by Empath no Tenshi
“Sorry, but I have to go.” From the corner of my eye I could see Ayase’s surprised expression, but I have no time to explain. I have to catch up to Hisoka before he starts to think of… things. A picture paints a thousand words, but I wonder what kind of words formed in Hisoka’s mind when he saw us. More importantly, what kind of words would come out of his mouth when I face him. I think the second one is more of a threat.
I dash to the elevator but the doors close just right before I get in. Great. Why didn’t these two other elevators wait for me before it went up anyway? Have to calm down. Think, Tsuzuki, think… No time to wait. I’ll have to go for the stairs.
Ten floors. Just ten flights of stairs and I could barely catch my breath. Sure, a shinigami is immortal but that doesn’t mean I don’t get tired too. And hungry. At this rate, I think I’ll be able to finish twenty servings of dinner tonight. No. I can’t think of food right now. Especially if Hisoka might not even cook dinner for me because of what he saw.
Wait just one minute. Why the hell am I even bothering with the stairs when I can just fly my way up? Of course! This is a fire exit after all. I doubt someone else will come here unless it’s urgent. How many people get into the kind of emergency I am in anyway. A quick check first if there are any witnesses.
The coast is clear. Here I go! Ouch. Something hard hit my head. Again. That’s the second time already. What, is today the national head lump day or something? Stupid railing.
Flying feels so good. The wind brushing through my cheeks is so relaxing that it makes me drowsy. Of course, we all know what will happen to me if I sleep in mid-air so that’s a no.
Almost there… just a couple of floors more. At last, I made it. I bet I’m going to eat a lot for dinner. That’s saying something from someone with a stomach like mine. But more than food, I have to think of Hisoka first. What will I tell him…? No scratch that. Not what. I’ll tell him the truth of course. Problem is, how I will tell him.
It’s elementary thing to know how to open a door. Even a toddler could do that. But why does it seem so hard for me? What will I say when I go in? How will I explain it to him? But… but... I didn’t do anything wrong did I? Of course not.
Yup. That’s right. I have nothing to fear. Absolutely nothing.
Not even Hisoka’s wrath.
“Hisoka… I know you’re in there and you can hear me. Could you give me a moment to talk to you?”
No answer.
“Hisoka, please… I just want to tell you something.”
Still nothing. Fine, then I won’t stop until he opens the wretched door.
“Damn it, Hisoka. Just let me have a second to explain! Please…”
And he opens the door. Good.
He’s got an irritated frown on his face. Not good.
“It wasn’t locked. Idiot.” Oh. Now I really feel so stupid. He rolls his eyes at me. He’s cute even when he does that. Oh well, I guess Hisoka makes me forget everything.
“Ever heard of a thing called a doorknob?”
Even doorknobs.
He walks to the kitchen and opens the bag of groceries he brought in earlier. He takes out a bowl of instant ramen and fills it with water from the kettle I was supposed to heat before we left. I can tell he’s avoiding my eyes. No, in fact, he’s avoiding me.
“Hisoka… about what you saw…”
“Just let it stay put for a few minutes then you can eat it.” He coldly cuts in. Then he sets the steaming bowl down on the dining table.
“Listen, I…” but before I could even start, he speaks again.
“I’m going to bed.” He tells no one in particular and strides out of the room.
I follow him but he walks into the bathroom. I definitely can’t follow him there. His clothes, I just noticed, were wet.
But he’s taking far longer than necessary. Usually it takes him less than three minutes to change into his pajamas, but now it’s almost a quarter of an hour and he’s not out yet. What, did he just decide he’d sleep in the bathroom instead? If that’s his way of avoiding me I won’t buy that.
That’s it. Whether he likes it or not I’m coming in.
And that includes whether he’s finished dressing up or not.
Hisoka’s on the floor. Unconscious.
And he’s not sleeping…. he fainted.
Damn it.
“Hisoka! Hisoka!” Shaking him roughly isn’t even waking him. No wonder, he’s burning with fever! I have to get him to bed. Put my arms around him and lift him up. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that Hisoka even eats at all. If it weren’t for the fact that he’s breathing- and might I add breathing shallowly right now- I’d think that he was just a stuffed doll. A very, very beautiful doll that even a real human could easily fall in love with.
Usually what Ruka does when I have a fever is get a bowl of water and mix some alcohol in it. Then she dips a piece of cloth and puts it on my forehead. I hope it works for Hisoka too. But he’s shivering a lot and the blanket’s not much help. I guess I have no choice. I’ll just have to face the consequences if he gets mad at me tomorrow.
