To capture this moment in my heart

By: YINNY

h_benji@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: The characters in this story does not belong to me (except for Michael and Joanna) The characters belong to the Farscape production and not copyright was intended.

Author's notes: Thank you very to my English teacher who'd gratefully took time to read this story, and thank you to two of my best friend who'd support me all the way.

Feedback: Yes, please but be gentle. This is only my first piece.

Archiving: Sure, just tell me where it is.

Spoilers and rating: Spoilers are everywhere. PG-15

Summary: Everything is good well. Aeryn and John are expecting their first born, when something goes completely wrong and the results are devastating. (Lots of J/A SHIPPY)

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It is amazing how long it takes for someone to settle into a new place. For Aeryn, it seemed longer. Although Earth was exactly how John had described it and from her experience down on the false Earth, it was still hard for her to accommodate.
Days turned into weeks, weeks became months and soon four years has passed. Aeryn sat on the chair by the window smuggled into John as they both looked outside the rainy, night sky. The rain spat on the glass, making the streetlights from the outside look like stars dancing together.
She sighed and placed a hand on her swelling stomach as John cupped her hand with his. "It's amazing, isn't it?"
"What?" he asked in reply
"Me carrying your flesh and blood inside my body."
John was amazed at how much English she was able to speak, though it did take a long time to learn but she'd learnt fast. Too fast. "I once thought I'd lost you forever. . . I've never wondered that this day would come . . . and these words that you're telling me." He paused as he looked into Aeryn's eyes tenderly. "My life shall be meaningless without you."
Aeryn kissed his temple and whispered softly, "Then it'll never be meaningless."
John chuckled a little at Aeryn's response. "You're more romantic than I ever thought you'll ever be."
Aeryn leaned closer into John's face. "It's you who taught me how to. . ." She said before closing the gap between their mouths giving a passionate kiss. Reluctantly John pulled away and stared into Aeryn's gray eyes.
"It's late you should get as much sleep as possible. I tell you, when the baby is born, you won't be able to sleep at all." He said as Aeryn laughed softly at his remark.
"I have an ultra sound tomorrow-"
"Do you think we'll be able to know the baby's sex tomorrow? I mean, you look like you're carrying a melon inside-"
"Don't forget that you're the one who got me pregnant." Aeryn paused as John dropped his mouth while his face was filled with a mixture of disbelief and innocence. "And don't forget that you're in on this as much as I am." Aeryn said as she shifted to get up heading for the bedroom until John grabbed her from behind and held her in place.
John whispered jokingly into her ear and Aeryn's smile widened. "And where do you think you are going Mrs. Crichton?"
Aeryn's smile was now mischievous. "I'm going to the bedroom. . ."
". . . The bedroom, huh?" John was baiting her and she knew it all too well not to play along.
"Yes," her voice as husky and inviting. "Is there a problem?"
"Oh, yeah. What do think you are doing taking my baby into places like that?"
Aeryn's face was beginning to twinkle like the stars out in the uncharted territories. "You have a problem with that?"
"Oh yeah" John said before he stood up with Aeryn in his arms carrying her like a fireman and headed for the bedroom.

*~*~*~*~*
Aeryn laid on the bed nervously, her bare stomach revealing to John and the doctor. She squeezed John's hand as he looked at her with loving eyes. Aeryn watched as the doctor placed a gel like cream on her belly.
"How are you feeling today Aeryn?"
"Big as ever." Aeryn said making John and the doctor chuckle.
"Well, you've got three more months to go, darling." John said as he place a kiss on the back of Aeryn's hand.
"Well, are you ready?" The doctor asked before placing the ultrasonic camera on Aeryn's stomach. "See there on the screen? Your baby is growing healthily."
Both John and Aeryn looked on, enjoying the site of their baby.
"Doctor Kelly, when can we find out the sex of the baby?" John asked.
"We can find out today if you want." The doctor replied.
"Great!" John squealed little as Aeryn jabbed him lightly in the ribs.
The doctor smile and dutifully moving the camera so that the parents were looking at the baby front on.
"There we go. . . it's a boy."
John's smile was shining with a thousand volts of solar energy. "It's boy?! Aeryn, we're gonna have a boy."
Aeryn didn't reply all she did was tenderly glance at the screen, then at her over excited husband before glancing at the doctor with an 'I'm going to have a head ache when I get home' look on her face.

*~*~*~*~*
When they got home, John was immediately on the phone half yelling and half rushing to tell his dad about the excitement. Aeryn rolled her eyes and walked straight to the bedroom. She smiled to herself as her husband's voice echoed through the walls. She sat on the bed and placed one hand over her belly.
"So you're my baby boy, huh?" She said looking down at her belly. "I think your father has just gone spastic knowing that you're a boy." Aeryn grinned when the baby kicked inside her stomach.
Soon the day became night and Aeryn grew so annoyed with John's repetition of "We're having a boy," that she locked herself in the bedroom right after dinner leaving John to repeat those words to himself. Occasionally Aeryn heard him calling people on the phone, but when he ran out of people to call, Aeryn heard him screaming the same four words off the top of his lungs. Then to her surprise she heard their golden retriever puppy howl before yelping. Aeryn sighed herself as a thought came into her mind, he stepped on her paws.
Aeryn snuggled under the bed sheets and laughed to her unborn son, "Your father is presently crazy." She stopped when she heard something scratching at the door. She got out of bed, opened the door slightly and in came the little puppy whose fur was like bleached blond.
Aeryn smiled sympathetically as she watched the puppy sat beside the bed. She locked the door before walking towards the pup and cradling it in her arms, carrying it up on the bed. When she got under the cover the little pup curled itself up onto of the covers beside Aeryn's belly.
"What's the matter honey?" Aeryn said as she stroked the dog's fur.
The only reply that Aeryn received was that the pup snuggled closer to Aeryn seeking warmth from the cold.
"That clumsy man stepped on you again didn't he?-" Suddenly she was rudely interrupted by John, who was knocking at the door.
"Aeryn. Aeryn open the door"
"Have you calmed down from your excitement, yet?" she asked wearily
"What?! I am calm."
Aeryn looked at the pup as it looked back at her. "I don't think so, do you?" She asked the dog.
"Aeryn! C'mon, it's cold out here. You don't want to freeze the father of your baby to death do you?"
"I'm sure that wouldn't be such a bad idea since you've mentioned it!" She replied smiling at the pup.
"Oh, c'mon! Aeryn!" He said whiningly. "Please?! Look I'm even on my knees!" He lied and he knew he was dead meat if she did open the door right then. Suddenly the door did open and John waited for his fate.
"You're not on your knees." She joked then she became serious. "Now, are you going to stop the excitement or am I supposed to kick you out of the room and let Pip take your place?"
John looked up and found the little puppy, Pip, curled up in his side of the bed.
"You, what are you doing on my side of the bed?" John asked the dog. Aeryn gave a soft chuckle when the dog yapped back at her husband. "That's it! You're band from entering the house!" He said as he began to step into the room when Aeryn placed both of her hands on either side of the door frame.
"Where do you think you're going? I haven't given you permission to enter and I'm also leaning towards kicking you out tonight."
John looked at his wife surprisingly, trying desperately to find another excuse to snuggle into bed next to his beloved wife. He looked into her eyes and it was telling him to challenge her. He laughed gently bowing his head before looking back up at Aeryn, this time with an 'I'm not joking anymore' expression. He was about to say something but decided to do something else. He leaned forward capturing her mouth with his and wrapping his arms around her waist but not as tightly as he used to in case he might crash his baby.
Aeryn surrendered to his kiss and responded passionately as she slowly backs away as John walked in and closed the door behind him. John walked his preoccupied wife towards the bed before lowering her down on her side. Suddenly he realised that the dog was still there. In fact, watching them. Breaking the kiss and lifting his up so that he could see the dog, he glared at it evilly.
"You, out" he ordered before Aeryn pulled him back into the kiss. He broke away again and stared at the dog, "Out."
"Leave him alone. He might get some experience." Aeryn joked as she tried to kiss him again but he resisted.
"Oh, that will definitely be trouble, our neighbor will probably come knocking on our front door accusing him of impregnating her dog."
"We could always. . . deny it. . ."
John smiled and that was all Aeryn needed to say before they both lost themselves in their love.

