SOCK OPERA...
by BritAngie
(otherwise known as..Insane conversation at Ben'sBBQ
inspires
even insaner mini fanfic....(be gentle..it's my first time..lol)
by BritAngie
.. ((WIBBLE WOBBLE)) ((WIBBLE WOBBLE))
The scene fades into view..
Aeryn is in her room..quietly fidding with something..suddenly JC walks past her door and remembers he needs to tell her something..startled Aeryn quickly hides that which she was studying..
"Hey Aeryn" John pauses..slightly puzzled at the startled look on Aeryns face..mentally shrugs then continues.."I was just talking to Pilot-he reckons that we'll be at planet Mreen in about 2 arns..so we can buy all the Rydra plants that Zhaan wants... I just hope these plants don't turn out to be something like out of the day of the triffids.."John grinned at the thought.."Like anything *that* bad would happen to us..?"
Aeryn smiled thinly-she had no idea what the human was wittering on about now and hoped he would take her silence as a hint to leave..
"Hehehhehh..er..heh..anything wrong Aeryn..you look a tad distracted."
"The only thing distracting me is *YOU*-now if you don't mind I have some pulse rifles to service.." With that she stood up to strut out of the room..
"WHAT THE FRELL!!!" exclamed John as Aeryn walked away.."HEY!! Come back.."
"WHAT??" She stopped dead as John held up the item that was stuck by static electricity to her hair..
"It's a sock"..John stated..
"What of it.." said Aeryn trying hard to keep her cool
"It's MY SOCK to be more precise! There was I thinking that Chiana had snerched them or perhaps Zhaan for some rite of the 13th night or something but it's you!!!"
Aeryn grinned nervously and quickly glanced in the direction of the items she had previously been studying..John caught the look and spotted >something familiar..
"Oh my God Aeryn..that is *all* my socks..and phew..Dargos..what in the Goddess's name are you doing with these???"John started to look alarmed. "Is this some kind of Sebacean terminal sock disease?? Aeryn..please tell me there is a cure...I'll do anything to make you better..but please tell me the truth.."
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH" shouted Aeryn as she ran out of the room heading towards Pilots chamber..
John stood in stunned silence..sock in hand...."MAN are Sabaceans weird.." he muttered to himself as he decided to follow after Aeryn..
((WIBBLE WOBBLE)) ((WIBBLE WOBBLE))
The End..or is it..you see..
Okay..so you asked for a sequel(no you really did!!)..here it is..
Once more we peer into the UT's..
Someone puts fifty pence in the Dream-O-Meter..
.. ((WIBBLE WOBBLE)) ((WIBBLE WOBBLE))
the scene fades into view..
Ahh back where we left off..
John stood in stunned silence..sock in hand...."MAN are Sabaceans weird.." he muttered to himself as he decided to follow after Aeryn.. He caught up with her in the Den..or rather her and Pilot...again..as he entered they stared at him..like two fluffy bunnies caught in headlights(well okay..really *STRANGE" looking bunnies..but you get my drift!)..they were up to something..they both had that guilty look...he *had* to find out what was going on.."Play it cool" John thought to himself..Aeryn and Pilot were not the most forthcoming guys on the ship-infact a plateful of John's keedva BBQ would be easier to talk to than these two at times..Johns stomach growled at the thought of food..."hmm grill Aeryn an Pilot now..grill Keedva later.."
"So ah..hiya guys..wotcha doin..?...Hey Aeryn-I thought you were cleaning pulse trifles or something.." John quipped "go for the light hearted approach" he thought to himself.."always a good move if you wanna stay alive.."
"Pulse *RIFLES*....what the frell is a 'try-fool'??God can you not get anything right??And anyway..I wanted to consult with Pilot on a *private * matter.."
"Private ..so it wouldn't have anything to do with *socks* then..??"
"No nothing" Aeryn said adamantly..
Pilot looked at his feet..well if he had any feet he would have looked at them..
"Okay.." John replied..and went to walk out the door..relief etched on Pilots and Aeryns faces...
He then doubled back..(in that nonchelant JC fashion..)"nahhh I don't buy it.. sorry..you *really* have to work on that lying technique Aeryn,try looking a little more sincere instead of angry-perhaps Chiana could give you a few lessons.."