Sneak under the blanket and put my arms around him. There. That ought to keep him warm. After a while his shivering considerably lessens, so I hold him tighter and pull him closer to me. I can feel my eyes dropping too. Better switch off the lights before I follow him to the world of dreams.
~)-0-(~
Rice balls… rice balls… wait for me… I want you to meet my stomach! Here little rice balls… come to papa… come to my stomach like good little rice balls…
Wait… rice balls don’t fly… and they’re eaten, not chased around…
They certainly don’t ring either.
Ringing?
Oh. It’s not the rice balls. It’s the telephone.
“Moshi-moshi, Tsuzuki desu.”
“Tsuzuki-san?” Ayase speaks from the other end. “Sorry, did I wake you up? You still have bedroom voice.” Sharp kid.
“Well, yeah… you kind of woke me up. Why’d you call at this hour of the day anyway? It’s just…” A glance at the alarm clock and the red numbers show it’s already 10:30 in the morning. Ten-thirty!? “Uh… what I wanted to say was… it doesn’t matter at all!” Lame excuse, I know. “Did you want something?”
“Anou… okaasama… she found out about what happened yesterday and she said that she wanted to meet and personally thank you for helping me. So I’d like to invite you to come over for dinner. Could you come? Please? It’s really the least I can do.”
Dinner!? Did someone mention food???
“Of course!!!” Who am I to refuse food offered to me? “I’d love to come! I…”
Movement.
Hisoka’s stirring. He’s still sleeping and is right next to me. And to think that for a moment there, I almost forgot about him. Almost. No, really.
“Oh, wait… I’m sorry, Ayase, but I might not be able to come because I have to take care of Hisoka. He’s sick right now.”
And it was my fault for making him wait. How many times do I still have to hurt him before I learn…?
“He’s the one I’m staying here with.” I add at once after hearing his curious ‘Who?’
“Oh…” Ayase sighs, disappointed.
“Hey, listen… If he feels better by tonight, then why not… Cheer up, ne?”
“Okay!” I could already see him smiling. “You two should come together then. I’d love to meet him.”
That’s right. I forgot that they haven’t met yet.
“Yes… I’m sure Hisoka would be glad to meet you too.” After I explain everything to him anyway.
Ayase then dictates the directions to his house and I write it down on a piece of memo pad to make sure I don’t forget. He gives me his phone number too, in case we get lo… I mean, in case we won’t be able to make it because Hisoka’s still not feeling well.
“Okay, got it!” Just have to jot down a few more side notes and that’s done.
“See you tonight then!”
And we both hang up.
~)-0-(~
Well now, it seems it’s my turn to cook again. The ramen Hisoka prepared last night is spoiled, so I can’t reheat it for breakfast. Actually, it’s not breakfast anymore but brunch. I have to check the contents of the grocery bag. Wait… If he didn’t have any money yesterday, then how was he able to buy these?
Footsteps.
Is he up already?
He is. He has changed clothes too. And he’s heading straight for the door.
“Where are you going?”
He doesn’t even spare me a glance. He just walks on and acts as though I don’t even exist. Oh, right. I’m still subject to his silent treatment. But I’m stubborn. And he knows that darn well. I’ll pick him up and carry him up to bed if I have to. Of course, that would mean possibly another year of him not speaking to me. But I’d be more willing to risk his rage than his health.
Mentally chanting a prayer that he wouldn’t snap, I walk closer to him and hold his wrist, which is still fairly warm.
“You’re not supposed to be walking around yet. You have to lie down and rest.” There. That was simple enough. Just that I tried to make it sound casual but miserably failed.
He breathes out an impassive sigh.
“I just want to go out for some fresh air. I… I don’t like the feeling of being bed-ridden for too long especially when I’m sick. Somehow it feels… nostalgic. I hate it. Must’ve been because I died of a disease.” He softly conveys with eyes cast down then roughly yanks his hand away.
And he steps out of the room.
Deep down, I guess he still has a faint memory of when he was slowly dying in the hospital because of that bastard’s curse. Slowly being dragged to his death… agonizing pain to his very last breath… I couldn’t bear even just thinking of how much he must’ve suffered. How much he must’ve wished for a quick, painless death that he deprived him of.
~ ‘An inelegant manner of death was not befitting for such a lovely boy.’~
A beautiful death for a beautiful soul eh…? To hell with you and your lopsided way of thinking, Muraki. I’ll never forgive you for what you did to him.
Never.
If I didn’t realize what I was doing I would’ve already pierced through my coat, glaring daggers at it.
