Northern Territorians
'Media spotlight falls on quick questions'
'Companies are spending thousands of dollars to ask ridiculous questions. One survey released this week found 57 per cent of women preferred not to work on their birthday. Other research this week has found 61 per cent of males listen to music at work and 35 per cent of Britons have had a "quickie" in a public loo. And just in case you were wondering, one in three gynaecologists are unhappy with their sex lives'. So who is the source of this info?. We don't know but a Retail Surveys Australia spokesman said that often firms were just trying to attract media attention. Lessons in marketing 37, 38 and 39.
'Men's hands, feet: size doesn't matter'
Korean researchers have discovered that the size of men's feet or hands was not directly proportional to the size of their penises. And its no good looking at the nose, ear or finger either. Looks like you just have to check the real thing.
'Diabetes more likely to kill Aussie blokes'
'Australian men were almost twice as likely as women to die because of diabetes' according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. Time to get that sex-change operation now. Rates were also higher amongst Aborigines compared to non-indigenous Australians. Haven't heard of a race change operation yet.
'No baby? Weight might be a problem'
Researchers from the University of Adelaide have discovered that 'extremely onbese women aree half as likely as women of moderate weight to achieve a pregnancy with assisted reproduction techniques. Could that be natural selection overpowering science?
'Chillies spice up life and burn fat'
But there is hope for obese women. Chillies can speed up the body's metabolism resulting in weight loss. But there is a catch - eating too many can lead to stomach ulcers.
'Good for bub but a worry for the elderly'
'Folate fortification of food to prevent birth defects in babies could lead to brain damage in the elderly' a Westmead Hospital researcher has warned. What? If I knew what it meant it would be just one more thing to worry about.
Wednesday 29 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Too clever by half'
Dr Joseph T Lurito from Indiana University School of Medicine has found in a study of 20 men and 20 women , men use mostly the left side of their brains when listening while women use both sides. Is it that men filter out the 50% that is crap, do women have more difficulty listening hence needing to use more of their brain or can women handle two conversations at once. Who knows?
'Stroke of luck but dead in bed'
Another ingenious study subject. Tokyo-based expert Dr Izumi Toyoda has discovered that nearly half of those who suffer a stroke while having sex are not with their regular partners at the time. In a plea for more work, Dr Toyoda said more research was required to discover the correlation between promiscuous sex and strokes. The report didn't query whether half of those who have sex are not with their regular partner.
'Beat office blues'
'Workers who feel off-colour should have their office computers brightened up to help them beat the blues , a report urged yesterday'. May we suggest blue for depressed staff, green for unwell and red for just plain angry.
Tuesday 28 November - ABC Internet News
'Research underway to stop cane toad sprawl'
CSIRO in Victoria are investiagting a new gene which will stop cane toad tadpoles developing into adults. But alas it wont be ready for at least 10 years. And why Victoria? Meanwhile the relentless spread up north will continue.
and from the Northern Teritory News
'Stags to try velvet touch'
'A New Zealand researcher is looking for men over 45 willing to find out whether deer velvet peps up their sex life.' Well actually she is after 30 couples. Why they have to be over 45 is anyone's guess.
'Cancer warning for pot smokers'
Chronic bronchitis, emphysema and lung cancer are all risk factors with pot smoking, similar in fact to tobacco smoking according to University of Otago researchers. Another myth goes to pot.
Sunday 26 November 2000 - Sunday Territorian
'Cancer to hit 1 in 3, data finds'
'Cancer will strike a third of all Australians before they turn 75, new statistics show'. But is this bad. Presumably it means that many are not dying from infant mortality, accidents, heart disease etc.
'Beware of barbie bugs'
Stop chewing on that doll immediately. No just another helpful report telling us of the dangers of eating - this time at barbecues. 'The backyard barbecue is a popular Top End Christmas tradition - just it is also a breeding ground for potentially deadly bacteria'. Where isn't.
Thursday 23 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Celebrity show-offs with mental disorder'
British TV shrink Oliver James believes that 'stars' that sell stories to magazines could have a 'mental disorder'. All because they need a sense of validation. Wonder whether he says that from personal experience.
Wednesday 22 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Morbid exam fear'
Charming questions to ask your 10-year-old. Did you know that Singapore children are more fearful of failing exams than the death of a parent. Next week a survey on brussels sprouts and the death of a parent.
'Pill no cure for obesity'
On one side of the world British researchers are developing a pill which would let you eat as much as you want without getting fat. But in Melbourne, Australian diet expert, Dr Rick Kausman, does not believe it will cure obesity. That is because obese people did not eat only when they were hungry. Did I miss something?
Tuesday 21 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Too many TV chefs spoil food safety'
First it was TV gardening shows, now it is TV food shows. The Chartered Institute of Environmental Health in Britain believes TV chefs send a dangerous message to viewers by practising poor food hygiene. They are not seen washing hands or rinsing vegetables (nor testing temperatures with hands or tongues) which is of "great concern". Wonder what they will say about The Villa.
