Show You Insteadby Janne
Summary: John and Aeryn come to some realizations when Gilina comes back.
Spoilers: Some parts of Nerve, The Hidden Memory, PK Tech Girl, and all episodes involving the evolution of the J/A relationship. This takes place approximately after The Hidden Memory, but Gilina does not die, she simply leaves Moya.
Disclaimer: The Farscape concept, theory, characters, and overall universe is not the property of me, but rather of Fox Studios Australia, Jim Henson Co, Sci-Fi Channel, and Nine Network Australia. This story is strictly for entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author’s Note: I would like to dedicate this to the guys I let get away, or never had the guts to chase after! Not that they know who they are, of course! Also, I thought I had heard the term “micrometra” used to mean a millimeter, but I could be mistaken. If I am, then that’s what it means. With all that said, please enjoy.
Archiving: If you want it, I only request that you ask me first, then keep my name and e-mail address with it. I don’t mind if you use it, all I ask is that you give credit to me where credit is due.
John and Aeryn had not exactly been talking recently. The recent events with Larraq, Crais, Talyn, and the whole nerve issue had been a lot for them to deal with and had surfaced many emotions that Aeryn did not know how to deal with. Zhaan and D’Argo noticed their recent silence, and were very worried about them. It was not like either of them- mainly John- to not talk for days on end, but they kept quiet. Of course, every time one of them saw either John or Aeryn, they would make some attempt to get them to talk, but they either got some facial or body gesture or a monosyllabic answer. They finally gave up, figuring that they would come out of it on their own. And, they were right.
It was about two weekens after the ordeal at the Gammack Base, John was in Command and Pilot startled him with some interesting news.
“Commander, Moya’s sensors have found something that she thought you might find… intriguing,” Pilot told him, stifling a laugh.
“What is it, Pilot?” John said with a slight edge in his tone, but Pilot knew it was from the recent events and not some hostility directed at him.
“Moya has detected a ship. A modified Peacekeeper Marauder. She was about to initiate starburst when the ship identified itself and the pilot.” He stopped, and John raised his hands slightly.
“I give up Pilot. Who is it?” he asked, somewhat exasperated, for he was not in the mood for a guessing game.
“The pilot has identified herself as a tech you are familiar with, formerly under the command of Scorpius but recently out of contact with Peacekeeper High Command. She said her name is Gilina.” John about fainted, but Zhaan walked into the room at that precise moment and caught him, helping him to stay conscious.
“Are you serious Pilot?” John asked in complete and utter surprise.
“Yes Commander. She is requesting permission to come aboard. Shall I grant it to her?” he asked, thinking that he already knew the answer, but knew he should check first.
“Yes Pilot, let her come in. I’ll meet her in the docking bay.” John walked briskly to the Docking Bay, and saw Gilina come out of the Marauder. He stopped in his tracks, but she just walked on. When she saw him, she stopped slightly, her eyes widening. She smiled and ran, jumping into his arms.
“John!” she said. John hugged her and put her down. He was a little tense, and didn’t quite know what to make of the whole situation. Aeryn and D’Argo entered just then, and Gilina straightened her hair and clothes.
“Gilina.” That was all Aeryn would say. You could tell there was a conflict wrenching inside her. It was tearing at her gut, and John could see it. He guessed he was the only one who could, but he was happy he was learning to see those kinds of things.
“Officer Sun.” Gilina reciprocated Aeryn’s coldness. D’Argo and John looked at each other, hoping to avoid any conflict between the two. D’Argo spoke first.
“We are happy to have you aboard. If any of us can do anything for you, please do not hesitate to ask.” Then he took Aeryn’s arm and led her out of the room. Aeryn looked back once and then left willingly. John took Gilina’s gear and hauled it to her makeshift cell.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“What’s wrong, dear?” Zhaan asked John as he paced around her chamber. He had come in saying that he had a problem, but would not tell her what it was. She sensed it had something to do with Gilina and most likely Aeryn as well. She smiled ever so slightly and decided to get him started.
“It has to do with Aeryn and Gilina, does it not?” she asked softly, getting up and palming the door closed before she spoke. He looked up, his arms folded across his chest, and he stopped dead in the middle of the room.
“Yeah, Zhaany, it does. I’m stuck. I like Gilina, I like her a lot, but…” His voice trailed off and he didn’t finish. Zhaan sat him down on the floor and sat beside him.
“You love Aeryn,” Zhaan finished for him. He sighed and nodded.
“I know it’s crazy. I mean, she’s a Sebacean, a Peacekeeper no less. OK, EX-Peacekeeper, but still. She would never go for ‘an inferior human from an inferior planet named Erp’ like me,” he said, imitating Aeryn so well that Zhaan had to chuckle. He sat down, spent, and Zhaan put a calming hand on his knee.
“You need to make a decision. Sure, Gilina returns your feelings, but would you ever be happy? Could you ever be happy knowing that you really loved Aeryn?” He sighed again.
“You’re right Zhaany. What do you suggest I do about it?”
“You have to tell them both how you feel. I suggest you tell Gilina first- she will understand a little better than Aeryn right now. Personally, I think Aeryn’s just waiting for you to initiate the whole thing. You must remember, she knows nothing of the love situation. It is all new to her.” John smiled, and leaned over to kiss Zhaan on the cheek.
