In has come to my attention that you have been selected as a potential student of ACS (I). We are indeed pleased to welcome you to our big family. However, there are a few improvements that have to be made before you can truly become one of us.
First, your physical appearance requires some alteration. According to the tradition of our great institution, the appropriate attire is as follows:
- spiked hair
- pants worn on the hips
- almost completely hidden socks
- shirt left in perpetually untucked state.
Furthermore, you are expected to have bushy eyebrows, and tanned skin in order to be eligible. We suggest you make these changes ASAP.
Secondly, other than outward appearance, what goes on inside is crucial as well. We adhere strictly to our three acts: Act Cool, Act Attitude and Act Poseur, stressing on poseurism as the basis of our schools image.
Act Cool: All ACS(I) Students are required to be adept in pretending to be cool in the way bimbo's will fall for the trick, even though it is obviously not the proper definition of 'cool' per se. We do NOT want our students to BE cool, but merely to ACT cool. This will include mannerisms like acting nonchalant and pompous that was create the false impression that ACS(I) guys are indeed very desirable and good looking.
Act Attitide: Due to the fact that bimbos absolutely LOVE attitudal guys, we emphasise strongly on pretending to have attitude in our boys. You will hence have to act like a very bad person when you are in fact an insecure and woefully deprived human being.
Act Poseur: As this is the trademark of our school, I assume it requires no further explanation or elaboration.
To adhere to our school's motto "the Best is yet to Be", we require you to stop getting good results in school especially in the area of literature, as this opposes our motto. You will hence need to go out with more bimbo's, have fun, screw around, and be generally less concerned with your studies.
Your Chinese grades must be extremely poor and you will have to hate it a lot. In other words, you must forget all your roots and be a perfect banana. You are also required to be rich in order to avoid being ostracised and looked down upon in our school. More emphasis will be placed on sports to create the impression that ACSI guys are all-rounders.
We look forward to your joining our huge ACS family and we certainly do believe you have the potential, judging by your bimbo-attracting qualities prevalent in all our students. We believe that with more posing, despising Chinese and acting, you will eventually prove to be an outstanding representation of our fine Institution. Most importantly, you have a rich father.
Yours Sincerely,
Dr Ong Teck Chin
Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)