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| interviewing james |
| James is the scariest person i have ever met. And anyone who knows me and knows my Dad would now be saying, "what even more scary that your Dad?" yes even more scary than that. So sit back and enjoy James scariness. He was interviewed by Jobie Wan. |
| James: can i take my time when answering? fergus: your getting very close jobie wan: i'm getting close to you jobie wan: interview questions ok, full name j: my name is james fredrick nicholson prandle jw: and your grade rank or job title j: (sinister laugh) ahh i'm unemployed jw: date of birth j:Febuary 15th '74 jw: country of birth j: ahh united kingdom JW: any criminal convictions? J: (more sinister laughing) no JW: have you ever been involved in espionage? J:no JW:terrorism? J: No JW: Sabotage? J: sabotage? i dunno nah nah i don't think so JW: actions intended to undermine or overthrow parlimentary democracy? J: maybe when i was like eight, i probably like tried to undermine the school council JW: have you ever got a broken nose and how did you break it? J: no i've never had a broken nose JW: did you really attack Johhny Cigarettes at the EU cup final? J:who? (laughs satanically) JW: johnny cigarettes J: who's johnny cigarettes man? JW: what was all the stuff about pink houses in the paper? J: well that referred to my a-hole which was pink at the time and because so many people lived in my a hole they referred to it as a house JW: do you feel sorry for posh and becks? J: no they got money and stuff and well i mean y'know they can buy more noodles than me JW: is your life anything like theres? J: yeah in a lot of ways i dress up in underwear the way Mr Becks does not girls though and are BEN: you stink J: no thats my co-log-ni B: no its her J: or colonge for the more refined B: no it's her J: no its me! i put about eighty douses on, back to the question what was the question? JW: is your life anything like there's? J: yeah you know i eat breathe shit JW: what do you think of new Labour? J: (sinister laugh) they're wicked they make me happy JW: this is an appropriate question, what aftershave do you wear? J: ohh well (laughs) today eight year old Azzaro, it's sort of an 80's retro umm y'knw manly brutish type colonge, um i find it gets me the chicks, um you know broads those sort of things, um y'know i picked up it's sort of a habit i picked up wearing this stuff i picked it up from this (gets really excited) this lady name fergus noodle who wears alot ha ha ha ha and when i get excited i talk like this JW: did you get hassled from your mum for staying up late and what was the latest you ever stayed up? J:my mum was always too drunk to know whether i was staying up late and it used to be the other way round and i'd say, "Mum why don't you go to bed, fuck quit fucking drinking, like how old are you" i used to mum my mum and then she'd bring home black guys, afros, or just you know small guys B: with big black cocks J: see that was the thing with my mom was that she had white guys but they always painted their stuff chocolate JW: did you bunk off school? J: whats that skipping and stuff? yeah i set records for that shit man JW: would you get back with Nick Mccabe if he asked you? J: who's Nick Mccabe? yeah am i supposed to know who that is? is that some sort of famous Australian? is that like F: out of the verve J: who? F: the verve J: the verve? jesus man, what a joke of a band no you know what B: i like the verve J: no they're fucking shit B: shut your face J: there so crap man they were like one hit wonder and that little tune they had was ripped off from the stones, they're useless Richard Ashcroft is the skiniest ugliest fucking guy i have ever seen in my life and deserves a raping in public JW:do you still like lasange after i delivered to your house all those times? J: (very sinister laugh) yeah it's neat man, i don't remember you delivering it though JW: have you got any dieting tips? J: yes, umm broccoli is ahh good JW: what animal would you be if you could be any? J: wooh i dunno i wouldn't be a pigeon cause i hate them and i'd end up hating myself, um but i could be a pigeon, and i could be unlike other pigeons because pigeons often, you know how one crapped on me the other day, i wouldn't be like that i would be the good pigeon, i wouldn't eat scraps, wouldn't poo on things, i'd live a good life, set an example for the others. JW: what do you think of the new oasis album? J: i don't think of it at all JW: were you and Nick Mccabe ever lovers? J: back to this fella, no! i don't even know who he is, he is probably one of the ugly guys from the verve, you know what i mean like i recognise attractiveness in men and stuff like that, but the guys from the verve honestly, theres a red light on that, guys from the verve are quite ugly and they should all be burnt for fuel. JW: who is you all time hero? J: Joseph Goebels um any man who could sway the opinions of fifty million germans with the media is fantastic JW: whats the worst trouble you've been in? J: um i was stabbed once that was interesting, um i got charged with assualt for hitting someone once, um i got this is good when i was in school they didn't let me go to the year end picnic because i put pigs feet on a teachers table and made her cry Jobie Wan and James laugh satanically JW: what can you cool? J: just about anything JW: do you rock hard? J: well i'll say one phrase which sums it up really, rock on hmm yeah JW: what song describes you? J: um my girl wants to party all the time by eddie murphy, (starts singing like a girl ) my girl wants to party all the time party all the time and its got that little doo dood doo ha ha ha i'm not saying like i am a girl or anything, but i just ah i;m just a big fan of eddie murphy's pop career JW: mmm it was pretty good wasn't it? J:well it was short lived but great JW: what is your greatest talent? J: i can retract my foreskin, with both hands umm what else can i umm thats probably my greatest one JW: what is your most treasured possesion? J: my little die cast hitler he saluts me every night, look at him isn't he beautiful? and he keeps watch over me to make sure that the non fascists don't get me in my sleep, he is sort of an inspiration JW: what would you do if you were invisible for a day? J: i'd sniff lots of panties,umm i'd sniff lots of panties, i don't think i could give you guys honestly in twenty fours hours imagine all the panties i could sniff, i'd sniff your sisters, i'd sniff your sisters panties. I bet she's got dirty panties and a rotten smelling beaver F: thanks J no it's true F it is not true J: it is so F: it is not J: i can smell it from here F:no you can't thats your cologne J: that's true Azzaro, ha ha ha ha for the man in you Azzaro love it feel it JW: be it J: ha ha ha ha be it i like that JW: thankyou very much |
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