Title: In Her Self
Author: Acidqueen (a.q@gmx.de)
Series: DS9
Codes: Ezri Dax/Jadzia Dax/Lenara Khan
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Newly joined with the Dax symbiont, Ezri must come to terms with her new life.
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom own Star Trek, I own my brain. No infringement intended, no money being made. All original content (c) Acidqueen 2003.
Notes: Lenara Khan is the Trill whose symbiont was formerly joined with Torias' wife. This story was part of the Slash Advent Calendar 2003. Special thanks to Lyrastar for her beta!
Archiving: ASCEM, FFF, all others ask please.
Feedback: Sure.
by Acidqueen, December 2003
The young Trill lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling. She was Ezri - Dax, she added sadly and palmed her flat stomach beneath which the hastily implanted symbiont rested. She was Ezri. Not Jadzia. Not Curzon. Not Joran, Torias or Audrid. And not Emony, Tobin or Lela either.
She was Ezri. And she was all of them. It was like having a dozen interactive broadcasts adding to her own thoughts, chewing them, giving unsolicited advice by summoning up memories. Don't fly an experimental shuttlecraft. Don't mess with demons. Have a lot of fun in life.
She curled to the side of her mattress. Fun? With all those death scenes in her mind? What weird advice. Deep down in her she felt the heat, the arousal that was fuelled by her stress, her almost tangible panic. She needed to relax, and she knew a hand job would be in order any other day. But not today. How could she ever have sex again anyway, with all those beings in her mind? Dax had already loved the most, hated the most; Dax had tasted it all, men and women and other species. There was nothing left for her to fill, no gaps open. She couldn't add something valuable to this row of lives. She was only an accident.
The voices returned. Have fun. Relax. Cherish yourself. You are still you. Remember how it was to be newly joined. It was heaven. It was a wonderland of knowledge. Everyone should experience that. How small the world was before. Have fun. Have fun.
That voice was persistent. You have only one life. Enjoy it. Have fun.
Rolling onto her back Ezri stared at the ceiling again. Her hands had stroked over the stomach and then down between her legs before she even realized it. Hastily she pulled away, but the voice returned. Have fun, Ezri. Cherish your wonderful body.
"It's not wonderful," she debated quietly with some part of herself. She was an ugly duckling. Nothing like Jadzia, of whom she had seen pictures…many pictures by now. Jadzia had been so beautiful and intelligent, a woman she would have loved to meet - but then again, she would've never had the courage to actually talk to such a person. She would have remained standing in the corner, her heart pounding in her chest but her courage faltering.
And now this woman was a part of her, her memories mingling with her own. She could feel arms around her, strong and soft and friendly. Someone's lips wandered along her spots down her body. Her lips wandered down someone else's body, all along the lengths until they buried themselves into a very female crotch. Fingertips massaged her breasts, stroking the nipples as the boundaries between her and the one who had been Jadzia slowly vanished.
Soft, female hands worked over her body, fondling the skin of her stomach. A smooth, unbearded chin rubbed along the same place before licking its way to the inviting spot between her legs. Slim fingers dug into her vagina as the tongue bathed her double clit with saliva. Her hands wandered down to stroke her lover's head, entangling in long dark strands. Memories of a thousand nights of lovemaking danced in her mind and finally centered on the image of Jadzia and Lenara, locked together in a tight embrace.
They all became one, hands and lips and a nose playfully digging into a bellybutton, laughter echoing through the large/small/dark/bright room. Words of love and need were whispered/shouted, joining the laughter as arousal lit higher with each caress. Lips sucked on a soft mouth, cherishing the unique feel of another woman. Breasts rubbed over thighs, slim legs laced together, groin meeting groin. Fingers locked; fingers were licked, teeth scraping digits on the edge of pain. A wave of heat building as the caresses became more directed.
The dam was breached, flushing liquid heat through the entangled dream images. Loud moans and soft cries of climax swirled in a vortex of pleasure that had been so badly needed. Then fingers unlaced as sweaty, satiated bodies rolled away from each other, knowing that they would be welcomed again and again.
Slowly, reality established itself as the small, depressing room Ezri had lain in for three days. She pulled herself into a shaky stand, inhaling deeply.
"Go and see Benjamin," Jadzia had advised her in the end. She would do that.