Daydreams and Nightmares Pt. 2
By ISIS
Disclaimers: Farscape is the property of Rockne S O'Bannon, Jim Henson Company et al. I make no claim on them. I borrow only. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Archiving: You're welcome to it; please tell me where it's at. (use email link above)
Acknowledgements: Thanks as always to Quilt Lady for her great suggestions and criticisms.
The next morning, John awoke and stretched luxuriantly in his bed, happy to have spent yet another night free of the disturbing nightmares. *Things are definitely looking up.* he thought optimistically. * Freudian or not, my little daydream seems to be having a positive effect. If I can stay with these images, perhaps Scorpius will go away for good.*
He dressed quickly and joined the others for breakfast. Aeryn looked up at his entrance and smiled again. Zhaan studied her Human crewmate and was well pleased by his relaxed manner. Her conversation with Stark the night before had worried her. His description of the mental anguish he had suffered after the Aurora Chair had been profoundly disturbing. She worried intensely for her Human shipmate, a being far less skilled in the manipulation of the mind than Stark. She saw the look that passed between the Human and the Sebacean and her heart swelled with hope. The connection between them, even though it was unacknowledged, might be the salvation of the being she had come to care very deeply for.
Breakfast was a pleasant affair as the crew enjoyed the respite from the turmoil that plagued so much of their lives. John noted that Chiana and D'Argo seemed to be close once more. Rygel was pleased that the crew seemed to be happy with his latest commerce planet trading expedition. Zhaan and Stark overlooked the proceedings like a mother and father, and even Aeryn joined in the laughter at some of Rygel's more outrageous stories of life in the Hynerian court. Chiana and D'Argo were the first to leave, their intentions obvious from the significant looks they had been casting at one another all through the meal. Rygel harrumphed indignantly, but was quelled by a look from Zhaan. When she and Stark left together as well, the little Dominar sped out of the chamber muttering to himself about bipedal beings and their urges. John felt a sense of isolation, seeing the happy pairing off of his shipmates. He looked deliberately at Aeryn, whose attention was suddenly very focussed on the remains of her meal. He watched her carefully, without a word, until he finally caught her glancing up at him. His warm smile had her lowering her eyes again in embarrassment at being caught. But she couldn't hide the soft smile that swept across her lips. His heart beat faster at the sight, *Soon, my girl, soon,* he thought.
Rapidly changing the direction of his thoughts, John spoke into the quiet. "So, what's on the agenda for today, Aeryn?"
She jumped slightly at the sudden sound of his voice and then she was controlled. "Pilot has asked us to take a look at the primary neural nexus. Ever since the birth of her child, Moya has been experiencing twinges, probably left over from the removal of the Paddak beacon. We need to check every nerve fibre to make sure that there are no lingering traces of the connections." She smiled briefly at John and then rose to clear her place.
"I'm there, Aeryn. Give me a quarter arn with a dentic and I'll meet you down there." Aeryn cast him another gentle smile and then left the room.
John listened to her footsteps grow fainter down the hall. He let his gaze fall to his plate, eyeing the last of his breakfast without really seeing it. Instead, he allowed himself the luxury of falling back into his oh-so-pleasant daydream.
*Okay, we've covered high school, career, dating, what next?* His heart and what had happened between them, however briefly this morning, gave him the answer. *Oh, man, what would it have been like to propose to Aeryn on Earth?* John thought back to his one and only near proposal, his heart still twisting in remembered pain at Alex's decision to leave him. In retrospect, he realised her career had been equally as important as her relationships. Since he had been the same, he couldn't fault her. It didn't make it hurt any less though.
Thinking of Aeryn, who had given up everything, her life, her career, her people, at a few simple words from him, John realised that if his relationship with an Earthly Aeryn had ever reached the stage of him considering proposing marriage, then Aeryn's heart and mind would already have been made up to accept. She would have cut off the relationship with him long before he reached that stage with her. He smiled and cleared his place, then headed out of the central chamber to the washroom.
He spit the dentic out and watched it swim back into its holding tank. Despite his continuing nervousness about using the disgusting creatures, John had to admit they were very efficient. He checked his appearance in the metallic surface that served as a mirror and imagined himself preparing for his date with Aeryn, the one at which he would pop the question. His reveries were interrupted by the sound of a very impatient Sebacean comming him that he was late. He grinned at his image and trotted off to join her.
John wriggled through the DRD-widened, yet still-narrow passageway into the primary neural nexus chamber and found Aeryn communicating with Pilot, studying a schematic. She barely acknowledged his arrival and when she had signed off, quickly indicated the search grid that she and Pilot had established. She handed John a sensor and a flashlight and sent him off the the opposite side of the chamber. John sighed at her distant attitude and quickly let his mind wander as he began the tedious job of passing the sensor over every inch of Moya's extensive neural network.
