A Path to Happiness Pt. 1: Mistakes of the Heart
Summary: Aeryn dumps John for another guy, but realizes her mistake when John confronts her about it.
Spoilers: Anything is fair game- especially The Flax.
Disclaimer: The Farscape concept, theory, characters, and overall universe is not the property of me, but rather of Fox Studios Australia, Jim Henson Co, Sci-Fi Channel, and Nine Network Australia. This story is strictly for entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: I'd love to hear what you think about it. Please e-mail me with any comments- good or bad- that you may have. Special thanks go to Travis, a friend who gave me the idea for this story. I couldn't have done it without him!
Archiving: If you want it, I only request that you ask me first, then keep my name and e-mail address with it.
// You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way//John stared at the ceiling, admiring the intricate carvings on Moya's bulkhead. This was the first night in practically three monens that he'd slept alone. Aeryn was not beside him; she was not even in the room. She was no longer in his bed with him. She had left him for another guy. She claimed it was the remaining Peacekeeper training telling her that it was time to move on. She said that three monens was the maximum time allowed for a relationship because one would get too attached if it were any longer. Now he knew why humans weren't in the Peacekeeper Corps. - Because they get attached after one night. He tried to sleep, but he kept tossing and turning. Realizing it was futile; he pulled a shirt on and walked through Moya's halls. The gentle hum of Moya echoed through the deserted hallways, and he was the only thing moving other than the occasional DRD. He moved from room to room, watching the others sleep. He got to the new guy's room. What's his name again? He thought to himself. Oh yes, Travis. That's it, Travis Calloman. That guy seems suspicious to me. He's an odd one, that one. Strange- Aeryn and the others let a tech stay onboard, even though he has no practical use to them. Of course, I did not either, so I guess I should be happy they do that occasionally. He stopped wandering and found himself in front of Aeryn's room. The door was closed, but he could still hear. He could hear them. He stood there a second, then his heart sunk and he moved away quickly. He remembered when that used to be him in there, not some guy she met a few solar days ago. They couldn't even be sure that he wasn't a Peacekeeper spy! For all they knew, he was here covertly to engage in contact and let the Peacekeepers know their location. No Johnny, you're just jealous. Aeryn had every right to leave. Hell, what am I saying! Of course she didn't! You don't do that to someone after three monens! It was downright low! I mean, did she even give a reason as to what happened? No! She blamed it on "training", but we all know that almost every trace of her training was wiped away. Then he remembered all the times her Peacekeeper physical training had helped them in a tight situation. Well, the mind training anyway. He started getting so mad that he ran. He didn't know where he ran to, he just ran wherever the walkways took him. He found himself in Aeryn's workout room, sitting on the floor by her punching bag and workout equipment. He held the towel she used in his hands and began to cry. Why couldn't it have been me? It used to be me in that room, not some tech doesn't even know! She dumped me, dumped me for some guy simply because he's Sebacean and I'm not. He stopped crying after a while, and began to feel better. Then, the unhappiness grew to anger and resentment. He couldn't figure out what made her change her mind. He was getting mad, clenching his hands into fists until his knuckles turned white. He got up and punched the bag in front of him. God that feels good! I've gotta hit something! Something, anything! He moved up and punched it again, and repeatedly punched it for hours, barely stopping to rest at all.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
// But we are two worlds apart
Can't reach into your heart
When you say
That I want it that way//
The others arrived for breakfast, Aeryn and Travis coming in at different times so as not to arouse suspicion. Aeryn looked around for John, but could not find him. She figured he overslept as she'd noticed he'd been doing lately. She knew why, and felt a bit of guilt. She didn't mean to hurt him, but something hadn't felt right. It was a strange, gut-wrenching feeling. It happened right after Travis came aboard, and she thought it might have been because he was the first Sebacean she was even remotely attracted to since Velorek. She thought it was a sign, so she went with him. Maybe part of it was so she could grasp some tangible part of her old life, or maybe it was because he represented what she knew she could never go back to, yet he was there, available. Whatever it was, she took advantage of it. She knew she didn't love him, but that didn't matter because they were Peacekeepers, and love was never factored into the equation. She shook herself out of the memory and sat down with a tray of food cubes at a table with Zhaan, D'Argo and Travis. She wasn't sure if sitting near him was a good idea, but it was better than sitting by herself. She and Zhaan and D'Argo started talking about Moya and her systems, basic Leviathan chitchat. Soon the conversation turned to the missing human who normally ate his morning meal with them.