*~*~*~*~*
Soon Christmas came. John and Aeryn both decided to have his father, Jack, move in with them so that he could be closer to his grandson. New Year came quickly and Aeryn was getting too big to get out of bed without help. Often, it was John who helped but every time he did it, he'd caused Aeryn to vow that she was going to kill him as soon as the baby was born.
Aeryn's last two months of pregnancy was difficult for her. With her every part of her body aching, Aeryn was barely able to sleep well at night. With only a month before Aeryn was due to give birth, John was ordered to return to work at the space station. Though reluctant, he only did it because Aeryn had asked him to. It was in case he got too bored with her, even though he'd denied that he'll be, but she'd seen it and knew all too well that he needed to return to work. But every night when John returns, both father and mother to be, would stay in the nursery for hours talking and making final decision about the baby. They were able to come up with some sort of name: Eric Crichton.
"What do you think?" John asked as he pulled his very pregnant wife closer to him on the sofa.
"I think it's okay. I would prefer: Michael Eric Crichton." Aeryn said as she shifted her weight.
"Michael Eric Crichton. . ." John repeated softly. "Wait a minute, I'll be back" John left then return with a video camera in his hands. He started recording and spoke to it as if speaking to his son.
"Well, my boy. Here we are today and your mother is once again trying desperately choosing a name for you. She's beginning to sound like the Peacekeeper I met on Moya." John pause as Aeryn smiled up at the camera. "Look at her, wouldn't you just fall for that smile?"
"How would you like the name 'Michael'?" Aeryn spoke directly to the camera.
"Did you hear that? She wants to call you Michael. What do you think? Wait a minute, lets get a look at you inside your mummy's big stomach. . ." John said as he zoomed in on Aeryn's stomach making her laugh historically.
"Can you stop filming my stomach!?" Aeryn said as she slowly got up from the chair and headed for the door.
"Where's mummy going?" John asked
"Lets see what grandpa is doing. . ." She said before leading the way down the corridor to the living room. "Grandpa?"
Jake turned around and when he saw his son, John with the camera in his hand, he sounded annoyed. "John, haven't you had enough with that thing yet? You're like filming your poor wife on a twenty-four hour bases, give the two of them a break. I'm sure your son has already gone sick of hearing your voice through that microphone."
Aeryn only smile devilishly as John looked at her for help. John sighed and put the camera down, taking in his dad's words.
"See how mean your mother and grandpa are to me?" John said as he recorded himself. He took in a deep breath before speaking again. "Shame, shame. . ." But before he could finish, both Aeryn and Jack attacked him with flying cushions.
That night John and Aeryn in their beds once again choosing the name of their son until John interrupted her with a poem he'd written for her. Aeryn looked at him for a while not saying anything. She was surprised, as well as honored that John has gone through all the trouble just to impress her with such sweet things.
"Okay, are you ready? Here it goes, it's called: Darling you.
Sweet darling you're the only one I'll cherish,
Without you, my life is empty and will forever perish.
I love you with my heart, my life and my soul.
From the day I gave you myself, I gave you my whole.
For so long I've been afraid to show you what love is,
Until the day you told them: I'll always be his.
I love you for who you are not for what you've given me,
And here I still hope that you'll forever stay with me,
For I am nothing without you.
But for as long as I will love you, my love to you will always stay true.
My sweet darling you. . ."
John finished and looked at Aeryn for a response of which she did not give straight away causing John to be a little nervous.
"So? What do you think? You like it-hey, don't be harsh, it's only my first one. . ."
"It's. . .it's. . ." Aeryn looked at her husband for a while longer before moving in to give him a passionate kiss.

*~*~*~*~*
Only twenty-five days to go before Aeryn was due to give birth, John woke that morning with gut feeling that something was wrong. He didn't want to go to work that day. Wanting to stay at home with his wife, in case something did go wrong but Aeryn and Jack both refused him saying that he was hallucinating. Reluctantly he went to work, calling every hour to check on Aeryn and the baby just to be sure.
John became more nervous when it suddenly started to rain and he began to call more until Jack told him off, telling him that he'll be the first to know if the baby comes early. John laughed at that but deep down inside, he didn't take a bit of comfort at all. Things went from worries to butterflies and now worst of all John's car broke down just when he tried to start it to return home.
"Shit!" He cursed it before deciding to a cab only to be told by the operator that the system was busy. "Oh! My ass you stupid system."
Then he decided to call home for his dad to come and pick him up.
"Hello?" It was Aeryn. "Hello?"
"Aeryn, is dad there?" John asked waited for Aeryn's reply.
"Yeah, why?"
"I need you to ask him to come and pick me up. . . My car's just broken down and the taxis are out of service."
Aeryn paused and wondered why he didn't ask her to go. "Yeah, k."
"Listen, how are you and baby doing?"
"We're. . . fine. John, we're fine. Just be safe, okay?" Aeryn said before she said good-bye to him and hung up the phone. After doing so Aeryn told Jack and persuade him that she should drive due to the whether. When he refused and began to debate like John, she reminded Jack that back where she once was, pregnant will still have to fly prowlers under any situation.
Jack didn't feel safe at all. Not because she was a bad driver but because of her status and the very wet whether that was a real dander to most motorist. With one hand on the break, Jack looked over at his daughter in-law, whom he'd grown to except as his own.
But suddenly what of nowhere an incoming car sprang out in front if them. Aeryn skillfully turned the car away so that it won't collide but in the process she'd wheeled into a pole. Aeryn's car, containing her and her father in-law smashed head on into the pole. Within a slit second Jack Crichton lost all motor function. When he'd gasp concept again and turn to check on Aeryn but he'd only found that she was laid back in the seat of the car. She was bleeding from the head due her head hitting the wheels of the car.
"Aeryn? Aeryn? Aeryn honey, don't scar me like this. . . Aeryn?" Jack shook her gently but when he had no response he began to panic. Pure stress, panic, shock all rolled into one and he was now experiencing a cold sweet all over. He could hear the people from the outside calling for help. One called for the ambulance and another tried to free him while a woman checked on Aeryn.
"Oh, my god she bleeding! Get the ambulance! Quick she might lose her baby!!" The woman shouted.
Then everything went black for Jack and when he woke again he was in the hospital room. Immediately he demanded to see Aeryn, the nurse dismissed him, he took off and demanded along the way as the nurse followed him desperately trying to catch.
"Wait, sir! You don't know where you are going! SIR!" the nurse called after him
"I want to see my daughter in-law! What is your god damn problem!?" He said as he turns the corner. "Where's my son?! Is he here-Where the hell is she!?"
"Sir, we've called your son, John. He's on his way over here now. But your daughter in-law isn't doing very well. She still in the emergency room. . ." With that Jack stopped and looked firmly into the nurse's eyes.
"Where is she?"
When Jack arrived it was a relieve that John has made it there. Straight away Jack took his son in his arms and held the grief stricken son.
"What happened, dad?" John asked pulling away.
Jack sat John down before he too sat down next to his son. "After you called, Aeryn told me to go and drive you home, but before I was able to get the car keys and go, she stopped me and told me to let her drive. I didn't want to but her strong will took over and she was in the car but I had another chance to say anything. We were in the car for about 10 minutes when a car lost control and came directly at us. Aeryn managed to stir away from it but hit a pole. I was awake when Aeryn lost consciousness, but later I too lost consciousness. . . I'm so sorry son, I never should have let her take the keys." Jack said as John painfully buried his head in his hands.
"I never should have called home." He said and soon both of them started blaming themselves for getting Aeryn into this situation. But before long they both grew quiet, each hoping and preying at the same time that Aeryn and the baby would be okay. Minutes seemed like hours waiting for something on Aeryn's status, and hours seemed like a whole year has gone by. John's thoughts went from bad to worst and refused to think of losing the both of them.
John's head started playing mind games with him making him debate amongst himself in his mind. He'd started to think that it was only a dream and that he'll wake up soon. He'd hoped and wished that it really were. But as time went by, it seemed impossibly that either Aeryn or the baby would come out alive. It was heart breaking and painful but John just sat there and held it all inside of him hoping, praying and cursing Aeryn and the baby to be okay. John found little comfort as his father spoke calming words and soon he couldn't stand it any longer. He got up and calmly asked his father to stay. When Jack tried to find out where he was going, John didn't answer. He just walked and as he walked, the clock in his mind began to tick. Counting the seconds as he walked, counting the seconds of not been able to knowing what will happen to his wife and son.
Tears welled in his eyes as he walked, getting closer to a chapel. He opened door, went in and was comforted by the presence of an empty room. He took a seat, then just slided down onto his knees. He covered his face with his hands as they rested on the back of the seats. One of John's sobs escaped as he tried to regain control of his tears. He wiped them away and looked at the image of Christ but even that didn't help, more tears welled and dripped as his walls broke down. His heart shattering at the uncertainty of his beloved wife and child's fate.
"GOD!" He sobbed. "Please, please. . . Please don't-please don't take them away from me. . . Please don't. I love them so much, I'll give up my life own in exchange for theirs! I'll be lost without them. I'll be lost without her. . ." He couldn't go on anymore as a series of sobs and whimpering noises was released filling the atmosphere of the chapel.
"You've given me so much. . . You've taken her away from me once-please-please don't do it again. . . I beg you-please don't. . . Take mine life in exchange for theirs. Take mine! Don't take theirs, please spear them. . ." John cried as he was no longer able to speak. No longer able to feel anything but the pain was had erupted inside, stabbing his heart and ripping his soul apart. He cried.