Aeryn scowled..would this human ever stop talking..and how dare he suggest she takes lessons from Chiana..the last time she did that she got rope burns and piii-knut-but-tor all over the place..took weeks to get out of her hair ...
"Okay,okay I can see this is getting me nowhere...now lets face the facts..you know that I know that you are sock knapping and if I let the others know that you have been snerching their smalls they will not be too pleased..so either you tell me what the FRELL IS GOING ON..or I squeal to the crew..so what's it to be??"
"Aeryn perhaps I should tell him.." Pilot spoke for the first time..a tired look on his face...
"Ahhh Dr Doom of Death has some answers...hmm so don't tell me" John put a hand to his head mind reader style-"there is a mass outbreak of foot and mouth disease and you have sent Aeryn on a daring mission to destroy our footware before it destroys us....or perhaps you guys are taking part in the Blue Peter/Scouts save a sock appeal -collecting socks for a needy charity......huh?..so come on..and make it good.."
"Well you see..it's all to do with tradition.."started Pilot
"Tradition??? A sock fetish tradition you mean??"
"Commander Crichton if I might finish.."
"Sorry.."John sat down by the console( narrowly missing flattening a loitering DRD which poked Johns foot petulantly and scooted off..) ..he felt in his bones that might need to..
"Tradition..as in Pilot and UT traditions..as old as time....." Pilot thought for a second..then continnued.. "You see Crichton there is great literature-like the legendary novel 'Revoloss and the Silent Sea' ,magnificent musical masterpieces like Shadow_wolfe's 'Oboe Operetta',and legendary art by artists such as EllieJane and LJinx.....and of course the Pilot peoples own contribution to this rich and wonderful tapestry...sock puppetry"
"SOCK PUPPETRY???HEEEEEHEEEEHEEEEE" John laughed out loud..nearly falling of his perch "you mean.." he gasped.."you guys.." choking for breath "are...".."are..." "using our socks as ..." still struggling for breath.."SOCK PUPPETS....mwmaahahaahahahhahaahahah " ...
Aeryn and Pilot looked on..not a titter between them..
"He's not taking this too seriously is he?" Asked Pilot as John continued to laugh periodically slapping Pilot and Aeryn to underline the joke..
"No Pilot..but he *is* human..and I would imagine they have nothing as noble as your craft.....do you think we ought to call Zhaan in case he has a heart attack or something?" John was now on the floor..tears rolling down his face.. muttering sock puppets ,pointing at Aeryn and then laughing hysterically..
"Yes perhaps I ought to.." Pilot touched the communications to summon the Blue Delvian...
******
Minutes later Zhaan entered the den..she could hear John laughing from along the corridor and was extremely curious as to the nature of the emergency.. She entered to find John spreadeagled on the floor...his laughter slowing down to stifled guffaws out of pure exhaustion..." Hey have you guys ever considered becoming a comic double act...Pilot and Sun...you'd cause a riot.." and he started to laugh again..
"By the Goddess what on earth is going on John?..Aeryn and Pilot are most concerned about your behavior..are you in pain..?"
"Blue..hey..welcome to comedy central...these guys have just been auditioning for Saturday night live!!"
Zhaan looked confused.
"Zhaan we have just explained to Commander Crichton about sock puppetry" Pilot explained..
"Ahh praise Kiailenn..yes Sock puppetry...that noble and complex tradition..whilst I was in prison I used to meditate on the sock plays of Luckylyn the great,Yamagaba the magnificent,Black_T the incredibly talented and goodlooking,_player_ the fantabulous and Tenesseestiff the incredible..all gifted writers in their field..extremely inpirational.."
John stared at Zhaan in disbelief...this had to be either the biggest practical joke of all time(and Zhaan was in on it) or he wondered ...he was seriously losing his marbles.."nahh he thought..I'm as sane as they >come.."
"So..blue...what you are trying to tell me is that you are a ." and he started to laugh again.." a TrueblueZhaansockfan.. "..the laughter took control again..
Aeryn rolled her eyes...this was going to be a long night...