*Okay, John, where would you have proposed to Aeryn, had you been on Earth?* he asked himself. Somehow he didn't think the red sheets and champagne scenario would be in keeping with the Human Aeryn his imagination had conjured up. He watched Aeryn work across the chamber from him for a few microts, then looked quickly back down to his own work when she cast a sudden glance in his direction. *Sincerity, simplicity,* he thought. All the times he and Aeryn had opened up to each other under the star-filled canopy of the terrace, their favourite place, convinced John that an Earthly Aeryn would need the same setting. The Human's thoughts were soon caught up in his daydream; visions of himself and Aeryn driving to a place outside the city where the stars filled the skies with light; their quiet, silent star-gazing, wrapped in a blanket against the chill; then gazing into her beautiful eyes and gently asking her to marry him. John felt his own heart race as if he were indeed asking her, holding his breath awaiting her answer. He imagined the emotions that would cross her face, surprise, embarrassment, uncertainty, then finally joy and love as she said yes. He closed his eyes with a murmured sigh, unwilling to release the intoxicating image.
When he opened his eyes in the dim light of the nexus chamber, he found a very concerned Aeryn standing on the other side of one of Moya's rope-like neurons, studying his face worriedly. Her left hand lay gently on his as it rested on the neuron. "John?" she said tentatively.
John returned her gaze for a microt, his face unreadable. He pulled himself reluctantly back from his pleasant daydream. Instead, he let himself be lost in Aeryn's sapphire eyes, his eyes taking in her dark hair, lying unbound around her shoulders, the whiteness of her skin and the sculpted beauty of her cheekbones, brow and throat. His gaze dropped to her hand where it lay covering his. He turned his hand and gently wove his fingers with hers. Aeryn's eyes grew troubled at his unusual actions. John lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles. Then he let his fingers encircle her slender ring finger, imagining himself placing his ring there.
"John?" Aeryn asked again, her voice growing more alarmed. "Are you all right?"
John suddenly grinned at her and kissed her hand again, an exaggerated sloppy kiss this time. Then he laughed. Aeryn watched him in confusion. "You have such lovely hands, Aeryn, I couldn't resist." He raised her hand to his lips once more, this time playfully nibbling at her knuckles, tickling her. Aeryn's expression lightened somewhat, and she pulled her hand away.
"You are very odd, Crichton," she replied, but John could see she was pleased at his compliment. Suddenly the sensor in John's hands jangled to life. The rest of their time was spent being guided by Pilot in the removal of the broken end of the Peacekeeper Paddak beacon connection. John felt Aeryn's gaze on him repeatedly, but each time he reverted to his normal bizarre Human behaviour and eventually he felt her relax.
In an effort to recapture the pleasant feelings of the afternoon, John excused himself rather abruptly from dinner and went to sit on the floor of the terrace. He let his mind drift back over the daydreams he had been indulging in over the last two days. Aeryn on earth. Him on earth with Aeryn. He smiled gently at the fading daydream. Then he looked out through the transparent material that separated him from the cold vacuum of space and sighed.
Behind him, he heard the door to the terrace swing open. Without turning he knew who had entered and his heart swelled again at the affirmation of her concern and caring. He shifted around and silently watched her tentative approach. He closed his eyes and in a final indulgence shifted himself mentally to a church, decorated simply with flowers and filled with only their closest friends and relatives. He heard in his mind the swelling strains of an organ then opened his eyes as if he were watching his bride approach.
Aeryn moved slowly towards him across the terrace, her eyes fixed on his face. She searched desperately for come sign that he was once more in the throes of the hallucination of Scorpius and the Aurora Chair. But instead, she saw his face light with some other positive emotion. His eyes glowed as they watched her draw closer, and a satisfied smile spread across his face. As she came closer, Aeryn saw him stretch out his hand to her. Uncertain, Aeryn reached out and took his hand, letting him pull her down beside him. "John?" she said again. "John, I was worried about you. You left dinner so quickly, Zhaan and I ..."
John silenced her with a gentle finger across her lips. Aeryn's eye flew to his. He smiled serenely down at her and she relaxed slightly. "Shhh, Aeryn. Don't worry. I'm fine." He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her up against his side. "Just sit here with me for a while."
Aeryn relaxed more against him. But her curiosity and worry got the better of her. "John, I've been concerned about you. You have been acting so odd lately. Is it Scorpius?"
