BEST ENT STORY ~ ROUND XI
Title: Sato and Cutler Fu^H^HDamn
Author: Hypatia Kosh
Series: ENT
Pairing: Sato/Cutler
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sato and Cutler refuse to have sex on command. Damnit!
Note: "Mm" is my rendering of the Japanese affirmative, "un." It's pronounced "mnh." (nasalized)
by Hypatia Kosh
Sato and Cutler fly a shuttlecraft down to the planet's surface. They are alone, and after a little h/c action,
also realize that they're having an attack of horniness, and so the two hottest babes on Enterprise spread out a
blanket in the back of the shuttle and fu--
SATO: What was that?
CUTLER: What?
SATO: That! I think we're being watched.
CUTLER: Oh. That's just the narrator. See, it says so on my tricorder.
SATO: <lets out a breath> Great. Just great.
CUTLER: Why, what's the problem? Most Trek stories have one, we're in a Trek story . . .
SATO: Look at the title--
CUTLER: --Oh!
SATO: It's one of those stories. Our creepy narrator is trying to force us to have sex so that he can watch.
CUTLER: He? I thought the narrator was a she.
SATO: I thought so too, at first. He fools a lot of people that way.
CUTLER: Shoot. So what do we do now?
SATO: How would I know? Do I look like James T. Kirk?
CUTLER: <laughs> Not at all, thank goodness.
SATO: I guess a little privacy is out of the question.
CUTLER: Why don't we just . . .
SATO: Just what?
CUTLER: Just ignore the narrator.
SATO: I'm not talking off my clothes with some creepy geek watching! He's got acne to boot. Yuck!
CUTLER. I . . . <beat> I see what you mean.
SATO: There's only one thing left to do. <beat> Kill the narrator.
CUTLER: Kill him?
SATO: It's been done before.
CUTLER: But won't that be--
SATO: Narrators live in a different plane of reality from you and me. They just bounce to another story. Or
sometimes they disappear altogether, but it really doesn't hurt them that much.
CUTLER: I don't know . . .
SATO: It doesn't hurt them, I promise. Just disappoint them. And besides, we'll finally have some privacy.
CUTLER: Does that mean I'll finally get to see both sides of Hoshi Sato? Naughty and nice, sugar and spice?
SATO: Mm. <nods> Let's go.
CUTLER: <arms phaser-ray-gun-jigamabob, aims and fires> Hyaaaaaah!
Reality whites out.
For a second the sound of lips smacking is heard, then all is blank.
The dark contours of the room come into focus around the glowing computer screen (a sweet Apple LED
cinemascope monitor, but that's beside the point). The sound of typing and the sound of crazy birds who
chirp at midnight is heard.
NARRATOR: Fucking damnit! Foiled again!
The End.