I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road

It was one of those things that I couldn’t help. There you were, on the street, when the night was velvet, the sky captured by a net of stars. You were there, looking like everything I’d ever dreamed of, on those hot night’s I couldn’t get away from you.

We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around us disappears

Do you remember that time? I couldn’t help it... you looked so perfect. I couldn’t help but just gaze at you, at the amethysts I secretly coveted. Nothing else mattered.

Do you remember that time? The moment must have hardly mattered to you, because it was there and gone... I crushed those feelings in the blink of an eye, sending them to the back of my mind where they have always been harbored. I plastered the characteristic smirk on my face, because it was expected, because it’s who I had become. I’ve been like that for too long, I lost all feeling so long ago... I don’t think you could ever accept that, or believe it, because it took me so long to finally realize the change was there.

You may not have noticed, but in that moment, I memorized every detail... I’ve cherished it, because it was just us, and you were so beautiful, and my world stopped.

Just you and me
on this island of hope
a breath between us could be miles

Strange, isn’t it? That we stood there, only the two of us...? It was a chance encounter... I know you were wary. I picked it up from your thoughts.

And it hurt. It hurt because I saw in your mind the way you see me... cruel, manipulative, an enemy... I even sensed hate.

It’s not that it isn’t true; I know as well as you that I’m worthless, I’m everything you saw me to be, deserve to be hated. But damn it, it still hurt, cutting with a rending pain that nearly overwhelmed me. Because it threatened to destroy my carefully constructed hope, to counter even dreams... because even I, a killer, a sinner, is allowed to dream, right...?

Let me surround you
my sea to your shore
Let me be the calm you seek
Oh, and every time I’m close to you
there’s too much I can’t say
and you just walk away

I’d give so much to touch you... it takes all of my will power to keep myself from trembling in your presence. The closer you are, the more desperate I become.

I dream that we could make it work; you’re like me, in your own way... cold, a killer... we understand each other. We could take on the sorrow and agony together, fight for what our lives could have once been: happy. I’m willing to sacrifice everything for you, do you know that? Could our two wrongs make it right? Could I ever ask you this...?

And I forgot to tell you I love you
and the night’s too long
and cold here without you

But I make myself forget how I feel... it’s easier when you’re not in my presence. And yet, still I long for you to be there, every minute, even if just in the distance... I want to see you, lay my eyes upon you.

But when the night comes, when the cruel, white moon rises... I can’t escape you. You call yourself white... but your territory is the night. I can’t escape you; you fill my dreams, and I awake sweating with the memories, chilled and shivering. It never ends, and I only long for the day light, for when the sun can again give me the strength to forget.

I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the strength to say
I need you so

I used to think I was strong... I prided myself on the fact that others could be moved so easily, that I could manipulate them with simple words. I felt superior to normal people... I can read minds, and I control what I always thought to be the most important: knowledge. Knowledge is power.

Or so I thought.

But I am powerless under your gaze, as surely as a child is lost, desperate for home. And my whole world is turned upside-down; knowledge is no longer the most important thing. Because all knowledge, all of the hunger for power, is paled by the emotions that swell in me. In those moments, when these feelings rush over me, leave me helpless in their wake, I wonder how anything could be more important.

My world is turned upside-down, because with you, I am no longer in control.

Oh, and every time I’m close to you
there’s too much I can’t say
and you just walk away

Did you know that I’d go to Hell and back for you? Did you know that I would sacrifice everything I once thought was dear for one smile from you? Did you know that one glance from you makes the heart that I once thought would always be calm race?

I can’t tell you... and I’m too adept at hiding it to change. I’ve hidden things all my life, it’s a hard habit to break.

But this is one thing I don’t want to change, because I know I’ll never be able to tell you... here is where my strength fails me, because I’m afraid of what you’ll say. When I am near you I cannot find words for my breath is gone.

But I’ll let you walk away, without ever lifting a hand, because I could never say it. I’ll go home and dream, I’ll long for a moment with you, but I’ll let you walk away, and try to live...

And I forgot to tell you I love you
and the night’s too long
and cold here without you

... without you.

Lyrics and song coyrighted to Sara McLachlan and her people. ^^