by Empath no Tenshi
Ayase abruptly looks up at me, taken aback.
“What did you just say?” He asks with widened eyes, stunned. Well, who wouldn’t be? I just told him that the person he’s talking to right now is… well, dead. What more if I revealed to him that everyone else around him is.
“Come here for a sec” I hold his arm and lead him to the window then pull the curtains open to show him where he is. “Welcome to Meifu… the land of the dead.”
He gasps upon seeing the Sakura outside in full bloom, which is in fact impossible since it is autumn season in Chijou.
“Meifu? So that means I… I’m dead…?” he looks up at me with shuddering eyes. “So… they killed me too in the end huh… I guess even if I did slash my wrists earlier it wouldn’t have made a difference.” He adds with a bitter smile.
“No, you’re not dead.” Place my hands on his shoulder to calm him down. “We found you unconscious last night, but you were still breathing, which means you’re still alive. So don’t be surprised if I tell you that even until now you still are.”
“Then why am I here? I don’t get it. If I’m still alive, what would I be doing in the land of the dead? Unless you are…” He pauses for a moment and takes a step back, away from me. “No… it can’t be. I mean, I’m talking to you face to face, and you could even touch me too… so it can’t be. Tsuzuki, you’re not… No. It’s just impossible. You can’t be…”
“Dead?” I finish his sentence for him. “Like I said. I committed suicide before and I succeeded.”
“Well, to be more technically correct, we’re not just your ordinary dead.” Watari speaks this time after settling himself on the edge of the bed Ayase occupied last night, and I’m glad he did. I honestly have no idea how to explain this to poor, confused Ayase. “We are called shinigami, souls who still have a strong attachment to the world of the living thus we are given the power to still possess physical bodies even after death. Having blessed with this special ability gives us the opportunity to travel freely between the world of the living and the dead. Our job is mainly to pick up the souls of those who haven’t died yet but are supposed to.”
And that’s the bitterest part of this job. Killing in order to go on living… we’re no different from vampires who suck the blood of innocent people for energy to move on.
“But sometimes…” Watari continues. “We are also given the task to investigate unnatural deaths that often involve mysterious paranormal activities. And if I’m not mistaken, your case falls under that category.”
“Okay… wait… Let me get this straight. I’m not dead… I’m with people called shini-something who are all actually dead but for some reason are not… So I’m the only one alive here and I’m surrounded by some kind of… ‘zombies’!?”
“Um… that’s not quite the right word…” I react on impulse, but he didn’t seem to hear me.
“Oh… right…” Ayase nods. “Yes, okay, I get it…”
And he promptly faints.
“Ayase!”
My goodness… I guess because of the long time I’ve been working as a shinigami, I’ve forgotten how shocking it really is when someone hears it for the first time.
~)-0-(~
I guess it was a bit inconsiderate for me to tell Ayase everything all at once when just last night he had nearly been killed. So now I have two people to watch over, because even Hisoka hasn’t woken up yet since this morning’s incident.
This is great. The last thing Hisoka needed was for another empathic shock to ruin his vacation. It’s not that I’m blaming Ayase, but my partner needs to rest. For once I just wish for him that he could get away from people’s emotions that keep rushing into his head. Besides, he has enough pain of his own. He doesn’t need other people’s misery to add up to his burdens.
And it had to happen just when we finally had a break… the chance to be finally all by ourselves. It almost felt like we were newly weds on a honeymoon.
I can’t believe I just said that. Well, I kissed him but that doesn’t mean we’re already a couple. I mean, I told him I loved him, but he never said anything back yet. So until Hisoka gives me his answer, I’ll just have to wait and dream. But the look in his eyes when he told me that he trusted me is enough to give me an idea what it will be.
Oh… I could almost see it, me and Hisoka… sitting on the park bench… staring at each other under the twinkling stars and the moonlit sky… with locked gazes… and as I drown in his glimmering eyes…
Snap out of it, Tsuzuki.
I’m fantasizing again. I can’t help it! Maybe it has something to do with me staring at Hisoka right now. I won’t go into how adorably charming he is again, but it’s like I’m bewitched to feel this fuzzy and warm sensation in my heart whenever I do. I could even remember the time when I first saw him so quiet like this, back on our very first case at Nagasaki. Gushoshin might not have noticed, but I was half serious when I said I wanted to kiss him.
Well, it won’t hurt if I steal a little kiss now, would it? Ayase’s still asleep. Watari isn’t here either, he went out a while ago to continue setting up his pc in his new office. And Hisoka won’t know anyway…
Perfect…
As I stare at him even longer… I’m beginning to feel like a prince who’s about to give a true love’s kiss… just like in fairy tales.
Awaken… my fair princess…
Of course Hisoka will kill me if he heard that.
“Tsuzuki!!!”
The door crashes open and in comes an extremely thrilled Watari.
Darn him. If I didn’t know any better I’d think he did it on purpose. This is the second time he barged in on me just when I’m about to kiss my Hisoka!
