by Empath no Tenshi
Every morning, I always feel like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I’ve never known that some mornings could also be so wonderful, so relaxing, so right and so… perfect. Everything I see seems to look so beautiful. The room looks so neat and the rays of the sun filtered by the translucent curtains feel so warm, balancing the cool temperature in our air-conditioned room. And what more can make my morning any better than my Hisoka sleeping right beside me… and him being the very first thing I see when I open my eyes.
I carefully peel the blanket off me and fix it over Hisoka’s sleeping form. Slowly, careful enough not to wake him up, I get off the bed and go to the mini-kitchen to see if I can make something for breakfast.
Usually it’s Hisoka who wakes up earlier and does the cooking. But I’m referring to when we’re staying at apartments during cases. It’s not like we’ve been living together. I love the idea though. Well, I’ve been planning on asking him, but I haven’t gotten any closer to that than asking him to marry me.
Sometimes, I can’t help but think that even after the Kyoto incident, we haven’t made any progress at all. I mean sure, we can’t live without each other but neither of us has ever made a move on going a step further. Hisoka isn’t the type to go into such things. I’m supposed to be the one making the moves, but even though I hate to admit it, I’m still hesitant.
Maybe we’ll just let time do it’s magic. I’ll have to be contented with whatever we have right now.
Someone tell me again how my thoughts drifted from breakfast to that?
Right, food. Open the fridge and check the contents. It’s empty. Cabinet’s no good too, save for the usual canned stuff that hotels always provide. This one will do! One-step pancakes. Cooking this would mean an additional charge, but I guess there’s nothing I can do about it. I brought a lot of stuff but didn’t even bother with anything we can cook for breakfast. We’ll have to buy some groceries later.
Okay, let’s see. It says here that I only have to put water and voila! Instant pancakes! So I open the box, get the scissors to open the plastic, and then pour out all the contents into a mixing bowl. Then… how much water again? Right, 2 cups it is. Then mix until it gets sticky.
I look for a frying pan at the cabinets below the sink. I put it above the stove then rotate the switch to start a flame. Wait a minute, I think I saw some butter in the fridge but… oh dear, no syrup. I don’t like pancakes without syrup! I guess I’ll have to improvise. Sugar! Of course!
So I go over to the little glass cabinet right above where the china are and get a little bottle that contains sugar. I put a couple of tablespoons on the mixture. Hisoka doesn’t like it to be too sweet. He doesn’t even put syrup when he eats pancakes. Wait, has he ever eaten pancakes before? Oh well.
I think this mixture’s done. So I cook them one by one. This is the part I hate most. I swear, I could never cook normal-looking pancakes even if my life depended on it. They always get crushed, crumpled, or sometimes, even burned. And that’s exactly what’s happening again now.
Darn it.
Breakfast is ready! After what seemed like an eternal battle between good and evil (pancakes are evil!!!), I have managed to cook breakfast. Somehow.
I come into the room just in time to see Hisoka about to wake up. Now this is the part I love most. Had I mentioned how cute Hisoka is whenever he does that? Probably over a million times…
“Ohayou!!! Breakfast is ready. And I cooked!” Er… tried to anyway.
I hastily get a plate and put a couple of fresh pancakes for Hisoka and hand it over to him.
“Go on, try it!” I chirp, eager to see how much he’ll like it.
Hisoka looks at it hesitantly, but cuts a small piece and puts it in his mouth.
Then he starts to cough out violently after barely a couple of chews.
Uh-oh.
“Tsuzuki… what exactly were you trying to cook?” He asks after suppressing his coughs.
“Um, pancakes…?” Then I bite my lower lip.
“From what I know, pancakes are supposed to be sweet… not salty.”
Salty???
I dash off to the kitchen and pick up the bottle of sugar… and see the label spell s-a-l-t… not s-u-g-a-r.
And my head drops.
Great. The first time Hisoka could’ve eaten breakfast I especially made for him and I screwed it up. Great going, Asato.
Shoulders slumped, I make my way back to the bedroom.
“Hisoka… I… I…”
“Never mind. I’ll just cook another one.”
Hisoka stands up and folds our blanket. After fixing the bed, he opens the curtains to let the sun’s bright light in. He passes by me on his way to the kitchen. Then suddenly, upon seeing the clear blue sky and the people down on the beach, I hold his hand.
“Wait… I have a better idea.”
~)-0-(~
The sun feels so warm… and the weather is windy. It’s a perfect day to go walking down the shore. We pick a quiet spot a little distant from where most of the other tourists are, mostly because Hisoka prefers a quieter atmosphere. It’s better that way, at least he can really relax. We spread the beach blanket then he sits and starts to read a book.
We were sharing mutual silence together until my stomach growls, demanding food.
“I guess that means breakfast. Hisoka, I’ll go get something to eat. Wait here ‘kay?” I stand up and get ready to leave.
“Okay. Don’t spend too much though. Tatsumi-san will skin us alive if we overspend.” He reminds. And I’m glad he did. I was hoping I could get that banana split special that they’re advertising on that big banner.
So I walk over to the hotdog waffle stand. It’s a bit far from where we’re staying but I think the food would still be warm when I give it to Hisoka. After three minutes of waiting, I pay the old man- whose smile is quite funny with a missing front tooth- then start to walk back.
Drat. I forgot my change.
So I go back again. But instead of getting the change, I just use it to buy drinks. The amount was just exact for a couple of milkshakes.