Monday 20 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Marital stress bad for heart'
Kristina Orth-Gomer professor at the Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm has found that women are more likely to suffer stress in their relationships than work. Juggling career, children, housekeeping and social isolation were increasingly taking their toll on women. And the risk is higher among lower socio-economic groups due to higher rates of smoking, drinking and obesit. But at least we have had four 'cures' reported over the last week.
Sunday 19 November 2000 - Sunday Territorian
'Docs use cow flesh to fix heart tumour'
Forget the tea and the laughter, just use treated cow tissue. A New York woman had three cancerous tumours removed from her heart with treated cow tissue used to rebuild the excised portions at Houston's Methodist Hospital. It was not reported whether the cow was mad.
'Don't rest after heart attack: study'
If cow tissue, tea and laughter doesn't work for you, exercise after a heart attack. Researchers from the University of Texas have found that patients who kept physically active after a first heart attack have a 60 per cent lower risk of a second attack than those who didn't.
Saturday 18 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Tea towels 'fatal risk''
The Food Safety Information Council has been busy, firstly scaring us off restaurants and doggy bags and now from tea towels. Tea towels have been targeted as a source of cross contamination and potentially-fatal food poisoning. Unsafe tea towel use endangers an estimated 3.95 million meals served to Australia's most vulnerable people ie sick, elderly, children and pregnant women. So do not wipe hands, faces, benches or wet spills, handle hot utensils or use while wet - otherwise you might just die.
Friday 17 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Laughter best medicine for heart'
Not only can a cup of tea help if you have heart disease, Baltimore researchers have found that laughter could be the best medicine. Hostile personalities need to learn to laugh not get angry. Only problem then is that they wouldn't be hostile personalities any more. They could always keep up to date with science news.
'More women hit the bottle'
Well we have only just learnt that women are becoming more violent. A new British report has shown that the number of women drinking over the recommended daily alcohol intake has shot up by half in 10 years. Burp!
Thursday 16 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Money, home linked to fitness'
'How much you earn and where you live can determine how much exercise you get and how healthy you are' researchers from Queensland University have found. Beware suburbs will all housing, no facilities, no walking paths and nothing within a half-hour radius and poor public transport. If you are poor you are likely to have less money to spend on getting fit. Wow!.
'Smoking brings more worries for women'
Arnulf Langhammer of the National Institute of Public Health in Norway believes women are more vulnerable to the evil effects of smoking because they have smaller lungs. A new challenge for geneticists.
'Love lights up life and your brain'
'When you're in love, your eyes light up, your face lights up - and apparently, so does your brain'. And then you wake-up - only kidding. Based on a test of 11 women and 6 men, all of whom were students hopelessly in love, a doctoral student of University College London has found that anywhere from 6 to 20 parts of the brain showed increased activity. The studies have not yet being carried out on couples married for 20 years.
Wednesday 15 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Tea good for heart'
Boston University researches have found that a nice cuppa tea helps the arteries work better when people have heart disease. Getting heart disease before the benefit seems a bit rough though.
'Young doctors 'in danger''
Title of a new mini-series? No the AMA has said that both patients and doctors were in danger because of unreasonable workloads. Further, according to Adelaide's Sleep Research Centre fatigue related impairment, the equivelent of a blood alcohol reading of 0.05, occurs after 18 hours of being awake. So if Alan Jones gets only 3-4 hours of sleep a day.............?
'Drink ban after two faint'
Another thing to be worried about. Certain energy drinks have been banned in two California schools after three (see headline??) students fainted. The drinks (including Red Bull) which have high caffeine levels could affect behaviour, raise blood pressure, increase anxiety and disrupt sleep according to unnamed experts.
Tuesday 14 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Breast cancer, Pill link'
Women who took the pill before 1975 were more likely to develop breast cancer than those after according to a US study published in the Australian Doctor magazine. Good time to tell them that.
Monday 13 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Doggy bag poison risk'
Following on from last weeks article about the dangers of eating out, comes the news that doggy bags taken from restaurants could be harmful to your health. Apparently just over half of doggy bag consumers failed to properly reheat the food first. The Food Safety Information Council blames it on ignorance. And just another reminder to send back hot food which is not steaming hot or which is supposed to be served cold and is not. I wonder if anyone is doing research on behalf of restaurants.
'Women rule in violence: study'
'Women are becoming more violent towards their partners and have overtaken men as the aggressors in relationships' a report from the University of Central Lancashire has said. The study was based on analysis of 34 000 men and women. Men remain more likely to cause serious injury but women use pushing, slapping and throwing objects in a confrontation. However the stats and the maths dont quite gel cause the study's author says that 40 per cent of the victims in the cases he studied were men. So is it journalistic license, or were there a lot of same-sex couples or are men really still more violent.
Sunday 12 November 2000 - Sunday Territorian
'Monkey business'
Charles Nonn, an University of Virginia biology researcher has studied 20 years of data to discover that promiscuous species of monkeys appear to have stronger immune systems than monogamous ones. So maybe prostitutes, politicians and Mormons will one day rule the world.
'Gardening: TV linked to rise in injuries'
'More Australians are being injured in their backyards and television gardening shows are being blamed' Burning, poisoning, Legionnaries disease, spider bites, electric shocks are all possibilities. So no more gardening or TV for that matter. Now why can't housework....