*~*~*~*~*
By the time he made his way back to the waiting area outside the emergency room, the doctor had just finished operating and was looking for him. John rushed to his father side and wasted no time in asking them how Aeryn and his son were.
"How are they!?" John urged.
Doctor looked at him at first. "Are you John Crichton?"
John nodded needingly.
"We have successfully delivered to you a baby boy-" Without letting the doctor finish, John interrupted.
"My wife! My wife, where is she- is she okay?"
The doctor looked withdrawn and was reluctant to deliver John the news. "Your wife, Mr.Crichton. . . is in a coma. If she successfully pulls through tonight, she has a good chance of coming out of the coma. . . But, I'm sorry Mr. Crichton, when and will she ever wake up is up to her." The doctor said and left.
Those words hit John like and a million tone of knives stabbing bitterly in his heart.

*~*~*~*~*
John sat on the chair beside Aeryn's bed watching her chest rising and then falling. He wondered whether she was breathing on her own or the life support that was helping her, making her breath, keeping her alive. John gently took Aeryn's hand in his and brushed it against his cheek.
"Baby?" John whispered softly to wife wishing that she would open her eyes and look at him the way she always did. "Aeryn, honey. Wake up. Please baby. . . We have a baby boy now. . . I'd just went to see him." He continued as a tear rolled down his cheek damping Aeryn's hand. "He's so beautiful. . . His eyes were closed but it felt as though he was looking at me. . . Honey, honey wake up. Please? Don't leave me. . . don't leave me alone-remember- remember what you've promised me? That you'll ever leave me. . . 'til death do us part. . ." John whispered the five words taunting himself for ever saying it. "Aeryn?. . . Can you hear me? Do you understand what I'm saying? I. Need. You. . . Aeryn? . . . Baby wake up, please?"
Suddenly the respiratory machine beeped and went on without end. It would stop. John looked at the reading and saw that the dot the presented Aeryn's heart beat has drawn a horizontal line in the middle of the screen. John kicked himself in his mind and begged his feet to start running for the door and call for the doctor. He raced there and yelled on the top of his lungs and the nurses and doctors came running from every direction into Aeryn's room. John was thrown out of the room as the doctors work and he was more broken then a reckless man. He slammed his back against the wall and slid down until he'd curled himself up into a ball. John cradled himself tightly, imagining Aeryn as he did so. He wanted all this gone, he wanted to be able to hold his wife, to kiss her, to tell her that he loved her. Most of all he wanted her to hold him, he wanted her to come and tell him that it was all a dream, he wanted to see her hold their baby boy. He wanted his family. The family that had existed in his mind for so long and now that it was finally coming true; but it'd so suddenly gone before he had the chance to hold it or catch it and cherish it. It was gone and now, he can feel his last hope being snatched from him as he sat on the hospital floor hugging himself.
By the time John got home it was 4 am. The house was empty, quiet, hollow even. His dad, Jack, was kept in the hospital for the night, and thankfully the doctors were able to sustain Aeryn's life, regaining the grip on Aeryn's soul before she found god, the light.
The little puppy, Pip, came running toward a grief stricken John to greet him, but all John did was walk straight past the pup. The pup whimpered and followed him into the bedroom then sat beside the bed like he'd always done when Aeryn was around.
John moved quietly into the room and shuts door. He walked to Aeryn's dressing table, tears still welling, as he touched the locket Chiana had once given Aeryn, that contains his and her image in it. It became a cherished gift. Now it was a source of remembrance.
Of them, of Moya, of their lives before this and of their dreams and hopes for the future together.
Trembling, he let go of it, walking away, blinking back tears, twisting his ring.
He looked down.
It was their wedding ring.
The tears started spilling down his cheeks as he slipped it off his finger. By the time that it was off, he tears were streaming down his face. He carried the ring to the bed and lay on the coverlet, his result crumbling. He sobbed into Aeryn's pillow as he breathed in her remaining scent. He'd never been so alone in his entire life.

*~*~*~*~*
John woke that morning feeling as though he'd been sedated for a long amount of time. Then reality stroke him hard as he was reminded by himself of the exact events that had taken place the day before. He didn't cry. He could no longer cry, he was drained from the tears, and the strength to do so.
John looked around the room and memories came lashing into his mind. He tried to close his eyes thinking that the memories would just go away and leave him alone. But it was worst, the more he tried to close his eyes the clearer the images are. The images just flashed in front of him, one by one as through it was a movie. But then the same one kept on flashing as through it couldn't stop. The one in which he and Aeryn were at the family beach house. John had surprised Aeryn by jumping out on her, grabbed her and swung her around and around in a never ending circle
"Aeryn. . ." John said before bolting out of the house without changing his clothes or feeding the puppy.
John walked for hours. He didn't know where he was going but he just kept on walking and walking. With every step he took, memories flashed in front of him, blinding him of where he was going. He didn't care, he no longer cared. With every corner he turned, he was again reminded of a time when he and Aeryn had turned the same corner. The memories were so clear, so vivid. Then something caught his attention. It was a woman pushing her baby in a pram. Her hair was black and her eyes were gray; just like Aeryn. John closed his eyes as the pain of the thought that his Aeryn may never be able to push his son, Michael, around in a pram or feed the baby through her own body. He thought of Aeryn missing out on the opportunities to witness her son growing up. Taking his first steps and speaking his first words. Tears welled in his eyes once again but he held it back and tried to swallow the clump as he made his way home. John opened the front door, stepped inside and headed straight for the bedroom. He didn't even seem to notice that his father was already home.
All John said was: "Hey." John went into the bedroom and locked himself inside. Quietly he went over to the cabinet that contains all the videos that he'd recorded over that past four years. There were a lot of videos but John didn't mind. He picks the very first one, placed it into the video recorder and pushed rewound. He suddenly wished that life were that easy, just simply pushing rewound and do everything all over again.
After he'd unconsciously made himself comfortable on the bed, the video began to automatically play. It was their wedding day and John was first to appear addressing the day and the event that was to take place that day:
"Well, today is a special day for Aeryn and I." John watched himself speak. "She's absolutely stunning, I know-"
"How do you know?" DK, his best friend who was the best man, asked as he held the camera.
"Well, because we picked the dress together of course I'm going to know it. I bet she's gonna look absolutely stunning tonight when we, you know-." John deliberately cleared his throat trying to fill in the missing words.
"That's my man!" And both men laugh before John sister, Joanna, snatched the camera away from DK. DK complain but Joanna said that it was for good reasons.
The imagine on the screen was Aeryn. John held his breath as he was now reminded of how beautiful she was on their wedding day. Her gown was white and had a deep V neck of which she'd complain to John that it was too deep and that she as afraid it might off while she's walking down the aisle.
"And this is the beautiful woman that my brother John, is going to marry in less than an hour's time. Aeryn smile to the screen." Joanna said as Aeryn managed a smile through her very worried face.
John watched the while event before the reception. When it got to the reception part John's heart stilled as he was shown the part of that where they'd dared Aeryn to go up onto the stage and sing to John. The whole talk through was filmed and Aeryn was reluctant the whole time, trying to find a way to escape the dared and John ended up half dragging and carrying her and her flock up the stage. Aeryn made a quick introduction and began to sing.
John remembered himself wincing in embarrassment because Aeryn sound really bad on stage. But now, it seemed to him that she was the most beautifully sound woman who'd ever sung to him. Aeryn have sung the words to Celine Dion's Because you loved me. The song was a symbol of the their love, their life and the sacrifices that they'd made for each other, to be together. Those words stung his heart a thousand times worst than being burnt alive.

For all those times you've stood by me,
For all the truth that you've made me see,
For all the joy that you've brought to my life,
For all the wrong that you'd made right,
For very dream you make come true,
For all the love I find in you,
I'll be forever thankful baby.
You're the one who held me up
And never let me fall.
You're the one who saw me through,
Through it all.
You were my strength when I was weak.
You were my voice when I couldn't speak.
You were my eyes when I couldn't see.
You saw the best there was in me,
Lifting me up when I couldn't reach.
You gave me faith because you believe.
I'm very thing I am because you loved me.
You gave me wings and made me fly,
You touch my hands and I could touch the skies,
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me.
Who said the stars were out of reach?
You stood by me and I stood tall,
I had your love and I had it all.
I'm grateful for each day you gave me,
Maybe I don't know that much but I know this much is true,
I was blessed because I was loved by you. . .
You were always there for me,
The tender wind that carried me.
Lighting the dark,
Shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration,
Through the lies, you were the truth.
My world is some better place because of you. . .

