Good-bye
By Rachel Schaeffer
Disclaimer: Farscape and its characters belong to Henson, the Sci-fi Channel, etc. They are not mine, even though I wish they were :O). I promise I'll return them safe and unharmed. "For You" is the property of Tara MacLean. No copyright infringement is intended.
Feedback: Would be greatly appreciated, however flames will be dealt with by my purple and green dragon, Fred. E-mail addy is danahope@hotmail.com
Archive: Sure, just let me know and keep my name attached to it.
Author's Note: I just want to take a moment to my beta readers; Richard, Meowzer, and Anthony D. Your suggestions/ comments helped me a lot so THANK YOU :O)
The crowded city streets of the commerce planet went completely still as a large group of military soldiers descended, unprovoked, upon the small groups of civilians. John and Aeryn dropped to the ground near the tent in which Rygel was bargaining for much needed supplies.
"Who the frell are those people Aeryn?" John whispered urgently.
"I don't know," Aeryn hissed as the soliders swept toward them. Suddenly, a large explosion shook the market place, people began to run, and the soldiers began to fire their weapons in to the helpless crowd. John stood up, pulling Aeryn with him, and took off in the direction of the transport pod. In the distance he could see Zhaan, Chiana, D'Argo, and a very annoyed Rygel waiting for them in the door of the transport. Suddenly, a shot rang out and John fell to the ground. His shirt already becoming saturated with the blood from his wound. Aeryn spun around, hoping to find the soldier who had fired the shot, but he had already disappeared into the large crowd. As she spun back to face John, she noticed D'Argo running toward her, a Qualta blade grasped firmly in his hand. Once there, he picked up John's body and carried him quickly back to the transport, which immediately took off for Moya once they were inside.
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The silence aboard Moya was broken by a series of soft whimpers coming from within the darkened room of Officer Aeryn Sun. The stillness of her sleeping form was betrayed only by the rapid movements of her closed eyes and the subtle quiver of her lower lip. Aeryn suddenly awoke and glanced furtively around the room as if she were still seeing John's lips inches from her own. When the images finally cleared from her view, Aeryn turned the lighting within her room to dim and threw the rumpled sheets off her body. Wearing John's favorite black tank top and loose black pants, Aeryn made her way through Moya's halls and headed toward the maintenance bay; stopping only to glance into John's empty room. As she stood there, staring into the empty room, John's belongings no longer cluttered on the floor, her vision began to cloud with unshed tears that vanished as she shook her head and continued toward the cargo bay. Once within its safe confines, Aeryn began to release some of her anger over John's death onto the discarded Peacekeeper punching bag that had been discovered several months ago. The redness of the bag soon deepened as the blood from Aeryn's knuckles mingled with the smooth fabric. Aeryn's concentration was broken as Pilot's voice came over her comm.
"Officer Sun?"
"Yes Pilot."
"If you are not busy, would you mind assisting the DRDs in fixing a leak on tier 8?"
"I'll be right there Pilot," replied Aeryn as she picked up a towel to try and in an attempt to stop bleeding of her knuckles. She began to head towards tier 8 when she was stopped by a very worried looking Zhaan.
"Aeryn what happened?" asked Zhaan as she bent to look at Aeryn's hands more closely.
"It's nothing," Aeryn stated bluntly, receiving a look of uncertainty from Zhaan. "Was there anything else, because if there wasn't, I need to get to tier 8."
After a microt's hesitation, Zhaan replied . "No there was nothing else," and after watching Aeryn disappear from view, she made her way towards command to relieve D'Argo from his shift.
Command:
D'Argo's fluid movements grew Zhaan's attention to the console in the center of command as she walked onto the room. She silently made her way up behind him and peered over his shoulder to better view the information being displayed. Zhaan eventually broke the companionable silence by softly saying, "Anything eventful happening?"
"Only Rygel and Chiana's incessant bickering over who gets the last of the kedeeva barbecue."
"By the Goddess, will those two ever stop arguing ?!" Zhaan stated with a hint of laughter in her voice.
Chiana entered command just in time to hear Zhaan's teasing, and after waiting a few microts, she spoke."I really hope you aren't talking about me."
"Of course not," Zhaan answered. "So who won?"
"I did" Chiana replied, licking her lips to emphasize what she had just said. "John's kedeeva barbecue was even better than the first time I tried it." The room fell into an uneasy silence as the three shipmates relived the memories of a lost friend. D'Argo broke the spell as he cleared his throat and made a move toward the open doorway.
"Well, Zhaan, I am going to get something to eat and try to get some rest before it is time for my next shift. I'll be in my quarters if you need me."