Saturday 11 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Aspirin-a-day sparks warning'
Just when you thought you could take aspirin to reduce heart disease, we now find out from the British Medical Journal that it almost doubles risk of internal bleeding. Which is worse?.
Friday 10 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Kiss me, kill me'
Washington researchers have found that people with AIDS contract human herpes virus 8 or HHV-8 from kissing. They then have an increased chance of getting a malignant tumour usually of the skin. Hmm - tumour or AIDS?
Thursday 9 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Men under pressure to look fabulous'
Bugger. According to Flinders University consultant psychiatrist and lecturer, James Hundertmark, 'middle-aged men were under increasing pressure to look good and to strive for the 'perfect penis''. He told this, of course, to a women's health conference. Apparently this challenge will itself lead to widespread psychological problems and even contribute to increased suicides. Thats why this article appears in Thursday Woman. There must be some entrepreneur in the Territory who will set up a new salon called 'Perfect Penis'.
'Flu drugs stroke risk'
Assuming that you haven't killed yourself because of an imperfect penis 'a national review of a drug found in cold and flu remedies was ordered this week because it has been linked to hundreds of strokes in young women in America. The drug is phenylpropanolamine (PPA) and women are at increased risk within 3 days of taking it.
'Eating out? Don't be poisoned'
Eating is hardly likely to concern those with an imperfect penis or those who have just taken drugs for their cold and flu. But here are some great tips to stop yourself from dying when eating out. Check the cleanliness of the place where you are eating (bring your own scrubbing brush and disinfectant); make sure staff are clean and wash their hands thoroughly (it is preferred that you inspect them all over and wash their hands for them); check that hot food is above 60C (you can use your hands for this), make sure that cold food is below 5C (the tongue is recommended this time), ensure that chicken, sausages etc are cooked through and the juices run clear (check the floor for plenty of blood), check raw and cooked foods are kept separate (never, ever eat Sushi, or a chicken sandwich unless of course the chicken is also raw); and finally be wary of salad bars and buffets and make sure that they have clear plastic guards to protect food from coughs and sneezes (if plastic guards are unavailable, bouncers are preferred although train guards can occasionaly be acceptable).
Wednesday 8 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'MPs on cocaine to stay awake?'
Hows this for a research job. Take samples from surfaces of toilets used by politicians and see what drugs you can find. Researchers took 22 samples from the House of Commons and House of Lords in London and discovered cocaine. Shock, horror! Apparently it is needed to keep the old sods awake late at night. The project was inspired by a similar discovery in Germany. How do they think these projects up and how do they get funded?
Tuesday 7 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Bard on Drugs'
Some scientists (OK maybe only one) now believe that Shakespeare's genius may have related to dope. 'Dr Francis Thackeray, head of palaeontology at the Transvaal Museum in Pretoria, South Africa, believes there is evidence of Shakespeare's drug habit in his work..... Thackeray points to the Bard's use of complex imagery of darkness and mental journeys as evidence of drug-induced visions. Alternatively how great could Shakespeare have been without being affected by dope. Bloody idiot(s).
Monday 6 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
Global warming makes Top End wetter'
The CSIRO Atmospheric Research centre has used computer modelling to determine that the NT has become wetter by 15% over the last 90 years. And all because of pollution from industrialised countries in the northern hemisphere. Bastards.
'Baby shaking study stuns'
'Head injuries in infants caused by violent shaking are twice as common as doctors previously thought, Scottish scientists said'. KC and the Sunshine Band music is now banned at all christenings.
Sunday 5 November 2000 - Sunday Territorian
'Leggy lizard walked upright'
A University of Toronto researcher has discovered that 'the first known creature to walk upright on two feet was a speedy, long-legged lizard that scurried on to the scene some 80 million years before the dinosaur'. So there you have it - man took after a lizard.
'Space object nearing Earth'
An asteroid 2000 SG344 has a 1 in 500 chance of hitting the Earth in 30 years. If it was to hit earth it would be equivalent to a fairly sizable nuclear blast. If we take the scientists at face value it would appear that the chance of this asteroid hitting earth was significantly higher than winning any lottery in Australia or indeed Sunday Pools in the Sunday Territorian.
'Cleavage? Add water'.
Advertising or science. Kayser has released a new Spa Bra designed to revolutionise the definition of 'voluptuous'. Rather than implants, the new bra represents 21st century 'outplants'. Not only will it warm and mould to your shape (a feature not all that exciting in Darwin), it is guaranteed not to leak. No need for plastic surgery now girls (or boys).
Saturday 4 November 2000 - Northern Territory News
'Teens hang up on cigs'
British experts (no less) have discovered that mobile phones could be turning teenagers away from tobacco. Smoking amongst teenagers has fallen from 30% in 1996 to 23% in 1999 while mobile phone ownership for 15-17 year olds rose to 70% by August 2000. Mr Bates from the group ASH (Action on Smoking and Health) was quoted 'There is an incredible overlap between what smoking and mobile phone use means to kids - membership of a peer group, something to do with their hands, something to be stylish and adult with'. Or it could just simply be that the message that smoking sux is finally getting through.