“Look! Look! Look!!!” He guiltily glances around at Hisoka and Ayase then smiles sheepishly. “Oops… sorry.” Then he lowers his voice into excited whispers. “I think I’ve finally done it this time. But don’t worry. It’s not the undying sex-changing potion I’ve been working on forever. I’m not finished with it. Not yet. But anyway, this is a new one.”
“Wait… wait… you came here just for that!?” Here comes the violent reaction on my part… but who can blame me!?
“Of course I did! I want you to try it for me!” He enthusiastically exclaims with a 1 million megawatt smile.
I could feel my hands stiffening and his neck looks really inviting.
“You know… I want to try something else…”
He curiously raises his eyebrows at me.
“I want to see… what happens to a shinigami when choked to death!!!!” And I do just that.
“Tsu… Tsuzuki! I… I can’t breathe!!! Let… me… go…” He coughs out breathlessly.
“What are you two doing?”
A voice… Then giggling…?
“Tsuzuki-san, you can’t kill him. He’s dead.”
When I look to my right, I see Ayase sitting up already, smiling… or probably more like holding himself back from bursting into a fit of laughter because of our antics.
“Hey… you’re awake.” And as if I’ve totally forgotten about Watari, my hold on him loosens, making him fall on the floor, crashing on his butt. And I rush to Ayase’s side. “Don’t pass out on us like that!”
“Sorry…” He smiles sheepishly.
“How are you feeling now?” I ask at once. Right, and sometimes I wonder why Hisoka used to tell me all the time that fussing is my favorite hobby. Actually, it’s not. Staring at him while he sleeps is.
“Sure… just act as if I’m not here… I’ll just go back to my lab and praise myself for being the genius that I am. You don’t appreciate me anyway.” Watari mutters to himself, sulking. He gets up and swiftly walks out of the room.
Ayase looks at me curiously.
I just shrug in reply.
“Don’t mind him. Do you want something to eat? The sandwiches I got for you and Hisoka this morning are still untouched.” I move to the bedside table and get one for him.
“No, thanks… I’m not hungry.” He shakes his head.
“Can I have it?” What, he doesn’t want it anyway.
“Sure.” He shrugs nonchalantly.
“Sankyuu!!!” And I munch as though I haven’t eaten for a year.
Ayase pulls up a pillow and puts it on his back. He just silently leans, absently looking down at his bandaged fingers.
“Ayase… Don’t ever think of killing yourself again… okay? Death doesn’t change anything. I mean, sure, after that the pain is gone. But it was never cured, you just ran away from it. You can change a lot of things while you’re still alive. And even if you don’t things around you can change you. Take it from me. I almost committed suicide for a second time.” Ayase gapes at me upon hearing that. “But someone stopped me. And from then on… my life has changed.” And his expression softens.
“Just don’t think that you’re the only one going through this. There are a lot of people who are also suffering just like you. I’m one of them.” And I give him a reassuring smile for that. “But you know… we are still lucky.” He raises his eyebrows curiously and I turn to look at Hisoka. “At least, we suffer only from our own pain. Hisoka is different. He can feel all the emotions of everyone around him, which includes their negative feelings. Sometimes, their agony just surge into his mind even if he doesn’t want them to. Sometimes… it’s so sad to think that even as he tries to let his own wounds heal, fresh ones suddenly open.”
Then I feel Ayase stiffening.
“I… I’m so sorry…” And a drop of tear falls from his eyes.
“No!!! No! I’m not saying it’s your fault.” I wave my arms in the air frantically. Really, I’m such a moron. How could I forget!? Nice going, me. I just reminded Ayase it was because of him that Hisoka collapsed.
“Tsu…Tsuzuki…”
Hisoka?
My head shoots to his direction and I notice that his face is grimaced. He’s stirring.
It’s as if…
Oh no.
“Hisoka!” I rush to his side and gently shake his shoulder.
“Tsuzuki… Help me…” He softly moans.
“Hisoka! Hisoka, wake up. You’re having a nightmare.” Shake his shoulders a bit rougher.
“Tsuzuki!” He gasps and his eyes snap open.
“Hisoka…” I brush the stray locks away from covering his eyes and cup his face. “Look into my eyes…”
He does what I say and looks up at me, looking so lost. “I… I was calling you and… you never came… and…”
“It was just a dream… A bad dream…” I sit next to him and pull him into a hug. “I’m here. You can feel me right?”
He nods.
I brush my fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. After a few moments his panting slows down into even breaths.
“That’s it… Just relax…”
He pulls away and closes his eyes for a deep breath. He looks straight into my eyes for a very long minute then he touches my face.
And all of a sudden, he pinches my cheek really hard.
“OW!!!” I flinch and gently rub my probably swollen cheek. “What did you do that for?”
“Just to make sure I’m awake.” He blinks innocently.
“Meanie.” Stick my tongue out at him.
He looks around the room curiously, and his gaze stops at Ayase on the bed next to him. Ayase pulls up his blanket to cover half of his face, but tinges of a slight blush are still visible.
