10-July-2000
Title: Dancin With My Mirror
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com)
Archive: GW Addiction http://www.oocities.org/fenris_wolf0/ and if she chooses, Darkflame http://members.xoom.com/riouka/gwpage.html
Category: yaoi, songfic, angst
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: 1x2 implied
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Warnings: Lemon/Limey stuff. Language. Duo Angst.
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Spoilers: Series
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here.
As with all our fics so far, while our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any discrepancies are our mistakes.
Feedback: Any and all comments, feedback, critiques welcome, be they short or long.
NOTES: This is a songfic for Corey Hart's Dancin With My Mirror. A bunch of people asked me whatever happened to Duo's demons. They are still around. This is Duo from the Frozen Colony Arc, after the end of the series and before EW, hence after Down Time in Hell and before ESO.
it's late at night i can't fall asleep
shadows on the lake are obsolete
so i just stay awake
images running round my brain
'How the hell did I wind up in New Tokyo?'
Alone.
It wasn't supposed to end up this way, Duo thought, sitting on the edge of the bed he couldn't sleep in. The war ended, everybody cheered... Gundam pilots suddenly went from terrorists and public enemy - again - to champions and heroes, because of *him* of course, the man who saved the Earth...
Heero.
Quiet snickers in the back of his mind reminded Duo that he wasn't *alone*, never really alone, just alone in... the only ways that really counted.
'Shut up you guys,' Duo thought reflexively.
::So what happened?:: one of the crew of his mental demons spoke out, it's voice distinct in his mind. The voice was midnight and cinnabar, recognizable as one of the first who began taunting him back in Maxwell Church.
'Shut up, Astaroth,' Duo thought again, dully, knowing it wasn't going to work.
::You had him:: the smooth demon mentioned. ::As sweet a piece of ass as one could ever possibly hope for... curious... willing... strong... and so beautiful... perfect... but you couldn't keep him, could you, Duo?::
Duo snarled, his body heating as the memories were invoked like a spell. Heero... kissing him with raw passion... Heero, looking at him with an almost innocent lust... Heero, making him scream with pleasure as their bodies joined, as Duo bucked back, taking his Japanese lover deeper and deeper still, trusting those strong hands, that beautiful body to take him to a place of light and peace and pleasure, for a while anyway... for a while...
Launching himself from the bed, unable to sit another moment, Duo paced to the open window. The high-rise looked down on a small man-made lake which mirrored the lights of New Tokyo and threw them, multiplied, into his eyes. Framed in the window, Duo reached down, sliding his hand into the front of his pants to ease the ache of swollen flesh. He groaned softly, lost for a while in memories that became fantasies. Deep blue pools of midnight... flawless skin... tough, battle-hardened hands that were so deft, so tender...
Couldn't keep him, the demon chorus giggled, wearing tracks in his mind that had been made by the same revolving thoughts every day, every damn day.
'I should have seen it coming,' Duo thought. 'I saw it, even if no one else could - the panic in his eyes as the world, in the shape of Relena Peacecraft, started to close over him. One minute he was there, the next - gone. I let him slip away.'
Why why why??? The chorus chimed in right on time.
::Because you were afraid:: Astaroth filled in the answer Duo refused to give.
'SHUT UP!'
The chorus of delighted laughter was the current soundtrack to his life.
::Nevermind:: Astaroth continued smoothly. ::Forget the emotions you are afraid of. Forget that you actually considered... loving... it doesn't matter... what you miss is the sex...::
paint your picture you're the king of the walk
declare your space and prepare to shock
there is no precedence
alone in your room your first offense
Blinking moisture from his eyes, Duo noticed how it made the lights below swim and dazzle even more. He unzipped his jeans, giving his hand more room. Rocking a little, letting his hips sway, he timed his strokes to a flashing bit of neon he could see outside, gasping slightly as a passing breeze through the open window teased his heated flesh. Anyone who looked up from the street, anyone who could see as far as the 21st floor, would have an interesting eyeful.
"Heero..." he didn't hear himself say it aloud, in a voice of longing and painful desire. Rocking faster, his head tilted back, and then suddenly he caught movement from the corner of his eye.
so i turn surprised
reflections from behind
and i gaze to the sublime
He spun around like a cat, hand still gripping his throbbing member, and saw...
A boy staring back at him, same height, same shape, one hand down at his crotch, tendrils of hair shading his eyes, eyes wide and staring... for a few distinct seconds he saw Heero standing there, facing him, cock out and ready, mouth open with desire, a blinking neon light over his shoulder.
Blinking, heart pounding, the figure changing before his eyes...
It was his own reflection in the mirror on the wall.
Staring, Duo found his hand reflexively moving, continuing the stroke, pushing his body on. Heero... the trick of the light, their similarity of build, his desire to see... another joke on Duo. You want him so bad you are seeing things.
Peels of delighted laughter echoed in his mind, but he ignored it. In the semi-darkness, with only the lights from outside to illuminate, he could... imagine...
A little imagination, that was all it took, and Duo had scads of that lying around. Licking his lips, he saw the boy in the mirror do the same, and imagined it was Heero. Oooh, that turned him on. Moving closer to the reflection, his hips swayed, and he could see Heero walking towards him, that tight, sexy strut relaxed for once, relaxed because he wanted... wanted Duo...
