Harry Potter Sucks
					The other day I was just looking at the ceiling counting how many ways I could stop being so awesome. I couldn't come up with any ideas, but then I suddenly remembered something that really pissed me off. Harry Potter books. Wizards are all made up and if they were real, Harry Potter would be the worst of them all. Here is my view of Harry Potter:
	I read the first book in fourth grade, and I came to the conclusion that it was the shittiest book ever created. Even at fourth grade I wasn't stupid enough to fall for that shit. Out of all of the characters in the book, Snape was the only good one. Voldemort died like a pussy, because he wanted to kill a baby, and he accidentally stabbed himself in the process. Snape is cool though. He makes Harry's life hell, failing him and everything. Even Dumbeldore can't compete with Snape. Can Dumbelshithead make Harry's scar hurt just with a glare? No, he can only be a fucked up old man who does Siegfried and Roy tricks. That includes being gay. If wizards were real, Dumbeldick would be the second to go. Now I know how to make the book less shitty, make it about me. Here is a sample page of my book titled: Fastman and the Curse of the Retarded Old man. "Hello," says Fastman to his shithead aunt and uncle. "Fuck you," say his ninja relatives. The sumo wrester Dudick appears in the room. "Give me candy!" he shouts at the top of his lungs. "Don't eat us!" cry his parents, rushing to find stuff to give him. They find an old camera, and toss it to him. Dudick tosses it into his mouth and gives a sigh. Fastman, now feeling supercharged, after eating a cod, beats the shit out of Dudick, then punches his aunt and uncle until they are dead. "Ha ha ha!" he says, in an awesome voice. A sparrow flies into the house through an open window. Fastman catches the bird, bites off its head, and takes the note out of its stomach. He releases the bird, and it flies away. The note says Harry Potter was killed by a pirate. "Must have been Maddox," says the awesome sailor to himself. He goes to Maddox's house, to find the man feasting on Harry's dead body. They decide to go to some retarded class in school.      At the school, they learn stuff that will help them later in life. Like all of the different weapons they can use, and how to sword fight. Then their arch nemeses, Malfuck appears. He is a zombie. Maddox and Fastman ruin his shit, and he cries to his mommy.      They decide to venture to the ocean and fuck some mermaids. When they try to get into the water, a ghost of a retarded man blocks them and says "You shall not pass!"      Maddox slices him up with a sword while Fastman calls the ghost names. It doesn't move, so Fastman pulls out his own sword.      "splellhowdoesthatretardedauthorcomeupwithspells!" he yells, and a huge boob pops out of his wand, and beats the ghost up. The boob slams the ghost into the water, so Maddox and Fastman go into the water and fuck them mermaids. They all live hapily ever after. The end.
				See, my book is much more enjoyable than that old whores book (I forget the author's name). I didn't even take up more than 10 minutes to write it up (she takes years for every book). No fucking way anyone writes better than me.
		000,000,012 people have read my story, and they really hate it. Back to how much I suck...
© 2004 by Fastman