Order in the court.
The mish had been planned 5 weeks previous to the proposed mishing date. It was planned that we would leave early in the morning under the false alibi of 'we are going ice-skating'. That night we would say we were sleeping at David's house and then taking a shopping trip to Manchester the next day when in reality we were on a mish in London.
The only person who did not use this perfect alibi was Johnny Lewis, who told his parents a completely different story.
However, the next morning, when we arose from our comfortable beds, Rob's elderly nan told Rob, "I know what you are doing, and you're not doing it!" Rob's Nan refuses to tell the mishers how she knew that we were going to London, and so, we have set up this investigation to find, who sabotaged the London mish.
Note: Someone MUST have told Rob's Nan about our plans, as we refuse to aknowledge the existence of psychics. Furthermore, Rob's Nan is old, and so naturally does not use the computer and could not have known about thIS website. Moreover, she could not of overheard our plans as we made certain that we did not talk about it in the vacinity of parents or grandparents. Thus, SOMEONE must have sabotaged the mish by telling Rob's Nan.
The following is the trials of all the possible saboteurs: Helen, Rob, Jonny Ball, Fee, Johnny Lewis. The primary witness will be Joan "Rob's Nan" Mawdsley.
The first defendant is Mr. Alexander John Kenny Dalglish Snr. Fee of Aigburth, Liverpool.
How Do You Plead? Not Guilty
Prosecution Evidence: Erm... None, your honour, Fee may possibly have uttered it in his sleep in his excitement. Unlikely.
Defence: Fee was with Rob the whole night. He would have woken up Johnny Lewis to get out of room. Besides, Johnny Lewis would have noticed Fee leaving the room as he says he got no sleep when he was on Rob's floor. Plus, been on previous mishes and had no motive or opportunity.
Verdict: Not Guilty.
The second defendant is Mr. Robert Joseph Joan of Arc Skinner of Calderstones, Liverpool
How Do You Plead? Not Guilty
Prosecution Evidence: None.
Defence: Why would Rob do this to himself? HE was the one that would get in trouble. Also, previous mishes mean no motive and due to positioning during sleep, he would have woken up Fee and Johnny Lewis to get out of the room.
Verdict: Not Guilty
The third defendant is Mr. Jonathan Robert Ball of Calderstones. Liverpool
How Do You Plead? Not Guilty.
Prosecution Evidence: None.
Defence: Alibi of being in different place all night. He slept in his own home, and planned to meet Rob at the end of his road at 6:45 in the morning. He has been on previous mishes, why would he tell for this mish?. Enough said.
Verdict: Not Guilty.
The fourth defendant is Miss Helen Susan Skinner of calderstones, Liverpool
How Do You Plead?: Not Guilty
Prosecution: Helen knew about the mish. She may have wished to spite Rob.
Defence: Helen had known about the mish for ages, and had plenty of opportunity to grass. Furthermore, the only other reason anyone would snitch is that they were concerned. Helen has NO CONCERN for her brother's wellbeing or that of his friends.
Verdict: Not Guilty.
The final defendant is Master Johnny Alaistair Lewis of Aigburth, Liverpool
How Do You Plead? (Shifty Eyes, Sweaty Palms, Nervous Face, Silly Hair) Not Guilty.
Prosecution Evidence: -Johnny had the means, motive and opportunity to commit this most heinous of heinous crimes.
- First of all he slept next to the door, so he was able to slip slyly out, unnoticed. He was the only one who could have gone out of the room unnoticed - Fee and Rob would both of woke Johnny up to leave as he was sleeping next to the door.
- Secondly, he was scared the night before the mish and expressed doubt about the sensibility of the mish.
- Furthermore, he is KNOWN to have spoken to Rob's nan during the night. He was uncomfortable, as he was sleeping on the floor. In the night, he moved to the empty spare bed. NOBODY would do this in someone elses house without asking permission (Unless they were a benny-boy)!But who would he ask at this ubsurd hour of the morning? I put it to you, ladies and gentlemen that Mr. Lewis was too scared to go on the mish (he shitted out ) and he spotted Rob's elderly nan, who it is known did not sleep a wink, and approached her. He was asked by Rob's nan if he wanted to sleep in Helen's bed, perhaps there he would be more comfortable, he said ,"Yes, I would like to sleep in Helen's bed." And so this meant he is the only potential misher who had the opportunity to tell Rob's Nan we were going to London.
-There's also the point that it's the only logical conclusion since SOMEBODY must (as said above) have told her and it wasn't a mishketeer or Helen.
Defence: Would he really do that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Verdict: Guilty, definately.
Jonathan Lewis has been sentenced to a lifetime of ginger hair and banned from mishing 47 seconds.
During the investigation, the prosecution uncovered strong, unequivicle evidence to prove that Johnny Lewis is
not only a whistleblowing sabateur, but also a paedophile and, whatsmore, a nonce.
Here is an e-fit of the defendant. Defendant may or may not have been wearing hat.
May or may not have been wearing hat