Life Changing; Pt. 4; Ends In Tears - Conculsion
Author - Kavanne.
Summary - A decision must be made, but whatever happens, Ranes Hacre will regret it. Lots of PK angst.
Spoilers - Nope. None here.
I wipe a stray tear, I can’t believe I am actually following my orders through. I don’t know if I can. This, is a bomb, and I’m going to blow it up. I’m going to kill myself, everyone aboard this Leviathan and maybe even the Leviathan herself.
I don’t think I have the numnas to go through with this, I don’t want to die, I have never wished it upon myself. It just hurts more to think about it. I’m going to hurt the people who gave me sanctuary when I did not need it, trusted me even though I lied. Nuclear weapons. Highly volatile, I am only using them because if they explosion doesn’t get them, the radiation will. A full proof plan.
The proximity alarm I set up to my communications blares right next to my ear, I quickly shove the components back into the security code locked cargo case.
“What ya doin’?” I will never get used to his strange accent.
“I am a t t e m p t i n g,” I exaggerate, “to repair my ship so I can leave.”
“Leave?”
“Yes, I prefer to be alone.” He’d have to be fahrbot to believe that! I just have gotten used to it.
“OK. When will you be leaving?” Dren! I can’t remember how I set the timer. I’m falling to frelling pieces here! Someone slap me!
“Soon, in the next few solar days.”
“I’ll go and tell the others then. I’m sure they’ll want to say goodbye.”
“Why? I haven’t talked to some of them for more then half an arn. Look it doesn’t matter I’ll just leave during the sleep cycle or something. It will be better that way.” he turns to leave and as soon as I can’t hear him anymore, I slap myself around the face.
“You frelling idiot, Ranes!!” I curse myself. I didn’t sound anything like a Peacekeeper. I can’t take it anymore, I drop to my knees and sobs start to rack my body. Pain, grief, guilt, sadness, loneliness. Everything I have ever felt bad about. I even ignore the proximity alarm that goes off once more. A hand pulls me into an embrace, I keep on crying, life relieved in a microt.
“I’m sorry. I am weak, I couldn’t take it. I am worthless, just let me leave.” I try desperately to pull away, but I am not let go. “Don’t, please. I want to leave.”
“I’m not going to let you.” This is what it should have been like from the beginning, I should never have been a Peacekeeper, Sun and Graive should have run with us. Raised us as sisters. “I know it hurts, memories hurt.” she comforts me, but part of me wants her to let go, let me go.
I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up in a converted cell, my eyes still sting from the crying. I prop myself up on my elbows, there’s no one around. Not even a monitoring DRD. Oh frell! I have to check the detonator.
* * * * *
1 day. I have 1 solar day until the explosion. Should I wait here and keep checking everything, or should I act normally and just walk round pretend not to be bothered. Pretend I don’t know. Lie, again.
I will wait here, once or twice I’ll go for food, but otherwise, I will be here.
I want out of here. I don’t want to stay. No choice, I have no choice.
I think I’ll go and eat something, it’s early, no one will have woken from their sleep cycle yet.
I was right, no one is in the centre chamber. A sudden feeling of loneliness washes itself over me and engulfs me. I will die alone, with no friends, and with a guilty conscience.
“Senior Hacre, is it not a little early?” Pilot appears on the clam-shell display.
“Not for me. I like early, early is good.” I offer myself.
“Good morning, Ranes Hacre.” Pilot says before leaving me to my peace and him to his. I stare out of one of the smaller view ports, it’s so dark out there, so still. Soon it will be rocked by a nuclear explosion. Why do I ponder my death so much?! Am I afraid? Yes, I am, and it makes it worse to think about it.
I play around with the food cubes in front of me, I need to do something, anything.
“Pilot, is there, er, anything that needs repairing or checking on Moya?”
“Yes, Senior Hacre, there is. Some DRD’s have found a blockage on one of the access shafts.” He reported as he kept checking over the scans and images the DRD’s were feeding back to him.
“That is foul!!” I shout to Pilot through my comm, “What the frell is it?”
“I now believe it is some of Moya’s waste products.”
“Dren?! How did it get down here?” The odour is almost overpowering and is making my eyes water. “Because there is a lot of it!”
“A DRD has found a hole in her secondary amnexus walls.” He reports.
“How big is it?” I ask carefully.
“10 denches across.”
“Good, that’s a good thing, it’s not that big. Is Moya in any pain, because pain might indicate infection?”