“Thanks Bluey. That really helped. I gotta go now.” And with that, he left the room, leaving Zhaan to contemplate the situation on her own.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Aeryn was confused. She never thought there were any… feelings for John Crichton, but when the tech, Gilina, came aboard, she felt something. There was a surge of anger and aggression and passion all rolled into one that passed through her insides. It coursed through her, pulsing through her veins, heating up her blood. She had to leave the Docking Bay and get a hold of herself. She was in her workout room, when she decided to go see Zhaan. She put her stuff away and went to the Priestess’s chamber. She was almost there when she noticed John coming from that direction. Hmm… He’s been visiting Zhaan too. I wonder why… Then she brought herself out of her trance. This is ludicrous! She scolded herself. He could have been coming from anywhere. And even if he was coming from her chamber, it probably had everything to do with the tech, Gilina, and nothing to do with you! She about walked into the door when she stopped, realizing she was there. Of course, she would have only walked into the door if Zhaan were not standing in the doorway, almost waiting for her.
“I was wondering when you would come,” she said, smiling. Aeryn gave her a quizzical look, and walked in. Zhaan closed the door and sat where she had been only microts before, only now facing Aeryn instead of John.
“How did you…” Aeryn stumbled. Zhaan grinned.
“I figured you would come, what with the… recent events and everything.” She left it at that, but Aeryn knew what she meant. She took a deep breath and began.
“I am a Peacekeeper. Or rather, I used to be. Now, I don’t know what I am. I have nothing to identify with. I had always been known for my piloting, or my combat skills, or my techniques as a soldier. Now I am nothing. I also never felt anything. I could watch lifelong friends die on the battlefield and simply walk on by. It was nothing to me. Then, it all changed. It all drastically changed. I met John. Crichton. You see? I don’t even know what to call him anymore!” Now Aeryn was on the verge of tears, so Zhaan put a comforting arm around her. She sobbed quietly for a few microts, then straightened and wiped her eyes. “I would never have thought of ever doing that before! But John changed all that. Now he encourages me to feel, care, love. It’s difficult, but he’s always helping me. It’s like, no matter how much I try to push him away, it never works! He’s always there.” Zhaan patted Aeryn on the knee and brushed a stray strand of hair away.
“Child, you simply need to face two facts. One, you are no longer a Peacekeeper. They defied you for following orders, and Captain Crais was simply taking his anger at Crichton out on you. Second, John loves you. And more than likely, you love him too. I’m sure it’s killing you that you love someone who’s not a Sebacean, but trust me, your kind of love does not come around very often. It’s one that you find once in a million cycles. Think of it this way- had he not come through the wormhole, you would never get to experience love. You would still be a soldier, killing people and ruthlessly murdering and torturing others. He showed you a better way of life, and you know it, in your heart. All you have to do is tell him.”
“You are right Zhaan. I need to find him and tell him. But, what if it’s too late?”
“He does not love Gilina, Aeryn- I can feel it. He loves you, but he knows how stubborn you are. In fact, he’s almost as stubborn as you are.” Aeryn laughed.
“That’s good to know. Thank you Zhaan.” The soldier got up and embraced the Priestess. It caught her off-guard, but she hugged her back, hoping to transfer some of her love and wisdom to the young Sebacean.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
John saw Gilina in the central chamber where they all ate. She was eating a dismal ration of food cubes, but their staple was running low. He approached her.
“Hey.” He was returned with a confused look. He sighed, remembering that he was not talking to Aeryn, who would have known of that saying. “Never mind. Whatcha doing?”
“Eating. Then I was going to work on my ship.” She realized her food cubes were gone, so she got up to empty her tray.
“Oh. I gotta tell you something, Gilina.” He pulled her over to him and had her sit down next to him.
“What’s the matter John?”
“I can’t let you stay here. You came for me, because you like me. I did like you too, but it wouldn’t work out between us. You have to leave.” He looked at his hands that were in his lap once he finished. He couldn’t bare to see her reaction.
“What do you mean? Of course it would work out… oh. I understand. I guess I should have figured. A Peacekeeper on a ship like this for an entire cycle would have to change eventually. You and her are involved, aren’t you?” He looked up. That wasn’t quite the reaction you expected, Johnny Boy, but it’s better than what Aeryn would probably do… deck you.
“No we aren’t. Not yet anyway. It’s… it’s complicated, hard to explain. I’m so sorry, Gilina. I never meant to string you along. I hope you can go back and find someone there.” He saw her smile.
“I doubt it. Peacekeepers are, well, Peacekeepers. No way would they commit. Well, it’s worked for thousands of cycles, so I guess I can work it out. I hope you are happy, John. You and Aeryn.” With that, she kissed him on the cheek and walked away.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Aeryn had been wandering the halls of Moya, trying to figure out what to do about John. Finally, she saw him coming her way, and turned, heading in the direction she had come from. What the frell are you doing, Aeryn? Are you farbots? You’ve been looking for John, and then the microt he shows up you run away! What would your training commanders say now if they saw you, running from a fight? She calmed herself and turned around.
“Sheesh, Aeryn. I’ve been calling your name like three or four times. You ok?” he asked, sounding a little distracted, but genuinely concerned. She took a deep breath.
“No. I’m just… a little distracted. And nervous. That’s all.” She stood there, not quite sure what to do. Suddenly, he had closed the distance between them.
“Aeryn, I don’t know how to tell you,” he started. Then she interrupted.
“Neither do I, John.” They stood there, looking into each other’s eyes. Then, John reached out and pulled her head until it was just micrometras away.
“So I’ll just show you instead.” She gasped, and then he lowered his mouth onto hers, capturing her in a passionate kiss. She deepened it, pressing herself into him. One of his hands was behind her neck while the other was combing through her smooth, raven black hair. She had her hands on his back, slowly running up and down slowly along his spine. He finally broke the kiss, and looked down into her eyes.
“That was exactly what I was thinking,” she said, reaching up to kiss him again.
The End