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What's the Story, Mornin' Glory?
Boogeyman
(2005)
Boogeyman follows a guy named Tim (Barry Watson) who is terrified of the boogeyman. When he was a boy his father told him the story of the boogeyman (who from now on shall be called the B-man). One night young Tim sees a figure emerge from his closet and walk toward him. He flips on the light and the figure turns out to be a pile of clothes. Suddenly the lamp is thrown to the floor leaving Tim in the dark. The figure reappears, but it turns out to be his dad. To prove that the B-man doesn't exist he checks out the room, but when he opens the closet door, he's pulled in and never seen again.
Fifteen years later Tim is still afraid of the dark and closets. His apartment is set up with tons of high-powered lamps and nothing has doors (even the cupboards are doorless) and his fridge is a beer cooler (y'know those clear door cases?). For Thanksgiving he's spending it at his incredibly rude and bitchy girlfriend's family who ask him personal questions about his family. Here it is revealed that his Dad "ran away" and his mom went crazy and he lived in a small room in the back of his Uncle's barn. That night his girlfriend climbs into the bed with him and when she rolls over to look at him it's his mom. Freaked out, he jumps out of bed and realizes he's dreaming. Suddenly he gets a phone call from his uncle saying that his mother had passed away.
When he goes back home for the funeral his childhood therapist suggests that he spend the night at his old house to get over his silly fear. Well, things start out on the right foot when he hits a crow and it's beak breaks through his windshield, almost causing an accident. A young girl stalks him, he keeps having vivid visions of his past, his girlfriend appears and then disappears, and he closet teleports. The closet teleporting being the last straw, Tim decides that instead of being scared for the rest of his life, he's going to take down the B-man once and for all.
You Learn Something New Everyday...
 If you're afraid of the dark it's best to cut through the woods at night.
The Boogeyman's true motive is to frame people for murder.
Zing!
No good lines.
Survey SAYS...
I think we were all afraid of the boogeyman when we were kids. I remember my brother storming into my room when my parents were out and yelling at me "If you don't go to sleep, the boogeyman will come out and eat you." Of course, he accentuated the point by ripping the head of my teddy bear, so perhaps I was more afraid of my brother than the boogeyman. Anyway, the point is, a movie about a boogeyman is a good concept. You could play on all the fears we all had as children.
So, the story had potential. I often wonder when watching a movie such as this if the crew knows how incredibly bad the movie they're making is. It's kind of like the director was like "Wouldn't it be really cool if this happened in the movie?" and everyone was like, "Yeah! But, how do we make that flow into the story?" and the director's like "Don't worry about it." And no one did. By the way, who thought that flailing the camera about wildly made it good camera work? Were they trying to distract me from the nonsense plot? It only achieved dizziness on my part...and a little confusion. When I uncrossed my eyes, I had to figure out what was happening on the screen. Artsy camera work never helped anyone.
Anyway, for someone who is so utterly terrified by the dark and closed doors, to the point where he needs a clear fridge and no doors on their cupboards, he sure walks around alone in the dark a lot. He's always peering into slightly opened doors and going outside in the dark. When I feel uncomfortable in the dark I'll turn on every light in the house just so I'm not in the dark. This guy is always in the dark for some reason. Also, I couldn't get over how distracting bitchy his girlfriend was. Who's even like that? In the beginning Tim and his girlfriend are at a going away party and Tim and his friend are hugging and she's like "Alright break it up, that's enough," and then Tim walks over to her and she says "I TOLD my parents that I'd be up there by 11." Then, when he gets the call that his mom dies she says, "I thought you were going to stay the weekend." How was she necessary to the plot, other than for people to wish death on her.
Bitchy girlfriend and crazy camera work aside, we need to get to the meat and potatoes of this movie...the B-man. From what I gathered from the movie (which was very little I assure you), the B-man can transport from closet to closet through, like, a portal. The question is, is there more than one B-man? Are they regional? Can B-men accidentally transport into another B-man's territory? Or, is it one B-man per child? Is this particular boogeyman stalking Tim on a regular basis or only when he's near his hometown? Why does this boogeyman go after Tim and kill his dad? They don't even touch any of this. I'm sure it's supposed to be as simple as "If you believe in the boogeyman and he'll come after you," but if you can say that about B-men then anything's fair game. If you believe you can fly, you will. Dogs can talk and money grows from trees.
If they're going to have a crappy story and no name actors, they could have at least afforded to make the boogeyman cool. He's so animated it's silly. Did they truly believe they were making a scary movie? You can make anyone jump by having people walk around veeeeery slowly and in complete silence and then have a loud burst of music. Heck, I scare my dog that way. The B-man looked like one of those mummy things from The Mummy Returns. Just cheesy as hell. Why couldn't they put a person in a costume on some stilts or something? Why'd they have to CG it?
To top it all off, how they "defeat" the B-man is just ridiculous. Counting till 6 and then smashing toys? Right. Lame. This movie could've been so much better had they maybe explored all the missing kids or why the B-man does what he does, or something other than this Tim guy walking around saying the boogeyman exists and no one believing him and then closet teleporting. I can only imagine how many homeless people have been saddled with the blame of the boogeyman's murders. So, if you like crazy Christmas sweaters, bitchy girlfriends, crow killing, extreme door hinge close-ups, teleportation, and ghosts, then this is the flick for you. As for us...we give Boogeyman
That Wasn't so Bad Was It?
I was left Feeling: Riiiiiiiight
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