One day I was sitting in school, when suddenly my penis (which is abnormally large) got a funny feeling, which could only mean that I had to pee; or that I had cancer. So, assuming that I was cancer-free, I excuse myself from class to take care of business in the bathroom. I then began my journy across the hallways of my highschool to the classroom. Suddenly out of no where (and by suddenly I mean at a slow pace and by no where I mean directly in front of me across the hall in plain view), a teacher patrolling the halls stops me. She jumps and lands with her legs spread making at least a 100 degree angle, arms reaching to touch each side of the walls (failing miserably) like she is Jesus or something. To give you an idea of how idiotic this looks, I did my best to draw a picture of her in that stance...
If you care, I produced a hallpass but she suspiciously asked what class I was heading back to and where I came from anyways. As if I had conjured up the pass out of materials found on the ground in my evil attempt to prowl the halls during class. She is molding future working Americans, remember that.
My second example of shitty security is on airplanes. No I'm not talking protection against terrorists. I'm talking protection against tourists. I'm sitting on the airplane, a row behind first class. My whole family is up there except for me because I decide I can be the man of the family, not the pussies getting primped and pampered on a stupid airplane. Then soaring at who knows how many feet (but the captain takes great care to announce it every few minutes), I notice something. There is a special security system keeping second class from first class. It contains a peice of fabric about 3 inches thick that runs across the isle of the airplane. It separated second class from first. The human race really has made huge advances in the feild of technology over the past few decades. At one point I had to go over to where my family was to get one of my carry-on bags. How was I ever going to break the code of this lock that bound me to second class?
I walked up to where the break was. I attempted walking right through to first class but it bound me and held me still like roll playing gamers that just found out that their level 83 dragon had been reduced to a level 4 minority in America (my best friend is half Mexican, you don't have SHIT on me being a racist. Assholes.). I had to rethink my plan. After contemplating for hours I finally discovered the way out. To jump out of a window with plungers, and use them to grip the side of the plane until I got to a window by first class. Just kidding, I decided the best thing to do was go under the barrier... But did I dare do it? I finally worked up the courage. I stepped under the little peice of material and suddenly was in the lap of paradise known as first class. Before I go on, did you know they get fucking video games now? What the fuck? Anyways, to my surprise no alarm went off. No ninjas rushed to kill me. In fact nothing seemed to try to stop me except for the abundance of female flight attendents that immediately began to hump me uncontrollably. It must have been my huge act of bravery.
The final example of shoddy security is the fucking Great Wall of China. Yea you could keep those damn Mongolians and shit out, but if you come across a deadbeat on a skateboard you don't stand a chance. In the future aliens will probably have an army of skateboarder dudes attacking earth. Then we'll see if those Chinese bastards are still laughing at us. Well that's it. Bye.
98573948759438579453948075438574643543534690853098 people don't exist.
This article is protected (unlike what is listed above) with the best security possible. If you try to steal anything Harry Potter's spell will cause you to start lactating. It won't be the normal milky shit though. Your's will be sour. How much does that suck? (if you read the new harry potter book you are a loser. again.)