Stopping a few feet away from the mirror, Duo dropped his eyes to the hand and cock, imagining them as Heero's... showing him, Duo, what he had, what he felt, what he wanted. His hand moved urgently. It felt good, so good, and the boy in the mirror rocked, his face showing the pleasure.
The dark spirits in his head watched, intrigued. Duo was dancing in the mirror, his body moving sensuously and slow, then urgently and faster, his braid swinging behind his shoulders. It was a good show, They cheered him on.
::Don't touch him:: Astaroth warned, ::Or he might disappear. Just watch...::
Duo nodded, and the reflection nodded back. Heero agreed. Duo poured his memories into a perfect image of his lover, standing before him, rocking his hips, offering Duo a little bit of heaven.
"Show me, Heero," Duo whispered. His hand moved faster and the image did the same. Moaning, he saw that his lover in the mirror was about to come... "Do it!" he begged, feeling his body shudder as waves of pleasure washed through him.
He saw his lover in the mirror mouth, 'Do it!' and knew what Heero wanted... Duo surrendered and saw the other boy do the same. Shuddering, he saw the creamy stuff spurt from his lover, felt it release from his own body, slid to his knees, panting, feeling the tiniest bit of relief.
He looked up and saw his own face looking back at him, sweat-drenched bangs clinging to his face, violet eyes wide, mouth open...
Closing his eyes, he felt his chest constrict. He was either going to cry or laugh. The demons waited to see.
'I'm Duo Maxwell,' he thought, and turned the pain into irony and the tears into a low chuckle, laughing at himself. 'Sad, what I have come to,' he thought. 'Heero... even you might get a laugh out of this one...'
dancin' with my mirror
dancin' bring me nearer to you
dancin' with my mirror
catch it when i can
Duo took a shower, changed to his other set of clean clothes, and left the tiny room. The good thing about New Tokyo was that it literally never shut down. Even at 3am, the streets were crowded with people, there were shops and eating places open, the most populous city on Earth was never quiet.
The braided boy walked, oblivious to the occasional looks people gave him. His eyes moved over the people around him, seeing and not seeing. Sometimes he caught a face, at the right angle, that looked like Heero. It stopped him every time. And every time it turned out not to be the Wing pilot.
He hadn't tried consciously to find Heero... he knew he would never find the former "Perfect Soldier" if he didn't want to be found. But he'd drifted, taking Sweeper jobs that took him from one place to another. And his choices of jobs had been influenced by something in the back of his mind - hunches gleaned from the constant flow of information he got from the Sweepers.
He hadn't admitted he was looking for Heero... but each time he came to a new place, he looked... and each time he left, alone, his heart accepted another notch against him and his secret hope shrank a little.
"If he'd wanted to be with me, he'd a stayed, right?" he muttered, hands shoved in his pockets as he walked.
Right! the demon chorus agreed.
::Yep, I'd say you blew it:: Eligor, another demon took Astaroth's place. ::Thought you could have anyone you wanted, Duo... yeah have, but not keep, right?::
Right! the chorus chimed.
"Shut up, you guys!" Duo muttered a bit loudly, scaring a passerby.
hear "Roxanne" on the radio
the red light burns
tell me where to go
i found my decadence
obscure but approved experience
He didn't notice when his steps took him into streets were the lighted signs were a little more garish, the shows a bit darker. Where people hurried with heads low, or strolled, assessing each passing human with greedy or hungry looks.
Didn't notice until he practically ran into someone, feeling a body bounce off his. His fists clenched out of reflex, and he looked up, almost dropping his jaw... Heero...?
The young man facing him was immaculately dressed, in a beautiful silk suit, his hair cut in a style that fell over his eyes in a swirl, his face smooth, angled planes. Beautiful mouth, wide eyes.... Not blue... not... his...
Duo gaped. The young man looked so much like Heero they could have been brothers. Replace deep brown eyes with Prussian blue, take... a year or two away... no...yes...maybe....
"Sorry," Duo muttered, trying not to stare and failing. The beautiful young man stared back. He blinked. What he saw? Dangerous young American, dressed in sleek black, jacket sleeves pushed up negligently, amazing braid falling across well-shaped shoulders, wide, wide violet eyes, upturned nose... the face of an angel.. or an incubus.
"N-no," the young man said softly, in Japanese. "My fault... I wasn't watching..."
A flush crept up across his cheeks as he looked at Duo. His eyes moved up and down and then, embarrassed, away.
Duo glanced down as saw the telltale tightening of the young man's well-cut trousers. Ah.
Looking around, Duo suddenly realized where he was... the district of.. love... so to speak. The young man was here to... find some.
He looked so much.. like...
Duo dropped his head, looking up through his bangs. He licked his lips. "Mmmm... you meeting someone?" he said in a low voice.
The young man blinked, then his eyes flared with hope. "No... that is... no... are you...?"
Duo came closer, looking into those brown eyes that were so different from the ones he wanted to look into. "Not meeting anyone... yet... looking..."
