Embraceable You 2

By: Jigs
Feedback: Any and all comments welcome. Email: jigsaw4@aol.com
Archiving: Please email me first
Rating: PG-13 (J/A)
Category: Drama
Warnings: Contains spoilers for "Liars, Guns & Money: A Not So Simple Plan"
Summary: Explores Aeryn's thoughts at the end of the ep and what might have
happened next. Notes: This was written as if I hadn't seen the last two eps
of the LGM Trilogy or DMD.
Thank Yous: Lots of cookies to share for this fic: to Phil for his most
invaluable beta and helping with the rough patches; to Nate4C for encouraging
me when the muse was unwilling; and to Toby for suggesting the Ira Gershwin
song for the title. Used without permission.
Disclaimer: Regrettably I have no claim to Farscape, my little shippy muse
just had to explore what Aeryn was thinking during the end of the ep.

---

When this was over, if it was ever over and they survived, she would find the
strength to push away the fear that kept them apart. John was not the one
standing between them; she was - it was her hesitation, her insecurity, and
her own doubts. She could no longer deny how much she wanted to spend her
life with this man.

"How many times have I wanted to be with him, only to turn him away when he
sought intimacy?" The thought stabbed her sharply, and she felt a pain not
unlike the wound inflicted by Larraq a few monens ago.

Hanging on to the life for which she was trained denied her the emotional
attachment she wanted. At this moment she couldn't comprehend why she clung
to the Peacekeeper tenets that dismissed love as a dangerous pursuit. The
key to helping John was suddenly so obvious to her. He needed her strength
in a battle, but it was a battle in which her combat skills were of no use.
She was powerless to help him using those methods. Although she could not
heal his mind, she could offer him emotional support and love, reassure him
that she would always be there for him, no matter what happened. She knew
she could not give him back all he had lost, his innocence, his openness, but
she could be there when the visage of Scorpius swept into his mind like a
tempest of destruction.

And right now she could give him the solace of her embrace. The revelation
brought a knowing smile to her face as she realized there were no words to
remedy this situation. John needed quiet comfort, needed to know she was
there, supporting him, loving him.

"Surely he knows ... he must know I love him?" The question echoed in her
mind.

"Frell!" She gasped as the answer to her silent question caught her off
guard. John frowned, but didn't come to full consciousness.

"I'm here," she whispered, stroking his cheek with the back of her hand and
staring down at his handsome face. The lines of tension seemed to ease a bit
as he nestled deeper into her lap. She leaned down and kissed him softly and
he mumbled her name again.

Content that he was resting comfortably, Aeryn placed her hand on his chest,
needing to feel his heartbeat, slow and steady beneath her palm. Looking at
him now, she wondered how she could have resisted him for so many monens.
She truly did love him. It was so simple and yet she had fought the feeling
for so long. Finally admitting it gave her a peace she had never known.

As Aeryn shifted her legs beneath him, he moaned and opened his eyes to find
her staring down at him. A satisfied sigh escaped his slightly parted lips
as they curled into a weary smile.

"I'm glad you're here," he said, looking at her through heavy-lidded eyes as
he reached up to touch her cheek.

She nodded and smiled reassuringly, helping him to a sitting position. He
groaned at the loss of contact as she stood and extended her arms to help him
stand. Physically weak, he struggled to his feet with her help. Aeryn
wrapped her arms around his waist, supporting him as he leaned into her. He
seemed so fragile, not like the John she knew. His physical strength would
return, but his battered spirit frightened her and that admission only
intensified the sense of terror that had been stalking her since she found
him alone here.

She stroked his cheek again and gently pushed his head to her shoulder.
Guiding him to his quarters, she made him sit on the bed despite his attempts
to embrace her. John watched closely as she knelt down to take off his boots
and socks, and then pulled his T-shirt over his head. When his arms were
free he wrapped them around her slender waist and pulled her to him, resting
his forehead against her. She combed her fingers through his hair and
tenderly kissed the top of his head.

Allowing them both the comfort of the moment, Aeryn rubbed her cheek against
his hair then finally whispered, "time to sleep, John." Pulling back she
smiled at him, "take off your pants and get in bed," she urged as she
unclasped his arms from her waist.

Remarkably he managed a big grin, but the pain still lingered behind his eyes
as he held her hands tightly. "I've waited a long time for that invitation,
Aeryn." His hands slipped from hers and he caressed her hips.

She couldn't help but chuckle at him, enjoying his playfulness after the
draining day they had endured. But that was John, ever the optimist. Aeryn
wondered if even Scorpius would succeed in destroying that part of him. In
spite of his deteriorating control over the chip's influence, the glimmer of
her John was still there and that gave her hope.

Hesitating momentarily, she smiled, wanting to sound as confident as she
could. "We have time, John."

He focused his eyes on hers, "stay with me, Aeryn, now may be all we have."
There was a resonance of finality in his voice that scared her.

"No!" Her mind screamed in protest, "I can't believe that. I won't." The
thought of losing him penetrated her and sudden tears moistened her eyes.
Her throat constricted and she couldn't swallow the fear that consumed her,
threatening to steal her voice.

Managing only to mutter a few words he couldn't make out, Aeryn stepped back
and his head drooped dejectedly between his shoulders. Suddenly too tired to
convince her to stay, he resigned himself to yet another rejection and
another unwanted lonely night.

Unwilling for him to see her tears, Aeryn turned away and walked swiftly to
the basin in the corner of the room, filling a small cup with water. She
looked at her reflection in the mirror and reached up to swipe angrily at her
moist cheeks. Calling on her last reserve of strength, she took a deep,
shaky breath and turned to face him with a smile that was as close as she
could manage to the one she knew he adored.

"It's late. We need to rest so we can figure out what to do."

"Please…sta…." He choked on the words.

"I'm here. I'm not leaving." She managed a Machiavellian smile, "if you do
as I ask."

He tried to suppress a grin, but it peeked out nonetheless. Complying with
her request, he took off his leather pants and crawled beneath the golden
blanket. Aeryn approached the bed carrying the cup of water and a damp
cloth. Leaning on one elbow, John took a sip from the cup she offered and
then lay down on this back, already fighting to keep his eyes open. Aeryn
sat down next to him, gently wiping his face with the cloth. It was warm and
soothing and John sighed contentedly.

"Thank you," he whispered, his tiredness finally forcing him to close his
eyes. "Still need to tell you…." He mumbled.

"We'll talk tomorrow," she interrupted, stroking his cheek as sleep finally
overcame him.

She sat there for a while watching as his face relaxed into the serenity of
sleep. Smiling, she stood and shed her clothes down to her black underwear
and eased in behind him, carefully pulling him to her. She would never leave
him; protecting him was all that mattered now.

Without waking he turned toward her in a motion as natural as if he had done
it all his life, nestling his head between her neck and shoulder.

She stroked his hair as the words she spoke to him on the Royal Planet
slipped past her lips in a whisper, "there's nothing we can't overcome
together, John. I love you."