Once again, John began to cry as the pain squeezed his mortal heart. He felt as though he couldn't breathe. John cried as he choked for breath. He saw himself on screen kissing and spinning Aeryn around.
John closed and squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered that first time he carried Aeryn into their bedroom. He remembered the way she'd kissed him that night. Her first kiss to him as Mrs. Crichton, was tender and soft like the moonlight dancing upon the ocean's reflection. He remembered the carefulness he took as he slowly and mesmerisingly striped off her clothes for the first as her husband. He'd tattooed the raw passion that had darken her eyes, the same passion that had taken his heart from the very first time that he'd laid eyes on her. He could still remember the way he'd slowly and teasingly taken Aeryn's lips in his making her crave for him even more. He made love to her that night in a slowly tentalising way that he'd still remembered very single detail of the event vividly. John went through another night crying himself to sleep, too afraid of visiting Aeryn. The sight of her lying on that hospital bed so lifelessly, had caused him to remember the time when Aeryn was once taken away from him in his own hands

*~*~*~*~*
Time past slowly and Aeryn had now being in a coma for three and a half weeks. John had finally come around to visiting Aeryn every day. But some nights he would still cry himself to sleep. Life was hard even though his sister, Joanna, had kindly suggested to looked after his son, Michael, while John spent most of his day in the hospital beside Aeryn, holding her handing as though it would make her wake up. John stroke luck Joanna and her boyfriend broke up because she was now able to spend more time with her baby nephew.
At night John would spend hours in the nursery, simply staring at his son. Michael had captured the best part of his mother's features in his eyes. Those big gray eyes were a mirror image of his mother's and John couldn't help but stare into them. Hypnotised by their perfection. Ever so slowly and gently, he picked his baby up in his arms and sat down on Aeryn's favourite chair. It was only when he sat down, that he remembered the very last time Aeryn had sat on the chair. John gently stroked his baby's hair as he slept in his father's strong arms. John smiled. Satisfied that for the first time in his life he was proud. Proud that he was able to hold something of his own creation, something that both he and Aeryn had created together: a baby. He gave little Michael a kiss on the forehead and simply held him as he slept. With a sigh, John looked out the window wishing that Aeryn were able to be here with him and hold their son the way he was doing. He wondered if Aeryn was able even hear him.
Suddenly a little scene replayed itself in his mind. He saw Aeryn. It was just before he purposed to her at the beach house.

"I'd never know how I've missed them until now. . ." Aeryn sighed as she and John cuddled up on the porch at the beach house looking up at the stars remembering Moya and her crew: Zhaan, D'Argo, Chiana, Rygel, Pilot and Talyn.
"Don't you like it being here?" John asked.
Aeryn turned to face, kissed him before replying. "I do. But. . . My whole life, I've been a Peacekeeper. I've lived in space. . . and now, it's just different. I miss the air, the emptiness, the stars, and the darkness. . . My pulse rifle."
John laughed softly at her last statement. "Anything else. . .?"
"John, no matter where I am or what I'll be doing. Whether I could still see or hear you, just look up into the sky, the moon. . . whisper to it and I will receive it and keep it in my heart." Aeryn said softly, changing the subject.
"That's the most sweetest thing I've ever hear you say, you know that?" John said before reaching into his pocket and pulling something out. "Well, I've got something sweeter. . ."

John remembered the way Aeryn had looked at him that night. Her eyes showed signs of worry and curiosity. When he held the tiny velvet box in front of her, Aeryn's face showed puzzlement. It was only when he opened the box that her eyes began to fill with tears.

"Aeryn. . . On this night, I ask you to be mine. To love and to care, to hold and to support, for now and forever. . . I ask of you to say yes to be mine forever, to allow me to share my life with you, always. . ." John asked slowly and calmly, yet his heart raced in anticipation wanting for her to say what he'd only dreamt of hearing her say.
Aeryn took her time, her expression unreadable, but then she replied.
"John. . . I-I would be honored to be able to love you, care for you, support you in times of need- I- I do, I mean, yes I do. I do-"
Without Aeryn saying another word, John pulled into a tight hug. . .

John felt a tear rolled down his face as he recorded the memories and stared up at the moon wondering if Aeryn would receive it if he did send her a message. Thinking twice, John reached into his right pocket and pulled out the same recorder he'd used when he was recording messages for his father while he was on Moya. He'd never wondered that he would use it to record messages for his wife, Aeryn.
John looked down once again at his son sleeping peacefully before starting to record his first message to Aeryn.
"Aeryn, it's been three weeks now and the doctors aren't so sure about your health. Michael is a little older now. . . he's growing fast- I just- I just wish that you could be here with me and watch our son grow." John pause then continued. "I miss you so much. . .some times I just wish I could turn back time and do things differently. . . If we were still on Moya, none of this would have happened. Michael would be older and we might even be having our second baby-" But before John could say anything else, the baby started to stirred and fussed, wanting to be fed. Carrying the baby, John hurried to the kitchen where his sister, Joanna, had kindly prepared the bottles before she left for the night. John started to relaxed in his chair and was enjoying the feel of holding the bottle while his son fed from it when the phone rung. Without bothering with it John called his dad like a child. When dad came out of the bedroom, yearned before picking up the phone.
There was only silence and that made John worried. John turned slightly to face his dad only to catch him putting the phone down.
"John, the hospital just called. . ." Jack paused before going on and the worry on his son's face was visible. "They'd asked you to go down there immediately."

*~*~*~*~*
John arrived at the hospital almost immediately. He ran half of the way to Aeryn's room and when he got there he thought he heard Aeryn yelling. He discarded the sound by reminding himself that Aeryn was still in a coma and that the doctors are still not sure when she will gain consciousness.
Shock hit him hard in the face when he stepped into the room. Aeryn, his wife, was alive and yelling like a lunatic. John stood at the doorway dumbfounded not knowing what to do and how to react to this suddenly. He stood there watching the nurses and the doctors trying to hold Aeryn back onto the bed so that they could sedate her. John wanted to do something or a say something but he was too stiff and shocked to do anything.
John watched a now sedately Aeryn fall asleep in the bed that she'd been lying on, unmoved for the last four weeks. John was then led to doctor Kelly's office.
"Mr. Crichton, I am amazed as you are that your wife has finally woke up-"
John cut the doctor off. "Why is she like this?"
Doctor Kelly sighed before continuing. "Due to the accident, her head hit against the stirring wheel at a high impact, therefore it has coursed her to lose her memory." The doctor paused but before she could continue, John cut in again.
"So is this permanent?" John asked slowly trying to process all the information that has been thrown at him.
"It could be but she has a good chance to return to normal-"
"When?"
"I'm sorry. I can't tell you right now. . . We'll still need to run some more tests to make sure so she'll still needs to be kept in the hospital for a while." The doctor spoke slowly allowing John to take in the information but John's mind was somewhere else. Whatever the doctor said seemed to fade into the background and all John could hear was his thoughts talking. Telling him that at least he's got her back and that was all it matters.
It seemed like days has passed when Aeryn finally woke up from her sleep. The instant she opened her eyes, she saw a very happy man staring back down at her. Aeryn started to panic and began to try and get out of the bed and as far away from the man as possible. But then there was something in his smile that made her trust him. Trust him that he won't hurt her like the people in the white over coats did.
"Aeryn?" He said and then repeated it. "Aeryn? . . . Are you okay? I'm not going to hurt you, it's okay. It's okay."
Aeryn only looked at him, her face filled with puzzlement. What's he talking about? Who's Aeryn?
"Aeryn. It's me, John. Remember?"
John? Who's John? What's happening to me and where am I?. . . Why am I here? Do I know him? He seemed to know me. Aeryn thought to herself before shaking her head.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"John. John Crichton. . . I'm your husband."
That hit the shocked button full on as Aeryn's eyes enlarged as she stared back at him.
"Hey, I'm not your wife and you are not my husband. I don't ever know who the frell you are!"
"Aeryn, remember please, remember. It's me. John.!"
I'm you're wife!? No! This can't be true-
John interrupted Aeryn's thoughts as he pulled out a wallet from his back pocket. He opened the wallet, revealing a photograph of him and her. John gave it to Aeryn and made her look at it, describing the things that took place before and after the photo was taken.
She stared down at the picture. It was beautiful and their faces were filled with contentment. In the picture, she'd lovingly wrapped her arms around him from the back and he had had one hand placed at the back of her head as they both smiled happily.
Aeryn began shaking her head. Her head began to hurt and she didn't want to think anymore. It was too much already and there was far too much information for her to process. Too much. She shook and bragged her head painfully calling out NO repeatedly as John sheltered her in his arms.

