Polly

Jobie Wan: ok you’re full name?
<Polly chews for a very long time>
Polly: Polly Elizabeth Spencer
JW: your grade rank or job title?
P: god knows
JW: and your date of birth?
P: 16th of January 1979
JW: and the country of birth?
P: I think it’s England
JW: any criminal convictions?
P: not telling
JW: have you ever been involved in espionage?
P: yep
JW: oh! Do tell us
Fergus: owhhhhhhh
P; um ahh I think I spied on my brother once
JW: terrorism?
P: yep
JW: sabotage?
P: not admitting to that one
Fergus: I’ve danced to sabotage
JW: have you got a broken nose and how did you break it?
P: what the hell is that pigeon doing? Umm I don’t think I have a broken nose but if I do
Jobie <getting hassled by a beggar> I really don’t have any spare change sorry
P: no sorry, Toby broke it in the womb
JW: did you really attack Johnny Cigarettes at the European cup final?
P: I would have to go no on that one
JW: what was all that stuff about your pink house in the papers?
P: malicious rumors I deny it all
JW: do you feel sorry for posh and becks?
P: nope the lucky bastards
JW: is your life anything like theirs?
P: well I went to the same drama school as Becks did, er as Posh did, so I dunno
JW: what do you think of new labor
P: pants
JW: what after-shave do you wear?
P: ehhhh yeah mum
JW: Ohh! Do you get hassled from your mum for staying up late and what is the latest you have stayed up?
P; all night into the morning and no
JW: do you bunk off school?
P: no, well, not really
JW: would you get back with Nick Mcabe if he asked?
P: I’d be thinking, no
JW: do you still like lasagna after I delivered it to your house all those times?
P: <laughs> I’ve never liked lasagna
JW: got any dieting tips? As she hoes into her hungry jacks burger
P: ehh yeah don’t go to lunch with Jobie and Fergus
JW: what animal would you be if you could be any?
P: not that skanky pigeon would it go away! Thank you, umm cat
JW: What do you think of the new Oasis album?
P: they have one?
JW: were you and Nick McCabe ever lovers?
P: yep
F: oohhh!
JW: who is your all time hero?
P: all time hero, umm, gotta be either Slater or Anderson
JW: what is the worst trouble you have been in?
P: umm let me think, can’t remember but it is probably at school somewhere
JW: what can you cook?
P: toast
JW: do you rock hard?
P: I rock medium
JW: what song describes you best?
P: um, can’t get that loving feeling
JW: what is your greatest talent?
P: lying
JW: what is your most treasured possession?
P: oh god,
JW: god?
P: oh I have a treasured possession? Umm probably my VCR
JW: what would you do if you were invisible for the day?
P: I would um that’s freaky actually, I would spy on people I really want to know all about. Like film stars
JW: in the shower?
P: <sounding very disgusted> No! What do you think I am a pervert?
JW: oh ok thank you Polly
P: thank you