"Sweet dreams dear D'Argo," Zhaan muttered to his retreating form, which was being closely followed by Chiana. Her mind began to drift towards her earlier encounter with Aeryn on her way to command. The only sign of her troubled thoughts were the creases being formed by her tightly compressed lips and a slight wrinkle of her brow. The image of Aeryn's bloodied knuckles remained inprinted in her mind, and after a silent prayer, her face once again relaxed and she turned her attention to the duties at hand.
Tier 8:
A team of DRD's scurried busily around Aeryn's crouched form. The leak was bigger than she had anticipated and her clothes were beginning to become soaked with the cool amnexious fluid draining from Moya's systems. "Pilot," Aeryn said into her comm. badge.
"Yes, Officer Sun ?"
"Can you send down a few more DRD's to assist me?"
"I'll send them immediately."
"Thank you Pilot," Aeryn said, sighing softly. She hadn't ment for Pilot to hear it but, the soft sigh was picked up by the delicate comm. badge and amplified in Pilot's chamber.
"Officer Sun?" Pilot questioned cautiously.
Closing her eyes and pausing slightly to wipe some of the amnexious fluid off her cheek, Aeryn finally answered. "Yes Pilot."
"Are you feeling all right?"
"Huh," Aeryn paused a microt before continuing. "Yeah, I'm fine Pilot."
"I'm sending the DRD's your way now." Pilot finally disconnected the comm. unit and Aeryn was left sitting in the silence. Her gaze became transfixed on the clear liquid pouring from the wall and the cool feel of it on her skin. Memories of John threatened to break through the barrier she had built in her mind. The threat disappeared as she felt one of the DRD's Pilot had sent brush up against her leg as it headed toward the leak. Several hours passed before Aeryn was able to leave the DRD's alone to finish repairing the leak and head back toward her quarters. Once inside her quarters, Aeryn sat down on her bed and allowed the memories to overwhelm her senses.
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John's battered body was lying on a small table in the medical bay as Aeryn walked to his side. His shirt was soaked with sweat and blood, some of which had fell to the floor and pooled in irregularly shaped pools, and his face was unusually pale. Zhaan had ushered the others out of the room in order to give Aeryn the privacy she knew Aeryn needed. Suddenly Aeryn's focus was brought to John's lips as he whispered."Aeryn..."
"It's alright, you don't have to say anything... I know," Aeryn whispered as she smoothed her hand over the skin of his jaw. John nodded his head to show that he understood, his eyes never leaving hers, until an intense flash of pain swept over his body and his eyes closed involuntarily. Aeryn paused, watching John's face slowly relax and his eyes flutter open, before she began to speak again. "You taught me how to be more than what I was trained to be. Thank you for that." As Aeryn spoke, John slowly closed his eyes for the last time. A single tear escaped Aeryn's eyes as she lowered her mouth to his in a final kiss. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," she whispered as she ran her hand through his hair and gently pulled the gold sheet at his feet up to cover his still body.
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As the memory finally ended, a single tear fell down her face, leaving a salty track along her cheek. Aeryn tried to reach up to wipe the wetness off her face, but lacked the strength and the will. Instead, she leaned backward onto her bed, grabbing one of John's old shirts from her pillow, and drifted off into a nightmare filled sleep.
Chiana's soft footsteps paused as her nightly walk brought her near Aeryn's darkened quarters. The sound of soft crying and mumbling drew her closer to the grated door, but she wasn't prepared for what she saw. Aeryn was twisted up in her blanket and she was clutching one of John's old shirts to her chest. Chiana hesitated at the doorway, shifting from foot to foot and titlting her head, as if she was deciding whether or not to enter, before she continued her walk through Moya's darkened halls.
Next Morning aboard Moya
The plateful of food cubes remained untouched in front of the blue Delvian as she stared intently at them, memories of John and her recent encounter with Aeryn racing through her mind. Her concentration wavered from the table as Aeryn walked quickly into the room. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair hung limply over her shoulders. Cautiously Zhaan began to speak, "Aeryn, are you alright?"
"Yes, Zhaan I'm fine."
"Are you...."
"I said, 'I'm fine'" Aeryn snapped angrily, cutting Zhaan off mid-sentence. She turned quickly and headed toward the docking bay containing the Farscape I, almost knocking over Chiana on her way out.
"What's her problem?" Chiana asked as she grabbed a container of crackers and took a seat beside Zhaan.
"I'm not sure, but I'm worried about her."
"I'm sure she'll be fine, she always is."
"I hope you're right Chiana," Zhaan quietly added before beginning to consume the food cubes in front of her. Chiana debated over whether or not to reveal what she had seen in Aeryn's room last night to Zhann, but fearing Aeryn may take out any anger she may feel at people knowing how much John's death was affecting her, she decided to remain silent.
