." He reached out and gently caressed her cheek. He stared into her sapphire blue gaze with a tender expression in his own very blue eyes, then he stepped back from her, turning his attention once more to the command table and its routine readouts. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to relieve you," she said.
John looked at the chronometer on the console. "My shift is over already?" he asked in surprise.
Aeryn stepped forward, worried again. "Yes, John." Her eyes searched his face, seeking some sign of the distress he had confided to her earlier.
John's heart raced at the evidence of her caring. He smiled at her happily. "Aeryn, relax. I'm okay, really. I just let my mind wander and time passed very quickly, that's all. And they were very pleasant thoughts. No Scorpius." He caressed her cheek again, lightly. Then he turned away from her. "Well, I'm for bed. Have a pleasant shift. 'Night, Aeryn."
Aeryn watched him go, her stance a little more relaxed. "Good night, John. Sweet dreams," she said, using one of his Earth expressions, even though its meaning escaped her.
John stopped and turned to look at her, his expression unreadable. Then he smiled happily. "Oh, they are, Aeryn. They are."