“Hisoka! Wait for me!”
~)-0-(~
It’s a good thing I caught up with him before the elevator closed. We go down in total silence, Hisoka’s eyes focused on the floor and mine absently staring at the numbers lighting up one by one in decreasing order. The elevator stops at the ground floor and I just tail behind him all the way to the beach.
He’s not talking to me again, damn it.
The weather’s still cold out here on the shore, but it’s not as bad as yesterday’s. It’s cloudy though, making it feel like it’s already late in the afternoon. All the same, I wrap my coat around him. It’s a good thing I grabbed it before going out of our room.
He mutters a soft ‘Arigatou’
Hey! He actually talked to me! Whispered, anyway, still! I can grab this as an opportunity to speak with him again.
“Anou… Hisoka…” What to say… what to say… “Are you hungry?”
Brilliant idea. Of course, unsurprisingly, he shakes his head. Really, I might have the power to control twelve shikigami, but I couldn’t even handle such a simple thing called a ‘proper conversation’. Yes, with Hisoka, talking to him is a different story, but that’s no reason for me to chicken out.
Okay, round two.
“Anou… I’ve been meaning to ask you… how did you buy those groceries yesterday? If I remember correctly, you didn’t have any money with you right?”
If I remember correctly, I have a thing called brain for me to use. Damn it, Tsuzuki. Exactly why did you have to remind Hisoka of whose fault it was that he waited in the convenient store, got soaked by the rain and therefore got sick?
“Well, it was an accident, really. I was just waiting for a certain someone…”
I do not like how he’s talking with a calm voice right now. He’s just like Tatsumi, the softer the tone, the deadlier it gets. With their type, I better be thankful when they’re yelling at me.
“When I was picking up the stuff that we needed to get, I suddenly felt nauseous… I couldn’t see clearly for a moment so I fumbled around. Then I accidentally bumped into someone and consequently, he dropped his groceries. I apologized to him but he seemed startled when I did. He surveyed me for quite a while, slightly gaping at me.” That last bit made him blush “Then he smiled.”
A cold wind blows and he pulls my coat tighter around himself.
“Anyway, he asked me if I was with someone. He said I couldn’t have possibly gone out on my own because I looked like I was about to faint any moment. So I told him that I was. But you never came, and I… began to feel uncomfortable…”
Right. In other words, he was worried. Hisoka’s so cute when in denial like this. I could still clearly remember our very first case… He was worried about me when I tried to lure Maria Wong. That was the first time I realized that he also cared for his partner.
“I then decided that I’d just go back first and think about buying later. I was about to leave when he stopped me. He said that he’d be willing to pay for them. I refused but he was really stubborn- said that I’d be doing him a favor if I let him because I looked like someone close to him. I had no time to argue with him so I let him do as he pleased. Then I quickly thanked him and left. It was raining but, heck, you were more important than getting my clothes wet.”
And that was one of his favorite sweatshirts too… the one I gave him on our first Christmas together.
But more than his clothes, I think he’s just too shy to admit that he didn’t mind risking his health.
All because he was worried about me.
And what did he get when he came back…?
Really. Why do I always seem to hurt those close to me even without meaning to…?
As if on autopilot, I just move closer to him and grasp his shoulders then tilt his chin up to make him face me.
“Tell me honestly, Hisoka. How did you feel when you saw us yesterday? There must’ve been a reason for you to run off like that.”
But he looks away.
“You’re hopelessly dense, you know. How do you think I felt? How do you think any lover would’ve felt…?”
The look in his eyes says it all. I’ve hurt him much more than I thought I did and I have to fix this. Now.
“Listen… there’s nothing between us, okay? It was just a coincidence. I saw someone being dragged into the alley and I knew the kid was in trouble. I didn’t even know it was Ayase- he’s the one we saw at the lobby playing the piano the other night, by the way- until I was already able to help him. When you saw us hugging, I was just trying to comfort him and that was all. Nothing more.”
This time, he really meets my eyes. He gives me a skeptical look first, his eyes searching mine… then his expression soon softens. “Honest…?”
“Honest. You didn’t think I was cheating on you… did you?” Okay, I think that was too blunt.
He shifts uncomfortably.
“Well, yes…” He looks far away into the azure sea, where the sky and water meet in the horizon. “But I didn’t want to accept it. At my condition right now, if I couldn’t trust you then… who else can I trust?” He has that vulnerable look in his eyes again… as if he’s lost… alone.
“You can trust me. I promise you that.” And I raise my right hand to emphasize it.