*~*~*~*~*
Time passed quickly. Days turned into nights and soon, Aeryn was able to leave the hospital and go home. Although Aeryn did find been around John quite awkward there were something in his words, like the way he spoke had usually made her heart skip a few beats.
As soon as they got home, a very happy, yet jumpy dog welcomed Aeryn. Quickly she pushed it away from her if it was a flea or something dangerous to her. John felt sorry for the dog as it retreated with his head down and his tail between his legs.
"I don't know why you have animals in the house. It's un-hygienic-"
"Aeryn please, just be a little patient." John said when he had had enough of Aeryn's changed of behaviour due to her lost of memory.
"I am patient!" She snapped back at him as he closed the front door. "Do you think I would be coming to live with you if I'm not patient?!"
John took a deep breath and sighed as his father carried baby Michael out of the nursery. Jack looked happy as he approached them.
"Aeryn, this is dad." John once again introduced his father to Aeryn.
"Hi" She said then paused. "Is that Michael?"
Jack looked down at the baby. "Oh, yes. Here you go. He'd just woken up when he heard you two coming home." He said handing the baby to Aeryn of which she did not reach out her arms to receive him. This struck Jack confusion and looked to John for some answers. The only answer was a shook of he head as if to indicated that Aeryn is not back to her own minds but some how Jack understood and changed the topic.
"Oh, I've made the bed for the two of you." Jack chuckled a little before continuing. "John forgot to this morning, he was so excited he didn't even have breakfast."
This caused Aeryn to look at John. He didn't reply, he only returned a look of annoyance before taking his son from his dad and guided Aeryn to their room. Much to Aeryn's surprise when she entered the bedroom, there was a sense of warmth. Not physical but the type of warmth in which has suddenly made her feel as though she'd belonged somewhere.

*~*~*~*~*
A couple of days passed and John had decided that he should take Aeryn and the baby up to the beach house, which Aeryn had fondly rejected but John's strong will over powered her.
As they arrived at the beach house, something reminded her that she'd once been there. She didn't know whether it was the outdoor setting or the way the living room was set facing the ocean. It was beautiful and it took her breath away.
The whole of that day was a big fuss. First, Aeryn complained about sharing beds with John again, then the baby started doing three loads of smelly in a row and unfortunately, John was the one who cleaned the baby up. After the first day's hassle, the second day was quite a breeze. Aeryn cooked while John did the washing, the cleaning and he also took care of the baby while Aeryn was still uncomfortable around the baby.
It was already 9:30 pm and John was still in the living watching the home videos. Aeryn gently laid the baby on the bed before she laid down next to him. In the dimmed light, Aeryn supported her head on one hand and looked down at the sleeping baby. Aeryn gently stroke the baby's face then his head and couldn't help but she smiled down at her son. The child of which she does not remember conceiving and with a man that she is finding difficulties in resisting. Aeryn continued to stroke the side of the baby before she gently bent down and gave him a kiss. Aeryn could feel the baby's soft lips on the side of her mouth which made her heart felt warm and heavy with love. Love towards the baby, towards her son.
Suddenly the baby started making little tiny sobs. Aeryn began to panic as she felt the baby turning his face into her chest and to her amazement, it seemed as though she was responding to him. Her breast felt heavy and she began to feel dampness on her shirt. Then as if she'd been trained for it, she lifts up her shirt slightly and tucked her son's head into her breast.
She closed her eyes as she felt little tingling electricity run through her from deep inside her body to the tip of her nipple. She felt the tension in her breast eased as the baby began to suck her milk and massaged her with his little busy mouth.
By the time John came into the bedroom, both baby and mother was fast asleep. John smiled at the sight before picking his son from the bed and placing him back in his crib. John slipped under the covers a gently and soundlessly as he could without waking Aeryn but his try failed when he heard Aeryn stir beside him.
"What time is it?" She asked in a whispery voice.
"It's late." He replied and put the covers up.
"No!" Aeryn whispered her voice firm. "The baby!"
"It's okay he's in the crib." John replied with a smile while Aeryn checked.
For a while they lay there in silence, not knowing what to say to each other or simply go to sleep. Then it was Aeryn who broke the silence.
"John, tell me something. . ."
John hesitated then found himself bubbling none stop all through the night. He told her of their dreams, of all their happy times together and all the things that he'd loved most about her.

*~*~*~*~*
It was morning when Aeryn woke to find herself against John's chest, in his tight embrace. Instinctively she lifted the covers and looked down. She sighed when she found that she was still fully dress. When she looked back up again, she found that her face was only centimeters away from his. Aeryn studied his features carefully as if she was to paint a protrude of him. But as she did so, she could feel John's steady breath dancing on her cheek and she suddenly want time to stop so that she could capture this moment in her heart. Aeryn gently and slowly ran a hand on his brow only to have John tighten his grip on her. Before she had a chance to move, her lips were grazing his.
Instantly the sensory receptor cells in her lips were afferenting information to her brain telling her to kiss him but before she could do anything, she heard him moan against her lips.
"Aeryn. . ." He muffled dreamingly. "Aeryn, please. . . Aeryn. . ." John tightens his grip even more, crushing Aeryn's body and lips against his. Suddenly as if he'd awaken from nightmare, his eyes shot open only to find Aeryn's eyes widen, her pupils dilated and her mouth as well as her body was pressed firmly against his. Without thinking, he began to kiss her. He could feel her tensing up but he wasn't going to let her go. For he had suffered and longed enough that he was now too hungry for her to let her go.
Aeryn slowly relaxed into the kiss and responded to him in a fury of greed, hunger and need. She lips were hot against his burning mouth; her body was strong yet his were cursing with energy.
She shifted as he positioned above her, wanting her desperately, his passion rising. He lost track of thought, of time, of place; all he was and had been for the last month turned into need. And then she broke away, looking a little frightened and confused as she fought to catch her breath.
"I'm sorry, I. . . I can't-" She said before pushing John off her and almost bolted out of the room when John grabbed her and forced her to sit back down onto the bed.
"Please, let me go. . ." She pleaded and John felt his heart melt as the words caused his brain to make himself let her go.
Night came slowly. John and Aeryn spent most of the day not speaking to one another. Simply not knowing what to say. Aeryn sat in front of the television and was watching their honeymoon video when her mind started to secretly wish that she could remember the past despite what she'd told John about never wanting anything to do with him or their past.
John came and sat next to her after he'd put their son to bed. While putting down the baby monitor, John spoke.
"That was in Bali at the Melia Bali Garden Villas." He said trying to ease the tension between that had been building since early morning. The only response he got from Aeryn was a shift on the sofa. Somehow John realised that even though Aeryn was not exactly like the wife and the lover he'd known for a long time, the one thing that was the same was that she was still very stubborn.
They sat there for another two hours not saying anything to each other and when the video finished neither moved. They just sat there staring at the TV's blank screen for a while when something started showing again. Aeryn continued to sit there thinking that it was more to watch then what she'd expected, while John sat there wondering why he hadn't noticed that he'd tape more onto the video. Suddenly it became clear to John what he and Aeryn were watching. Some how the camera had captured their hot and steamy night together in Bali. Panicking, John jumped in front of the television blocking Aeryn's view as his shockingly pressed eject on the VCR.
"John! What are you doing?!" Aeryn complained behind him. She sounded frustrated and he knew what her instincts would tell her to do if he doesn't give her a good reason. Without saying anything, John picked up the baby monitor, slipped it into his pocket, leaned forward, grabbed Aeryn's hand and pulled her behind him as he led her out of the living to the beach.
"John, what are you doing!?!" Aeryn snapped once they step out of the porch.
"This was the place that I'd purposed to you. . ." John said.
Aeryn froze and stared at him not knowing what to say.
"You were sitting right there." John said as he moved to point out the spot. "That night was just like tonight. Quiet, beautiful stars lighted the sky. . . You told me that no matter what happens, whenever I feel sad or need you, I should always look up to the moon and talk to it. Because it was going to deliver it to you. . ." He paused as he sat down. "You looked so beautiful that night, even though you were in your pajamas-"
"What did I say?" Aeryn asked him.
"You looked at me. . . Made me nervous, then you told me the words that I've longed to hear since the first time I kissed you." John watched as Aeryn sat down beside him. "You said Yes, I do. And instantly I took you into a hug."
"That is it?" Aeryn said sounding annoyed. "I thought you could be a little more romantic-"
"I kissed you and made love to you right here. . ." John confessed
Aeryn took a moment before she was able to say anything else to him. She was shocked but was moved as she imagines how the scenery would have been like. Then sounding surprised and shaken she said "Here?"
John only nodded at her then stared up into the night sky. Then to his surprise, Aeryn got up and walked away. He was about to ask her to stay when he realised that she was only going to get them a drink. He watched her come back with two bottles of beer. He watched the way she walked, the way she lowered herself down beside him and unconsciously his mouth went dry. When she was in a coma, he wanted her back and now that she's back, he wished that she'd came back with her memory.
"Here.Thought you and I might both need it." She said.
"Thanks." John replied with a faint smile.
Aeryn looked up into the sky after taking a sip of beer and through the corner of her eye, she saw John do the same. Aeryn didn't how long had past by but when she looked beside her, she saw ten empty bottles lying on the floor and when she looked back at John she found that he was still staring into the sky as if it was once his home. With a feeling of heavy headedness, she places a hand on John's shoulder.
"What are you thinking about?" She asked. "Tell me?"
"Nah. If I tell you now then you won't remember it. . ."
"How do you know? I'm not drunk!" She protested.
"Yeah, you are-"
"How come you're not drunk?"
"Cause I drink too much. . ."
Aeryn grew serious and leaned into John making him look at her. "Because of me, wasn't it?"
John felt a knot in his throat when he answered her. "I was afraid I'd lost you again."
Aeryn smiled and leaned even closer. "Well, I'm here aren't I? Well, at least. . . physically."
"What do you want Aeryn?" John asked straightly not wanting to be confused by her closeness.
"I want you to kiss me." She whispered and she was no loner smiling anymore.
John hesitated. "Aeryn don't do this please. I can't handle it-"
Without allowing another word to escape from John's lips, Aeryn locked her lips with his and kissed him passionately. John responded with fire and pulled her into him. He felt her stiffen in his arms, then she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to his like glue, yet fearfully.
"John. . ." She whispered into his mouth and she felt his body respond to her.
John pulled away slowly and felt Aeryn following his lips. "Aeryn. . . be with me. . ."
She paused, tilted her head and stared into his eyes, caressing his soul. Then without second thoughts, she leaned in and kissed him hard, capturing his month in a breathless touch. As the kiss continued, both John and Aeryn shook with the need of one another and clung onto each other. Both waiting to seek asylum in each other's arms as the moon and the stars recorded the evening's event.
Slowly, John lowered his wife onto the porch intent to show her how much he'd missed, loved and needed her.

