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What's the Story, Mornin' Glory?
Swimfan
(2002)
Ben Cronin (Jesse Bradford) was a kid who spent six months in juvenile detention, but through swimming he turned his life around. Now his dreams are finally coming true. He has a wonderful girlfriend he plans on marrying, he’s popular, well liked, and a big important swim meet with scouts from Stanford are coming up in a week. All he has to do impress the scouts and he’s set for the next four years.
One day he meets the new girl Madison Bell (Erika Christensen). After that one chance meeting, he keeps running into her at weird times. He even almost runs her over by accident, which after a few more chance meetings results in steamy, deep-water sex in the high school pool. What starts out as an indiscretion that would be their “little secret,” quickly turns into trouble. She begins seeping into his life, constantly calling him, beeping him, and showing up at his house. When he confronts her and demands that she leave him alone; she snaps and takes her creepy antics to another level. Ben’s life begins to fall apart; he loses his job, he can’t concentrate on his swimming, his girlfriend finds out about his cheating, and he even fails his drug test during the all important swim meet.
Will Ben be able to convince everyone that sweet, southern Madison is responsible for switching meds at his job, slipping steroids in his pee sample, and killing his friend? Or will his shady past and the extreme unlikeliness that any of that could ever happen in real life keep the truth from being known.
You Learn Something New Everyday...
 Old men love nudie cards.
In New Jersey you need the club.
Some people don't check the pool for dead bodies before jumping in.
As long as you're wearing a white lab coat and a stethoscope around your neck, no one will suspect you're not really a doctor.
Zing!
"Christopher? Do you have guests? No, of course not. That'd mean you have friends." -Madison, about her cousin.
Survey SAYS...
First of all, no one in this movie looks younger then 23. Ben has a creepy 10 o’clock goatee shadow on his face the whole time. But, more importantly please tell me, if anyone knows, how in the hell a high school girl is going about doing all this? . A seventeen (possibly eighteen) year old girl is running around hospitals wearing lab coats which miraculously gives her the access to switch meds (framing Ben for almost killing an old man), and allows her access into a critical room so she can go kill people with a scalpel. She somehow slips steroids into his pee (lab coat again perhaps?), kills two police officers, kidnaps a car accident victim, has complete access to the high school pool area, runs over Ben’s girlfriend, and kills his friend, all while conveniently framing Ben for everything and not raising one eyebrow her way. In fact, let’s analyze the cop car scene shall we? One, why was there a cop sitting in the backseat with her? Two, why did they handcuff a suspected killers hands in the front? Alright, so she kills the cops. What then? Cop cars backdoors only open from the outside. Since somehow that all works out fine for her, how is it that no one is looking for her? Isn’t someone expecting those two cops to bring her in? At the very least, is no one looking for a missing cop car?
Let’s say that this movie is totally plausible and this chick can do all this. Ben (and life) must be pretty damn predictable because everything she does only works if Ben acts a certain way. What are the odds he’d clean out his locker late at night? That he would touch a baseball bat in his locker? That he’d go for one last swim without even looking in the pool first? However, the point is…this movie could never, ever happen. Not even if all the planets aligned in some special way. It was so completely out there that it made the movie just plain stupid. You know what this movie was missing? An alien. Like, in the end, Madison reaches behind her head and pulls a zipper down the middle of her face and an alien steps out of the Julia Stiles look alike body and blasts everyone with a death ray. That scene would make about the same amount of sense as anything else in the rest of this movie. Perhaps it would improve it, it would explain how she’s able to do all the creepy stalker ruining people’s lives stuff and then framing others for murder thing.
Might I add, it’s so stereotypical that the weird creepy guy that no one likes is shown reading Catcher in the Rye. Weird, moody people who think they know how the world should work like that book. It’s a stupid book. By the way, killing her off in the end was such a cop out. This psycho-super alien woman can only be stopped by death. But, with the logic of the movie, she’d still screw with his life from beyond the grave. Yeah, I spoiled the end, but you weren’t going to watch this stupid movie anyway. Don’t lie. SO, if you like...25 year olds still in high school, classic high school movie cliques (including the token black friend), med switching, dirty old men, the impossible becoming possible, and just plain lunacy. This is the flick for you. As for us...we give Swimfan
That Wasn't so Bad Was It?
I was left Feeling: Seriously, that's what my face looked like when the credits rolled.
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