“No pain, but we cannot explain how it came to open in the first place.” Could it just be Moya getting old? Cells braking down, no, I am sure that this is some bug or.... Maybe even a test for me? Well, this can’t be good for Moya, even if it isn’t hurting her.
“Are there any toxic gases here?” Just to be on the safe side.
“No, it is just the smell.”
“That reassuring.” ‘The frelling smell is enough to make you choke!!’ I add silently. I had the sense to bring the tools I thought I might need with me, I tell Pilot to send some of the specialised DRD’s to clean out the blockage, while I go round the other way to where the rupture should be.
Ignore, the smell. It smell’s like trat. I come to the actual tear, it’s pretty rough cut, maybe it did rip by itself? I’d use a needle and thread if I had any..... But, I will have to make do with this solvent. Which also smells foul.
Well, that’s done. I am going to stink when I die. 6 arns?! I better go and make sure that all systems are operational.
Why, am I walking so slowly? My legs are like weights dragging behind me.
Before I go back to the Marauder I put the decoded file on Aeryn Sun’s bed. She will hopefully come back here before....
* * * * *
“Where are you going?” A voice cuts over on my comm. I’m scared, all the over rides have been disabled for a situation like this, I can’t stop it. But I can’t kill them either.
“LET ME GO!!!!!” I demand. Tears are streaming freely down my face unnoticed. “DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!!!” I ask in despair. The sound of the struggling Marauder engines howls over my voice.
“Why?”
“Pilot, please, let me go. John Crichton, I said I would be leaving, I choose now.” I calm myself to show the peace I intend towards them. The doors begin to open in front of me. “Thank you.” I mumble. I stumble into the back of the Marauder once I am out,
“5 microns,” My life is being counted away. I wait for eternity for my end to come, and the beginning to take over.
“4 microns,” I am afraid. Afraid to take my journey into the next world.
“3 microns,” 3 thoughts left, what do I think?
“2 microns,” I hold the image of Talyn Graive and Jonnah Sun in front of my eyes, this is the comfort I need to enter the next plain.
“1 microns,” I love you Aeryn Sun, Talyn Graive and Jonnah Sun, I love my family. I will always.
* * * * *
EPILOGUE (I’m doing this in 3rd person perspective)
A magnificent explosion rocked Moya as the Marauder went up in a ball of fire.
“What the frell?!”
“There has been a nuclear explosion on the Marauder. It is all gone. Moya must starburst to evade the radiation.” Moya once again jerked under their feet as Pilot let Moya get far away from danger.
“The engine’s on Marauders aren’t nuclear.” Crichton commented, slightly puzzled at how the explosion took place.
“No, they do not. A device must have been placed on board.”
“That’s why she wanted to get away! She knew it was going to blow!” He hypothesised at the reason’s for the dead girls actions.
“Why? Why would she be carrying a nuclear warhead? Aeryn?” he turned to her for an answer.
“Maybe she was sent here by high command to destroy us.”
“But wouldn’t they have sent someone they knew wasn’t going to bottle-out?”
“Crichton, some day I intend to find out what you just meant, but for now, use normal language.” She reminded him. “Maybe they thought she wouldn’t, but they didn’t know her as well as they thought.” It was Aeryn’s turn to hypothesise.
“Whatever the reason, she did what she did to save us. We should be grateful, at least, if she was a Peacekeeper, we know she had a heart.” Zhaan put in, a little sad.
“Yes. We should, I think our dinner tonight should be in her honour.”
“And of that she had plenty.” D’argo added.
“I agree.”
* * * * *
Aeryn walked lazily into her chamber after a filling meal and as she sat on her bed she felt something there and immediately sprang up to see what it was.
“What?” she offered herself as if preparing for it to answer.
It was a data-file pad. It seemed to be primed for viewing. Aeryn assumed it was for her as it was on her bed. She played it.
“Aeryn, We are glad Ranes has given you this message. We, being Jonnah Sun and Talyn Graive,” a small gasp escaped Aeryn as Jonnah’s face registered with her and Talyn’s name shook her thoughts, “Are very proud of you. I think you have worked out who we are, maybe even recognise me.”
“There is also one thing we want you to do. If Ranes cannot complete her mission, or even if she tries, don’t let her come back. Show her this message, destroy her ship, whatever it takes. Just keep her safe, look after your sister. Don’t let her waste her life. Stay free Aeryn Sun.” the image shut itself off as the recording finished. Aeryn almost fainted, tears ran hurriedly down her face.
“Do not worry..... Rane’s did not waste her life... She gave it to us.”
END!
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Kavanne@aol.com