Cargo Bay:
A soft clanging sound echoed through the cargo bay as Aeryn worked on the internal components of the Farscape module. Several instruments had been replaced by a small gray box, and the once full cockpit seemed extremely bare. Once Aeryn had cleaned up her tools, she headed towards her room to take a much needed shower. After turning the water to a comfortable temperature, Aeryn quickly undressed and allowed the cool water to cascade over her body. She had re-injured her knuckles while working on Farscape I, and they throbbed incessantly. Aeryn slowly became fascinated with watching the dried blood from her knuckles return to its liquid form and circle down the drain, hardly noticing that the water had turned an icy cold until goose bumps appeared along her arms and shivers ran down the length of her spine. She carefully stepped out of the path of the running water and turned off the shower as she wrapped a large towel around her body. As she began to dry off her shoulders, a memory of John wrapping her up in a towel and smoothing away the tiny droplets of water from her body suddenly formed in her mind. It had been after the first time they made love aboard Moya, and he had surprised her as she stepped out of the shower. The tender way he had dried the wetness off her skin and the way he carefully carried her back to bed had left her breathless, but now the intensity of the memory forced her to sit down before her knees gave out beneath her. Aeryn began to shake, her Peacekeeper training failing her and leaving her unable to block out the sight of John's dead body lying aboard Moya.
" Why won't this end?, " Aeryn whispered silently as the memories kept bombarding themselves in crystal clear clarity before her eyes. Memories of John's lips on hers and the tender way he used to brush her hair from her face became painful, and continued for several more microts. Finally after the bombardment of images ceased, Aeryn slowly walked to her bed and dropped her towel on the ground before slipping John's shirt over her head. The soft fabric cooled her flushed skin and after bringing a part of it up to her nose, inhaling John's lingering scent, she allowed herself to curl up and drift off to sleep.
Pilot's voice came over the comm. unit, to notify her that she needed to report to command to take over for Chiana, abruptly waking her from her slumber. Aeryn crawled out of bed and looked around for her uniform, then after dressing, she headed toward command. Once there, Aeryn could see Chiana's slim form staring out into the starry space Moya was navigating through.
"Chiana, you can leave now."
"Aeryn, if you need to talk..." Chiana began.
"Chiana if you aren't going to leave, then I will" Aeryn snapped, turning towards the door to emphasis her point.
"Fine. I'm leaving," Chiana said as she started out of the room, pausing to make one final statement. "You know, I don't even know why I offered, you never could talk to Crichton, why did I think it would be any different with me." As Chiana turned to leave command, she didn't notice the pain radiating from Aeryn's eyes or the barrage of unwanted emotions that were cascading through her body; hate, pain, fear. Weeks of emotional strain clouded her mind. She wanted desperately to escape her feelings and the events that had forced them on her, but unable to. Aeryn left Command and headed for the Farscape I.
Once there, Aeryn climbed into the small ship and closed the hatch. She needed to get out and escape from the dam of emotions that was threatening to break and swallow her whole. As Aeryn made her way into space, the thought of the alterations she had made on Farscape I began to edge into the far corners of her mind and stayed there, probing her brain with a needle-like intensity. She had meant for the alterations to allow Farscape to be destroyed in the vacuum of space with a single explosion. The reminder of John's battered body being brought back to Moya in the compartment of his beloved ship had been too much, and the thought of the ship being destroyed in space had seemed almost...poetic. However, now in space, Aeryn's thoughts were not on Farscape I but on herself. John had once told her that she could be more, but without him there to help her, could she? She had come to rely on his strength, it had become a type of drug she had grown to crave; and now that it had been torn away from her, there was an empty space inside that couldn't be filled. Aeryn's eyes were drawn to the button that would end it all, but no matter how much she wanted the pain to cease and her thoughts to finally be still, she couldn't bring herself to do it. John's memory and what he had taught her began to push all thoughts of suicide out of her mind, and thoughts of survival began to take their place. Aeryn jumped as a voice came over her comm. unit.
"Officer Sun?" Pilot asked.
"Yes Pilot?"
"Moya has been monitoring Farscape I and we have become worried about its lack of activity."
"It's fine Pilot. I am returning to Moya now."Aeryn ended the communication and took one last look at the starry sky surrounding her. "Good-bye John,"she whispered as she began to head back to Moya.
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For You by Tara Maclean
You are all I see. Sweet obsession in my soul.
Fill each moment with your voice
Breathe your beauty into me.
Would I die for you No I live for you
You know I do You know I do
You are all I know
Your mouth is all I taste
My breast between your lips
My tongue upon your waist.
Would I die for you No I live for you
You are all I do You know I do
And although you never will be mine
I will live to know that you touched me
Once upon a time
You are all I am
And everything I feel
Your word are all I understand
But you're not real
Would I die for you No I live for you
You know I do You know I do
I do
I do.