“How are you?”
Hisoka’s question makes Ayase’s eyes widen momentarily before the latter looks down in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry…” Ayase mumbles, his voice muffled by the cloth he’s holding over his mouth.
“It’s nothing. It wasn’t your fault. I understand your pain… because I felt it. It must’ve been really hard for you.” Hisoka tries to set Ayase’s mind at rest.
“But… But…” Ayase insists.
Hisoka sighs and gets up.
“Hisoka?”
And before I can ask what he’s doing, he walks over to Ayase’s bed and stretches an arm out.
“Hold my hand…” Hisoka requests and Ayase obediently does so.
Then after a couple of minutes Hisoka slowly pulls his hand away. “See? Nothing happened. I can feel you’re nervous but other than that, you’re calm. And when you’re stable like this you don’t hurt me at all. What happened earlier was an accident and since you didn’t mean it you have nothing to apologize for.”
Then he walks back to his bed and sits down beside me.
Ayase breathes out a relieved sigh and smiles warmly at Hisoka.
“Anou… Tsuzuki-san… Can… Can I ask you a question?” He asks, not looking at me, rather fidgeting with the edge of his blanket.
“Yes?”
“Where did you bury her? My mother…” His grip on the blanket tightens.
That’s right… The woman we found dead… That was his mother. And I could remember Ayase mentioning her when he invited us to come over for dinner. He must’ve seen her when she was killed. How awful.
“We’ll take you there.” It’s the least we can do for him.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I… I want to do this on my own. Just tell me where she is and I’ll just go there by myself. I want to have some time alone… to say goodbye.”
~)-0-(~
I consulted with Kachou about Ayase’s request and the old man consented. So we escorted Ayase only until back at the hotel and that was as far as we could go with him. From there he decided to go back to his house and change into black clothing as a sign of reverence before going to his mother’s grave.
Hisoka and I then decided to stay at the hotel while we wait. Well, we aren’t even halfway the one-month vacation we paid these accommodations for. So here we are again, back at our room. Me just lazily sprawled out on one side of the sofa while Hisoka quietly reads his book on the other.
“Hey… That’s the book that got wet when it rained the other day.” When we ran back here together, soaked all over.
“Aa. It dried after a couple of days. I’m just glad none of the pages were damaged that seriously. It’s still legible.” He speaks but he doesn’t even look up at me.
Boring… It makes me want to sleep.
They say sleepiness is contagious. Maybe that’s true because as if Hisoka read my thoughts, he closes his book and stifles a yawn. He gently places it on the center table and lies down, using my lap as pillow. As I run my fingers through his hair, he looks up at me. “Tsuzuki… there’s something I didn’t tell you earlier. It’s about my dream… I mean, nightmare. I couldn’t tell you because Ayase was there.”
I feel myself stop without thinking for a moment… then I continue to stroke his hair again. “Why? How is it connected to Ayase?”
“I saw it. I saw everything that happened… the night his mother was killed.” Hisoka softly conveys. “Watari-san told me this is also possible. Part of my ability is that I can sense even just remnants of really intense emotions and so… as a result, I could sort of peek into what happened in the past.”
“Then what did you see…?” I feel reluctant asking him about it, but I have to. This might be able to help in solving Ayase’s case, especially if… “Hisoka, please tell me. Did you see who did it!?”
My sudden burst and full attention startles Hisoka but he continues anyway. “Ayase… saw everything. But when he came into the living room, his mother had already been stabbed. He was just too late.” He’s right. That night, when we found Ayase’s mother she had stab marks.
“I see…” Poor kid. No wonder Ayase almost wanted kill himself. To have seen loved one die right in front of his eyes… and the fact that she was the only one he had left… who wouldn’t want to commit suicide? Somehow, I cold see myself in him. Even if I don’t remember it so well… come to think of it, maybe Ruka’s death was what led me to madness. So much grief… that I even went as far as taking my own life.
“Tsuzuki…” Hisoka holds my hand. “Is something wrong?”
“Oh nothing… Nothing.” I ruffle his hair and before I realize what I’m doing I just bend down automatically and kiss his forehead. “Don’t worry about me. A stray thought just crossed my mind.”
“Oh okay. Anyway… you wanted to know what the murderer looked like? I… I didn’t see him very clearly because for a moment… I think I blacked out on one part of the dream.” That must be when Ayase fell unconscious. “But… before you woke me up… I remember seeing him. He was there… holding the corpse of a woman… clothes stained with blood all over. After he killed he turned his attention to me. That was when I began to feel scared, and I called out your name. I guess I forgot that it wasn’t happening to me… rather I was just seeing, or maybe reliving, what Ayase had ben through. I can’t recall his face anymore… but I remember an outstanding feature he had. It was so peculiar… and somehow familiar…”
Feature?
“He had such cold, menacing eyes…. And the strangest color too…”
No… don’t tell me…
“Such mysterious, silver eyes…”
It’s him.
~)-0-(~
Part 10