*~*~*~*~*
The morning sun lingered upon Aeryn's face dancing around like a motion picture. Sleepily, she stirred and snuggled into John's bare chest. Spontaneously and unconsciously, John enveloped Aeryn in his arms as if to securer her from danger.
Still with his eyes closed, John kissed the top of Aeryn's head and was pleased when she responded him with a sleepy moan. Suddenly, as if it was the speed of light, Aeryn bolted right up covering herself with the bed sheet.
"Ahhhhh!" She cried as she got up.
John bolted up as well. "What!"
Aeryn looked down at herself quickly before looking back to John was seemed to be naked because the bottom half of him was still under the cover.
"What the hell happened!!?" She asked, her voice in high pitch. "What am I doing!?- What are you doing!"
John gave her a puzzled look before replying. "What do you mean what am I doing?"
"What!? Look at us!-"
"Aeryn don't you remember what happened last night?"
"Hell, if I remembered do you think I'll be asking you?" Aeryn she argued.
John only gave her a look that says you should be ashamed of yourself. "How can you not remember?-"
She cut him off. "I was drunk!-"
He cut her off in surprise. "Oh, you were drunk, that's a really good excuses to blame your husband for showing you that he loved you. . . Besides, you came onto me-"
Then without warning John's face contacted with a flying pillow coming from Aeryn's direction. Losing balance, John fell back onto the bed and when he got back up to face Aeryn, he found that she'd already slipped on her over sized T- shirt and she didn't look happy.
"I came on to you! Oh, please! I would never do that!"
John rolled his eyes and thought of something that would really tick her off. "You're only saying that because you're just trying to denied that you enjoyed yourself too much. . . I was good, just admit. I mean I have to be good 'cos you wouldn't have married me if I wasn't-"
Again a pillow flew into his face. This time, John was ready for it. He pushed the pillow away and grabbed Aeryn by the arm, pulling her onto the bed. Losing balance, Aeryn ended up falling onto the bed and lay there staring angrily up at John, while he locked the hand that his was holding onto above her head. Instinctively, she swung her free hand and was intended to hit him but he intercepted her hand, held onto it and locked above her head with the other one.
"God, I love you so much. . ." John said simply but it seemed to have distracted her. She was no longer trying to break away, she just stared at him. Her eyes emotionless, her face pale, shocked and pitiful.
I wish I could remember again. She wanted to say better yet, she wanted to kiss him again. Something in her mind reminded her of a kiss they'd shared. They'd been caught up somewhere and they'd wore something that looked like a rubber suit. But the kiss. . .the feel of his lips, the taste, the intensity. The more she stared up at him the more she craved for his lips, his mouth. She wanted them, she wanted him, and she wanted to consciously feel him.
"What did I we say at the neural cluster?" The question slipped out of her mouth.
"What!" John asked in surprised. "My god Aeryn, you remember?"
"I had a dream. . . I saw myself hoping that you'd remember what you said at the neural cluster. . ." She replied.
Reluctantly John opened his mouth to tell her even though he made no intentions of letting her go. "It was the first time I told you I loved you. . ."
". . . Did I?"
"Yes. . . You told me that loved you and me want to know what it sounded like? It was like a song to my heart. . ."
Aeryn looked at more passionately, forgetting why she was being locked in that position. Her heart raced inside her chest as John moved down and softly grazed his lips against hers. Aeryn melted like molten liquid as the kiss deepened. She moaned into his mouth as he shifted on top of her and blanketed her body with his naked form. Things were beginning to get steamy when their baby decided to make his presence known.
John broke away from Aeryn as she smiled up at him as if to tell him that she'd remembered everything.
"Michael is awake." Aeryn stated the obvious.
"Yeah." He sighed and got off Aeryn to put on his bathrobe and went into the baby's room.

*~*~*~*~*
Aeryn and John spent the rest of the day busy. It was either cleaning the baby, or feeding the baby. There was no time for them to be alone with themselves or to pick up where they'd left off in the morning. Dinner was later that night was eaten in silent due to the fact that they've been stressed out all day. Deciding that it was enough for the day, John and Aeryn decided to spent the rest of their waking hours relaxing in bed.
"Hey, Aeryn can you check on the bed while I shower. I don't smell that good." John asked
"You never smelt good any way. . ." She replied as she entered their baby's room. When she finally made it to the bedroom, Aeryn could hear the faint sound of running water coming from the bathroom in their bedroom. She sighed, threw the magazines on the bed and began to get change into her pajamas. It was cold but she didn't mind as she got on the bed, lay on her tummy and began reading Cleo. Flick after flick and everything was beginning to look dole to her when to came across the page that caught her attention especially the way it was portrayed.
"Ten . . .nine. . . eight. . . seven. . . sex. . . sex. . . sex. . . sex. . . sex. . . Happy New Year!" She read it out loud not realising that at the some time John has just opened the bathroom door.
"What?!" John asked in surprise.
Aeryn didn't turn to look at him, she just replied. "Nothing for you to worry about."
Without another word, Aeryn felt John crawling up beside her and lying next to her. She felt uncomfortable as she was reminded of the morning's event. Trying to ignore him, she began to read again only to flip to a page which had a guy with a six-pack. Though the picture didn't show the guy's face but it did show was what made her heart raced. The guy in the picture seemed naked and only had a piece of cloth covering his organ. Blushing, Aeryn turn page quickly as John suddenly started to rub the side of his face against her shoulder.
"John, stop." She said moving away from him slightly.
"What? We need to finish what we'd started this morning. . ." He replied seductively.
Aeryn didn't reply, she just kept on reading as John rubbed against her shoulder again.
"It's been a long day. . . why don't you say we do something about it. . ." He suggested.
Aeryn didn't reply, she simply took her magazine and hit John on the side of the head.
"What was that for?" He asked.
"John what do you want?"
"I want you. . . I still have the taste of you in my mouth from last night and this morning. . ." He replied as he planted tiny kisses on her clothed shoulder wishing it to be naked.
"You're sick. Are you sure you've brushed your teeth?" She replied.
"You know, you really don't have to read sex when you have me around. Just ask baby and I'll always be ready-" Before John could finish Aeryn slapped lightly him with the magazine.
"What are you trying to say? That I need sex? Don't be such a pervert, John."
"I'm a pervert?" He reacted surprisingly. "You're the one who'd seduced me last night. You were drunk I know but don't forget, I'm still your husband therefore it gives the right to please my wife."
"What if she doesn't want to be pleased?" She asked as she turned the page of her magazine.
John breathed her in. Her scent, the smell of her hair; it drove him crazy. Slowly and tentatively, he lightly traced am invisible line that started from her lower back to the edge of her shoulder. He leaned in and muzzles his lips on the side of her face. He felt her closed her eyes in the sensation as he parts his lips slightly and drew tiny circles on her cheek.
"I want you Aeryn. The way I'd always wanted you. The way I wanted you last night and the way I'd wanted you this morning. . ." He said in a low husky voice.
"I can't. . ." She said battling against her needs for him.
". . . Why? Why won't you be with me? Do you know how much I've missed you?. . . All those lonely nights lying in bed without you warm body next to mine. . . It was sickening. I want to be with you. . ."
". . . I still don't know you properly. . ." She turned a met his lips and teased him the way he was teasing her.
"We have plenty of time to do that. . ." He said as he licked her top lip.
"Well, there's plenty more time to do this then. . ." She replied and met his tongue with her own.
". . . Then why are you doing this?" He asked causing Aeryn to come back to reality and pull away from him. She stared into his passion lit eyes before gazing at his slightly parted lips.
"John please-" Aeryn was interrupted when she was rudely turned over onto her back by John, who'd once again pinned her hands above her head. He bent down and kissed her hungrily. When the kiss deepened John released his grip and locked her face between his two hands.
"mmmmm. . . No . . ." Aeryn moaned as John blanketed her while her hands tried to push him away.
Even though she was moaning 'no' into his mouth, John knew that it wasn't what she really wanted. So he began to test her by pulling away gently and softly. To his delight, Aeryn followed him by tilting her head up so that their lips were still in contact. John deepened the kiss as he pressed his still clothed body against hers. Once again she moan the word no into his mouth then suddenly, John pulled away slightly enough to stare into her eyes. With his right hand, he reached down and began to unbutton her pajama top. Aeryn caught his busy hand with her left and instantly he looked back into her eyes, questioning her, pleading her for him to continue.
"Aeryn?" He pleaded but all Aeryn did was look at him. She didn't know how to respond. Her body and everything inside her was ready but something in her mind was telling her not to. She didn't know what to do. Was she even in love with this man after all? Then suddenly an image played in her head.
She saw herself and John making love. Whether it was last night or a memory from the past resurfacing she didn't know, but it sure did make her want him even more. She looked back at him with raw passion as she guided his hand back to where it was. Soon time no longer existed as the friction between two bodies began to build more frantically.