"I wonder where he is- he didn't show up for his Command post. I asked Pilot to look for him and left Command in the hands of Chiana. Hopefully he will show up soon," D'Argo said. They all knew he meant that he didn't want Chiana up there by herself for too long, or else she might get into mischief. Actually, they all agreed with him.
"It's odd for John to go missing this long," said Zhaan.
"Especially if it means missing a meal," added D'Argo, chuckling a little at John's uncanny ability to never miss a meal. They all kind of looked at Aeryn, expecting her to say something, especially since she was particularly silent during this conversation. Finally, Zhaan voiced everyone's curiosities.
"Aeryn, are you feeling all right? You have been unusually quiet." Aeryn looked up, distant, from her food cubes.
"I'm always quiet, you know that Zhaan."
"Yes, but today you are quieter than normal. We are simply worried for you," the Priestess answered, looking around the table. Aeryn looked at them, then back at her now empty tray.
"Well, I guess I'll go look for him. I'm not due in Command for another few arns, and Moya doesn't need any immediate maintenance that I know of." She picked up her tray and washed it off, then set off to find John.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
//Tell me why
Ain't nothing but a heartache
Tell me why
Ain't nothing but a mistake
Tell me why
I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way//John was lying on the mat, tired after his exercise routine. He was in the middle of doing absolutely nothing, when he heard the door open and light footsteps walk toward him.
"Hey Aeryn." He knew exactly who it was- he'd hear those footsteps too many times. Of course, lately they'd been going away from him.
"Hey." He smiled as he remembered their discussion about the human greeting he often used. He sat up and motioned for her to sit next to him. She went to sit next to him, then hesitated and sat opposite him. She stared into his eyes for a while, not asking anything. He was happy that she didn't come out and ask where he'd been, but he knew she wondered. He finally came out and told her.
"I heard you and that new guy last night." She looked surprised, probably because she thought no one knew, least of all him. She quickly gathered herself and countered him.
"I see."
"Did you guys have, um, fun?" he asked, a small smile creeping across his face. She hesitated before answering, then looked at him.
"Yes, we did." A small smile was creeping across her face. "But not as much fun as when I'm with you." His head had fallen, but soon lashed back up to look at her at eye-level. He cocked an eyebrow, forming a question in his mind.
"So, why are you with him?" he asked cautiously, almost fearing the answer. She sat there, almost wondering the same thing. Finally she answered.
"Well, I'm really not sure. When he came aboard and we found out he was a rejected Peacekeeper, I guess there were new hopes in my mind. Our relationship had reached three monens, and that is the basic limit for Peacekeeper relationships. I figured it was over, probably because I'd had so many 'relationships' that it seemed almost like an internal alarm clock. He was a Sebacean- Peacekeeper even- a symbol of what I'd left behind. You are not Sebacean and a part of me still wants to follow Peacekeeper rules. The thing stressed the most throughout our entire training and even beyond that is not to procreate with other species. All Sebaceans follow that rule. He allowed me to have something that was within Peacekeeper guidelines. I guess it was something tangible from what I no longer have. It was like getting a part of my old life back. You, Zhaan, Chiana, D'Argo, all of you, you all have hope of going home and resuming a normal life. I do not. I cannot go home. This was something that was home for me. I soon realized that it was not him that I wanted but rather home." She paused to let it all sink in. He had an unreadable look on his face, but she gathered that he was absorbing every word she was saying. He turned to her and finally spoke.
