Fifth grade graduation is stupid
			A few weeks ago my brother graduated fifth grade. The only reason I went to the graduation ceremony was because I thought some of the teachers would be hot. Oh yea, and my parents made me. Well instead of being hot strippers the teachers turned out to be old wrinkly turds running on butt juice. You learn maybe 1 new thing to a gallon but it fucks up our ozone. Anyway what a shit festival this graduation was. It started out with the teachers giving speeches on how great the year was. They of course forgot to mention all the times they gave the kids detention and made them stay after school. Luckily this made the speeches pretty short, but not short enough. Next all of the fifth graders sang an uplifting song titled 'We're gonna be alright'. What a pile of shit. They all look so proud of themselves. They look so happy that they made it through fifth grade. Well you kids can shut the fuck up. You still have seven years left. Hell, you're not even halfway done. And it's not like you were accomplishing anything anyway. Playing musical chairs and learning to count isn't school dipshit. You might as well just have skipped it. After all, when was the last time your heard this at a McDonalds job interview?
	No one cares that you got past fifth grade, idiots.
		Every single time I heard someone congratulating their kid I jammed my knee straight into her uterus (anyone at a school event is undoubtedly a mother; The father is most likely at home watching cartoons or looking at porn, god bless him). Finally it was about to end when suddenly there was a closing speech. I literally jammed my entire head through and electrical socket just so I would shock my ears or at least get knocked out so I wouldn't have to hear the whole thing. It didn't work and I pulled my head out of the socket looking incredibly deformed. Not from actually sticking my head in their, but from hearing the closing speech. Afterwards everyone left the auditorium looking incredibly pleased (the fifth graders), incredibly crying (their moms), or incredibly really pissed off and shooting people (me). You have just a good time at a fifth grade graduation than getting your dick fed to a chainsaw. Fifth grade graduation... what's next, a sequel to The Passion starring Marilyn Manson? Just about no fifth grade shits reading this article realized they will be sucking baked balls for a living. Back to how much I just farted...