*~*~*~*~*
The midnight moon shone it's brightness in the darkly lited room where the couple lay in each other's arms with the feeling of shire contentment washing over them. Aeryn closed her eyes as the images of the night's event played in her mind. But before she could enjoy remembering the evening, her body had a mind of it's own.
"Oh, god. I gotta go to the, to the bathroom. . ." She said as she got up.
"Do you must?" John asked reluctant to let go
"Unless you want me to urinate all over the bed." She smiled and walked in the bathroom
After completing her business, she got up, flushed and was heading out of the bathroom when she felt her head began to thump.
Thump! Aeryn grabbed her head as the pain spread itself over her brain and simultaneously images flooded into her mind. Images from the past, her past with John. In one image she saw a blue woman walking up to her smiling then in another, she saw herself with John in a very cramped up space. She saw herself shifted to kiss him once lightly, pulled away then returned for a more passionate kiss but before anything could happen, she got up and jumped out of what seemed like a spacecraft.
Then the pain was too much for and she couldn't take it anymore. She cried out painfully and collapsed on the floor holding her head as John bolted into the room.
"God Aeryn, what happened!?" His voice filled with concern as he dropped down to kneel beside her to gently touch her.
Tears of pain spilled from her eyes she held her thumping head. "Ahh. . ."
"Aeryn," John spoke as he tried to pick his wife off the bathroom floor. "Aeryn, Aeryn please get up. . ."
Still cradling her head with one hand she tried to push him away to indicate that she is still able to pick herself up. But that thought betrayed her as she was overwhelm by the thumping pain in her head.
"John please make it stop. . . Please . . . Make it stop!" She pleaded as he pulled her into his arms, cradling her gently and soothing her as she tried to bury herself in him. Trying to use his strong arms to extract the pain from her head.
"Shhhh," He said soothingly stroking her head. "It's okay, it's only a headache. . . it'll past. Shhhhh. . ."

*~*~*~*~*
It was in the early hours of the morning that Aeryn's headache stopped. After checking on the baby, John ventured back in the bedroom with a cup of warm water for his wife. As he entered the room, he heart melted when he saw that Aeryn's face was pale. The room was dimmed by the lamplight and Aeryn was curled up in bed, while the bed sheets' length reached her mouth.
"Aeryn?' John said as he approached his wife with the cup in his hands. She didn't acknowledge him, she was a million miles away.
"Aeryn?" He said again as he sat on the edge of the bed beside her. He pulled the covers away from her and lifted her up to a sitting position. Aeryn's body felt limb against his body as he stacked up the pillows and lowered her back down.
"Who am I?" Aeryn whispered.
John froze not knowing how to answer her, probably because she'd never asked him this question before. "Why?"
"Who am I? She whispered again this time she looked directly into his eyes. "Who's Zhaan?"
John looked into her eyes not sure how to answer. He wondered whether she'd remember but he found the answer in her eyes and she wasn't ready to know especially the fact that her real home is nowhere near this galaxy.
"D'Argo? . . ." She paused searching for the unspoken answer in John's eyes. "Chiana? Pilot? Rygel? Talyn? . . ."
Talyn. God how am I suppose to tell her? God I wish none of this ever happened. John thought to himself but his face was expressionless.
"God, John! Please tell me! Who am I?" Aeryn gripped the collar of John's pajamas through desperation. "John? Tell me, please. . . How did we really meet and don't lie to me I'm sick of it!"
John looked away. "Not now Aeryn. . ."
"Why. . ." She whispered questioningly. "What are you trying to hide from me?"
"I'm not trying to hide anything from you. . . I'm- all I'm trying to do is protect you. Aeryn I promised to never hurt you again-"
"Don't you see that by not telling me you're hurting me too. . .?" She cut him off.
"I love you so much and I will do anything to prevent you and the baby from getting hurt again. Please Aeryn you must understand. . . I will tell you if you really want to know but not now-"
"Why?" Aeryn wanted to know.
"Your health is still very weak. . . Give it some time. When you get better, I promise, I'll you everything you need and want to know. . ." He paused as he gently caressed Aeryn's cheek with the back of his hands. "Trust me. . ."
Aeryn stared at him. Still not sure whether she should trust him. "When?"
". . . When you get better. But you have to promise me that you won't give up me. On us. Me and the baby. . . He needs you as such as I do probably even more. And I know that you can't remember, but I'm still here and I'll never leave you. . ." John cupped his wife's cheeks as a tear dripped from her eye. "I want you to be strong, like you've always been. Remember how I'd told you about how courageous you were?"
Aeryn nodded as John continued.
"That was you. . . You were my strength when I needed you, you were my shoulder to cry on, you've- you've always been there for me. And once I swore to never leave or let anything hurt you-" Before John was able to finish Aeryn gently planted kiss on his lips.
Breaking away Aeryn spoke with a smile. "I believe you. . ."
With that John pulled her into a hug.

