Never Say Never
by Janne
Summary: Aeryn and Crichton examine their feelings for one another.Spoilers: Anything is fair game- especially The Flax.
Disclaimer: The Farscape concept, theory, characters, and overall universe is not the property of me, but rather of Fox Studios Australia, Jim Henson Co, Sci-Fi Channel, and Nine Network Australia. This story is strictly for entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author’s Note: I’d love to hear what you think about it. Please e-mail me with any comments- good or bad- that you may have. I would also like to thank my beta-reader, Brenda, for helping me out with this story. I couldn’t have done it without her!
Archiving: If you want it, I only request that you ask me first, then keep my name and e-mail address with it.
John stared at the hologram maps that lie before him in Command. It was only a half an arn before D’Argo would come to take over, and then he’d head over to the mess hall for some dinner. He looked at them, figuring out some routes to various places. He stopped to check Moya’s trajectory, then went back to them. He could sense someone behind him, watching him. In the reflection of the Command window, he saw a figure and relaxed. It was Aeryn. She never moved, simply stood there watching him. He never let on that he knew she was there. When he heard D’Argo’s footsteps, he noticed that Aeryn left, quickly. A curious smile crept to his face and he lowered his head. Maybe she likes you Johnny Boy, but don’t let her know you know- it’ll only scare her. He knew that she didn’t want D’Argo to know that she’d been watching him. D’Argo came in and relieved him, and John headed to the mess hall, taking the long way passed Aeryn’s quarters.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Aeryn stood, watching John in Command. She saw him look out the window, and since nothing was out there, she suspected that he knew she’d been standing there. She watched, wondering about him. She had a curious feeling, and it bothered her. Usually she can examine a feeling and then discard it or process it, but John wouldn’t just be processed. He was always there, always lingering in her mind. She couldn’t figure out what it was, but she knew she’d felt it before. Most of her relationships had been empty, and painful. The few men she had actually cared about had all used her. They used her to get what they wanted, then discarded her like an old food cube. She didn’t want to get into that again. She didn’t want to hurt herself again. That was it, she didn’t want o get hurt. Then she heard D’Argo’s footsteps and quickly moved to the Maintenance Bay. In the Maintenance Bay, she walked over to her Prowler and sat down next to it. She often came here to think. She sat there, dissecting every emotion, so that only the thought of John was left in her mind and she could go through it. That’s funny, when did I come to call him John? I know I feel something for him, but what? It might be love, but I’m not willing to get into anything right now. He’ll only hurt me like every other male has. Of course, he’s like no other male I’ve ever known- sweet, compassionate, always there when you need him. If he’s willing to take a chance maybe I should too. But is he? She finally decided that she needed to find out what he wanted before she could move forward, so she left the Maintenance Bay in search of John.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
John stood inside Aeryn’s room, wondering where she could be. He’d looked in all of her rooms, and she was no where to be found. He thought she might have been in the mess hall since she usually eats right before him, but she wasn’t there. He was about to leave and head to the Maintenance Bay to see if she was working on her Prowler, when something caught his eye. He walked over to the chair that the item was draped over and laughed. It was his Calvin Klein underwear. He took it in his hand and sat down, remembering the scene with Aeryn about his underwear. He smiled. She never did give them back. I wonder why she kept them? He stopped, as if a lightening bolt had struck him. I think she likes me! Well of course she does, why else would she have kept them? I’ve been waiting for this for so long. I’ve liked her since the day I met her, but never could come up with enough courage to tell her. She’s great, so commanding, so authoritative. What I felt about Alex was nothing compared to this. Aeryn has this thing, this aura that makes me love her that much more. We’ve seen so much, been through so much, there was never anything we couldn’t overcome together. I wonder how she feels? He got up, as he thought he’d heard something, but it turned out to be a DRD roaming the halls. He left, putting his underwear back on the chair, careful to make it look as though he’d seen it. He left and headed to the Maintenance Bay to ask her.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Aeryn came upon his quarters, but he was not there. She stepped inside and saw his flight suit folded on the table. She went over and looked at it, sitting down next to it, remembering all the times he’d told her of his Earth. He so desperately wants to get home. He wants to see the ones he left behind, even if that means leaving us. Of course, he did ask me to come with him last time he thought he’d be going home. I said no. I didn’t go with him. Why didn’t I go? Why did I turn it down? It hurt to say no, so why didn’t I go? I was scared. Scared of his home. Scared of a new place. Scared I could never come home. But then again, I don’t have a home to come home to. Moya is my home and the people in her are my family. John is my family. She got up and decided to go to Command. It was almost her shift anyway, and she needed to clear her head, concentrate on something else. So she left.