"Okay..okay.." spluttered John..trying hard to regain some semblance of a straight face.."tell me more..I want the whole thing ..I need to know why you have such a stock pile..or should that be sock pile of socks..."..he laughed heartily at his own joke....."aahahahha..er ha..er sorry..go on..I'm listening..*really*"
"Okay..I'll explain..but if you interrupt again I'll stun you with a pulse gun.." Aeryn touched her holstered weapon to underline her point.. John mouthed okay and made the motion of zippering his mouth..he suppressed the urge to snigger....it was hard..
Zhaan sat down and started to meditate....
"Now then..when Pilots people were young they were great scholars and created great theatrical productions..but as the millenia went on they lost the use of their lower limbs through evolution which in turn led to their symbiotic relationships with Leviathans....as a result of this they fulfilled their dramatic frustrations through the use of puppetry....over time different traditions of puppets grew up-there was the Henson tradition,the muppet tradition,the finger tradition..and my personal favourite *PUNCH* and Judy..but one tradition found overall favour and ousted the others..the sock puppet..so for many centuries this has been the standard for performing these sock opus's"
John nodded sagely.."oh my god..." he thought " I'm in Jerry Springer land..the toothfairy will be out to do an encore in a minute and start juggling coasters....smile John..look like you understand it all.."
Pilot continued..." We also found that by performing these plays that we could also entertain our Leviathan hosts"
" So what you are saying is that whist not Piloting Moya you play sock puppets.." John asked.
"yes"..
"And she enjoys it?"
"yes she looks forward to my nightly renditions.."
John sucked his arm in thought.. "So..you don't spend your time trying to fix the navigation system or anything slightly useful like that?"
"no.."
"So what you are saying Pilot is ....' Well, we're lost .... but we *do* have socks..' "
"yes"..
John let his head drop in into his lap.....lunatics..he was trapped with raving lunatics.. He looked at Aeryn.."So Aeryn..Sock goddess of Sebacia..why the sudden interest..I thought you were into Pulse gun weekly or Frag Cannon the centerfold edition???" He smirked..
"Don't mock what you can never understand.."
"Try me you sexy sock woman...." He sported a HUGE GRIN whilst Aeryn narrowed her eyes at him..
"The reason my interest has grown is because the need for sock puppetry is genetic..encoded into Pilot DNA..and as I have some of Pilots DNA I also have found... I... have..... a craving .....a craving to puppet ...with socks.." Aeryn looked to Pilot for reasurance..who patted her gently..John noticed the arm sported one of his socks...
"And a wonderful and inspirational craving it is.." added Zhaan ...rather superfluously..stopping her meditation for a moment....
"And besides"Aeryn added "If I was to at some point gain control of Talyn I will need to perfect this skill to calm the infant Lavaiathan....did you never wonder why Crais wanted me to help with Talyn?? Crais does not understand sock puppet ways..it's why Talyn is soo headstrong..he needs to hear the tales of 'Little Red sockinghood','Sockerella' and 'Prince Steve Palmer and the Black boots,' and other moral tales to entertain,teach and comfort him..Crais will never understand Talyn's sock needs the way I do.."
For some reason Johns brain was singing 'Mary had a little lamb' at this point as he tried to focus..he thought he heard for a split second Scorpy's voice saying fight it John..fight the sock madness...but no..maybe not...he tried to digest the revelation that had been shared..
"So what you are saying is that if Talyn doesn't get Sock time..he has a Lavaithan tantrum??"
"Yes" said Pilot triamphantly...they were getting through to the human..
"Yeah..and my name is Cameron Diaz,I'm chief in command of the Pleisar Party Regiment and have blue rince and a perm every Sunday..now come on guys..you are having me on right?A little UT's humour..pull the human's legs type a thing???"
"No John we are not..." answered Aeryn
"Okay then....." he sighed..he was not going to win this one.....just humour them.. "Well pass me a sock...which part do I get to play..." John asked tentively.. "If you can't beat 'em join em" he thought as he pulled on a particularly cheesy blue one.."geeze do you not even wash them??" he muttered as he sidled up to Aeryn..he wondered how long it would take for his sock to snog Aeryn's...a wicked grin spread across his face..now *this* plan had possibilities.. ;)
((WIBBLE WOBBLE)) ((WIBBLE WOBBLE))
Back to reality as the fifty pence runs out....
Copyright BritAngie and the Tickle monster (tm)
"Don't blame me..I'm mad"