More Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bed frames, and sidewalks.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

The Sherman tank was originally called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1:Heart disease
2:Chuck Norris
3:Cancer

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris Halloween costume he was wearing.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris uses a nightlight. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, and then he fucking kills people.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindness, and possibly foot sized bruises on the face.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

The air around Chuck Norris is a balmy 78 degrees.

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just correct. Always.

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a flotation device.

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.

Q: What does Chuck Norris think of God?
A: Trick question, Chuck Norris is God.

When Chuck Norris says more cowbell, he means it.

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in thirty seconds

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Alfred Nobel made dynamite from a recipe found in Chuck Norris' cookbook.

Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one dared to ask him why.

The pen is mightier than the sword, but Chuck Norris can kill you with both.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, he never goes to jail. Ever. It just can't happen.

The original ending of King Kong vs. Godzilla was never shown because there couldn't be if Chuck Norris comes, beats the shit out of both monsters, and then goes on a rampage, completely obliterating most of Tokyo and half of China.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Most people chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

The total number of words on this web page is 1337. That is not a coincidence.


Back to Chuck Norris