"So, you dumped me because it was 'time'? That and because I am not Sebacean?" he asked spitefully. She didn't know how to answer that, mainly because it was true. She simply nodded, a look of complete shame coming across her face. That startled him, as she had never felt shame before in her life, at least never showed it. He shifted over to be next to her and brought her into his arms, letting her know it was ok. "OK. I can live with that. You're still learning, and I will help you." She looked up and was a bit confused. He chuckled. "I meant, you're still learning how to become non-Peacekeeperish. I'll help you learn. That's what I'm here for." She relaxed and got up.
"Where are you going?"
"I need to tell Travis some things. He won't like them, but it's how I feel." And with that, she left.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
//Now I can see that we've fallen apart
From the way it used to be, yeah//Travis was under a transport, making simple repairs. Gee, what a waste of my talents. I was one of the best techs Scorpius had, and they only let me do repairs on transports. Well, they don't exactly trust me. I can see how that could be justified, he thought to himself with almost evil glee. He worked heartily, finishing quicker than they had anticipated. He was almost done with the propulsion units when he heard the Docking Bay door open. He looked up and saw Aeryn, the only reason he was living. He got out from under it and wiped off his hands on a nearby rag, waiting for her to come up to him.
"Travis, I need to tell you something. This relationship, it's not working. When you came aboard, I saw you as home. You were something tangible that I could grasp that was a part of my old life. I thought I loved you, but I didn't. I still love Crichton. I always have, and I always will. I'm so very sorry for all the pain I have caused you." She stopped, hoping he would say something. To her surprise, he seemed quite calm.
"This is quite a shock, but I guess I can't change your mind. I suppose the best thing for me to do now is leave." He turned to leave, but Aeryn stopped him.
"Travis, I will never forget you." He turned around and looked at her.
"Nor I you Aeryn." And with that, he left.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
//You are my fire
My one desire
Believe when I say
That I want it that way//John walked into Command to find Aeryn already there. How strange. I thought Zhaan had watch. Oh well, I guess they switched or something. Anyway, I'm glad she's here. He walked over to her and stood beside her at the console.
"Hey," he said, conjuring up the same greeting they'd used so many times before.
"Hey," she said without looking up, but she stopped what she was doing.
"You know, you can leave, it's my post now. If you have something you want to do or whatever." He could think of nothing else to say, which was unusual.
"No, I think I'll stay a while." She looked up into his eyes, and that sparkle, that twinkle that used to be there when she looked at him that had been absent for so long, was back in her eyes. "I like being with you. And I have a lot of time to make up for." She smiled at him, and he pulled her close to him, hugging her tightly as though he'd never let her go. I finally have her back. After all this time, I have her back with me. He eventually let her go, and they stood there, talking and catching up on ten solar days' worth of lost time.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She was there, beside him once again. She could feel his warmth beside her as he slept. She lay awake, happy to be where she was. She could hear his steady breathing, and if she really listened, she could hear his heartbeat. She shifted slightly, careful not to wake him, but he woke despite her efforts. He turned over, leaning his head on his arm.
"You're not leaving again, now are you?" he asked playfully. She turned over to face him.
"No, I'm not. But I very well might!" She lightly punched him in the arm, throwing him off balance. She quickly leaned over to catch him before he fell off the bed, and brought him over to her side. He moved so his back was on the pillows and pulled her over to his side where he could hold her. She set her head on his chest and could hear his heart beating.
"I haven't heard that in a while," she said, shifting her gaze to look at him.
"It beats only for you. I love you, Aeryn." He squeezed her arm to emphasize and punctuate himself.
"And I love you John," she said turning over to kiss him. In that kiss, the most passionate kiss they'd shared in a very long while, both could feel the love they had for each other. After he broke the kiss, she settled back onto his chest, and fell asleep, content in the arms of her lover. And he was lying on the bed, awake, once again thinking about Aeryn, only this time she was right beside him.