The young man's nostrils flared. He leaned closer. "I have... I can... pay," he dropped his voice, flushing. "Whatever..."
Duo's demons grinned and nodded, placing bets.
The braided boy leaned closer still and whispered a figure in the young man's ear... ridiculously high, way too high.
The young man swallowed and nodded. "Yes... yes...." He reached out and tentatively put a hand on Duo's arm. The touch was so... different... wrong... but it was a touch... not his own. Duo felt the need in it.
He looked around quickly, and pointed to a shadowed doorway. The sign advertised rooms for rent. Duo was willing to bet they rented by the hour.
The hand on his arm closed a little more tightly. The young man nodded.
Crossing the street they looked like every other couple meeting here. They *were* like every other couple meeting here.
He let the young man pay for the room in advance, then led the way up the stairs. In his head, the demons were singing softly, something with a nasty beat.
'I can't believe I am doing this,' he thought, opening the door to the small room. He didn't bother turning on the light.
Why not? the demons laughed. You deserve a little fun!
The young man behind him reached for the light and Duo turned with scary precision and caught his hand before it could reach the switch. He pushed the other against the wall and kissed him, invading that lovely mouth with his lips and tongue. The young man gasped, but Duo could feel his body leap, feel his pulse pounding in excitement.
The other sucked his tongue deeply, as Duo ground into his body, rubbing them together. Lifting his head, he glanced down, as the young man gasped. Yes... in the dark, the planes of his face were close, almost...
'I don't need love,' Duo thought savagely. 'I just need this...'
Twenty minutes later, he left the room, knowing he'd lied. The young man lay in a swoon, his body spent, and Duo still burned. He felt the money in his pocket and laughed. It was all he could do not to howl.
The young man had been... fine... lovely body, yearning mouth, sweet cock... yet nothing they did satisfied Duo, nothing, nothing... he tried to imagine it was Heero, but it didn't work... he ran the young man through his paces, stifled his cries, took his kisses, drank his fluid... and left him lying there.
His chest constricted, and once again he twisted it from tears to laughter.
'If only it had really been you, Heero,' he thought. 'The things we could have done, all night...'
Duo didn't notice a shadow detach from an alley and begin following. A shadow, nothing more, anything more would have alerted the streetwise boy. He walked, glancing in the glass storefronts, some dark some lighted. He started once, seeing a reflection, seeing Heero's eyes look back out of his own. The look was more intimate than his act with the stranger had been. 'I don't need love,' he spoke silently to the reflection.
'I know,' the reflection mouthed back.
so the truth can't be denied
though sometimes i have tried
o the blast from the looking glass
Smelling dawn in the air, Duo turned and ran to his high-rise room, not wanting to be caught by the sun. Under his bed was a half-full bottle. Time to get some sleep.
Once inside, he dropped the jacket to the floor and walked to the mirror, reaching out to touch the smooth, cool surface. 'No more outings for me," he whispered. "I'll stay here with you, Heero... where I can see you... and dance with you..."
dancin' with my mirror
dancin' bring me nearer to you
dancin' with my mirror
catch it when i can
dancin' with my mirror
dancin' bring me nearer to you
dancin' with my mirror
catch it when i can
::Giving up?:: Astaroth taunted him smoothly.
"Yes, you bastard, I'm giving up. I thought... I could beat this... I thought... I was wrong... I need him... god I need him," Duo whispered, ending the denial of the last few months with a single crumbling admission.
Dumb, Duo! the demons chanted. Never give up your heart!
Closing his eyes wearily, Duo took a breath. Opening them, a movement caught his eye. He glanced, startled at the mirror, caught a second time. Heero looked back at him, framed by sky.
so i turn surprised
reflections from behind
and i gaze to the sublime
Somewhere in Duo's mind, the demons danced, clapped and cheered, as he blinked again.
Heero, dawn lightening the heaven behind him.
Duo's heart suddenly took a leap, pounding loudly enough to be heard for a mile.
Heero, over his own shoulder.
Turning with his heart in his mouth he saw...
Heero, standing in the window.
Duo froze, feeling everything in him turn to stone. Something clawed its way out of his chest, hushing the howling chorus, focusing on the boy who stood so still, watching him... Heero's eyes, Heero's lips, Heero's hands...
Something clawed its way out of his heart, fluttering damp new wings, and beat at him with its newness. Something called hope.
Duo took a step, swaying, feeling stone crack around him. He took another step. He reached out shaking hands and grasped the shoulders in front of him.
"Hi, Duo," Heero said quietly, watching each distinct emotion cross his lover's sensitive face.
"H-hi Heero," Duo said, just gripping the Japanese boy's shoulders. After a few thousand years, a rather shaky smile stretched his lips. "Where you been? Oh never mind... Heero... I missed you..."
And I just want to stare at you for a hundred years... touch you for a thousand... be with you forever....
The chorus was strangely silent.
Then Eligor said ::Damn, there goes the neighborhood... again!::
dancin' with my mirror
dancin' bring me nearer to you
dancin' with my mirror
catch it when i can
dancin' with my mirror
dancin' bring me nearer to you
dancin' with my mirror
catch it when i can
bonnejeanne