*Graphics NOT for download*

Rank Definitions of a Fire Fighter

Chief:
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
Is more powerful than a ladder truck
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives Policy to God.

Assistant Chief:
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
is more powerful than a pumper.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if sea is calm
Talks with God

Deputy Chief:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a pumper
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools
Talks with God if speical request is approved.

Engineer:
Barely Clears Quonset hut
Loses tug-o-war with pumpers
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God.

Captain:
Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them
Is run over by a pumper
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
Dog paddles in swimming pools
Talks with animals

Lieutenant:
Runs into buildings when trying to leap them
Recognizes pumpers 2 out of 3 times.
Is not allowed to use guns
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket.
Talks to walls

Sergeant:
Falls over doorstep when tyring to enter buildings
Points and says, "Look at the pretty fire engine."
Wets himself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to himself.

Firefighter:
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks fire engines and equipment out of the way
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them.
Freezes water with a single glance.
He is GOD.

unknown author