John sighed, then tightened his arm around Aeryn's waist. He bent to press a gentle kiss against her hair. "I'm sorry, Aeryn, if I worried you. I've just been daydreaming." At her quizzical expression, he smiled. "Daydreaming. It's like dreaming at night, only you're awake. You just let your imagination wander. It's very relaxing. And satisfying." He suddenly pulled her more completely into his arms, shifting them so that she was sitting with her back against his chest, staring out at the stars. John smiled to feel her relax immediately against him. He rubbed his cheek against her hair, breathing in its delicate scent.
"So tell me what you have been daydreaming about."
John smiled, suddenly unsure about sharing his thoughts with her.
"John?"
He pressed a soft kiss against her temple and plunged in. "I was wondering what you would have been like if you had been raised on Earth."
Aeryn turned to gaze at him in shock, clearly not expecting his answer. John grinned down at her, somewhat embarrassed.
"Me, on Earth?"
"Yeah. It sounds crazy now," John admitted.
Aeryn relaxed back against him. He could not see the happy smile that played around her lips. "No, John, actually, I find it intriguing. Was I a good person?"
John's heart wrenched at her question, evidence still of her feelings of unworthiness and insecurity. He tightened his arms around her and whispered into her ear. "The best. Someone I wanted to get to know and came to trust and rely on, just like here." *And love,* he thought, but did not say out loud.
Aeryn snuggled back into his embrace. "It sounds like you think we're destined to be together," she commented, then grew very still as the enormity of what she had revealed overcame her.
John could feel her body tighten in shock. He lowered his head slightly to nuzzle her neck, until he felt her relax again. He reached up slowly with one hand to cup and turn her face towards him. He met the startled look in her eyes with a warm, affectionate gaze. Then his eyes dropped to her lips. As he bent towards her mouth, he smiled and whispered, "I'd like to think so." Then he claimed her mouth in a tender kiss.
Aeryn responded to his kiss with a sigh. Her lips parted under the gentle pressure of his and John deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into her sweet mouth to dance with her own. Aeryn's arm slid up around his neck and she shifted slightly in his arms, unconsciously seeking to press herself closer into his warmth.
They were so lost in each other, that Pilot had to repeat his call. With a frustrated groan, John pulled his mouth from Aeryn's. He sat for a microt staring down into her eyes, looking for something he could not quite define. Then Pilot called yet again and he hit his commbadge to answer. "Yes, Pilot? What is it?" As he spoke, John could feel Aeryn shift slightly away from him.
"The others would like to meet with you and Aeryn in Command to try to plan a strategy for recovering Jothee."
John met Aeryn's suddenly guarded gaze and he replied, "We'll be right there." The ex-Peacekeeper was already scrambling to her feet and heading towards the door. John closed the comm link and then rose to his feet, turning quickly to Aeryn. "Aeryn?" he called softly.
She turned, her face unreadable, the Peacekeeper mask back in place. "We had better not keep the others waiting, John," she said, her voice strangely uncertain in spite of her expression. Then she smiled and reached out her hand to him. "Coming?"
The Human paused for a moment, disappointment warring with hope. Then he smiled, hope winning out. *At least she called me John,* he thought. He took her hand and together they made their way to Command.
***************
For the next few days, things were reasonably quiet aboard Moya. There was the occasional squabble as D'Argo lost his temper with various members of the crew, but they soon forgave him, knowing how tense he was about reaching Jothee before the slave auction.
Since their pleasurable encounter on the terrace, John had seen little of Aeryn. The crew had been kept busy making repairs to Moya and the Prowler, in preparation for the anticipated struggle to come. Command duties had been stepped up as well, so the crew was pulled in many different directions, not even meeting at mealtimes. John had tried to find some time alone with his Sebacean shipmate, but it had not been possible. However, unlike other times when she had deliberately avoided him after one of their more intimate encounters, John was encouraged by a feeling that Aeryn was not hiding from him this time; that her absence was indeed due to the increased activity and sense of urgency they all felt. A few times when they had met at hurriedly eaten meals, he had caught her watching him, a look of deep concentration on her face. They had shared several smiles but as yet no conversation.
John's mood was also lightened by the absence of the nightmares that had troubled him. His sleep had been undisturbed for several nights. He attributed his newfound calm to his pleasant daydream, and to his belief that his relationship with Aeryn was moving forward, albeit slowly.
Then one night, in the middle of the sleep period, John was heading back to his quarters, weary after an extended duty in Command. Suddenly, there was a stifled scream from Aeryn's room. John raced immediately to her quarters, hitting the door lock, and running in. Aeryn was sitting up in her bed, her sleeveless grey t-shirt drenched in sweat, her breath coming in great heaving gasps. Her eyes were wild and her hair was plastered to her forehead. John approached her carefully so as not to frighten her any further, calling her name softly. She looked at him for a microt as if she was not seeing him then her face crumpled and she said his name, a note of pleading in her voice. John quickly sat down beside her and drew her into his comforting embrace, shocked to feel her shivering. He whispered to her, stroking her hair and back to calm her. Finally, he felt her relax somewhat. He leaned back from her to look into her eyes.