“Thanks, mister!” I grin at him again.
I think I turned too fast and so abrupt that I noticed too late I actually bumped into someone. A boy. He staggers backward and finally loses his balance and falls hard on his butt.
That must have hurt.
I put down all the food I bought first then help him up.
“I’m so sorry!!! Are you okay?”
“I’m all right. Thanks” He shyly mutters then brushes the sand off his shorts.
“Sorry, I wasn’t looking too.” He says, looking up at me. And I notice that he has bright blue eyes that perfectly complement his silvery blond hair. He looks kind of familiar.
“It’s okay.” I help him pick up the stuff he accidentally dropped on our collision. Art stuff. He has paints, brushes, and a canvas rather too big for his small size.
“Where are you going? You want me to help you carry all these?” I ask him with a friendly smile.
“No, thanks. I can manage. Besides, I’m still not sure where I want to stay. I’ve been looking for something beautiful to paint ever since I’ve arrived here… but no luck.” He sighs.
“Oh. Okay then. I have to go. Hisoka’s probably waiting for me.”
That’s right. Better bring this before the food turns cold.
“Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, um…” He says, reaching his hand for a handshake.
“Tsuzuki!” I grasp his hand. “And you are?”
“Ayase.” And he gives me warm, childlike smile.
~)-0-(~
I go back to where I left Hisoka as fast as I can, but he wasn’t there. The book lay on the smooth surface of the blanket, and there was nothing else. No Hisoka.
All right Tsuzuki, calm down. Just relax. Hisoka’s fine. Nothing bad happened. He’s just probably wandering around. Or maybe looking for a washroom. Or… or…
No! I’m not going to think about that. When we came here there were no signs of that perverted idiot who harassed Hisoka at the casino. And there were positively no silver hair. No silver eyes. No red moon. No Muraki.
I turn in every direction, looking frantically while doing my best not to panic.
Then for a fleeting second… I feel as though my heart had stopped.
There he is.
As Hisoka walks along the seashore, a flock of birds begin to land on the beach, showering him with a rain of feathers. He looks so ethereal under the morning rays of the sun. Wearing pure white, partly buttoned shirt and also white shorts, and with his soft hair glowing like a halo, Hisoka looks exactly like how I’ve always pictured angels to be.
But… why does he feel so far away… so hard to reach? Is it because all my life I’ve been called a… demon?
With these violet eyes… a color so bizarre for humans they could only think it’s all because I’m not one of them. And since I’m not a human, what else could I be?
But Hisoka told me I’m human… just like him. I guess we’re just different… special. We both long for a place to belong… to call home.
And we found it in each other.
Whatever did I do to deserve an angel…?
He fixes his stare on the sea as he lets the tiny waves of water tickle his bare feet. For a very long while, I stand frozen and can’t do anything but watch him. And before I even realize what I’m doing, I could feel myself walking towards him, my body moving on its own. Then I stand behind him and place my arms around his shoulders.
“Hisoka… don’t ever fly away from me…”
“Tsuzuki…?”
Even by just looking at the back of his head I could already imagine Hisoka’s curious scowl.
“I can’t do that. I don’t even have wings, silly.”
Then he relaxes and leans on me.
“Besides, even if I could… I still won’t. Right now, being with you feels so… right. I don’t think I could ever find a more special place than this. Just by your side.”
~*~ "I decided a long time ago.....that my place to return to is here.... By your side only…" ~*~
Those were the very same things he told me when we were in Kyoto together.
And again, I ask myself… What did I do to deserve Hisoka…?
Then I feel him stiffening.
“Tsuzuki… I… I just suddenly remembered something…”
“Hm?”
And he shivers slightly.
“Flames… and…”
His hand rises up to clutch the fabric right above his chest.
“S… Scared… I remember feeling so scared… Like what I dreaded most was about to happen… Like I… Like I was going to lose something… Something so important…”
I feel like I want to say something… but words just don’t come out. So that was how Hisoka felt when I almost killed myself? That… was how much I hurt him…?
“Tsuzuki… was…” He stops and hesitates. “Was there a time when I… nearly lost you…?”
I bend down to kiss the top of his head.
“Yes… there was.”
He abruptly pulls away from me and grasps my shoulders, now facing me.
“Why? What happened?”
A bitter smile takes place on my face.
“I wanted to die.”
Is it really me who’s talking? My voice feels distant.
Hisoka’s hold on my shoulders loosens, and his arms fall on his sides.
“Why…?”
I hate seeing Hisoka’s eyes like this.
“Because it was too painful…”
He looks away and glares at an invisible enemy on the white sand.
“Idiot. Did you even stop to think how I could have felt…?”
There’s anger in his voice, but underneath it- and more audible- is the pain.
Now that I think about it, he’s right. I really am an idiot.
“To be honest… no. Not until I heard your voice. It was only then that it finally sank into this tiny brain of mine that I was going to hurt someone so much if I left him behind.”
As he cried in my arms and begged… every soft sob pierced through my heart. I felt so guilty back then.
Then I touch his cheek.
“But it doesn’t matter anymore. You called me back, and I’m here now. We’re together… and that’s what matters.”
And I hug him tightly. But after a short moment my stomach growls again.
There you have it, the embarrassment of the century.
And I salvage myself with a sheepish grin. Brilliant.
“Um… let’s eat?”
I almost forgot about the hotdog waffles and the milkshake.
~)-0-(~