THE DAY CRICHTON STOOD STILL

By Donnie Thomas

Farscape is the property of Hensen and Co. I am making no money off this.

Summary: Just a little humorous fic about John's thoughts while he was a statue.

Spoilers: LATP 2+3

Rating: PG

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"Well here I am, John Crichton: Astronaught, Scientist, Fugitive…Statue

"Ain't this some shit?"

"I feel like an oversized tombstone. Hah! I can see it now 'Here lies John Crichton, he had his brains sucked out his head by some freak that looks like Otis Nixon with a leather fetish.'"

"Somehow, I don't think this is what dad had in mind when he told me I have to be my own kind of hero."

"Oh God, I think my foot is starting to itch."

"At least we're indoors, so I don't have to worry about some damn bird taking a shit on my head."

"Jeez, less than a day and I'm already pretty much bored out of my skull."

"It's really gotten desperate now, I'm playing a mental game of chess with an imaginary Scorpy."

"Yup, that foot is really starting to itch."

"Hmm…I don't think this pose turned out to well."

"Now this is a first, imaginary Scorpy just told me, and I quote 'leave me the hell alone.'"

"I hear people snickering, I must look pretty freakin' stupid."

"If I don't scratch my foot soon I'm gonna go crazy."

"Started fantasizing about Aeryn…leopard spotted panties, heh heh heh."

"Edible leopard spotted panties…yummy."

"Did I mention they have to be *leopard spotted* panties?"

"Something's going down, I think I hear Scorpy prowling around out there."

"Oh! Now ain't this just great, Scorpy's just made off with my head!"

"Ya know, if I weren't so well adjusted, the fact that my head is floating around in an acid bath could really give me a complex."

"The worst part out of this whole situation is that my damn foot still itches."

"Cool, that PK babe Jena just got my head reacquainted with the rest of my body."

"THANK YOU JESUS!! I am about to be re-animated, set free, cut loose! And do you know what the first thing momma Crichton's baby boy is gonna do?"

"I'm gonna scratch my damn foot!"

"And oh yeah, find some leopard spotted panties."

"…That's leopard spotted, don't forget."

END