*~*~*~*~*
The mid-day sun shone its glare into the beach house's bedroom window as John slowly stirred when he felt something hitting his chest.
"Mmmmm, Aeryn stop it. . ." He muffled but the hitting continued.
Sleepily he opened his eyes, looked down and found that it was his baby son, Michael, who was hitting him whole time. With a smile he stared down at the baby lovingly as his son's clinched hand moved about involuntarily.
"Hello there," He said sitting up, his eyes never leaving his son.
To his delight, his son blew a bobble out of his mouth.
"What are you doing here, hummm?" He said as he picked up the baby. "Where's mummy? Yeah, where's your mummy?"
The only response John received was another bobble. He chuckled lightly, "Yeah, where's mummy- Oh, you're a big guy now aren't you? Yes you are. . . Now lets check that nappy of yours, hey?"
John placed his son on the covers between his legs and began unbuttoning the baby's blue jump suit. Gently John placed the back of his hand against his son's disposable nappy, when he felt dryness, a big smile crept over his face.
"Mummy changed you didn't she? Yeah she did. . ." He said as he did the buttons. Michael kicked against his father's hands causing him to slip his placing. "You're a naughty little guy aren't you?"
The baby gave a little squeak making John laughing.
After buttoning up the baby, he got dressed himself before he picked baby Michael and headed for the kitchen to prepare the milk for his son. When he'd finished mixing the formula, John warmed up the milk and when that was ready, he took the bottle and the baby over to the sofa to feed his son.
The baby refused to bottle and began to cry.
"What's the matter? Aren't you hungry? Did mummy feed you?" John said as he stood up with his son in his arms. "Where is your mummy any way?"
Carrying the baby, John walked around the beach house in reach for Aeryn, when he found no sign of her, he began to worry.
"Aeryn?" He called.
There wasn't any answer and the worry he felt soon became panic, afraid that Aeryn might do something stupid. Swiftly, John placed his son in his crib but as soon as John did so, Michael began to cry. John stood at the doorway for a few seconds torn between not knowing where Aeryn had gone and his crying son. Then as if it was miracle, John remembered that he'd brought along a baby pouch. Running to the bedroom, he got out the pouch and raced back in Michael's room. Hastily but as gently as he could he picked the baby and strapped his son onto him. Instantly Michael stopped crying but John had other things in his mind. Before walking out into the porch and heading for the beach, John grabbed Michael's beanie and gently put it on the baby's head.
The mid day sun was bright. The sand was cool and grainy while the ocean water was so blue that horizon could not separate the two. John walked bare feet on the sandy beach in search for his wife but he didn't have to walk far. He found Aeryn walking towards him in a simple white along with his coat, from his far right.
Aeryn didn't see him. She walked with her head down and her attention in the sand. John approached her, he didn't even bother to call out to her. He simply walked towards her as if she knew. Soon Aeryn looked up and found that John along with their son in the pouch approaching her so she stopped and smile as they got closer.
"What are you doing out here all alone? Why didn't you wake me?" He asked when he was directly in front of Aeryn.
Aeryn just smiled, placed a caring hand on the baby's head, bent down and kissed her baby infant. As she kissed him she breathed in the infant's scent. It was strange, musky mixed in a bit of milk and something that made her want to hold him against her and kissed him again and again.
"Hey, what about me?" John joked.
"I thought you had enough last night" She replied meeting John's gaze.
"I could never get enough of you baby." He said taking her hand in his and leading them back to the house. "So why are you out here?"
"Can't I be?" She asked in reply but the only answer she receives was a glare. ". . . I just wanted to get some fresh air. . ."
"That's it. . ."
Aeryn hesitated. "No, I was also thinking about . . ."
John waited for her to continue. ". . . About?"
". . . About my life. What and who I was. . . Us, the baby, the past. . ." She paused and looked sideways to at husband. "The future. . . everything."
John looked back at her and they both spontaneously stopped walking. ". . . There have been times when I just wish that you'd simply remember. But then I thought, it wouldn't be fair. . . because things happen for a purpose and we simply have to live, to move on and sometimes let go of the past- in which I never, haven't and probably won't have the ability to let go. . ."
He trial off as they started walking again still hand in hand. But it was Aeryn who spoke when they got to the porch of the house.
"When I first saw you at the hospital, I thought very lowly of you-"
John cut her off with a muffled of which she heard and smiled at.
"I didn't want to believe you nor did I like you. I couldn't- didn't want to accept what you were telling me. Until these last few days, I never knew I could accept you for who you are to me. And Michael- I practically pushed him away! But now, everything seems different, somehow." She paused looking at her husband. "It feels different. . . It feel's like I belong and wanted by two people in my life. You, my husband, and my son. . . Though I can't remember but at least I still have you to remind me and tell me of our past-"
Refusing to let another escape from Aeryn's mouth, John pulled her in for a long drugging kiss and it wasn't long before their precious little baby began to fuss between them.

*~*~*~*~*
Returning to the main house, the days went by even more quickly and soon the new family were intended to put the past in the past and start over, new. John took more time off work to be with his wife and baby son. His relationship with Aeryn grew more intense and more intimate as Aeryn slowly began to remember bits and pieces from their past.
Aeryn walked into the nursery to take a look at her baby only to find John hovering over the crib. As she sat down on the chair, she watched John tentatively as he went pick up the baby who'd began to give out tiny little short cries. She watched as John picked the baby from the crib that he's been laying on and walked towards her. Aeryn reached out her hands in anticipation as John gave her the baby.
The baby was four months old now but still fragile, yet very beautiful. At this instant, without second thoughts she could truly admit to herself that she was in love with this baby and the feeling towards this small child was something she cannot explain. It was so strong, that it made her heart felt heavy and with each breath she took, she could feel the warmth and the bond that she has with the baby.
After giving the baby to Aeryn, the baby began to fuss even more. Aeryn looked to John for help of which all he did was asked her to wait while he goes and make the milk for the baby.
"I'm sorry. . ." Aeryn spoke loving to her son. "You hungry, hum?"
The only response Aeryn received from the baby was that the baby turned his head into his mother's chest. Aeryn smiled and with gentility, she lifted up her top and cradled the baby in a way that his mouth was closed over her nipple. Instantly the baby stopped crying and began to suck against her nipple. Again it felt strange, yet comforting. She felt little tingles like electricity running through her body as the baby's little tongue gently enveloped the bud and suck on the milk. Her milk.
Aeryn leaned back into the chair and looked down at the snuggled little baby against her breast. Her baby, her son, Michael. She smiled as tears of joy rolled down her cheeks. This moment was one of those moments in which she'd enjoy being a mum and the fact that she had given herself the most wonderful gift of all. A baby, a life, her flesh and blood. She suddenly regretted not telling her husband that she was able to breast-feed their baby.
She smiled at the thought of John, her husband, the man that had gone through so much for her. The man who'd raised Michael on his own for almost a month when she was in a coma. She sighed and began to wondered what would happen if she told John that she could remember all the things that had happened between them: the good things, the bad things, good times and bad times.
Aeryn was so preoccupied with her baby that she had not notice John standing at the doorway, frozen and still holding onto his son's bottle of formulated milk. The sight of his wife feeding his baby was something he'd only been able to see in his dreams. John stood there very still, simply wanting to capture this moment in his heart forever.
Aeryn only turned when she realised that John was walking towards her.
Had he been watching the whole time? She wondered to herself as she broke eye contact with John and looked down at her sleeping child. Without waking her baby, she gently detached herself from him and pulled her shirt back down.
When she looked back at her husband, his eyes were dark with love but filled with bliss. Aeryn smiled and began to speak but before any word could escape from her lips, John sat down quickly and captured her mouth in a drugging kiss. A kiss that was once again filled with the hope that was lost when she went into a coma, the hope that they'd been striving for for so long. The hope that had began the very first time they kissed when they were stuck in the flex, the hope that was revived after Aeryn had offered him the compatibility vial.
Aeryn was shocked as well as pleased. But before she could think twice, something inside her made her surrendered into the kiss.
There was a part of her that had always been in love with John Robert Crichton Jr. The astronaut. The one who'd stolen her heart right from the beginning, the man who'd encouraged her, challenged her and freed her from her people. He was John Crichton, the father of her flesh and blood, the man who showed her that there was more in life than being a hard ass Peacekeeper, and the one who'd shown her true love. The man who had given her a baby. Once a stranger, whose smile she couldn't resist, the stranger whom she couldn't stop trusting, the stranger who'd given her a life that had meant more than her own. And she loved him.
They broke the kiss when Michael began to fuss and stir because of the uncomfortable position that his parent has put him in. John and Aeryn both smiled before Aeryn got up to put Michael back in the crib so that he could sleep properly.
When she turned back around to John, she'd found that John was standing up with a very big grin spreading across his face.
"What?" She couldn't help but smile back at him as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"How long. . ." John asked simply without bothering to finish his sentence but he didn't need to. The unspoken words quietly communicate with each other through the unbroken gaze share between the two.
"The first night at the beach house. . ."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Just thought the baby and I should keep it as our little secret. . ."
John's smile grew bigger. "When have the two of you gone so secretive?"
Without answering she simply kissed him passionately but before long she pulled away when a thought struck her. Still smiling, she took a deep breath and looked directly into John's eyes.
"What you think about being daddy for the second time, Crichton?"
John stopped smiling and grew serious as if a baseball bat has just struck him over the head. "Wh- what did you just call me? And wh, wh, what did you just say?"
Aeryn couldn't help but chuckled and started speaking slowly. "Crichton, what do you think, about being daddy for the second time?"
"You re- you re, you remember? And you're pregnant?" He asked as his smile grew so big it covered half of his face.
Aeryn only nodded to the first question. "Well, I'm not pregnant yet, but, we could try. . . That is if you're not too busy to come join me. . ."
"Hell will have to freeze up before I'm gonna get too busy to join you!" He said as he wrapped his arms around Aeryn's waist, lifting her up and swung her around.
"Aeryn, what about now?" He said putting his wife down.
Aeryn laughed and rolled her eyes. "Why, couldn't your little friend wait?"
"Hey, hey, hey. Don't blame him. . . he's the reason you have a son"
"I thought you were the one to control him. . . But. . ." She spoke slowly. ". . . What about your father?"
"Well, last I heard was that he was gonna go up to Joanna's. . ."
"Well, in that case. . ." Aeryn backed away slowly as John followed her with the word mischief written on his face.
". . . You'll have to catch me first!" Aeryn said bolting out of the room as John ran after her.
Finish.