He motions to hold my hand, but stops and gives me a hesitant glimpse. A simple smile is all it takes to banish his doubt and he holds my hand.
“I trust you.” He softly yet wholeheartedly admits.
More than words, his eyes tell me that I hold more power over him than what’s safe for both of us… especially him. One wrong move and I could condition his mind never to trust anyone… to make him close his heart all over again.
And we’ll be back to zero. Again.
Or worse.
No. I’ll never let that happen. I swear.
What’s in his eyes? The magic of staring at him never seems to fade away. The feeling’s just as fascinating as when I first saw him. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, his eyes seem to become even more beautiful everyday. The innocent gleam they hold perfectly matches his angelic features. And whenever I stare at him (as I am doing now… again), the world just disappears. And as our cold, gray surroundings slowly vanish, I feel like I’m getting closer to him.
Closer…
And this time, not just the surroundings vanish…
So does the hesitation I’ve always had about letting him know how I feel for him.
Who would’ve thought that someone who never ate sweets could have such honeyed lips…?
How long has it been since I started dreaming about this? After all these years, the moment I’ve been waiting for has come. To think that there was a point when I surrendered to the thought that I should just be contented playing all of this in my imagination, thinking it would never happen.
Now I’m starting to believe that maybe Watari was right.
Maybe all of this was bound to happen in time.
We’ll both lose our breath if we don’t stop for now. Although I wish it could’ve been longer, still, I think this is enough for both of us. Yeah, right. Having the guts to say that after a full five minutes of kissing… people might start to think I’m taking advantage of my partner.
“Wha… What did you just do?” Hisoka asks, breathless and flushed.
“I just told you how much I love you without words.”
His blush deepens and he looks away, very embarrassed.
“I… I’m going back to the hotel for now. I… I… uh… I want to rest. I’m tired.” He mumbles, looking everywhere but my direction.
His timidity never fails to make me chuckle, but I have to hold back any more giggles because Hisoka’s deadly glare tells me to shut up or answer to him.
~)-0-(~
Well, at least now I didn’t have to worry about telling Hisoka that Ayase invited us to come over for dinner. It’s a good thing Ayase gave the directions to his house. At least now we don’t have much trouble looking for it. Only, it wasn’t a house. Not just a house.
“Wow… this place is huge…” And from the corner of my eye I can see Hisoka’s equally amazed expression.
The place is roughly the size of five houses put together, and it has a gothic touch to it. Must be nice living in such a big house. But that won’t work for me because with my sense of direction, I don’t doubt I’d get lost even in my own house if it was that big.
“That’s odd… the gates are open…” Hisoka tells me, tugging my sleeve.
Maybe they’re already expecting us…?
“Should we go in and take a look?” I barely took a step before Hisoka slightly pulled me backwards. “I… I have a bad feeling about this.”
“Then all the more why we should take a look inside, ne?” I hold his hand to let him know I’m here. And that I’ll never let anything happen to him. He glances inside apprehensively then looks up to me and nods. “All right.”
We cautiously make our way in. I could faintly feel something… different. As if there’s an unknown presence inside. I know I’ve felt it somewhere before but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
And before I could even start to mull over it, a very strong force engulfs us. Neither Hisoka nor I could move. Then a loud sound erupts out of nowhere. Three times at that. Gunshots? There’s definitely something very wrong here.
A long, tense silence takes place. I couldn’t even move to ask Hisoka if he’s all right. But I can feel him, so he’s definitely still beside me. Kind of frozen in time, just like I am. Another surge of power. This time, a different one. I don’t know whether it’s from the same person or not, but the second one releases us from the spell that held us down.
“Hisoka, are you okay?” I hurry over to him and look at him intently to see if he is.
He looks up at me with puzzled eyes.
“What happened? For a moment I felt something really disturbing, like… how to say it… like the emotions that I was supposed to feel through my empathy just… disappeared. It’s either that or my empathic sense temporarily died.” He bites his lower lip.
“I wish I knew.” So that I can do something… anything… to lessen the worry he’s obviously feeling right now. “But I think the best thing we can do for now is get inside and try to find out just what exactly happened.”
We make a dash for the main door and hastily get it open. The moment we step inside, a disturbing sight meets us.
Bodies sprawled on the floor… all splashed with blood.
What the hell happened here…?
~)-0-(~
Translations:
Ø moshi moshi ~ “Hello” (telephone use)
Ø Tsuzuki desu ~ It’s Tsuzuki.
Ø Okaasama ~ mother (correction provided by tearlesereph... Thank you!! ^^)
Ø Shikigami ~ mystical creatures summoned from an alternate world (?)