"Hey," he said with a slow smile.
Aeryn smiled slightly at his foolishness. "Hey!"
"No way. You have to tell me what happened, Aeryn. So, hey."
Aeryn leaned back into him for comfort. John wrapped her once more in his arms, growing a little more concerned. Just when he thought she would not answer him, Aeryn started.
"I had a dream, John. It was ... unpleasant." She looked up at him, her eyes still troubled.
"I think it was a little more than just unpleasant Aeryn. You woke up screaming. That was a full-fledged nightmare." He looked down at her and gently stroked her cheek. "Do you remember any of it?"
She nodded. "I was thinking about what you said a few days ago. About your daydream. Thinking about what I would have been like if I had been raised on Earth." She smiled weakly up at him. "It seemed to make you so happy."
"It did, sweetheart. I think it was the best therapy. But what has that got to do with your nightmare?"
"I dreamed that you were a Peacekeeper. I guess my mind started to think along the same lines." She looked down, suddenly upset again. "It was awful, John. You weren't you anymore. You were like Crais, unfeeling, driven, manipulative, abusive." She took another deep shuddering breath.
John tightened his arms around her, gently kissing her forehead. Aeryn wrapped her own arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder, drawing comfort and strength from his presence. They sat like that for a while. Then John leaned back and smiled down into her eyes. "I think this calls for another midnight gondra."
Aeryn returned his smile and pulled out of his arms, pushing her tangled hair out of his eyes. "Yes, John. I think that would help a lot."
He helped her get out of the tangle of her sheets and together they walked to the central chamber. As before, John prepared the gondra, humming as he stirred the heating white liquid. He turned to check on Aeryn a couple of times, worried when he saw her slumped on the bench, her expression dark with remembered images from her nightmare. Finally, he turned and with an exaggerated flourish, presented her with the steaming cup of gondra. He took a reckless sip of his own, yelping as he burned the tip of his tongue. "Damn! Still too hot! I'll never get this right if I live to be a old as Methuselah!"
Aeryn looked at him quizzically and he was pleased to see her patented Human nonsense expression return to her face. She watched him wash out the pot and utensils as they waited for the gondra to cool. Then he came and sat next to her on the bench, deliberately leaning into her shoulder. "I'm sorry if my silly daydream caused this, Aeryn. I would never do anything to upset you, to hurt you in any way."
Aeryn smiled at him, her sapphire eyes filled with warmth and caring. "I know that, John. This had nothing to do with you. I'm probably more worried about what will happen when we reach the slave auction than I'm willing to let on. My mind is just reacting strangely to the stress, that's all." She took a sip of her gondra. "It's fine now, John."
They drank the warm liquid in silence. Once the cups were drained, John took them over to the sink and washed them as before. He turned back in time to see Aeryn give a great yawn and start to lay her head down on the table. "No, no, no, Aeryn, you can't sleep here. Let's get you back to your quarters." He pulled her to her feet and held onto her as she swayed slightly, overcome by sleep. As he started to lead her out of the chamber, Aeryn suddenly stopped him, turning in his arms to face him.
"I'm glad you're you, John. I'm glad you came through the wormhole and I'm glad that I met you." She stood, studying his face as if memorizing it for her dreams. Then she reached up gently and caressed his cheek before pulling his mouth down to hers. John's arms tightened around her as he molded her against his body. Aeryn linked her arms around the back of his neck and pressed herself against him as their tender kiss become more passionate, more demanding. John felt his body responding to her passion and he tore his mouth from hers to trail kisses down her jaw and throat. Finally, he raised his head to look down at her, intending to ask her to stay with him, to be with him, as he had dreamed of so many times.
Aeryn's eyes closed suddenly and she collapsed into his arms with a soft sigh, overcome by the sedative effects of the gondra. John caught her to him with a groan of frustration. He stared down into her sleeping countenance, then started to laugh softly at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Oh, baby, our timing leaves a lot to be desired," he said to her lightly snoring form. Then he lifted her in his arms and carried her to her quarters, revelling in the feel of her in his arms. He tucked her back into her bed and kissed her lips softly. She smiled in her sleep and whispered his name, which made him smile. "Soon, my love, soon," he promised, brushing her hair back and kissing her forehead. "Good night, my sleeping beauty. Sweet dreams."
FIN