Ever have trouble snaggin' that slimmie in History class, want to know how to get revenge, or even weasle your way out of a bar fight (unless your Matt). Well, this is your chance to find out what Fatcamp would do or say in sticky situations.

Disco Stu's Dance Moves For The Inhibited.....alright, first off I would like to say a warm hello to all the fine sexy ladies out there...call me.  Alright, you hit the bar with a couple of pals not expecting much.  But when you hear the words "dancefloor" and "tonight" directed towards yourself, this party is just gettin' started.  If you are lucky you will have seen some of the best cats dance with almighty funk, eg. Patrick Swayze-"Dirty Dancing" or my mentor and teacher Mr. John Travolta- "Saturday Night Fever", "Stayin' Alive".  If you can, duplicate that to disco (requests are a given), if no disco (sigh), the ladies still manage to dig it enormously.  If you have no sense of coordination then your only alternative is to thrown down a couple glasses of red and frolick.  Yes, even though this is highly unsupported by Disco Stu, it is the only way to show everyone that you know what your doing.  Frolick in such a fashion as to be funny and that you are saying to everyone  "hey, god didn't give me the funk, so i am gonna be funny, man".  An important thing is to not drink too much if you are dancing.  I can't reiterate how disastrous it is should you fall from your drunkeness, it is a disgrace to the dance society and myself for having written this.  Wherever you go in life, whatever you do, disco music shall always rule, and disco sluts are always welcome.

Matt's Tips on how to steal over $1,000 dollars from a certain department store... First you have to know the store well. Working there for over three years does have play a slight advantage in your favour. Start with small stuff such as socks, underwear and maybe a delicate glass fish. Most of these, excluding the obvious, will be able to fit into to your deep pockets, only if your wearing buffalo chinos. Go behind a large structure where no one else can see you. Get a look of utter dissapontment on your face and pretend like your arguing with someone over the fact that the store is so messy. This can be accomplished in a two fold plan. First say under your breath "aww for jesus christ sakes who would do such an awful job of cleaning up this disgusting mess". side note: don't swear and be sure to respect jesus and use his full name, as he was son of Zeus. The next fold is to casually look around to make sure no one is looking. This is were most criminals are busted. Remember, were not criminals were "stealologists". Next don't panic when your gay boss makes comments regarding stealing, fraud and your "delicate petite ass". He has no clue, except for the ass, but no clue that you currently have over $200 of merchandise in your pocket. Next on your break take this merchandise and go to your truck. Smile slightly as you walk out of the store feeling like a modern day Capone. Important follow up information: Once outside watch out for the smokers who hang out around the staff parking, there eyes tend to follow you and your pockets for a long time. Possible solution: make a crack about how much they stink and that all their money is going into cigarettes instead of their kids education! You may create some enemies, but for a new pair of socks it's all worth it!!  preferably on bicycle but use feet if you have to.

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