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Heading over to the Maintenance Bay, he saw Aeryn walk into Command. He also saw D’Argo there, so he decided to wait and come back later. He headed to the mess hall instead, and piled a few food cubes on a tray. He took the tray to Aeryn’s favorite place- the terrace. There he sat, looking at the vast universe before him. In the entire universe, I thought I’d found my match with Alex. That didn’t work out, but then I found Aeryn. The funny thing is, I found her in a virtually unreachable part of space. Was I supposed to find her? Is she truly my match or am I simply making myself think she is because I know I’ll never get home? I mean, if she truly is my match, then it is odd she’s on the other side of the universe. The wormhole was an accident; I wouldn’t have normally found her. But then again, some of the best things in life happen because of accidents. Post-It Notes. Tempered glass. Silly Putty. All things that happened because of accidents. So why couldn’t this be destined to happen? He realized he was done with his food cubes and got up to take the tray back. He walked through Command to get there and noticed Aeryn was alone, studying some scans on Moya’s systems. He watched her go through them, noticing how her hair streamed down her neck. God he loved her hair. Her raven-black hair, that was so very soft. He started to move when she turned around to look at another console and she saw him, standing there, watching her. He saw her face go a little red, and decided to leave. He made his way to the door, but she blocked him.
“We need to talk,” she said, pulling him over to the Command console.
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” he said turning to face her.
“I have too. I just want to know one thing.”
“Shoot.” She gave him a puzzled look and he realized she didn’t understand the human saying, like so many others that he had said. “It means go ahead and ask.” She looked relieved.
“What do you want from me?” She asked, looking him square in the eye. He was a little uncertain of the question at first, but finally understood that she was referring to her other relationships and the certain problems had ensued shortly thereafter. It’s now or never John. Just tell her how you feel.
“I want you Aeryn. I want you to love me, and I will love you in return. I want to be there for you, and for you to trust me. All I want is you.” He looked at her, unsure of what she would do. A smile came to her face.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” she said and then kissed him. They shared the most passionate kiss either of them had ever experienced. Aeryn broke the kiss after a hundred microts or so and said, “Never say ‘never’ John.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back at Command Aeryn relieved D’Argo and started working on Moya’s systems. She tried to keep John out of her mind, but he kept coming back. What is it that I’m afraid of? Nothing will ever happen if I don’t just ask him. I will never know until I ask, and this nagging feeling will never go away. Of course, it may never go away. I mean, the feeling isn’t John, but rather how I feel about him. I’ve felt it before, for Velorek. I think it’s love. It’s a wrenching pain when I’m not with him and a terrible feeling in my stomach when I am. But I feel good, safe, loved when I’m around him. I like that feeling. Then she was startled by a movement behind her and turned around. She saw John, standing there, watching her. He moved quickly to the door to act as though nothing was unusual but she knew he’d been watching her. He’d been watching me. Is that a good thing? She wasn’t sure. She moved to block him and confront him. He stopped and she spoke. “We need to talk.” She pulled him over to the console.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking. About us.” He paused before he said that last part and she looked up, still not facing him, from her work. She stopped what she was doing but still didn’t turn around.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking too.” She bit her lip and decided that she simply had to come out with it or she’d never do it. “What do you want from me?” she asked turning around. She could tell he didn’t quite follow her and was about to explain, when he started talking.
“I want you, Aeryn. I want you to love me, and I will love you in return. I want to be there for you, and for you to trust me. All I want is you.” A smile spread across Aeryn’s face as she heard this. It was clear he felt the same about her that she did about him. Well, he feels the same way. Now what? She smiled at him and pulled him close.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” She felt so happy that this feeling, this love for him was a mutual love. She realized that she’d been feeling this for a while. She leaned in close and kissed him. His hands moved down her back to her waist and he embraced her. “Never say ‘never’ John,” she said after they broke the kiss. She felt good and safe once again. Then she knew it was love. And she was happy.
THE END